Should you leave your OH if they are not supportive?
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My partner is not supportive at all he never puts me down but he will always buy me take outs/ give me massive portions ect (I don't eat them all and say no) but I just want a bit of support! He is a bit of a slob doesn't eat any fruit of veggies doesn't exercise I'm not asking him to id just a bit of encouragement for myself. I have not been happy with my weight for a while and if I'm totally honest it is making me depressed I am going to make sure I still to my goals this year
I just wanted to know if anyone is in this same position?
Whether or not you leave a partner is a person decision. As for weight loss, that's 100% up to you.
Stop allowing him to dish your food up and get your own.
Eat the kind food you want, even if it means eating something different than he eats.
Exercise whether or not he wants to.
Stop looking to him for support. He may actually think he's being supportive when hes' not.
Best of luck!0 -
That's a very dramatic title. If you're asking if you should discontinue your relationship with this person (not husband, presumably) over fast food, it doesn't sound like you are terribly committed to this relationship...
Then again, I had been married for 5 years at your age, so ... I'm biased in favor of committed long-term relationships. Also, I've learned that you are the only person responsible for what you eat and how you exercise; if you don't take personal responsibility, you won't succeed. 0 -
Posting the title, Should you leave your OH if they are not supportive?, and then having your post be about little things, is pretty dramatic.
I smiled when I read your reasons you feel he is not supportive, but only because I sometimes get irritated at my partner for bringing me some type of food (because it's a hard one for me to resist and I don't have enough calories left) or situations where I feel he wants me to eat something with him and I don't want to eat (because the food is so good that I want to eat it but would rather stick to my calorie goals for that day, so I make the choice not to eat it).
So, my reasons for seeing my honey as not being supportive fall back on me and really have nothing to do with him. I wouldn't leave him in a thousand years over dietary differences.
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I used to get mad at my partner for bringing me home "treats," which is the wrong response. As typically I find those an gesture of love (he's thinking of me), and he got more upset of how I rejected his gift than why. Just yesterday he brought me home a bag of chips, instead of getting mad I portioned it all into reasonable snack amounts and thanked him. He thought it was a great idea and he can see that I don't need more chips for awhile (I keep a basket of portioned snack foods out for easy grabbing). I did this as I am not eliminating my favorite treats from my diet, I'm adjusting my lifestyle.
My partner bringing home food/ordering take out/making a dinner I typically wouldn't make myself is not a reason for me to leave him. If he was deliberately sabotaging me (IE putting me down, teasing me with food), that would be an issue. Not trying to be helpful or kind in ways he's used to.0 -
I'm reminded of something else as well. I was irritated at my beau's family for getting me See's candy for Christmas, figuring they were trying to put weight back on me.
Nah, not at all. They know I love See's and they were just being kind to me.
Where is that See's candy now? In the cabinet. When I want some, I take it out, choose piece, weigh chocolate, log it, but box away, open mouth, and eat. : 0 -
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You need to remember they are also on this journey; only for themselves. They need to accept the changes in you but you are not responsible for their journey. If they do not have it in themselves to support you, after you have given them what they need to understand, think about yourself and do whatever you need to stay on the right track. I am very fortunate that my husband made the journey with me, however, it wasn't without it's hardships. He was very insecure with what I was doing for myself but after he saw the change in me he was along for the ride right alongside me! I hope you have the same thing!0
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
There'd be no internet if people actually did THIS.0 -
Other half (or as I say for my wife, better half)0 -
My hubby is exactly the same. We have fights over me wanting to lose weight! I've only got 11lbs left to lose, and he doesn't want me to lose anymore.
He makes me calorie laden smoothies and all sorts of delicious treats! The smoothie went into the freezer for the next day, the chips went back in the packet and the food back in the fridge! He's only got a tiny belly, so hardly any weight to lose.
I'm going to get to my goal with or without his help!!0 -
This sounds like a fairly uncommitted relationship if you can seriously ask that, and on a public forum.0
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Are you seriously thinking of leaving your partner because he buys you take-away? Sheesh...
You leave your partner when you don't love them anymore or the relationship has unsurmountable issues. Anything else, you have a conversation....0 -
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I think she means other half. And I really doubt he's her husband.
Ohhhhhh. Never heard of that, I've just been reading it as the word "oh" in my head.0 -
OP deactivated her account.0
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maybe he is a feeder, viz a viz perhaps your not supporting him!0
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Welcome to my world..0
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I was watching a video on facebook and a guy was giving advice dont expect your support from people closet to you. He was saying be your own support. Its kindve like they love you but it may be imtimidating if you lose weight to him. He may be feeling insecure about himself. I would say start cooking at home. Make it fun .make meals for you and him... tweek your meals to low calories and make him stuff that he has no idea the calories are cut. That way in a secret way you can still have control. 0
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This is so true. I have found loads of support from people I'd have never guessed would be my cheerleaders. I have also found a surprising amount of nastiness from people who I thought would be happiest for me.kelleycallen wrote: »I was watching a video on facebook and a guy was giving advice dont expect your support from people closet to you. He was saying be your own support. Its kindve like they love you but it may be imtimidating if you lose weight to him. He may be feeling insecure about himself. I would say start cooking at home. Make it fun .make meals for you and him... tweek your meals to low calories and make him stuff that he has no idea the calories are cut. That way in a secret way you can still have control.
It's true what they say about how you find out who your real friends are when things go wrong AND when things go well. Surprising and disappointing. But it's better to know, I guess. 0 -
This is so true. I have found loads of support from people I'd have never guessed would be my cheerleaders. I have also found a surprising amount of nastiness from people who I thought would be happiest for me.kelleycallen wrote: »I was watching a video on facebook and a guy was giving advice dont expect your support from people closet to you. He was saying be your own support. Its kindve like they love you but it may be imtimidating if you lose weight to him. He may be feeling insecure about himself. I would say start cooking at home. Make it fun .make meals for you and him... tweek your meals to low calories and make him stuff that he has no idea the calories are cut. That way in a secret way you can still have control.
It's true what they say about how you find out who your real friends are when things go wrong AND when things go well. Surprising and disappointing. But it's better to know, I guess.
I also find that a lot of the time when people say they want ther partner to be 'supportive', what they really mean is that they want their partner to make changes, like stop buying take-away or candy, or not eat it in front of them, or eat the same kale-quinoa salad the person looking for support is having instead of a steak.
I think one of the big things about being your own support is realising that YOU are the one making the change, and it isn't fair to impose it on someone else. I know that just because I decided to make a change doesn't mean that my husband ought to, and to suddenly say "right, I'm making changes for myself and now I expect you to not bring chips or candy into the house, and no we can't have the food you're craving because I can't eat it" is, well... crap, really. Self support and self control is the key, you can't force others to do it for you and if you try, you can't blame them if there is some push back.0 -
there are two kinds of people:
a) those who climb ladders.
b) and those who pull people down ladders, because they can't be bothered to climb up.
we all know this, and have probably done it at some time, in some way. type a) revises for exams, type b) says "SWAT", "NERD", "GEEK".
type a) gets into good shape, type b) says "OMG, that girl with some slight definition on her arms looks like a man", or "he's probably on steroids; nobody can gain 10lbs of muscle in a year".
my wife & I are type a)'s - we help each other. if you're with a type b), he'll eventually drag you down to his level because weighing you down is easier than climbing himself up.
Decide which type your boyfriend is.0
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