My fiance keeps gaining weight !
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HotMamaInWorks wrote: »his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.
since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern. He is not just a friend or an acquaintance or someone I know.He going to be my husband and the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with .I am sure you wouldn't care either if your significant other let themselves go and get fat
Yeah but if I love someone enough to marry them, to spend the rest of my life with them, I would love all of them even if there was more of them than when we started dating. Physical will change, you love them for their personality and how they treat you and how they live their life, not how they look. Yes physical features are what attract us, but a love to the point of marriage goes way beyond the physical - or at least it should.0 -
HotMamaInWorks wrote: »his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.
since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern
I just ...
I ...
No.
I'm going to go hug and kiss on my wonderful amazing, yet fatter than when we started dating, DH because I love him for far more than what the scale says. I love him because he has stood by me through some that most men would have bailed over. If you're THAT worried about what a scale says, do him a favor and just break it off. He deserves someone better.-1 -
I think some people are getting confused as to the real issue. Yes, appearance and attraction is important, no doubt. But physical and mental health, even more so. OP said her fiance had weight issues as a child and has reverted back. If the underlying issue is not resolved it is not only his problem but hers as well, particularly if they decide to have children.
The example has already been given: what if he started using drugs or smoking or whatever? Same concern. Same desire to help and make changes. We need to try to not get distracted by the appearance aspect here, as with weight gain that is inevitable, whereas other addictions do not manifest themselves as so physically obvious.0 -
JeriAnne84 wrote: »HotMamaInWorks wrote: »his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.
since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern. He is not just a friend or an acquaintance or someone I know.He going to be my husband and the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with .I am sure you wouldn't care either if your significant other let themselves go and get fat
Yeah but if I love someone enough to marry them, to spend the rest of my life with them, I would love all of them even if there was more of them than when we started dating. Physical will change, you love them for their personality and how they treat you and how they live their life, not how they look. Yes physical features are what attract us, but a love to the point of marriage goes way beyond the physical - or at least it should.
Well its more of being concerned about their health more than just how they look. I also cant deny if I am no longer attracted to this person if they do get obese
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I think some people are getting confused as to the real issue. Yes, appearance and attraction is important, no doubt. But physical and mental health, even more so. OP said her fiance had weight issues as a child and has reverted back. If the underlying issue is not resolved it is not only his problem but hers as well, particularly if they decide to have children.
The example has already been given: what if he started using drugs or smoking or whatever? Same concern. Same desire to help and make changes. We need to try to not get distracted by the appearance aspect here, as with weight gain that is inevitable, whereas other addictions do not manifest themselves as so physically obvious.
Strong this
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JeriAnne84 wrote: »HotMamaInWorks wrote: »his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.
since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern. He is not just a friend or an acquaintance or someone I know.He going to be my husband and the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with .I am sure you wouldn't care either if your significant other let themselves go and get fat
Yeah but if I love someone enough to marry them, to spend the rest of my life with them, I would love all of them even if there was more of them than when we started dating. Physical will change, you love them for their personality and how they treat you and how they live their life, not how they look. Yes physical features are what attract us, but a love to the point of marriage goes way beyond the physical - or at least it should.
Well its more of being concerned about their health more than just how they look. I also cant deny if I am no longer attracted to this person if they do get obese
"He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him."
"since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern"
Kinda doesn't sound like concern for his health.
If this is the same type of concern you're showing him then I can totally understand why he would get pissed off at you. Hell I'm pissed off for him right now.0 -
PrizePopple wrote: »JeriAnne84 wrote: »HotMamaInWorks wrote: »his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.
since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern. He is not just a friend or an acquaintance or someone I know.He going to be my husband and the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with .I am sure you wouldn't care either if your significant other let themselves go and get fat
Yeah but if I love someone enough to marry them, to spend the rest of my life with them, I would love all of them even if there was more of them than when we started dating. Physical will change, you love them for their personality and how they treat you and how they live their life, not how they look. Yes physical features are what attract us, but a love to the point of marriage goes way beyond the physical - or at least it should.
Well its more of being concerned about their health more than just how they look. I also cant deny if I am no longer attracted to this person if they do get obese
"He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him."
"since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern"
Kinda doesn't sound like concern for his health.
If this is the same type of concern you're showing him then I can totally understand why he would get pissed off at you. Hell I'm pissed off for him right now.
Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.
Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.0 -
Perhaps instead of focusing on his appearance, focus on his health (and honestly I hope you do care more about his health than appearance). Tell him you are concerned about things that come with being overweight and if you are going to be married, it is better he controls it now before you are a decade into the marriage and he has a heart attack. Or if you two want kids, bring up the fact that it would be better if he was able to be active with children.0
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The reality is that neither of you are going to stay young and hot. If it is required that you be with someone hot, I suggest an arrangement other than marriage might be useful to you.0
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Physical attraction factors into some relationships more than others. It's okay if it's a factor in yours. Make sure you've told him that it's an issue for you and that his weight may impact your willingness to remain in the relationship, and then leave it alone. No nagging, no bringing it up again, nothing. He needs to take that information and determine whether or not it's going to change his behavior, and you need to do the same.0
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HotMamaInWorks wrote: »JeriAnne84 wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »
Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.
Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.
Thank you for posting this...so very true!
Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.
where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive
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Why are you trying to make him get skinny for you? Why don't you get fat for him?
In all seriousness though I'd recommend what another poster said - don't nag him for his weight, try to encourage him into a healthier lifestyle. Go for walks, go for a hike, go biking - ask him to participate in these things that will encourage him into a healthier lifestyle. You guys may find you enjoy those activities together, and it'll be easier to maintain a healthy lifestyle if it is enjoyed by both parties.
Don't walk up to him and say "You're getting fat, fix yourself or I'm out" and then pat yourself on the back for being honest. An honest brat is still a brat.0 -
Can you not alter what food you buy?0
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HotMamaInWorks wrote: »JeriAnne84 wrote: »PrizePopple wrote: »
Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.
Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.
Thank you for posting this...so very true!
Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.
where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive
HA. You thought people were against you before you posted this. Just wait, my dear. Just wait.0 -
dashaclaire wrote: »I was 5 lbs over my ideal weight when I met my fiancé during the 6 years we've been together (which has included death of his father, my mom getting cancer, losing jobs, going to school, etc etc etc) we both gained (me a bit more of course) 20ish-30ish lbs.
He lost most of his going back to work and I am in the process of losing mine:) he used to joke that he'd "always love me if I get super fat but he wouldn't still be attracted to me" which might sound harsh but one of the things I love about my relationship is that we are both allowed to talk about anything.
You have to be able to talk to the person you are going to marry about anything... He should want to talk to you about his weight gain, you should be his confidant and vise versa. If you don't have that: your relationship might be in more trouble than just not being attracted to him anymore.
^THIS!
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This might be overly idealistic but love is blind, deaf, dumb, etc. If his appearance is bothering you and making you unattracted then that might be saying that your relationship isn't too solid. And the fact that you can't have a straight conversation about this also doesn't bode well. You should be each other's best friend and able to talk about anything and everything. Bottom line is this: If change of appearance bothers you then you should not get married. He could go bald, get fat, lose a limb, etc. And so can you! If you love him then do it unconditionally. Buy healthier food, be more active together and stop tippy-toeing around conversations. Just my opinion.0
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