This is causing problems with my friends
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She said MFP was a place of support. Hence my comment.
I pointed out that we are on the motivation and support board. But IN GENERAL MFP is NOT a place of support. It is merely a calorie counting website.
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MFP is a place of support for me! It's actually the only place I get support. Its a shame you aren't reaping the benefits outside the calorie counting.
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BansheeCat wrote: »I was supposed to go out to dinner with a friend tomorrow, and we had a restaurant planned where the nutrition information is available online, so I can get exact calorie counts. However, as always, she now wants to change and go to a Thai place. I don't really care for Thai/Chinese food (I ate way too much of it in my overeating days, and finally just got sick of it) and also the foods like really unhealthy and there is no nutrition info online.
I'm just frustrated that she doesn't get why it's important to me to go somewhere I can get the calorie count. It probably sounds stupid and trivial to her, but to me it's not just about calorie counts. It's about getting to a healthy weight without taking longer than I need to, because I have some recurring foot injuries that are made worse by my excess weight, and as a result I'm having to miss out on dance classes and projects I could be working on. I don't want to delay my progress all for the sake of some greasy pad thai. Grr.
Rant over.
Just assume it's ignorance. Some people don't understand what, more like "how", you're dieting. People who don't think about it can be oblivious or assume you'll have half on the plate, skip the rice, or get sauce on the side, etc.
Aside from the diet--just tell her you're sick of Thai food and you're excited try *meal at such n' such original restaurant idea* That's good reason enough! If she's still fussy then tell to stop being such a brat. Friends love being called that.
Its not really ignorance.
I dont care about other people dieting. Often, they need to diet because they forgot how to control their own intake and habits. To fix that, they have to relearn how.
They cant do that if other people are doing it for them.
Its completely about taking control.
Why she didnt say No and suggest something else instead? Cause that would have required her to take the wheel, she is using this to rant about others not helping her when she knows it is her own responsibility and no one elses.
Ranting is fine as long as you know who's job it really is at the end of the day.
Did you not even read the whole post, or did you just miss the part where she did say no and suggest another place (Japanese)?0 -
On another note, I have a friend that loves fried food and we still get together - I even eat some fried food with her. So far I have lost 48 lbs.0
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it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
I fail to see how he asked his friend to lose weight for her? Did you read the part where she said she doesn't like Thai food anyway? I mean, I wouldn't make my friends go to a chain just so I can get the nutrition info, but if someone picked a restaurant while knowing it's not something I like, that's not cool either.
Anyway, OP deactivated her account.
Because you cant ask other people to change their habits so you can lose weight.
You can only change your own and do the best you can in each situation.
I like you!0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
What?? Why?? Is that a joke? Why would eating less need to be the hardest thing you ever do?
Eating less?
Why the hell would eating less be the hardest thing you do? I never said that.
I said that taking control of your own habits and become a fit individual is ONE OF the hardest things you can undertake.
You said:
"You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do."
In response to a post about wanting to know calorie counts. Sure sounds like you were saying losing weight was supposed to be the hardest thing we do, but perhaps it was just worded poorly.
Hopefully that is the case, and you weren't really saying that the OP not wanting to switch restaurants is somehow suggestive that she wants someone else to lose weight for her.
No, I said that losing weight and getting your habits under control is ONE OF the hardest things you ever do.
And eating less is not the same thing as losing weight and taking control of your habits and getting fit.
And no, it is NOT supposed to be easy.
It takes years and it's something you have to stick to the rest of your life. Changing a lifetime of bad habits is HARD.
why am I so completely wrong for saying that taking control of your life is hard?
Geez, calm down. First of all I never said you were 'completely wrong', and your synopsis of what you said is not really what you said, though it may have been what you meant. Only you know what you meant so I perfectly willing to accept your clarification.
Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.
I'm not clarifying for you. I said changing habits and losing weight and you decided that meant eating less. That's on you.
Stop quoting me to get my attention. Go back a few hours and quote other people now.
Hopefully in the future anyone who comes up against this situation can still go out and enjoy a meal with their friends even if the nutritional values aren't posted on the internet (just estimate or get an average) and they will all still be friends even though one of them doesn't like this one kind of food that's out there. And remember that sometimes other people won't care, especially once you've been doing this for years, so you gotta be your own awesome supportive best friend.0 -
Well that's your interpretation. It isn't actually mine. Mine is the friend is a flexible type who thinks that plans for dinner are just a suggestion and then when it gets closer to the date, you firm them up based on what you actually feel like eating and the OP is one who likes to make plans way in advance and then gets in a a tizzy if they change. Neither is really wrong but they aren't compatible styles for planning where to go out to eat.Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Calories or weight loss aside, from the OP's post (which admittedly is one side of the story, but the only side either of us has), the friend seems to be the unreasonable person. If the OP wants to stick to original plans for whatever reason that does not mean she is failing to control her life or her weight.
This time the OP can get in a tizzy over calorie counts but she made that comment about how her friend is changing the plans "like she always does" so I will make a guess that she'd be in a tizzy about something else if she wasn't on a diet.
But on the issue of logging, I've been around here off and on for years and I've seen way too many people get obsessed with logging and dieting to the point where they won't eat any food that is combination food (how do I know how much tomato is in the corn salsa?! better not have any) or at any place that doesn't have nutritional information available. They even turn down invites to important events with the family because they won't know how to log the food.
As in: Yes, I know it's Great-Grandma's 100th birthday and people are coming from all over the country to celebrate and she probably won't make it to 101, but how will I know how many calories are in the tuna casserole?! I'm just going to stay home. It's easier. And why is my family all mad at me? Don't they understand how important it is that I lose weight? They don't care about my health!
I'm sorry but that's just crazy.
The OP is gone but to people who are left... don't be like that! The world will not end if you have to guess at calorie counts sometimes. In fact, I'll tell you a little secret --- all calorie counts are estimates anyway. Even when it's not a restaurant. And there is a label on the food with amounts of everything. Guesses. It's all guesses.
Just build in some cushions and err on the side of counting the calories generously and you'll lose weight just fine.0 -
Honestly, the fact that you just don't want to go because you're sick of Thai is reason enough to not go. If you really liked Thai and you were feeling guilty about eating it, I'd say something along the lines of trying to use your new skills of moderation and just having fun. But, you just don't want to eat Thai. So don't. If they don't want to eat at the original restaurant, then work together to find another.
That said, just because I have dietary thing, it doesn't mean I should expect everyone to cater to my needs. You go to the place that the majority wants to go and you either choose to go or not go. This isn't about what you can't eat, it's about how you CAN eat. Choose your adventure, man.0 -
This just go and enjoy yourself and forget about counting cals for one meal.stupidloser wrote: »one meal at a thai restaurant won't hinder your progress.
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Lots of options here:
-Eat before you go and have a salad and some water/tea
-Just eat a small meal. It won't hinder your progress
-Cook together at home where you can truly know what/how much you're eating
Don't alienate yourself from your friends while you're losing weight. It doesn't matter if they don't get it.
You also need to realize that if you had gone to the first place you chose with the nutrition info, those are estimates and cod vary greatly. When you eat out, the chef doesn't weigh and measure everything. You wouldn't have known the exact calories.0 -
I wonder how many more people will post before they realise the OP has deactivated and is not going to be here to read any further replies?0
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I think our friends DO get annoyed when we talk talk talk about our calories and logging and where we can and can't eat. And honestly, it probably is a little bit annoying. Just go and eat! Don't eat it all.0
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That is called peer pressure. Don't fall into those traps. Just stand your ground and if your friend is a true friend then they'll come around!0
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OP has deactivated people. She is not here anymore.0
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Two issues here.
1. You actually no longer like Thai ... That is ok on its own merit. Express that to your friend... Then make a decision as to what is more important to you... This opportunity to get together or the mandate to eat at this establishment. Hopefully, you can come together on this and select a mutually acceptable establishment.
2. It is ok to eat food and not have the exact calorie count. Due to differences in individual cook preparations, you can expect a deviation of +/- 15% to 20% on a restaurant calorie scale anyway... Really, it is just not that accurate. When I eat at establishments without calorie estimates, I simply get as close as I can... Of course I prefer those with data listed but if there is none available then I will certainly estimate my intake as close as I can. It is even ok to go over once in a while... just don't make a habit of it. In short, if you have to be within your goals 100% of the time, that is not sustainable on the long term.. By all means, you need to hit it MOST of the time... But on a day like this, try to be reasonable; overcome the guilt and enjoy your time with your friend.
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Explain to your friend that you would like to go to a place that has the nutritional info available so that you can accurately count your calories. She should be willing to give in once she understands your reasoning.
Or you can do like yoovie suggested and type in the foods you would likely order and go from there.
BTW: I ate two cookies this eve without any nutritional info and did just that. Thanks to google I got an estimate and entered that into my daily food log.
It's okay to improvise.0 -
Now, I'm confused about what the real issue is here. You have plans with a friend and you agreed at dining at a particular restaurant. Friend changes her mind and now wants to go get Thai food. You hate Thai food. So you in turn suggest Japanese and she doesn't want to do that. I don't see how this makes her a bad friend or suggests that she's out to sabotage all your efforts.
Perhaps a meal out might not be the best way to spend your time together since you can't seem to come to any agreements about where you want to eat. So… do something else. Go to a movie or go bowling or whatever else the two of you enjoy doing.
If the issue is you really hate Thai… just remind her of that and see if the two of you can come to another agreement. If not, choose another activity. Or take a rain check for another night when your tastes are more in line.
If the issue is that you can't get accurate nutritional information from this restaurant… well, there are all sorts of things you can do. 1) Explain your fears to your friend and choose a different Thai restaurant where they have nutritional information available. 2) Go by the averages like earlier posters have suggested. 3) Choose a healthier option than pad thai. 4) Practice portion control. 5) Chalk it up to a cheat meal and enjoy… then get back on track the next day. One meal out certainly won't hurt your weight loss plan.
Why have we turned a minor disagreement over where to eat dinner into a reason to break off a friendship? Obviously I have missed something here.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
I fail to see how he asked his friend to lose weight for her? Did you read the part where she said she doesn't like Thai food anyway? I mean, I wouldn't make my friends go to a chain just so I can get the nutrition info, but if someone picked a restaurant while knowing it's not something I like, that's not cool either.
Anyway, OP deactivated her account.
Oh that is sad. Man, this site is only for those with a thick hide. Some people here are not nice.
yes...some people once banned should stay banned
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Graelwyn75 wrote: »I wonder how many more people will post before they realise the OP has deactivated and is not going to be here to read any further replies?
Often, when people come on to the MFP forums, they search for a topic that they can relate to instead of starting a new thread. Just because the original poster of this thread may not be on this site anymore, doesn't mean that others won't learn something from it
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every restaurant is going to have salad options or lighter options. You can look up basic ingredients and get a decent estimate. Not everyone around has to diet with you.0
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being obsessive about calorie counting isn't good either, you might want to step back if not having exact numbers for one meal is causing you this much distress. Are any calorie counts you get for anything 100% accurate anyway? who knows.0
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I feel so blessed that my friends are really supportive of my diet choices. More often than not, we go out for Japanese food - luckily, everyone around me loves Sashimi. But also, I am not as restrictive on calorie counting these days as I had been. I try to keep under 2000, and if I go over - there's always adding more exercise.
But, it is just one meal. - if your friends mostly support your diet, but just want something different for the one day - it won't kill you to take that meal off from extreme calorie counting. Try to choose the healthier option, and let it go.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »It's surprising that some people seem to be acusing the OP of being a bad friend or person because she doesn't want to switch restaurants, which would seem to indicate that they think the friend that wants to switch is perfectly justified in insisting on a restaurant she knows her friend doesn't want to go to.
Is this considered Motivation and Support?
Motivation and support isn't all about holding people's hand and saying "There, there...it's okay. You're absolutlely right." If my MFP friends did that, I'd still be fat. Yoovie is right. OP needs to take some responsibility in this siualtion and sometimes that means having frank and honest conversations with your friends when really all you want to do is rant on an online forum. Sucks to be adult sometimes, but such is life.
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If this were my situation, and I really didn't want Thai food, I would get a GREAT salad from somewhere (or whatever your liking from whichever restaurant) and take it in with you. I've done this with my son (got him something or I gotten something else) and you know what, I wouldn't think twice about what any one thought. Act like it's no big deal, go and enjoy the time with whomever, and eat what you PREFER to eat.0
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If this were my situation, and I really didn't want Thai food, I would get a GREAT salad from somewhere (or whatever your liking from whichever restaurant) and take it in with you. I've done this with my son (got him something or I gotten something else) and you know what, I wouldn't think twice about what any one thought. Act like it's no big deal, go and enjoy the time with whomever, and eat what you PREFER to eat.
Most restaurants don't allow people to bring in outside food. Plus, IMO, it's extremely rude.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Oh that is sad. Man, this site is only for those with a thick hide. Some people here are not nice.
yes...some people once banned should stay banned
cute.
truth and honesty > glitter and unicorn farts.
this ain't the place to be coddled.
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skullshank wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
Oh that is sad. Man, this site is only for those with a thick hide. Some people here are not nice.
yes...some people once banned should stay banned
cute.
truth and honesty > glitter and unicorn farts.
this ain't the place to be coddled.
Oh I see. Thanks so much for the clarification. Go on with your bad self.
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Maybe just say no..?
P.S. didn't read the thread
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Seems like the problem here is you and not your friend. If you say she's a friend then she will understand if you tell her to piss off and you're not going to the restaurant she picked unless you can get the calorie info.
Also, you should be able to look up most foods online regardless if its' from a specific restaurant. It doesn't matter where you get cashew chicken you can get a pretty accurate guesstimation from the internet.
However if it's important to you that tracking calories is easy and available then that's cool, just tell your friend to shut up. She'll still be your friend. If not then find another friend, or buy a volley ball.
Good luck.0 -
You and your friend agreed on a place. She changed the venue. You gave her good reason why you can't go. She whines.
Instead of evaluating your calories. You need to evaluate your relationship with this person and dump her!!0 -
it is stupid and trivial to everyone that isnt you trying to lose weight. It doesnt make a difference in their lives at all. So you go on the internet, type in peanut pad thai, use the average of the top 3 nutrition infos you find and you log that and you stop making your problems into other peoples' problems.
You are the one who needs to lose weight and get your habits under control, so don't go on the internet and take the time to write about how other people aren't losing your weight for you.
It isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be one of the hardest things you ever do.
Wow - you really are insensitive. I guess you don't have support in your life so please don't project onto someone else. Friends ARE supposed to be supportive.0
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