Ethics Question..

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135

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  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    totaldetermination wrote: »
    You see your best friend's partner coming out of a hotel room with someone else.

    I say something.

  • LoneWolf_70
    LoneWolf_70 Posts: 1,151 Member
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    LoneWolf_70 wrote: »
    Men: Stay out of it
    Women: OMG you have to tell him/her.

    Just interesting.

    i stand corrected.

    Nosy People: OMG you have to tell
    Wise People: Let it be.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
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    yep to all 3 because I know that I would want to know if it were happening to me. If they didn't want to do anything about it after they knew, that's their business.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,668 Member
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    LoneWolf_70 wrote: »
    LoneWolf_70 wrote: »
    Men: Stay out of it
    Women: OMG you have to tell him/her.

    Just interesting.

    i stand corrected.

    Nosy People: OMG you have to tell
    Wise People: Let it be.
    So you've figured out that women and men deal tend to deal with things differently. Thank you for your clever insight.

  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    state the facts- and nothing but the facts.
    -
  • JazzFischer1989
    JazzFischer1989 Posts: 531 Member
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    Pretty easy. My best friend, sister and parent (mother) have all been cheated on multiply times so I would definitely tell them what's going on.

    Idk, I feel like if someone else is potentially fcking your best friend's/sibling's/parent's partner, that's some pretty hefty information to withhold. That's how std's get passed around. It happened to one of my aunts. I don't see how that's being nosy.
  • LoneWolfRunner
    LoneWolfRunner Posts: 1,160 Member
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    I'm not saying anything and I don't want anybody telling me anything.
  • PlanetVelma
    PlanetVelma Posts: 1,231 Member
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    I've been the one that's been cheated on and EVERYONE knew except me. I was preggo @ the time and thank the GODS that I didn't catch anything or pass anything onto my child.

    The folks that knew...well I don't speak to them anymore. They really couldn't give me a reason why they withheld that information. I did end up leaving when my daughter was 4 months old, and EVERY one of my "friends" that knew called me w/in days of me moving out to tell me they already knew. =\

    Just some food for thought...
  • Dadof3bbg
    Dadof3bbg Posts: 85
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    I'd tell everyone but the spouses that it would effect.
    Same deal with people I date: whatever we do is between just you and all my friends.
  • Tbaby1514
    Tbaby1514 Posts: 216 Member
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    Tell them. I would want someone to tell me.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    Tbaby1514 wrote: »
    Tell them. I would want someone to tell me.

    This. The only thing worse than finding out my partner is a lying, philandering skeeze is to ALSO find out my best friend let my make a fool out of myself by keeping information I have a right to know about to herself.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
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    UncleGorilla wrote: »
    Missjulesdid wrote: »
    I don't give a fat rat's *kitten* if adultery is a sin or not. I'm not religious. And it has NOTHING to do with riding a moral high horse. If I witnessed my best friend's, or sister's partner in such a situation, I'd let my friend/sister know exactly what I saw. How they want to deal with the partner is up to them. Maybe he has a reason for being in the hotel room.. maybe nothing was going on... maybe they have an arrangement.. I don't know and I don't care... That's something for my BEST friend/sister to figure out I'd just give them the information and let them figure it out supporting them if my support is wanted/needed.

    If it was just an acquaintance or a casual friend then no, I'd keep my mouth shut.

    So, to be clear...
    You'd give them your subjective observations, with no tangible evidence, that will likely be devastating to their entire existence... then step-back after lighting that fuse and say, "Have fun dealing with that horrible, terrible, awful thing I just told you about, but offered no proof. Just know... I care, and I'm here for you."

    That's kinda like shooting them in the chest, then sayin "I'm here... to fill the void... that I just created in your chest, with that shotgun someone else manufactured."

    You're basically a saint.

    Have you considered writing Christmas cards for Hallmark as a career choice?

    Interesting thoughts, but this is all going by the assumption that everyone would prefer ignorance over pain.

    My in-laws hate me. They talk mad trash about me, accuse me of dominating and pushing my husband around, and even tried to sabotage my engagement. I had no idea. They said they loved me, hugged me, "invited" me into the family, and made me feel welcome.

    Six months after the wedding the truth came out, and I am still not over the feelings of betrayal. This was four years ago. If they had said straight from the beginning, "We have reservations about you marrying our son, we don't really like you, and we'd like you to break up with him." it would have stung, but shortly after I told them to jump off a cliff, we could have gotten to the bottom of what was wrong, and potentially come to a peaceful resolution.

    As it stands, they are not welcome in our home and they are not privy to any contact, communication, or pictures of our son, their grandson, (husband's decision) for what they did to me and how badly they hurt me with their lies. The truth would have hurt for a while, but their lies have ruined lives.

    It all depends on what the best friend values more: ignorant bliss, or the truth ant whatever cost. A true best friend would know which one the other prefers.
  • wilsoncl6
    wilsoncl6 Posts: 1,280 Member
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    No, no and no.

    I wouldn't say anything to my friend because I don't know what is going on in his/her relationship and it's not my place to pry. Anyway, people can tell if there is something strange going on in their relationships and these things generally have a way of working themselves out into the open over time.

    I might get involved depending on the relationship with the family member but probably not. Some family members wouldn't believe you if their partner was kissing someone else right in front of them.

    I wouldn't want someone telling me this type of information because I should be able to pretty much figure it out on my own and someone else telling me would make me feel even more like an idiot than just finding it out for myself.

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