How to motivate my girlfriend to exercise?
Replies
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I'd also mention that, OP, according to your profile, your motivations to lose weight seem to be mostly about vanity and the judgment of others:My Inspirations
the discomforting stares people give
the loss of a loved one
slimmer clothing styles
to be recognized
Which, okay, you're a guy in your early 20s, and there's nothing wrong with any of that, per se. But, putting this together with your original post about your relationship, and it doesn't seem like a big leap to conclude that appearance and the opinions of others matter to you a great deal.
Your girlfriend probably feels like you're ashamed of her or how she looks. She probably feels like you're judging her, just as you felt like other people were judging you for your weight.
Good for you for losing the 40 pounds. Now work on getting past the vanity to see that people are more than their weight.
Indeed. People are also their interests, their hobbies, their desires, and their motivations.
Her's don't seem to be in line with his and all the love in the world won't change that. Love doesn't, and shouldn't, mean you stick around with someone no matter what.
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But folks, imagine if his girlfriend came on here and posted "Hi, I'm here because my boyfriend thinks I need to lose weight, to be honest I'm not all that motivated but he says I'm fat and lazy and I'm worried he'll leave me if I don't. Please help!"
Now imagine what replies people would give her. I'd sincerely hope that they'd include:- Do it for yourself, not for some guy.
- If he says you're fat and lazy and is nagging you to lose weight, dump him, he's no good for you.
- You are the only one who can change and it has to be because you want to. Motivation comes from within.
- If you're truly ready to make that change, for YOU, here are some things you can do...
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
Didn't he say her lifestyle has reduced his sexual attraction to her?
yes, but you made your comment in reference to what I said. So you made an assumption about me with zero information about me....
The only reason we are talking about you or me is in context to the OP's situation.
nice back track ..
you asked me how I would feel.. I answered the question, and you then made an assumption about me based on zero working knowledge.
when you asked me the question it turned the conversation from the OP to myself...
but keep moving those goal posts...
Ok, we'll go back to you. I did make an assumption. You do put out a lot of bluster about the way you eat on the boards, so I don't think it was necessarily from zero knowledge.
so now you want to de-rail the thread because I put on a lot of "bluster" about how I eat.
what does that have to do with this thread?
Second - it is not bluster, my food diary is open to the public and all can view it and see how I eat..
please clarify about my "bluster" and how it appears have someone offended you...
Also, what does how I have to eat have to do with my potential significant other?
ETA - I find your commenting on my blustering about food amusing considering you have a private profile and closed diary.
You said I have no knowledge of you. One of the reasons I assumed you wouldn't want a girlfriend is your frequent talk of eating in a way you choose. I honestly don't think you'd like it if someone were trying to get you to do health and fitness their way instead of in at least a collaborative way. How you eat has a lot to do with your potential girlfriend if she finds that your diet and lifestyle makes you less sexually attractive to her. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. NBD.
I don't use MFP to log my food, so an open diary wouldn't help anyone much. I do have a private profile and always will. Because I talk about somewhat personal stuff. Whatever I post about food here, I'd be willing to post in the forums.
wow, you like to make a lot of assumptions don't you?
so you are saying because I like to eat ice cream, cookies, etc in the context of my overall diet, that I am somehow unhealthy or not in shape??
so someone that eats all foods in moderation is going to be less sexually attractive, really?
so people that eat the way they choose can't have a girl friend?
Really?
So based on how you perceive I eat, you can then assume that you have some kind of insight into my every day life??????????????? WOW, just wow...
I have no problem with you eating in moderation. I'm saying that you may not like it if your girlfriend tried to put too much input into your choices and your workouts. I don't think many would.
And stop clutching your pearls about me making assumptions-were you not the one who decided what kind of woman I am in a relationship with a man?
I just find it amusing...
but you know what they say about people who assume...
Yes, I made that comment based on how you replied to the OP...so I stand by it.
OP is neither controlling, paternalistic, etc..and the fact that you somehow think he is speaks volumes...
So you are assuming that OP isn't behaving paternalistic? I also never called him controlling. I've said that repeatedly. I think his heart is in the right place, his execution is failing (as exhibited by him needing advice on what to do.)
I've got no problem being an *kitten* right along with you. You made an assumption based on things I said. I made assumptions based on things that you said. I guess we're even. (Wait no. I said I could be wrong. You're standing by your assumption.)0 -
Since you have started making your lifestyle healthier, you want to surround yourself with people and things that have a positive impact on you. I think I would tell her that you love her and really want her by your side in your journey....but she is actually having a negative impact on what you are trying to do.
I would literally say you feel like you are pushing her...and you don't want that. You just really want her in your life.
Let her make the choice. You shouldn't be unhappy because of someone else. And clearly SHE makes herself unhappy also.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
If your husband expresses interest in vegan means I think making him some vegan meals is actually a great step to helping him see how he actually feels about it. It'd be a great chance to show that they can be tasty, varied, and fit his needs (for example being portable for work or holding up well to freezing.)
Yes, making some vegan meals to freeze would be a nice thing to do. Making bids to get him to go vegan because I want it for him more than he does, not so much.
But you didn't make the meals out of no where. He expressed interest and made some meals. Spin it how you want but to me it sounds fine.
I'm not spinning it. I know my husband. He'd be upset or irritated.
I wonder how this thread would have gone if the story was changed around to him mentioning wanting to be vegan and me asking what I can do to motivate him and push my vegan options.
Unless proven otherwise, I assume most adults say what they mean and mean what they say. Otherwise I'd have to recognize them for the lying BS'ers they are and expend my efforts elsewhere. By the way, this is MyFitnessPal. If you made that post you would receive tons of tips on how to make those vegan options readily accessible to a beginner. I don't think your fellow vegans would be afraid to help you
I would also receive tons of criticism for trying to get him to do things my way and not letting him find his own way.
I assume most adults who talk about something they want to do will ask me if they want my help and find a way that suits them. YMMV.
A wife gets criticized for helping her husband cook food he wants to eat? Surely you can find one such post on MFP?
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
Didn't he say her lifestyle has reduced his sexual attraction to her?
yes, but you made your comment in reference to what I said. So you made an assumption about me with zero information about me....
The only reason we are talking about you or me is in context to the OP's situation.
nice back track ..
you asked me how I would feel.. I answered the question, and you then made an assumption about me based on zero working knowledge.
when you asked me the question it turned the conversation from the OP to myself...
but keep moving those goal posts...
Ok, we'll go back to you. I did make an assumption. You do put out a lot of bluster about the way you eat on the boards, so I don't think it was necessarily from zero knowledge.
so now you want to de-rail the thread because I put on a lot of "bluster" about how I eat.
what does that have to do with this thread?
Second - it is not bluster, my food diary is open to the public and all can view it and see how I eat..
please clarify about my "bluster" and how it appears have someone offended you...
Also, what does how I have to eat have to do with my potential significant other?
ETA - I find your commenting on my blustering about food amusing considering you have a private profile and closed diary.
You said I have no knowledge of you. One of the reasons I assumed you wouldn't want a girlfriend is your frequent talk of eating in a way you choose. I honestly don't think you'd like it if someone were trying to get you to do health and fitness their way instead of in at least a collaborative way. How you eat has a lot to do with your potential girlfriend if she finds that your diet and lifestyle makes you less sexually attractive to her. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. NBD.
I don't use MFP to log my food, so an open diary wouldn't help anyone much. I do have a private profile and always will. Because I talk about somewhat personal stuff. Whatever I post about food here, I'd be willing to post in the forums.
wow, you like to make a lot of assumptions don't you?
so you are saying because I like to eat ice cream, cookies, etc in the context of my overall diet, that I am somehow unhealthy or not in shape??
so someone that eats all foods in moderation is going to be less sexually attractive, really?
so people that eat the way they choose can't have a girl friend?
Really?
So based on how you perceive I eat, you can then assume that you have some kind of insight into my every day life??????????????? WOW, just wow...
I have no problem with you eating in moderation. I'm saying that you may not like it if your girlfriend tried to put too much input into your choices and your workouts. I don't think many would.
And stop clutching your pearls about me making assumptions-were you not the one who decided what kind of woman I am in a relationship with a man?
I just find it amusing...
but you know what they say about people who assume...
Yes, I made that comment based on how you replied to the OP...so I stand by it.
OP is neither controlling, paternalistic, etc..and the fact that you somehow think he is speaks volumes...
So you are assuming that OP isn't behaving paternalistic? I also never called him controlling. I've said that repeatedly. I think his heart is in the right place, his execution is failing (as exhibited by him needing advice on what to do.)
I've got no problem being an *kitten* right along with you. You made an assumption based on things I said. I made assumptions based on things that you said. I guess we're even. (Wait no. I said I could be wrong. You're standing by your assumption.)
I already stated my position on the paternalistic issue..
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But folks, imagine if his girlfriend came on here and posted "Hi, I'm here because my boyfriend thinks I need to lose weight, to be honest I'm not all that motivated but he says I'm fat and lazy and I'm worried he'll leave me if I don't. Please help!"
Now imagine what replies people would give her. I'd sincerely hope that they'd include:- Do it for yourself, not for some guy.
- If he says you're fat and lazy and is nagging you to lose weight, dump him, he's no good for you.
- You are the only one who can change and it has to be because you want to. Motivation comes from within.
- If you're truly ready to make that change, for YOU, here are some things you can do...
I don't think he's ever called her fat and lazy. So, taking that part out if the equation, I'd say "Only you can decide when to lose weight but if you really are opposed and he's really into fitness and healthy eating and food prep then it seems your interests are no longer aligned and you should probably break up."
Which is in line with me telling the OP they need to break up because he can't make her do anything and their interest are clearly no longer aligned.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
If your husband expresses interest in vegan means I think making him some vegan meals is actually a great step to helping him see how he actually feels about it. It'd be a great chance to show that they can be tasty, varied, and fit his needs (for example being portable for work or holding up well to freezing.)
Yes, making some vegan meals to freeze would be a nice thing to do. Making bids to get him to go vegan because I want it for him more than he does, not so much.
But you didn't make the meals out of no where. He expressed interest and made some meals. Spin it how you want but to me it sounds fine.
I'm not spinning it. I know my husband. He'd be upset or irritated.
I wonder how this thread would have gone if the story was changed around to him mentioning wanting to be vegan and me asking what I can do to motivate him and push my vegan options.
Unless proven otherwise, I assume most adults say what they mean and mean what they say. Otherwise I'd have to recognize them for the lying BS'ers they are and expend my efforts elsewhere. By the way, this is MyFitnessPal. If you made that post you would receive tons of tips on how to make those vegan options readily accessible to a beginner. I don't think your fellow vegans would be afraid to help you
I would also receive tons of criticism for trying to get him to do things my way and not letting him find his own way.
I assume most adults who talk about something they want to do will ask me if they want my help and find a way that suits them. YMMV.
A wife gets criticized for helping her husband cook food he wants to eat? Surely you can find one such post on MFP?
The end line of his post is "How can I get her more interested in a healthy lifestyle?" He also says the mere thought of her unhealthy lifestyle decreases his sex drive. Let's stop pretending there is a mutual level of interest here.
I guarantee you I would get raked over the coals if I made this post about trying to get him more interested than he actually is in a vegan lifestyle. (And I'm sure I'd also have people helping me, as well.)0 -
This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.0
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
Didn't he say her lifestyle has reduced his sexual attraction to her?
yes, but you made your comment in reference to what I said. So you made an assumption about me with zero information about me....
The only reason we are talking about you or me is in context to the OP's situation.
nice back track ..
you asked me how I would feel.. I answered the question, and you then made an assumption about me based on zero working knowledge.
when you asked me the question it turned the conversation from the OP to myself...
but keep moving those goal posts...
Ok, we'll go back to you. I did make an assumption. You do put out a lot of bluster about the way you eat on the boards, so I don't think it was necessarily from zero knowledge.
so now you want to de-rail the thread because I put on a lot of "bluster" about how I eat.
what does that have to do with this thread?
Second - it is not bluster, my food diary is open to the public and all can view it and see how I eat..
please clarify about my "bluster" and how it appears have someone offended you...
Also, what does how I have to eat have to do with my potential significant other?
ETA - I find your commenting on my blustering about food amusing considering you have a private profile and closed diary.
You said I have no knowledge of you. One of the reasons I assumed you wouldn't want a girlfriend is your frequent talk of eating in a way you choose. I honestly don't think you'd like it if someone were trying to get you to do health and fitness their way instead of in at least a collaborative way. How you eat has a lot to do with your potential girlfriend if she finds that your diet and lifestyle makes you less sexually attractive to her. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. NBD.
I don't use MFP to log my food, so an open diary wouldn't help anyone much. I do have a private profile and always will. Because I talk about somewhat personal stuff. Whatever I post about food here, I'd be willing to post in the forums.
wow, you like to make a lot of assumptions don't you?
so you are saying because I like to eat ice cream, cookies, etc in the context of my overall diet, that I am somehow unhealthy or not in shape??
so someone that eats all foods in moderation is going to be less sexually attractive, really?
so people that eat the way they choose can't have a girl friend?
Really?
So based on how you perceive I eat, you can then assume that you have some kind of insight into my every day life??????????????? WOW, just wow...
I have no problem with you eating in moderation. I'm saying that you may not like it if your girlfriend tried to put too much input into your choices and your workouts. I don't think many would.
And stop clutching your pearls about me making assumptions-were you not the one who decided what kind of woman I am in a relationship with a man?
I just find it amusing...
but you know what they say about people who assume...
Yes, I made that comment based on how you replied to the OP...so I stand by it.
OP is neither controlling, paternalistic, etc..and the fact that you somehow think he is speaks volumes...
So you are assuming that OP isn't behaving paternalistic? I also never called him controlling. I've said that repeatedly. I think his heart is in the right place, his execution is failing (as exhibited by him needing advice on what to do.)
I've got no problem being an *kitten* right along with you. You made an assumption based on things I said. I made assumptions based on things that you said. I guess we're even. (Wait no. I said I could be wrong. You're standing by your assumption.)
I already stated my position on the paternalistic issue..
Yes, your opinion and mine are both assumptions. Again, I'll rephrase to suggest that his girlfriend may be perceiving it that way. (I've said "might" and "may" from the beginning.) I don't know that she's taking it that way or that he's acting that way, and you don't know that she isn't and he's not. He asked for advice, that was mine. I'm truly ok with you and I disagreeing.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
I gave advice: Dump her. Find a new girlfriend who shares his lifestyle.-1 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
He's gotten quite a bit of advice in this thread. What advice he responds to is up to him. He's received a variety of different opinions.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
If your husband expresses interest in vegan means I think making him some vegan meals is actually a great step to helping him see how he actually feels about it. It'd be a great chance to show that they can be tasty, varied, and fit his needs (for example being portable for work or holding up well to freezing.)
Yes, making some vegan meals to freeze would be a nice thing to do. Making bids to get him to go vegan because I want it for him more than he does, not so much.
But you didn't make the meals out of no where. He expressed interest and made some meals. Spin it how you want but to me it sounds fine.
I'm not spinning it. I know my husband. He'd be upset or irritated.
I wonder how this thread would have gone if the story was changed around to him mentioning wanting to be vegan and me asking what I can do to motivate him and push my vegan options.
Unless proven otherwise, I assume most adults say what they mean and mean what they say. Otherwise I'd have to recognize them for the lying BS'ers they are and expend my efforts elsewhere. By the way, this is MyFitnessPal. If you made that post you would receive tons of tips on how to make those vegan options readily accessible to a beginner. I don't think your fellow vegans would be afraid to help you
I would also receive tons of criticism for trying to get him to do things my way and not letting him find his own way.
I assume most adults who talk about something they want to do will ask me if they want my help and find a way that suits them. YMMV.
A wife gets criticized for helping her husband cook food he wants to eat? Surely you can find one such post on MFP?
The end line of his post is "How can I get her more interested in a healthy lifestyle?" He also says the mere thought of her unhealthy lifestyle decreases his sex drive. Let's stop pretending there is a mutual level of interest here.
I guarantee you I would get raked over the coals if I made this post about trying to get him more interested than he actually is in a vegan lifestyle. (And I'm sure I'd also have people helping me, as well.)
I understand what you think would happen. In ten years of MFP posts, I'm sure you could find one case where someone was "raked over the coals" for finding ways to prepare meals in a manner to which their spouse expressed interest.
But you know, of course. He doesn't really care about fitness or actually like cooking. He's a one dimensional person who wants to be with a hot chick. That must be it
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auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
I gave advice: Dump her. Find a new girlfriend who shares his lifestyle.
agree...
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I started losing weight in November 2012, I started exercising in January 2013 (I wanted to lose a bit of weight before exercising, because I felt getting my diet under control was more important at that stage in my journey) my husband and daughter (who was 16 at that time) decided they would try to eat healthier to support me, which was great and as Hubby & I do the shopping together every week it was easy for me to take (a degree of) control over what we put in the shopping trolley.
My daughter and husband both eat quite different foods to me, because I'm Coeliac and they aren't, so obviously I have my own little cupboard and freezer drawer especially for my gluten free goodies, so when I decided to change my eating habits and begin choosing healthier options, smaller portions and more natural food stuff it didn't really impact on my family that much.
Over time Hubby has started eating more fresh vegetables (he still doesn't like leafy green stuff) enjoying more varied home cooked dishes (nowadays I usually make two small dishes, one with gluten and one gluten free) but our daughter has since moved out and doesn't really eat at home much, but when she does she still eats more of her dad's foods.
Basically what I'm saying is, OP you and your girlfriend need to find a middle ground; if your GF doesn't want to eat the healthier foods (plus whose to say what you're eating is any more healthy than what she eats, if you're not with her when she's eating it) then that's her choice - the same as it was your choice to start eating the healthier stuff to begin with, so get off her back.... I will never eat pasties and pies because I don't like pastry (gluten free of otherwise) and my hubby will never eat leafy green vegetables, he really dislikes them, so when I'm having my favourite Broccoli & cauliflower cheese with whatever, hubby has peas & sweetcorn, or when Hubby is having a pasty or pie I have something like a piece of salmon, or whatever I fancy - it isn’t necessary for you to eat the same things, or even eat at the same time.
You can’t motivate someone else, motivation has to come within, so all you can do is let your girlfriend carry on doing what she is doing and be there for her; if she happens to bring her appearance or lifestyle up in conversation, then maybe you can approach the subject of little changes and offer to help her, but until she brings these matters up, I suggest you ignore them and carry on with doing what you’re already doing.
You say you love her and that you’re trying to look out for her wellbeing, but you have to remember that YOU’VE changed, not her…. I sometimes feel let down by my family because I want to go to the gym every day and I would dearly love my husband or daughter to join me, but I know it’ll never happen; I find it frustrating that when my daughter was little she loved swimming, but now when I suggest going for a swim she carries on like I’m asking her to bath in acid; if it’s a nice day and we’re not busy I suggest that Hubby and I go for a walk, but it’s usually met with complete indifference and I often end up walking on my own….I have learned to accept that just because I’ve lost over half my body weight and become a gym junkie doesn’t mean that my family are in the same place mentally, and as much as I get frustrated at them for being “Lazy” as I put it, I know that they will make their changes when they are good and ready, I have to also accept that they may never be ready.
So OP congratulations to you for your ongoing success and motivation and it is very admirable that you want to help your girlfriend experience the world of exercise and weight control, but step back, let her have her space and maybe just maybe, one day she’ll ask you for some advice on exercise and getting in shape, or ask you to inspire her with healthy food; but you also have to accept that, maybe just maybe she’ll never ask you for fitness advice and she’ll never feel the desire to become your protégé.
I wish you luck, you sound pretty strong minded and I’m sure you will smash your fitness and weight management goals, but be sure not to smash your girlfriends love and trust in the process.
xXx
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auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
He's gotten quite a bit of advice in this thread. What advice he responds to is up to him. He's received a variety of different opinions.
I know he received a lot of advice. I am referring to the last few pages where the same couple of people are arguing back and forth.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
Typical mfp megathread.
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Unless this becomes a "deal breaker" for you (and you are in your early 20s so I wouldn't judge you if it were, you are allowed to break up for stupid reasons in your 20s) just keep doing what you are doing, either she'll get it, or she won't.
Maybe you can find active things you guys can do together that she enjoys (hiking, biking, basketball, roller skating, etc). Ask her why she goes out to eat instead of eating your food, ask her what you can change to make her like it more. But that's pretty much it. You canNOT motivate her. She has to motivate herself.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
He's gotten quite a bit of advice in this thread. What advice he responds to is up to him. He's received a variety of different opinions.
I know he received a lot of advice. I am referring to the last few pages where the same couple of people are arguing back and forth.
Same person is arguing about something - anything - in pretty much every megathread.
OP - figure out what you want. If you aren't going to be happy if she never joins you on this fitness journey of yours - which is a very real possibility - then you need to understand where that fits in your own priorities.
Nobody here can give you an answer.
Good luck! :drinker:0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
If your husband expresses interest in vegan means I think making him some vegan meals is actually a great step to helping him see how he actually feels about it. It'd be a great chance to show that they can be tasty, varied, and fit his needs (for example being portable for work or holding up well to freezing.)
Yes, making some vegan meals to freeze would be a nice thing to do. Making bids to get him to go vegan because I want it for him more than he does, not so much.
But you didn't make the meals out of no where. He expressed interest and made some meals. Spin it how you want but to me it sounds fine.
I'm not spinning it. I know my husband. He'd be upset or irritated.
I wonder how this thread would have gone if the story was changed around to him mentioning wanting to be vegan and me asking what I can do to motivate him and push my vegan options.
Unless proven otherwise, I assume most adults say what they mean and mean what they say. Otherwise I'd have to recognize them for the lying BS'ers they are and expend my efforts elsewhere. By the way, this is MyFitnessPal. If you made that post you would receive tons of tips on how to make those vegan options readily accessible to a beginner. I don't think your fellow vegans would be afraid to help you
I would also receive tons of criticism for trying to get him to do things my way and not letting him find his own way.
I assume most adults who talk about something they want to do will ask me if they want my help and find a way that suits them. YMMV.
A wife gets criticized for helping her husband cook food he wants to eat? Surely you can find one such post on MFP?
The end line of his post is "How can I get her more interested in a healthy lifestyle?" He also says the mere thought of her unhealthy lifestyle decreases his sex drive. Let's stop pretending there is a mutual level of interest here.
I guarantee you I would get raked over the coals if I made this post about trying to get him more interested than he actually is in a vegan lifestyle. (And I'm sure I'd also have people helping me, as well.)
I understand what you think would happen. In ten years of MFP posts, I'm sure you could find one case where someone was "raked over the coals" for finding ways to prepare meals in a manner to which their spouse expressed interest.
But you know, of course. He doesn't really care about fitness or actually like cooking. He's a one dimensional person who wants to be with a hot chick. That must be it
Your insinuations don't apply here. If that's your opinion of him, that's your opinion. It's not mine. I don't doubt his interest in health and fitness. I don't think he's one dimensional. My opinion, in my original words, is that he sounds very paternalistic. I'll go ahead and specify "in this area." If he likes cooking, great. That doesn't mean his girlfriend has to eat what he cooks.
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auntchellebelle wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
He's gotten quite a bit of advice in this thread. What advice he responds to is up to him. He's received a variety of different opinions.
I know he received a lot of advice. I am referring to the last few pages where the same couple of people are arguing back and forth.
It's a discussion forum. Conversations evolve, especially when the OP is no longer participating. (Not a criticism of him-I respect that he's probably off doing something better than this.)
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Are you new here?
Or new to the internet in general?
collegehumor.com/video/3980096/we-didnt-start-the-flame-war0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »This turned into an arguing match instead of offering the man any advice.
He's gotten quite a bit of advice in this thread. What advice he responds to is up to him. He's received a variety of different opinions.
I know he received a lot of advice. I am referring to the last few pages where the same couple of people are arguing back and forth.
There's only so much advice to be given; its not exactly a situation with a wealth of options. He can come back, take what he wants, and leave the rest of us to do as we please, no harm done.
In this case it allows for discussion of various broader topics.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
If your husband expresses interest in vegan means I think making him some vegan meals is actually a great step to helping him see how he actually feels about it. It'd be a great chance to show that they can be tasty, varied, and fit his needs (for example being portable for work or holding up well to freezing.)
Yes, making some vegan meals to freeze would be a nice thing to do. Making bids to get him to go vegan because I want it for him more than he does, not so much.
But you didn't make the meals out of no where. He expressed interest and made some meals. Spin it how you want but to me it sounds fine.
I'm not spinning it. I know my husband. He'd be upset or irritated.
I wonder how this thread would have gone if the story was changed around to him mentioning wanting to be vegan and me asking what I can do to motivate him and push my vegan options.
Unless proven otherwise, I assume most adults say what they mean and mean what they say. Otherwise I'd have to recognize them for the lying BS'ers they are and expend my efforts elsewhere. By the way, this is MyFitnessPal. If you made that post you would receive tons of tips on how to make those vegan options readily accessible to a beginner. I don't think your fellow vegans would be afraid to help you
I would also receive tons of criticism for trying to get him to do things my way and not letting him find his own way.
I assume most adults who talk about something they want to do will ask me if they want my help and find a way that suits them. YMMV.
A wife gets criticized for helping her husband cook food he wants to eat? Surely you can find one such post on MFP?
The end line of his post is "How can I get her more interested in a healthy lifestyle?" He also says the mere thought of her unhealthy lifestyle decreases his sex drive. Let's stop pretending there is a mutual level of interest here.
I guarantee you I would get raked over the coals if I made this post about trying to get him more interested than he actually is in a vegan lifestyle. (And I'm sure I'd also have people helping me, as well.)
I understand what you think would happen. In ten years of MFP posts, I'm sure you could find one case where someone was "raked over the coals" for finding ways to prepare meals in a manner to which their spouse expressed interest.
But you know, of course. He doesn't really care about fitness or actually like cooking. He's a one dimensional person who wants to be with a hot chick. That must be it
Your insinuations don't apply here. If that's your opinion of him, that's your opinion. It's not mine. I don't doubt his interest in health and fitness. I don't think he's one dimensional. My opinion, in my original words, is that he sounds very paternalistic. I'll go ahead and specify "in this area." If he likes cooking, great. That doesn't mean his girlfriend has to eat what he cooks.
So why did you bring up his lack of sexual interest and state he couldn't possibly have really cared about her health? Pretty strange since I thought we were talking about veganism and meal prep ideas for a second there. You know what, you're bouncing all over the place and I can't keep up.
Later
-2 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
If your husband expresses interest in vegan means I think making him some vegan meals is actually a great step to helping him see how he actually feels about it. It'd be a great chance to show that they can be tasty, varied, and fit his needs (for example being portable for work or holding up well to freezing.)
Yes, making some vegan meals to freeze would be a nice thing to do. Making bids to get him to go vegan because I want it for him more than he does, not so much.
But you didn't make the meals out of no where. He expressed interest and made some meals. Spin it how you want but to me it sounds fine.
I'm not spinning it. I know my husband. He'd be upset or irritated.
I wonder how this thread would have gone if the story was changed around to him mentioning wanting to be vegan and me asking what I can do to motivate him and push my vegan options.
Unless proven otherwise, I assume most adults say what they mean and mean what they say. Otherwise I'd have to recognize them for the lying BS'ers they are and expend my efforts elsewhere. By the way, this is MyFitnessPal. If you made that post you would receive tons of tips on how to make those vegan options readily accessible to a beginner. I don't think your fellow vegans would be afraid to help you
I would also receive tons of criticism for trying to get him to do things my way and not letting him find his own way.
I assume most adults who talk about something they want to do will ask me if they want my help and find a way that suits them. YMMV.
A wife gets criticized for helping her husband cook food he wants to eat? Surely you can find one such post on MFP?
The end line of his post is "How can I get her more interested in a healthy lifestyle?" He also says the mere thought of her unhealthy lifestyle decreases his sex drive. Let's stop pretending there is a mutual level of interest here.
I guarantee you I would get raked over the coals if I made this post about trying to get him more interested than he actually is in a vegan lifestyle. (And I'm sure I'd also have people helping me, as well.)
I understand what you think would happen. In ten years of MFP posts, I'm sure you could find one case where someone was "raked over the coals" for finding ways to prepare meals in a manner to which their spouse expressed interest.
But you know, of course. He doesn't really care about fitness or actually like cooking. He's a one dimensional person who wants to be with a hot chick. That must be it
Your insinuations don't apply here. If that's your opinion of him, that's your opinion. It's not mine. I don't doubt his interest in health and fitness. I don't think he's one dimensional. My opinion, in my original words, is that he sounds very paternalistic. I'll go ahead and specify "in this area." If he likes cooking, great. That doesn't mean his girlfriend has to eat what he cooks.
So why did you bring up his lack of sexual interest and state he couldn't possibly have really cared about her health? Pretty strange since I thought we were talking about veganism and meal prep ideas for a second there. You know what, you're bouncing all over the place and I can't keep up.
Later
Where did I say that he can't possibly really care about her health? In fact, calling him paternalistic implies that he actually does care. He also cares about himself. I have no problem with that, and it's still relevant to the assumptions others are making about his motives. I'm not the only one reading things into this.
You're right, you can't keep up.
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Find something that she likes to do that is active, being anything from trying a dance class to even just walking in the mall. Try something small that doesn't seem like a workout and I fun to her. The "gym" puts a stigma in people's mind, some don't even like the word. Girls are different, we look at the gym and can think, I'm not in shape for this, look at them oyi look at me. It can be intimidating at first. I know I started at home playing Wii games, and having competition. I just started going to the gym for classes not to use the machines. Everyone's outlit is different. Even try cooking date night and try a new recipe. Just some suggestions start slow you don't want to come off as a nag. Some girls like it, some girls love the gym, and some don't.0
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OP, I'm going to leave this thread now, but I do want to apologize to you if I offended you. I could have explained my perspective in a gentler way; I was pretty blunt. I do want you to know that I didn't mean the word paternal as an insult, though I get that it also didn't sound flattering.
I don't think you're a bad guy, and I don't think you are wrong for caring about her and caring about your attraction to her. 0 -
You don't have to make it so obvious that you want her to change to your lifestyle. If you love to cook, and she enjoyed your rich food, try and modify the recipes. Switch out some ingredients for healthier ones without sacrificing the taste. Don't make a big deal out of it. Have a cooking date where she picks a new healthier recipe to try, or a meal prep date and make it fun. If you have a park or some place scenic nearby, take her there and walk around. Have a dance party with just you and her, and dance around the house. Start a workout challenge together, maybe involve her friends too. My fiance, who would rather play video games than go to the gym, was super excited to do a workout challenge that his coworkers were doing. He did squats, lunges, sit ups and planks every night. Involve her more in cooking and meal prep. Don't try to change her into something she's not, be patient, encouraging and supportive.
If being bothered by her unhealthy habits takes precedence over what you loved about her in the first place, you need to take a step back and think about what you really want.
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It sounds as if she has a spark of *want* to be healthier. turning that want into action is all on her though.
Please, love her where she is at, boost her confidence where she is at. See her as the beautiful woman you fell in love with a year and a half ago, and help her see the beautiful person she is in this very moment.
Perhaps the next time that SHE starts the topic of wanting to be healthier, just simply ask her if there is anything you can do to help her with that. Respond to the dialog without taking control, or deciding you know the best way for her - she will want you to walk beside her, not lead her with a leash.0
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