Irrational fears? Weight loss and Infidelity.

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  • malavika413
    malavika413 Posts: 474 Member
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    Elsie_Brownraisin wrote: »
    But I'm still deeply crazy and quite obnoxious. I still have my horrid personality to keep 'em away.

    I know, right?
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    edited November 2014
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    I'd totally like to get all buff like Thor but my spouse would choke on her deep fried lard-balls if she caught another woman looking at me. I prefer to stay fat so we can be miserable together.

    She has a great personality and that's the ONLY thing that matters.
  • bennettinfinity
    bennettinfinity Posts: 865 Member
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    JeffseekingV wrote: »
    I can't believe how attractive I am now that I've lost 20 lbs.

    If that sounds really arrogant, well that's what you are implying here. Maybe I'm not cut up enough but so far, I haven't had any women, write their # down on their panties and fling them my way. I'm thinking maybe at 10-15% bf it will happen

    I know, right...? I was told there would be pantehs - clearly I was misinformed.

  • blc1971
    blc1971 Posts: 170 Member
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    My husband married me at my highest weight and, honestly, has been my biggest cheerleader to getting fit and achieving my goal weight. He says that he knows he's the benefactor of my new-found confidence, so he is totally on board. Plus, we will hopefully get to have many more active years together! Of course, my husband is pretty confident in himself and our marriage, so it has more to do with him and his mindset really than it does with me.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    JeffseekingV wrote: »
    I can't believe how attractive I am now that I've lost 20 lbs.

    If that sounds really arrogant, well that's what you are implying here. Maybe I'm not cut up enough but so far, I haven't had any women, write their # down on their panties and fling them my way. I'm thinking maybe at 10-15% bf it will happen

    Ah yes, Einstein's theory on flingativity: flingativity among flingers rises as the body fat of the flingee falls. So often forgotten due to suffering from the fatal flaw of too much alliteration.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    __drmerc__ wrote: »
    I'd rather be a thin cheater than be fat and stuck in a monogamous relationship

    Based on your posts, I don't think you'll have to worry about ever being in a monogamous relationship.

    As far as the OP goes - it's an interesting point. It doesn't apply to me, but I can see cases where maybe someone was sexually assaulted and used fat as a way to protect themselves. I don't think my husband is insecure about my weight loss, I'll have to ask him. There's no danger of me losing the rest of my weight, and cheating. It's just not even a thing.
  • KameHameHaaaa
    KameHameHaaaa Posts: 837 Member
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    I was this way but my SO always voiced his fear of me leaving him for someone who shared my "new thought process"... He kept saying he wanted me to get healthy "BUT...." for years. Finally in January I started a calorie deficit, he panicked... We just got worse. I've lost 87 lbs so far. 267 lbs if you count him not being around anymore.
  • Torontonius
    Torontonius Posts: 245 Member
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    fenderman9 wrote: »
    A lot of overweight people have "good reasons" for staying overweight or rationalizations for keeping the weight on. I thought it might be interesting to explore one of them being, "If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive and with the added attention from the opposite sex, it might affect my current relationship". Thoughts, opinions or better yet real life stories would be great to hear.

    If you are married and think that once you lose weight you'll get a lot more attention from the opposite sex, and will therefore likely leave your spouse, I suggest you either a) get a divorce now, b) see a marriage counsellor, c) visit a shrink. There's something wrong with your self-esteem, your relationship or both.
  • Black_Cats_Rule
    Black_Cats_Rule Posts: 7 Member
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    Sometimes I feel like I self sabotage myself because I already get disgusting catcalls and it only increases as I lose weight. I hate it. But infidelity no I want to look good for my partner.
  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
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    I know someone who is In A loving relationship, but in many ways it isn't truly fulfilling to this person. It is something that has been a struggle their entire relationship. This has done two things to this person.

    1) they feel jealous when anyone pays attention to their partner. because they feel they wouldn't be able to remain faithful if it happened to them.

    2) each time someone comments on them looking fit, slim... They gain weight till the comments stop.
  • LaurenCheek
    LaurenCheek Posts: 34 Member
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    Sort of off topic/different perspective here:

    I think that sometimes when people lose a significant amount of weight and start to gain personal confidence, they may choose to drop unhealthy/toxic relationships as well. When your personal equity skyrockets, its harder to stay with someone who is abusive, manipulative or just "wrong" for you. Whereas, as an obese or overweight individual, its easy to settle for someone toxic as you may not feel worthy of quality relationships. Or perhaps, a person in a good relationship may feel more inclined to nurture it. (One major issue for me while I gained weight was pushing people away, even the "good" ones.)

    I think that as a whole, MyFitnessPal users are trying to improve the quality of their entire lives, not just in the weight arena. Sometimes that requires losing unhealthy relationships as well.
  • Torontonius
    Torontonius Posts: 245 Member
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    LaurenCheek wrote: »
    Sort of off topic/different perspective here:

    I think that as a whole, MyFitnessPal users are trying to improve the quality of their entire lives, not just in the weight arena. Sometimes that requires losing unhealthy relationships as well.

    That's a good point, and well-stated.

  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
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    I have been married for 39 years. I learned very early on in our relationship that you can not control another person, even your spouse. Trust is the key issue. If infidelity is, or becomes an issue, either openly, or covertly, there is really nothing you can do about it, other than getting yourself out of the relationship, or staying in the relationship, knowing of your partners infidelity. It is your decision whether you want to forgive the person, get some kind of counseling, or get out of the relationship. All I know is, my weight never was an issue that made my husband want to leave the marriage, and losing the weight, while it may have opened up the temptation for me, once, for about 2 seconds, nothing transpired. So total fidelity for me for 39 years.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    malavika413 wrote: »
    happysquidmuffin wrote: »
    malavika413 wrote: »
    This sounds horribly selfish, but I'm a little bit happy that my boyfriend is out of shape, because most of the girls I know would probably steal him away from me if he was athletic.

    But those girls can't MAKE him leave you. If he's really committed to you, he wouldn't LET himself be stolen away, even if he was being constantly pursued by other women. It's not like being out of shape makes you immune to cheating or being stolen away, either. Relationships should never be based upon how desirable one thinks they are to those outside of the relationship.

    Just offering a different way to look at it.

    Makes sense, but when you're dating someone that could easily do better, it tends to place a lot of irrational worries in your head. I can't assume he'll be committed either. Granted, he has been so far, but I don't want to jump to conclusions by expecting long term fidelity.

    Who says that about there bf. He can do better than me.

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
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    JenAndSome wrote: »
    Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?

    Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    edited November 2014
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    I don't think it is an irrational fear. I think it is actually rational. The more attractive someone becomes the greater availability of interest they have and therefore greater exposure to the opportunity to cheat.

    That said when you assess risk you not only look at the magnitude of the risk but the likelihood that it will occur.

    Likelihood in this scenario can only be assessed by the individuals involved in the relationship and their respective values.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
    JenAndSome wrote: »
    Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?

    Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?

    I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
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    JenAndSome wrote: »
    ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
    JenAndSome wrote: »
    Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?

    Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?

    I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.

    So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    fenderman9 wrote: »
    A lot of overweight people have "good reasons" for staying overweight or rationalizations for keeping the weight on. I thought it might be interesting to explore one of them being, "If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive and with the added attention from the opposite sex, it might affect my current relationship". Thoughts, opinions or better yet real life stories would be great to hear.

    That seems more a fear that a person whose partner is losing weight would have. It's not always an unfounded fear. I've known several relationships that have failed when one partner lost weight. I'm sure there were other factors involved in the break-up, but it happens. Whenever someone makes a change in their life, it's because they are unhappy with something in their life. Sometimes their weight or health is all they are unhappy about, sometimes it's other things and weight just happens to be what they can control.

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