People just don't get it...
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Capt_Apollo wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Muddy_Yogi wrote: »You could just admit you have no will power.
Why is that the go to opinion for some people on this site?
in the end, we are ultimately responsible for what we do to our bodies.anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Muddy_Yogi wrote: »You could just admit you have no will power.
Why is that the go to opinion for some people on this site?
because admitting that is one of the first steps to making a real difference and many people would like to skip facing that reality - even though facing it is the best possible idea.
and we all know that recognizing a problem is the first step to correcting it!
I don't disagree.
So...why would anyone assume that is the OP's (or anyone's) problem whenever they say something like this?
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Sliders are 140 calories each. You could have had 4 of them for 560 calories. How many calories do you eat in a day man?0
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anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Muddy_Yogi wrote: »You could just admit you have no will power.
Why is that the go to opinion for some people on this site?
in the end, we are ultimately responsible for what we do to our bodies.anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Muddy_Yogi wrote: »You could just admit you have no will power.
Why is that the go to opinion for some people on this site?
because admitting that is one of the first steps to making a real difference and many people would like to skip facing that reality - even though facing it is the best possible idea.
and we all know that recognizing a problem is the first step to correcting it!
I don't disagree.
So...why would anyone assume that is the OP's (or anyone's) problem whenever they say something like this?
If someone refuses to go near a restaurant with friends to spend time together for a social outing because they cannot guarantee that they won't eat badly, it seems as though they dont trust themselves to make the right decisions and would sacrifice time with people they care about instead.
we see this all the time on MFP
"I cant spend time with my girlfriends anymore because they go to restaurants that serve unhealthy options."
whereas someone who spends time and effort working on building their willpower would say something along the lines of, 'my friends and i are going out to eat tonight, and they want fast food so Im eating before I go out! that way if Im tempted, I wont overdo it!'
the connection to lack of willpower is made by noting whether an OP is scared of themselves overdoing it. if you are scared you are going to go nuts, it's because you don't trust your self-control. And not having enough self-control is hand in hand with not having enough willpower.
that's all.
there's also nothing wrong with diagnosing yourself as willpowerless!!! sucking at something is the first step toward being kinda okay at something!
no one can look down at you for being honest with yourself either :flowerforyou:
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To me it doesn't seem like the OP is scared. It seems like he is annoyed that his friends aren't respecting his boundaries. I am annoyed that some people on this forum want to jump straight to "the OP has no will power"0
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Good for you! Don't let them drag you down. They might just covet your self discipline and want you to cave to make them feel better about their bad choices.0
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Haha, I read the ending line to your post, OP, that read, "Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!" and thought, "Hey, he ended it with a good explanation that he wasn't trying to stir anything up, maybe people will be supportive!" I forgot...that's not the homosapien way.
My bad.
Also I love when everyone tries to determine what the OP was 'actually' saying as opposed to just taking it like he put it. I just don't remember him asking people to solve a problem for him or evaluate his choices.0 -
Wow, I would say you still need new friends. This is not normal behavior for real friendship.Exactly! You realize you're screwing yourself up and so you decide to take care of yourself instead, and people will then work very hard to sabotage and derail you and destroy all your hard work.
I got rid of some "friends" who were trying to do that to me in another situation. They were all happy with me when I was in an abusive relationship, but when I got rid of that loser and started dating Phil, and we got serious, they started being @$$hats, dogging on him, uninviting him from things, etc. The man who has been a wonderful part of my life and done right by me in every way, they wanted me to get rid of him. He's very sweet and a people pleaser... there's no rational reason for it. So I got rid of these "friends" instead and now Phil and I are happily married. *fist pump*
Most of my friends have learned by now that if I say I am not eating fast food or junk, I will not be moved. If they insist that the earth will explode if we don't all go to the grease pit, and I'm in a group where I can't bail on them, then I will order a cup of coffee. Period. Why are people whack like this??? It's so much more fun when Gothchiq is fat, because then we can tell her how she needs to lose weight, oh but when she does just that, we want to get her fat again so we can have someone to be skinnier than. NOPE NOPE NOPE so much nope.
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I don't understand why someone flagged your posting!! Anyway, I think you did great.0
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Oh I get this too but mainly on our "potluck days" at work. Everyone tells me I gotta try this and try what they made and when I tell them I am watching my food intake they say "Oh well just go to the gym tonight!" Well that is the plan but I am already there for about ah hour and a half burning off the calories from what I packed to eat today.0
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beavislong wrote: »Thanks for all of the comments. It's clear the some get where I am coming from and some don't. I DO go out to eat with my friends occasionally and can make healthy choices. I just don't want to be pressured into going out to eat all the time and make compromises when I have explained myself.
MrM27 thanks for your opinion but the fact that I want a six pack does mean something even if it's only to me. It's my goal. It means that at that point I will have a low enough body fat percentage for abs to show.
You can do that by still enjoying ONE meal at White Castle. That's the point.0 -
I hear you, OP. There are all sorts of cultural norms and hangups around food. If White Castle doesn't fit in, don't go. Since hubby and I went low-sodium, commercial fried chicken is no longer appealing.
There are some restaurants that are so bad at offering lower-cal options, I just don't go. This includes Carl's Jr. and Red Robin's.0 -
DjinnMarie wrote: »I doubt a place like White Castle will mind if you bring your homemade lunch along. No reason not to go and be sociable. Non fast food places tend to be more strict, but often have soup and salads as well.
Or do this. Last weekend my whole family went out to a flatbread pizza place. Pizza wasn't going to fit into my day and I also didn't want the calories since I wasn't working out that day. I brought my own lunch… a wrap, pretzels, carrots, and apple slices. The waiter gave me a plate and all was fine & dandy.0 -
You know what I find ridiculous...
My gym is planet fitness. On the first Monday of every month, they have pizza night.
Wtf? This is a gym... Why are you push pizza on me? Do we have black tar heron Friday?0 -
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beavislong wrote: »My friends were all going to White Castle today(insert any restaurant on any given day) and were giving me grief for not joining them. I looked at the nutrtition and was like no way. It is horrible there. I can eat my homemade low sodium soup, my veggies and my orange and have 5 times as much food for less than the calories of two sliders not to mention the nutrition benefits. They are like well you can run an extra few miles tonight. Yes, I could but I already have 9 miles planned as a part of my marathon training.
Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!
lol. Well if it actually were a good burger I'd certainly make room in my day for it. Or just let it even itself out through out the week. But those things are so small. And they really aren't good. (Opinion). I mean if you were talking a 6-8 oz - 80/20 medium topped with onion rings, pepper jack, a lil dab of bbq sauce, and a banging roll toasted to perfection, omfg yes, I'm all in.
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Maybe your friends are worried that you're taking it too far. Most people even when dieting don't avoid outings with friends or expect them to conform to one person's dietary preferences all the time. And it sounds like you're in maintenance and very active. They probably wish you'd realize a burger isn't going to set you back, not because of the burger but for your own healthy relationship with eating and food? "Stay vigilant" suggests you might be more defensive than warranted, I think.beavislong wrote: »My friends were all going to White Castle today(insert any restaurant on any given day) and were giving me grief for not joining them. I looked at the nutrtition and was like no way. It is horrible there. I can eat my homemade low sodium soup, my veggies and my orange and have 5 times as much food for less than the calories of two sliders not to mention the nutrition benefits. They are like well you can run an extra few miles tonight. Yes, I could but I already have 9 miles planned as a part of my marathon training.
Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!
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anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »To me it doesn't seem like the OP is scared. It seems like he is annoyed that his friends aren't respecting his boundaries. I am annoyed that some people on this forum want to jump straight to "the OP has no will power"
no idea, I answered your hypothetical question about what signs tell you someone (anyone, not necessarily this OP, you specified) might be struggling with willpower. I didnt say this guy had none.
my response to the OP, word for word, was:well done on standing up to your personal brand of temptation and doing what you personally need to do to stay on the program you have committed to!
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beavislong wrote: »My friends were all going to White Castle today(insert any restaurant on any given day) and were giving me grief for not joining them. I looked at the nutrtition and was like no way. It is horrible there. I can eat my homemade low sodium soup, my veggies and my orange and have 5 times as much food for less than the calories of two sliders not to mention the nutrition benefits. They are like well you can run an extra few miles tonight. Yes, I could but I already have 9 miles planned as a part of my marathon training.
Sorry just ranting. Stay vigilant friends!
Try to convince them to go somewhere healthy, and get them on the wagon with you
Ah no. Then he is doing to them exactly what he is complaining about. Its about him and his choices. They shouldn't guilt him, although I don't see what is wrong with going and not eating or getting something small, but on the other hand he shouldn't be trying to guilt them either.
im sure the OP can make a suggestion without being a jerk about it. recently i got together with some friends and they introduced me to this healthy restaurant, despite me wanting to go for wings. i was glad i went along with their suggestion because i really enjoyed the meal.
like any relationship, there has to be compromise.
Thank you for your common sense and ability to compromise without taking it all personally (as it seems many do from the threads on this forum). This is exactly what it means to be a stable adult. Some of the responses get so emotional and over-exaggerated...0 -
JeffseekingV wrote: »I est your weight at 190lbs. If you run 90 min (10 min mile) for 9 miles, that's close to 1300 calories. You mean to tell me you can't fit White Castle in today?
Pretty sure his point is he didn't WANT to. Never said he couldn't. Just chose not to. I think the OP handled it correctly. All he is doing here is venting.0 -
Here's the thing. People at my office are always bringing in junk food, going out for fast food, etc. And when they offer me junk I don't want (cookies, donuts, candies) or invite me out to KFC, I say "No, thanks." Sometimes they offer again, and then I say, "No, I'm good, thanks" or "I'm going to eat in the office today."
Since I don't talk about what I am and am not eating, and how many calories yada yada yada, and how it's junk, and how it's got no nutrition, and how I'm going to run a marathon and have a six-pack, no one gets defensive or angry or questions me or continues to try to foist things on me. They shrug and go on their way. I see the same pattern in our office with the other people who are very careful with what they eat but who don't talk about it much.
But there are others who are always talking about their diets and exercise routines - those are the ones who people tease about what they are and aren't eating. Plus they're very tedious to be around.
No one can create drama around your food choices unless you help them do so.
If the issue is really around the social event (e.g. last week when I went to a friend's pub night), then go to the event. Either pick the best choice off the menu (I had a small steak with plain steamed veggies and a plain salad), or have a cheat meal, or don't eat food there. No one cares how or what you eat. They only care about how you make them feel about what they choose to eat.
On point. This is me, too. I disclose nothing personal at work. I'm there to work, not socialize. I also do not have food pushers in my personal life because I stand up for myself. I set my boundaries and enforce them. Maybe people talk about me behind my back because I work out a lot, make it a priority, and eat vastly different (if they take the time to notice it themselves, as I don't talk about it)? Don't know, don't care...0 -
beavislong wrote: »
Actually I'm 160 and my run will be under 8:00 per mile. Per my heart rate monitor I burn around 100 calories per mile so I will be burning around 900 calories. I have planned my day and eating around my run and want to fuel my body properly and also reap the caloric deficit of my exercise. Technically I could have fit White Castle in. That wasn't the exact point of my post. It was about the principle.JeffseekingV wrote: »I est your weight at 190lbs. If you run 90 min (10 min mile) for 9 miles, that's close to 1300 calories. You mean to tell me you can't fit White Castle in today?
My run will be be far better fueled by the lean protein, whole grains and fruit I ate today than by anything I could have eaten at White Castle.
Yep, it's about quality food and nutrition.0 -
anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »To me it doesn't seem like the OP is scared. It seems like he is annoyed that his friends aren't respecting his boundaries. I am annoyed that some people on this forum want to jump straight to "the OP has no will power"
Same here. And, asking WHY he "can't" eat at White Castle. He CAN if he chose to. He chose NOT to. Why question that?0 -
I won't even go to White Castle anymore and not real fond of Arby's either. I found I could go home and make my own homemade chicken tenders and fries for less calories than 6 chicken rings. The sodium in those places are crazy.0
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My 3 year anniversary on MFP is 3/12/12. It has been my experience that sooner or later, they give up and respect your boundaries. Even though I am on maintenance, they know by now that I will say no.0
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dougpconnell219 wrote: »You know what I find ridiculous...
My gym is planet fitness. On the first Monday of every month, they have pizza night.
Wtf? This is a gym... Why are you push pizza on me? Do we have black tar heron Friday?
Because you can incorporate pizza into your diet and still lose weight/be healthy. It's all about moderation.0 -
anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Capt_Apollo wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Muddy_Yogi wrote: »You could just admit you have no will power.
Why is that the go to opinion for some people on this site?
in the end, we are ultimately responsible for what we do to our bodies.anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »Muddy_Yogi wrote: »You could just admit you have no will power.
Why is that the go to opinion for some people on this site?
because admitting that is one of the first steps to making a real difference and many people would like to skip facing that reality - even though facing it is the best possible idea.
and we all know that recognizing a problem is the first step to correcting it!
I don't disagree.
So...why would anyone assume that is the OP's (or anyone's) problem whenever they say something like this?
If someone refuses to go near a restaurant with friends to spend time together for a social outing because they cannot guarantee that they won't eat badly, it seems as though they dont trust themselves to make the right decisions and would sacrifice time with people they care about instead.
we see this all the time on MFP
"I cant spend time with my girlfriends anymore because they go to restaurants that serve unhealthy options."
whereas someone who spends time and effort working on building their willpower would say something along the lines of, 'my friends and i are going out to eat tonight, and they want fast food so Im eating before I go out! that way if Im tempted, I wont overdo it!'
the connection to lack of willpower is made by noting whether an OP is scared of themselves overdoing it. if you are scared you are going to go nuts, it's because you don't trust your self-control. And not having enough self-control is hand in hand with not having enough willpower.
that's all.
there's also nothing wrong with diagnosing yourself as willpowerless!!! sucking at something is the first step toward being kinda okay at something!
no one can look down at you for being honest with yourself either :flowerforyou:
I see what you're saying. But that's not at all the case with this guy. He's said he does eat out. He's not refusing to go to restaurants and scared to be near certain foods. And he said he's spends other time with them. He's just annoyed they constantly ask him to go eat at certain places.
I have lunch food ready to eat a work daily, when someone comes in and says "lunch on the boss, let's order Chinese," I do get a moment of frustration. Not because I can't find something appropriate to eat at the restaurant or don't have the willpower to sit around certain food; but because I already planned everything out and it's annoying to go switching up your diary and trying to figure out how to hit macros. Luckily it doesn't happen that often so I just adjust. But if it was a constant, I can see where the frustration comes from.
Not everyone's problem is willpower. Some people just prefer to keep what they planned.0 -
I get what you are saying and good for you! I'm glad you've found a good balance of being able to hang out with your friends and do things you enjoy without having to compromise on your eating goals when you already have your day very well planned out.
Enjoy your run!0 -
Here's my perspective on this:
I've been overweight most of my adult life. I would've resented the hell out of anyone who tried to make me change or to shame me for what I ate. When I decided I was ready to make changes, I made changes. But that's personal. It's about me, not them.
My friends are important to me as individuals. They matter. Spending time with them matters. Just because I'm choosing to lose weight and eat less doesn't mean I want to stop hanging out with them, and certainly doesn't give me the right to expect them to make major changes to their lives to accommodate me. It'd be the same as, for example, if I decided to become vegan or strictly kosher or something. My decision, not theirs, hence, not their problem.
My weight loss is nobody's business but mine. Some of my friends know, some don't. It's not that important. And it doesn't stop me from going to restaurants or for drinks or to other social activities with them.
I'm losing weight so I can enjoy life more, be healthier and feel better about myself -- NOT so I can be a hermit who is afraid to go out and enjoy the things I liked beforehand. I trust myself enough to moderate what I eat even in restaurants that other people choose. If I'm not hungry, I just eat less, or order a cup of tea or something. If my friends are all getting drunk but I've only budgeted for one beer, I'll just switch to soda water.
The point is, they want to spend time with me. I want to spend time with them. I choose to prioritize that, and to make food work for me, not to be a slave to a meal plan or to food.0
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