People just don't get it...
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Thanks for all of the comments. It's clear the some get where I am coming from and some don't. I DO go out to eat with my friends occasionally and can make healthy choices. I just don't want to be pressured into going out to eat all the time and make compromises when I have explained myself.
MrM27 thanks for your opinion but the fact that I want a six pack does mean something even if it's only to me. It's my goal. It means that at that point I will have a low enough body fat percentage for abs to show.0 -
beavislong wrote: »My friends were all going to White Castle today(insert any restaurant on any given day) and were giving me grief for not joining them. I looked at the nutrtition and was like no way. It is horrible there. I can eat my homemade low sodium soup, my veggies and my orange and have 5 times as much food for less than the calories of two sliders not to mention the nutrition benefits. They are like well you can run an extra few miles tonight. Yes, I could but I already have 9 miles planned as a part of my marathon training.
Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!
Try to convince them to go somewhere healthy, and get them on the wagon with you
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beavislong wrote: »
Yes, by the books I am still overweight. I have lost nearly 40 pounds in the last few years and 15 in the last three months. I am getting close to an acceptible range. I plan to sport a six pack by the end of summer and qualify for the Boston Marathon.Out of curiosity. Are you overweight or have been overweight?
Good for you! I applaud you for sticking to your guns and eating the lunch you brought...at that moment in time, that was what you felt was the best option for you. How you lose weight and get fit is a very personal thing. You have obviously found the way that clicks for you. I like the way you chose to stick to it and stick up for yourself! Today you decided not going was the best option for you. Tomorrow, next week, etc. you may decide it is worth going the extra mile, literally I don't believe it's right for anyone to tell us how to complete our fitness journey...we are the author...and when we find what works, we should stick to it.
I would add...the only exception to the above would be if you were engaging in unhealthy dieting, like not eating at all.
Best wishes on your continued success!0 -
fair enough MrM27 and well said. I said what I said in the heat of the moment. A couple of said friends have said on multiple occasions that they need to drop weight. I've even started more than one exercise program with one of them and he always gives up after a couple of weeks. And I do maintain hope that I can hopefully be an inspiration to them.
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beavislong wrote: »I would agree with anyone who has said about the social aspect. I don't let my journey take all my time away from my friends. I routinely watch sporting events and movies with them. I do occasionally go to lunch with them. I just don't feel like I should be put on a guilt trip everytime I choose not to go to an unhealthy eating establishment. Then again these are the same guys who will make you feel guilty because you are late because you had to pick up your kid from soccer practice or chose to attend your kids soccer game instead of whatever social event they were having.
Clearly, this is THEIR problem; not yours. Venting is fine. Sometimes we have to. Like I tell my kids: you can't change other people, you can only change how you react to them. Just keep doing what you're doing and pay no mind to their comments.0 -
Food Pushers - they are hard to deal with and we can all be that person too. It's important to remember our goals in the end and make choices based on them. 0
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Your friends' argument that you could just "run off the burgers" is not a helpful one. It sounds like you're on a journey to be healthier, and to live your life according to habits of health. It's not just about losing weight. So, yeah, you could run some extra miles to work off the sliders, but you'd still be putting that disgusting White Castle grease into your body! You've chosen not to, and I congratulate you for it. You're on a path to long-lasting health, and if your friends don't support you on it, then I feel sorry for them.0
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TavistockToad wrote: »Each to their own... I run so I can eat burgers!
me too. but GOOD burgers. not white castle. that stuff is real crap.0 -
I got lucky. Randomly, around the same time, 3 of the people that I am closest to at work decided to lose weight. Now instead of anxiously anticipating "Pizza Friday" all week, we exchange recipe ideas, fitness tips, etc. We are all following our own plans but have a shared mission. On the rare occasion when I got out for lunch, I always look at the menu on line ahead of time and make the best choice I can out of what is available. I'll eat a burger without the bun and with lots of veggies if everyone wants to go to a burger joint. That way I can share a meal with friends without over indulging. I think it also sets a good example to others who may know that they need to lose a little but envision carrot sticks and water for ever meal.
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KLGreenNYC wrote: »Your friends' argument that you could just "run off the burgers" is not a helpful one. It sounds like you're on a journey to be healthier, and to live your life according to habits of health. It's not just about losing weight. So, yeah, you could run some extra miles to work off the sliders, but you'd still be putting that disgusting White Castle grease into your body! You've chosen not to, and I congratulate you for it. You're on a path to long-lasting health, and if your friends don't support you on it, then I feel sorry for them.
Ah... the "I'm better then you " attitude ceases to amaze me. I doubt his friends need your sympathy.
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This happens to me constantly! Especially when we have a girls night out at the bar and I order a water or seltzer w/ lime....they bust me over and over about it! Friends should be more supportive!0
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It isn't their journey, it's yours. Go with them and have fun and eat your lunch. Eat what YOU want. Let them laugh... this is about you. As long as you're eating healthy while still enjoying, then who cares?0
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auntchellebelle wrote: »This happens all the time. Just the other day someone made peppermint chocolate bark and handed me a Tupperware container full of it. I politely said no thank you and she went on and on about how SHE spent time making it for me and I should eat it... blah blah blah. So I said sure I will take it and have a small bite. Each day I buried a piece in the trash to make it look like I was eating it.
Maybe just be polite and accept it. You could always had shared with friends outside of work or family members or others you know. Definitely don't waste it. I hate wasting food, no matter what it is.
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I generally just associate with people when it is convenient for me. I have a relationship with my girlfriend and the kids, but beyond that, I am in school and am training for a spartan race (races, rather). Friends take time, mental energy, and use up resources that are limited as it is.
Having said that, you need to consider if you want to have that space for friends that do not understand your perspective. Friends are people in our lives that enrich our lives, but they still take effort, time, money, physical energy and brain power to upkeep. If they make you feel guilty, then why have that negativity in your life?
As for me, Meetup is my friend. If I want to do something, I just find a group that also wants to do that something. Easy and convenient. When I watch sports, I go to the bar to cheer on my teams with other people. When I want to play some soccer, I find a pickup soccer game to go to. So on and so forth. Don't have to care what they are doing with their life, and I don't have to share what I am doing with my life. We are there to watch sports or play sports. That's it. No guilt trip allowed. I do have one or two people I consider friends, but only because I share some very unique interests with them and we get along well. I don't vibe with a lot of people I come across, so naturally I don't have a lot of friends. But most of the time, I just don't want to put in the effort described above in the previous paragraph.
This is just my perspective. I am not lonely or unhappy by any means. I just have other stuff I like doing than making and maintaining friendships, and creating social pressures for myself. I have an awesome quality of life without added stress of other people. I have an awesome and hot girlfriend, 4 kids that I adore and am helping grow, an education to nurture, and hobbies that I get involved in when I choose to and have time to. So just consider that. You are venting because you are a good deal peeved by this pass of guilt. You said it is a pattern with this group. So you have to decide if that is something you can deal with.
Good job on your feats thus far. Aroo!0 -
You exercised your right to say "No". That's fine and shows you have a backbone.0
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beavislong wrote: »My friends were all going to White Castle today(insert any restaurant on any given day) and were giving me grief for not joining them. I looked at the nutrtition and was like no way. It is horrible there. I can eat my homemade low sodium soup, my veggies and my orange and have 5 times as much food for less than the calories of two sliders not to mention the nutrition benefits. They are like well you can run an extra few miles tonight. Yes, I could but I already have 9 miles planned as a part of my marathon training.
Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!
Try to convince them to go somewhere healthy, and get them on the wagon with you
Ah no. Then he is doing to them exactly what he is complaining about. Its about him and his choices. They shouldn't guilt him, although I don't see what is wrong with going and not eating or getting something small, but on the other hand he shouldn't be trying to guilt them either.0 -
Btw....stick up for yourself. If they are making you feel guilty, then throw it back in their faces. Give them examples of how they are treating you, and tell them you have no room for that in your life. If they can't understand, appreciate, and help what you have going on in your life, then you don't need them in your life. Short, sweet, and swift. If they shrug you off, then you didn't have anything anyways. But if they are true friends, they will respond with regard.
That can go for a lot of you on here that have this problem. If you aren't afraid to stick up for yourself, *kitten* gets done a lot quicker.0 -
OMG I know just how you feel. I loathe people trying to push food on me. If I say no, that's my choice. I don't tell other ppl what to eat, and I don't owe anyone any excuses. If I must, in order not to make a scene at work, I'll take something in order to shut them up and then just throw it away. No way in h#ll am I going to a fast food place with anyone. If it's actually my company they want, we can go shoot pool or something that's not centered around greasy crap that would literally take up my entire day's calories.0
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beavislong wrote: »My friends were all going to White Castle today(insert any restaurant on any given day) and were giving me grief for not joining them. I looked at the nutrtition and was like no way. It is horrible there. I can eat my homemade low sodium soup, my veggies and my orange and have 5 times as much food for less than the calories of two sliders not to mention the nutrition benefits. They are like well you can run an extra few miles tonight. Yes, I could but I already have 9 miles planned as a part of my marathon training.
Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!
Try to convince them to go somewhere healthy, and get them on the wagon with you
Ah no. Then he is doing to them exactly what he is complaining about. Its about him and his choices. They shouldn't guilt him, although I don't see what is wrong with going and not eating or getting something small, but on the other hand he shouldn't be trying to guilt them either.
im sure the OP can make a suggestion without being a jerk about it. recently i got together with some friends and they introduced me to this healthy restaurant, despite me wanting to go for wings. i was glad i went along with their suggestion because i really enjoyed the meal.
like any relationship, there has to be compromise.0 -
I doubt a place like White Castle will mind if you bring your homemade lunch along. No reason not to go and be sociable. Non fast food places tend to be more strict, but often have soup and salads as well.0
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It often seems that when you decide to break a bad habit, people give you grief for it. It doesn't matter what the habit is - smoking, doing drugs, getting drunk. It's like nobody wants you to succeed stopping doing something that they still do.0
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beavislong wrote: »
Yes, by the books I am still overweight. I have lost nearly 40 pounds in the last few years and 15 in the last three months. I am getting close to an acceptible range. I plan to sport a six pack by the end of summer and qualify for the Boston Marathon.Out of curiosity. Are you overweight or have been overweight?
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Great !0
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If you are just starting out on your weight loss journey I know how pesky this can be. The determination you have to start the journey and see results very soon is a bit frustrating.
When you start making some strides in your goals, you can work on going out to lunch and dinner with your co workers and family as long as you plan for it.
When I started losing and seeing results happen I realized that I could or did not have to resist every calorie forever. I needed to work in lunches and diners out so I could enjoy life. Everyone else around me was, I just needed to plan for and if it was last minute work on the anxiety part of it and still allow my self enjoyment!0 -
2snakeswoman wrote: »It often seems that when you decide to break a bad habit, people give you grief for it. It doesn't matter what the habit is - smoking, doing drugs, getting drunk. It's like nobody wants you to succeed stopping doing something that they still do.
Or because it's something they're accustomed to doing with you it's just fluid and custom to offer to do said things with the person they are friends with.
Everyone isn't out to get you.
I'm sure it isn't a conscious effort to sabotage anyone and even IF that were the case, it still falls back on the person who wants to change or abstain from something to follow through.
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The closest White Castle to me is 3 hours away. Maybe that's a good thing since I'm trying to lose weight because my butt would be there all the time.0
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