My fiance keeps gaining weight !
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What kids? You need to have sex in the first place to have kids. And you've made it clear that it ain't happening. Lol.HotMamaInWorks2 wrote: »To all of those who are against my OP then let me ask you this.Since its obvious that you condone obesity then what are you all doing in this site? I cant speak for everyone but for me I want to feel good and sexy. I was never really overweight but i do work hard to maintain my weight.I also want to live longer and not have health issues that are related to being obese. Then why do you all expect me to be okay with my SO letting himself go and get obese? Isn`t that the reason why you are all here to lose weight and stay fit? Then why is it wrong to want a partner who takes care of himself and stays in shape? Am I missing something?
You don't care about his health, you care about what he looks like by your side. I love how you ASSume everything about the people that commented on this thread. You need to grow up and HE needs to leave YOU! You don't deserve him and he deserves to be treated better than you're treating him.
Ofcorse I care about his looks.I am not going to deny that.I am going to marry him and have kids with him so I would want him to live longer and not die young.If he gets obese again then our sex life will suffer and he wont be around to watch his kids grow up.I don't see anything wrong with not wanting an obese partner.
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deluxmary2000 wrote: »JeriAnne84 wrote: »HotMamaInWorks wrote: »JeriAnne84 wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »
Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.
Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.
Thank you for posting this...so very true!
Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.
where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive
I'm not angry, you're just being kind of a crappy person to someone you supposedly love and I'm pointing that out to you. You're being very selfish. You want him to get in shape so you can like looking at him again.
And no I didn't eat too many cookies and can't lose weight, as I said before, I'm not angry, I just think you are being super crappy to him and want him to fit your needs instead of just loving him for him.
I don't think that's crappy. It's a reality. I can tell you right now my BF would get way more tail if he was in shape. I love him- and I'm still with him- and will continue to be with him- but he isn't as sexually appealing to me as he could be- and it's 100% his choice and he knows it- I have done my best to help without nagging- and he finally said stop nagging me (which I totally gawffed at because compared to anyone else- I was absolutely NOT nagging) whatever- he said I don't want your help- so I dropped it.
- Completely.
Tough titties for him- he just doesn't get laid that often- which sucks for me- sucks for him- but it's his choice- I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's all about his health- yeah I wish his health was better- I know what his dad looks like-and it aint pretty and I already told him if he got that way I was gone- but reality is-he'd get way more a&& if he wasn't so damn squishy.
That's on him.
I don't think it makes you a crappy person wanting to be sexual attracted to your partner- especially at a really young age- I mean come on- that's what 18-25 is all about.
I think I like you.
This!
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »You need to seriously evaluate where you are with him. You are not going to change him and I guarantee you, what you see now is what you will see later. I for one enjoy sex and let me tell you when they get older and out of shape, their physical stamina is not what it could be. No one wants to have to wait why they heft a gut to find their business (total turn off)!
this
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People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
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Agreed.HotMamaInWorks2 wrote: »sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
Then maybe she needs to find someone up to her standards instead of stringing her fiance along. He's not going to change for her...he will do it for himself in his own time. If she can't handle that, she needs to leave.
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Did something change after you go together -- new job hours, new medication, money worries?
Nope, He is just eating more and not exercising.He used to work out before we started dating and he stopped. He eats large potion of foods.So he is eating more than what he burning with lack of exercise.He also eat a whole box of pizza by himself etc
It sounds like my boyfriend (with the pizza).
My BF gained 40 lbs since we started dating 4 years ago. I am still very attracted to him. I am, however, concerned about his health since we aren't spring chickens anymore. I have asked him to start exercising again and eating less because he is going to die of a heart attack and he agrees.
Gaining weight in relationships happens, I gained 30! I am losing for myself, not because he thinks I'm fat and I know he is still very attracted to me.
What you have to ask yourself is.... did you fall in love with him because of his size? Are you sure it's his weight gain that is making you less attracted to him?0 -
sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
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HotMamaInWorks2 wrote: »sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
Yes, I am overweight and I'm doing something about it. I feel so sorry for your SO to have to live with you and your "better than you" attitude. You need a reality check and I hope he gives you one.
Yea i could tell from reading your comments.Well good luck on your weight loss journey0 -
I started out at 200 lbs when I started dating my boyfriend of now ten years. I put on one-hundred pounds in those ten years. It was due to PCOS, low thyroid, medication and low motivation and low self-esteem. Also I admit it I wasn't wanting to change no matter who told me I needed too. My boyfriend told me that I was always beautiful and he was very attracted to me. It helped knowing I still have his love and his support. The thing is even if he told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore or didn't think I was beautiful, I still wouldn't have changed.
I had to one day find the change within myself to get up and do something about it. It all came from myself as it should! Face it those who are overweight and obese are on this journey alone, nobody can make you lose the weight except you.
Trust me your Fiancé knows that he is large, he knows it upsets you, he eats because for many other reasons he could have an eating disorder a food compulsion. Whatever it is, you can't change what he needs too for himself.
He needs to lose this weight for him not you!
At the end of the day, if you aren't happy and you think he doesn't live up to your standards you need to move on.
Being with somebody should be being with them no matter what if you truly love them.
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sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
Seriously this person has to be a troll. No way can someone really talk/act this way. If OPs situation is real, and this is how you really do feel, then seriously you need to grow up. Leave your fiance, so he can find someone better. Invest in some mirrors so you can focus on whom you really love, yourself.0 -
sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
Seriously this person has to be a troll. No way can someone really talk/act this way. If OPs situation is real, and this is how you really do feel, then seriously you need to grow up. Leave your fiance, so he can find someone better. Invest in some mirrors so you can focus on whom you really love, yourself.
I can tell the comments from heavy chicks and they are the ones that are flagging all the answers of those who agree with me.That makes me laugh
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If you want a partner that is fit and healthy then for God's sake get off the damn computer, dump the partner you don't want and GO GET ONE. You clearly don't want the guy you have. That's fair. Now go get the guy you DO want.
How is this a problem?
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HotMamaInWorks2 wrote: »NoelFigart1 wrote: »If you want a partner that is fit and healthy then for God's sake get off the damn computer, dump the partner you don't want and GO GET ONE. You clearly don't want the guy you have. That's fair. Now go get the guy you DO want.
How is this a problem?
Because she thinks she's the one that's always right and the rest of us are wrong...that's why.
That poor child is so refreshingly free of the ravages of intelligence...0 -
sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
Seriously this person has to be a troll. No way can someone really talk/act this way. If OPs situation is real, and this is how you really do feel, then seriously you need to grow up. Leave your fiance, so he can find someone better. Invest in some mirrors so you can focus on whom you really love, yourself.
I can tell the comments from heavy chicks and they are the ones that are flagging all the answers of those who agree with me.That makes me laugh
Has to be a troll. I don't know any woman that would call another woman a chick.
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Do you love him?
That's the real question. I'll give you a piece of advice-the attraction will fade. You'll both get old and wrinkly and saggy in places...physical attraction is not all that there is to getting married.
Consider seeing a couples counselor. Work out the real issues. If he's upset about even talking about going to the gym-seems like there's something deeper there than just feeling out of shape.
But...just remember that the physical part is so temporary. After that fades you are left with that person for the rest of your life.0 -
sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
Seriously this person has to be a troll. No way can someone really talk/act this way. If OPs situation is real, and this is how you really do feel, then seriously you need to grow up. Leave your fiance, so he can find someone better. Invest in some mirrors so you can focus on whom you really love, yourself.
I can tell the comments from heavy chicks[/] and they are the ones that are flagging all the answers of those who agree with me.That makes me laugh
Has to be a troll. I don't know any woman that would call another woman a chick.
To be fair, I do call other women chicks sometimes and I'm so real I'm using my real name.
A troll is possible, but I'm guessing someone who is frustrated at not being supported when told changing a partner is impossible. I do a lot of work in alternative lifestyle communities and see flipping out like this when people are told that they can't mold other people to their convenience or taste.
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NoelFigart1 wrote: »sherimiller123 wrote: »People that are fit and healthy or atleast close to it want to be with others that are fit and healthy, most fit people are not attracted to overweight people. It is hard to be attracted to someone who cannot keep up between the sheets and has to stop because they are hurting or just plain out of shape and dont have the stamina to keep up.
lmaoo I totally agree with you.I bet any amount of money that those are are critizing me for wanting a fit partner are overweight so they took an offense to my thread. That pretty much explains it. I am fit and healthy so it makes sense to expect a partner that is also fit and healthy. Not a fatty
Seriously this person has to be a troll. No way can someone really talk/act this way. If OPs situation is real, and this is how you really do feel, then seriously you need to grow up. Leave your fiance, so he can find someone better. Invest in some mirrors so you can focus on whom you really love, yourself.
I can tell the comments from heavy chicks[/] and they are the ones that are flagging all the answers of those who agree with me.That makes me laugh
Has to be a troll. I don't know any woman that would call another woman a chick.
To be fair, I do call other women chicks sometimes and I'm so real I'm using my real name.
A troll is possible, but I'm guessing someone who is frustrated at not being supported when told changing a partner is impossible. I do a lot of work in alternative lifestyle communities and see flipping out like this when people are told that they can't mold other people to their convenience or taste.
Totally depends on the chick in question...
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[/b]To be fair, I do call other women chicks sometimes and I'm so real I'm using my real name.
A troll is possible, but I'm guessing someone who is frustrated at not being supported when told changing a partner is impossible. I do a lot of work in alternative lifestyle communities and see flipping out like this when people are told that they can't mold other people to their convenience or taste.
You are right, that wasn't a fair statement in general. However this is too troll-like, to come on a weightloss/fitness motivation and support board, and call women "heavy chicks" and use the word fatty. It just doesn't sound believable to me anymore. If she is "real", and acts this way around her SO, it says alot about why the situation is the way it is.0 -
He may be experiencing some emotional issues if he's soothing himself with copious amounts of food. Perhaps he's overwhelmed, having stress at work, or is struggling with something he's kept from you. Please try talking with him, and (perhaps along with pre-marital counseling) have him see a professional.
I notice you've expressed very few positives about the relationship. Do you just want to be married to someone who accepts your daughter, or do you love him so much it hurts? Other posters have made it clear how much they love their partners, but your words have made me wonder why you're with him in the first place.
I also agree with others that it may be wise to put the engagement on hold, because he's no longer same person you fell in love with and communications seem to have broken down. If you can't talk to one another about everything you're feeling and going through, this relationship is too weak a foundation on which to build a marriage.
Bottom line: if you're not both equally committed to the relationship and the quality of your future lives together, it won't work.0 -
And I've totally called other women "chicks" too. Just to mix it up sometimes.
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shireeniebeanie wrote: »He may be experiencing some emotional issues if he's soothing himself with copious amounts of food. Perhaps he's overwhelmed, having stress at work, or is struggling with something he's kept from you. Please try talking with him, and (perhaps along with pre-marital counseling) have him see a professional.
I notice you've expressed very few positives about the relationship. Do you just want to be married to someone who accepts your daughter, or do you love him so much it hurts? Other posters have made it clear how much they love their partners, but your words have made me wonder why you're with him in the first place.
I also agree with others that it may be wise to put the engagement on hold, because he's no longer same person you fell in love with and communications seem to have broken down. If you can't talk to one another about everything you're feeling and going through, this relationship is too weak a foundation on which to build a marriage.
Bottom line: if you're not both equally committed to the relationship and the quality of your future lives together, it won't work.
Agreed. Last night he ate 4 slices of pizza late at night and he stopped working out. I am afraid he is going to keep gaining until he is back where he started
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Women on here are so catty sometimes....makes me laugh.
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Actually, I am not remotely overweight and never have been, but I still find you a right nasty piece of work. I sincerely hope your fiance throws his anchor in another direction and finds himself a more deserving and compassionate human being. Then maybe he might feel more inclined to deal with whatever is underlying his weight gain.0
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Thank you. 0
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Women on here are so catty sometimes....makes me laugh.
And you were feeling left out and decided to join in?
(No, I wasn't one of the people who flagged you.)
OP, none of us get guarantees for the future. If he has had weight problems before and is having them again, you already know he has a chance of having it be a problem. You can't change him, so it's on you to figure out if it's a problem you can deal with now and later.
I doubt people's answers are heavily influenced by their weight, probably more their opinions about commitment. Some of the people who disagree with you are in great shape. I'm in the camp of overweight not being a deal breaker, and I'm not overweight. But I'm not going to live in your relationship, so only your deal breakers really matter.
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OP,I would hate to be in situation. Thank god my SO is a gym rut and is very fit. Just like how I would want it . There is just no excuse to stop taking care of yourself just because you are in a relationship. That`s unacceptable 0
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