My fiance keeps gaining weight !

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  • mz_getskinny
    mz_getskinny Posts: 258 Member
    edited October 2014
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    **In sickness and in health**

    Before you take those vows, you need to be honest with him and yourself. If you truly aren't attracted to him and he doesn't want to remedy the situation, then you have to do whatever it takes to make you happy.

    However, if you flipped it around, how would you feel if you gained weight and he didn't find you attractive anymore? It's easy to say you would just jump on the weight loss train and fix it....BUT would that really be the case? Or would you be more depressed because you feel like you've failed your future spouse? You need to think hard about this and tread lightly. I'm sure he's already feeling bad about himself and you don't want to make it worse.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
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    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    Threaten to dump him. That will give him a wake up call. I work hard to stay in shape and look good so I expect the same thing in return with my significant other

    Ooooooooooooor he'll find the door and walk out of it for good, which he probably should do anyway.

    *assuming this is an actual issue and not trolling

    She would win if she no longer attracted to him. Quite frankly it would piss me off if my SO let themselves go just because they are in relationship with me. If I was attracted to heavy guys then I would have dated one :p

  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    moya_bleh wrote: »
    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?

    You get it.

    Can you imagine how this thread would play out if the OP was male and posting about his girlfriend/fiance?

    [dumpsterfire.gif]
  • Telton66
    Telton66 Posts: 74
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    jofjltncb6 wrote: »
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?

    You get it.

    Can you imagine how this thread would play out if the OP was male and posting about his girlfriend/fiance

    [dumpsterfire.gif]

    How do you think it would have played out?Would I still receive positive answers if it was the other way around? :\

  • mz_getskinny
    mz_getskinny Posts: 258 Member
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    How do you think it would have played out?Would I still receive positive answers if it was the other way around? :\

    [/quote]

    No...you wouldn't get positive answers by most...
  • moya_bleh
    moya_bleh Posts: 1,375 Member
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    aj4m0alb8vh7.jpg
    jofjltncb6 wrote: »
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?

    You get it.

    Can you imagine how this thread would play out if the OP was male and posting about his girlfriend/fiance?

    [dumpsterfire.gif]

  • dashaclaire
    dashaclaire Posts: 127 Member
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    I was 5 lbs over my ideal weight when I met my fiancé during the 6 years we've been together (which has included death of his father, my mom getting cancer, losing jobs, going to school, etc etc etc) we both gained (me a bit more of course) 20ish-30ish lbs.
    He lost most of his going back to work and I am in the process of losing mine:) he used to joke that he'd "always love me if I get super fat but he wouldn't still be attracted to me" which might sound harsh but one of the things I love about my relationship is that we are both allowed to talk about anything.
    You have to be able to talk to the person you are going to marry about anything... He should want to talk to you about his weight gain, you should be his confidant and vise versa. If you don't have that: your relationship might be in more trouble than just not being attracted to him anymore.
  • ginandbitters
    ginandbitters Posts: 1
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    If he took up smoking a couple of packs a day and only responded to your urging him to quit with, "Don't talk about my SMOKING. I'm sensitive about my SMOKING", you'd know where you stood. This isn't any different.

  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    Atkins800 wrote: »
    jofjltncb6 wrote: »
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?

    You get it.

    Can you imagine how this thread would play out if the OP was male and posting about his girlfriend/fiance

    [dumpsterfire.gif]

    How do you think it would have played out?Would I still receive positive answers if it was the other way around? :\

    You would have received almost no "positive" answers and you would have been torn apart for daring to express these thoughts...and anyone giving you a "positive" response would have been absolutely lit up. I would provide some links to previous posts as evidence, but 99.44% of those posts were mod-nuked because dumpster fire.
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Tanie98 wrote: »
    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    Tanie98 wrote: »
    Threaten to dump him. That will give him a wake up call. I work hard to stay in shape and look good so I expect the same thing in return with my significant other

    Ooooooooooooor he'll find the door and walk out of it for good, which he probably should do anyway.

    *assuming this is an actual issue and not trolling

    She would win if she no longer attracted to him. Quite frankly it would piss me off if my SO let themselves go just because they are in relationship with me. If I was attracted to heavy guys then I would have dated one :p

    Lol - and in 30 years when your hubby dumps you for a younger model because if he was attracted to freaky old women he would have dated one, come back and talk to us... People change - initial attaction is different, and some things we are not truly attracted to, but if you make it an ultimatum that your SO never change from how they were when you met them, you better be prepared to hold up your end of that as well. I.e. let's hope you never injure yourself, lose a beloved family member and sink into depression, etc. Life is long and full of twists - you cannot say for sure YOU would never gain weight either.

    What happens if you get in an accident and end up in a wheelchair for a while (or life)? Ok for hubby to dump you? He didnt sign up to be a caregiver... And chances are your body would change sitting in a chair round the clock - ok to dump you for that?
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,732 Member
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    dashaclaire wrote: »
    I was 5 lbs over my ideal weight when I met my fiancé during the 6 years we've been together (which has included death of his father, my mom getting cancer, losing jobs, going to school, etc etc etc) we both gained (me a bit more of course) 20ish-30ish lbs.
    He lost most of his going back to work and I am in the process of losing mine:) he used to joke that he'd "always love me if I get super fat but he wouldn't still be attracted to me" which might sound harsh but one of the things I love about my relationship is that we are both allowed to talk about anything.
    You have to be able to talk to the person you are going to marry about anything... He should want to talk to you about his weight gain, you should be his confidant and vise versa. If you don't have that: your relationship might be in more trouble than just not being attracted to him anymore.


    This. A thousand times this. If this isn't something you guys can talk about, then there's a much bigger issue than the weight.

    And if you really think you won't love him and want to be with him if he doesn't fix the weight, then maybe you shouldn't bother fixing the communication issues.

    If you do want to fix it, tell him that you're worried because you want to be able to talk about anything with him, and it scares you that there seems to be this taboo topic that you're not able to talk about. Make sure that you come from a place of love and concern for him and his health, and not just some shallow need to have a hottie on your arm so you won't be embarrassed in public. If it's the latter, he's better off if you just let him go.

  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    Husband used to be uninterested in weight loss and fitness. Then he saw a recent photo of himself and decided he did need to lose weight. Now he is on MFP and is working out with me. He's a slow starter to get to the gym but I drag him along. I'm taking him with me to the nutritionist tomorrow. I'm hoping she can help formulate strategies he can follow so I don't have to do all the making lunches, figuring out the grocery list, etc.
  • gamesandgains
    gamesandgains Posts: 640 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Welp if you're going to take action, nows the time. Once you're married you accept "in sickness and in health".
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    So... have lots of recent photos of you guys side by side. put them on the computer or fridge or smth, not super obviously, but so that he sees a pic every so often. Sometimes photos are much more obvious than the mirror and even scale as a wakeup call.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    gothchiq wrote: »
    Husband used to be uninterested in weight loss and fitness. Then he saw a recent photo of himself and decided he did need to lose weight. Now he is on MFP and is working out with me. He's a slow starter to get to the gym but I drag him along. I'm taking him with me to the nutritionist tomorrow. I'm hoping she can help formulate strategies he can follow so I don't have to do all the making lunches, figuring out the grocery list, etc.

    So you're hoping that the nutritionist will help you fix him re his participation in meal prep, grocery shopping, etc?

    I hope the two of you are successful. Changing a spouse is hard work.
  • Telton66
    Telton66 Posts: 74
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    HotMamaInWorks wrote: »
    his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.

    since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,714 Member
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    jofjltncb6 wrote: »
    gothchiq wrote: »
    Husband used to be uninterested in weight loss and fitness. Then he saw a recent photo of himself and decided he did need to lose weight. Now he is on MFP and is working out with me. He's a slow starter to get to the gym but I drag him along. I'm taking him with me to the nutritionist tomorrow. I'm hoping she can help formulate strategies he can follow so I don't have to do all the making lunches, figuring out the grocery list, etc.

    So you're hoping that the nutritionist will help you fix him re his participation in meal prep, grocery shopping, etc?

    I hope the two of you are successful. Changing a spouse is hard work.

    I don't think she's trying to "fix" him. I think she means that this way he'll learn how to eat better, what to buy, how to prepare it, etc. so that all the burden is not on her. It shouldn't be. She isn't his mother. If he wants to make changes, then he should learn how so that he can make a meal for her, too. JMHO
  • Telton66
    Telton66 Posts: 74
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    Atkins800 wrote: »
    HotMamaInWorks wrote: »
    his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.

    since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern. He is not just a friend or an acquaintance or someone I know.He going to be my husband and the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with .I am sure you wouldn't care either if your significant other let themselves go and get fat


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