Some thoughts on "Starting Over"

Starting Over

Since starting to use MFP – I have noticed a steady stream of people writing “starting over” posts. They tell the age old story of “I tried and failed, now I'm trying again”. There is often an unhealthy dose of self-flagellation – as if beating up on yourself is actually going to help. There is often the plea of, “Help, I need motivation.” I've wanted to respond with something more helpful than the useful mix of “Welcome back, you can do it” and “Tough Love” meted out by the majority. So this is my attempt to answer the “starting over” post.

But first some background. I've always struggled with weight – not in the supersize category – but enough to be unhealthy. I'm now 53 and have had ME/CFS for almost 25 years. My worst weight gain actually started in the lead up to ME/CFS and peaked at 109kg – maybe higher – I didn't weigh at that stage. At that time the mantra was “exercise” - which is a bit of a problem with ME/CFS. But with Atkins I managed to reach 92kg – but it was not sustainable for me – and I crept back up to 103kg. Interestingly the increased protein and vegetable intake did seem to improve my capacity a little. Several years later I saw Michael Mosley's “Eat, Fast and Live Longer” documentary – and it made sense – especially as hunger and insulin resistance were big problems for me. The maths convinced me that while exercise is helpful, it's really primarily about the intake. It also offered the opportunity to “eat what I like”, most of the time. I got back down to 91kg fairly easily without tracking, but got stuck for a year despite switching to 4:3. However, I did maintain for a year and that alone was a huge success. It was then that I “bit the bullet” and started tracking using MFP – and sure enough the weight loss started again and I switched back to 5:2. My day job is as a counsellor, so I work with people struggling to overcome all types of lifestyle issues – and “starting over” is normal. So for all you “Starting overs” - here's my perspective. I hope you find it helpful.

Relapse is normal – The average person making a serious lifestyle change, will fail around 7 times before succeeding. When you fail, you can berate yourself for being weak and stupid, or you can use the “failure” as an opportunity to discover barriers that need to be overcome. Actually you can do both, just don't omit the second.

Write Down What Works – Each time you have a period of success, even briefly, it shows that you can actually do what is required. When you start over – make a list of the things you KNOW from your experience, work – even if only for a limited time. They are clues for how to proceed.

What DOESN'T work – Also make a list of the things you have tried that DON'T work. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But be careful about what you define as “not working”. For example – aiming for 1kg of weight loss per week – means a very restrictive calorie intake (around 500 calories less – every day of every week) compared to 0.5 kg weekly. Many people simply cannot sustain that. But that doesn't mean deficit eating doesn't work. It means a BIG, SUSTAINED deficit does not work for you.

What derails you? For every failure, there is usually a small range of events that lead to abandoning a plan that is working. They may be external – e.g. Walking past the Krispy Creme shop. They may be internal events, thoughts or sensations– i.e. the thought, “This is too hard, I can't stand it” the sensation of hunger, or the feeling of low mood or motivation. Succeeding means finding a way to address these barriers. If you know – write a list – in two columns – one for external events and one for internal events. If not...

Get better at noticing – Part of overcoming barriers is learning to spot them before you actually commit to an unhelpful response (like placing the apple pie with cream in your mouth). A helpful skill is “Mindfulness” - being able to tune into the present moment without judgement. Being able to STOP, step back, observe your thoughts and feelings without impulsively reacting is critical to success. Most people fail because of an impulsive response to a trigger, and the chain of self-defeating behaviour that follows. I have included some examples of potentially helpful Mindfulness exercises.

Mindfulness of thoughts - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iVRyXFMww8
Mindfulness of emotions - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00DeAwXuneE
Mindfulness and weight loss - http://www.excelatlife.com/downloads.htm#weight

If you don't like the voices, then keep Googling until you find a script and a voice you feel comfortable with. Mindfulness requires regular practice to develop the skill, but the real power lies in being able to apply the skills you learn in practice, to the real life situation when emotions, sensations or thoughts start to overwhelm your resolve.

Minimise the damage – One “failure” is never a cause for serious concern. Even if you eat 3000 calories in a sitting (pretty hard to do) – you will gain .5 kg and delay your goal by one week. It is the ongoing overeating and avoidance of healthy activity that leads to “square one”. So if you fall off the wagon, get back on NOW – not tomorrow.

Face your demons – At some stage in your journey – it is helpful to mindfully expose yourself to the “enemy”. Train your “willpower” in small steps. So try a day of not eating (but drink water). Mindfully observe your body and record your hunger out of 10 every hour. What did you notice? What thoughts showed up? Go into the bakery and buy your favourite treat. Cut it in half, throw half in the rubbish bin and eat the remainder slowly and mindfully. What did you notice? Spend some time each day paying attention to your thoughts and feelings about food and weight loss, writing them down in a journal or on a scrap of paper. Start with small, manageable exposures and build up. If you don't trust yourself, do it with an accountability buddy.

If you need to – log it. For a long time I believed, “It is too hard to lose weight – every time I get to 90kg, my body rebels, my metabolism shuts down, and the cycle begins again”. The promise of 5:2 was that by fasting, I would adapt to hunger and actually eat less on my non-fast days. Non-fast days would prevent my metabolism “shutting down”. Well that worked for a while, then stopped. I thought it was my metabolism – but then I started logging. What became crystal clear, was that I was a victim of “behavioural creep” - or cheating. A gradual increase in portion size and between meal snacks and a shift to higher density foods. I only started to lose weight again when I logged accurately and weighed my food. Fortunately, MFP makes this as easy as it is going to get. But it is still a pain. You will need to allocate 2-10 minutes a day entering your food and exercise. Every now and then, you will need to enter a recipe and calculate portions. Your mind will say “It's too hard. Do I have to do this for the rest of my life? I can't stand it”. Thank your mind for those thoughts, and get logging.

Replace rather than eliminate – Rather than focusing on “getting rid of” - calories, or specific foods, think in terms of replacing. Ask what would be a healthier choice...based on your experience, not some guru, academic or author with a book to sell...remember, a smaller portion is still a healthier choice. Delaying for 15 minutes is also a healthier choice.

Let experience be your guide – There is a raft of controversy about calories in/calories out, the relative merits of fat/carbohydrate/protein and the complex relationships between food, neurobiology and behaviour (http://journals.cambridge.org/images/fileUpload/documents/PHN2014-007802_1.pdf)

By all means, read the various theories, but base your beliefs and plans on your experience. What foods genuinely satisfy you? Which ones just lead to hunger and overeating? What pattern of eating works best for you? Don't be surprised if something works for a while and then something changes and it stops working. However there are some things that seem more helpful than others http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/successful-weight-loss-habits Try them and see if they work for you.

My journey is not yet over, and I might need to start over, once again. If I do, then I have learned a few more helpful things like - “I can stand hunger for a day”, “The sensation I often interpret as hunger is not satisfied by eating” and “Logging works”. If I do slip up and need to reboot, I might use my favourite motivational saying. “You don't have to get it right, you just have to get it started” (Mike Littman). Maybe that will work for you too?