"Can't you just be normal?"
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I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.
Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..
You prefer not toBecause "eye-balling" or guessing freaks me out.
And you've been counting calories since 12 even though you've never been overweight. Those are red flags. Better to take care of it now, before it gets worse, then wait until you think you have an "extreme" ED.0 -
Do whatever you want but yeah, if you can't even go out to breakfast once in a while without worrying about your weight or whatever you want to call it, then you do have some disordered thinking.
My SO and I went out last night. I had a burger, fries and a milkshake. Do I know the calorie count? Heck no and don't care. Know why? Because in the long term it doesn't affect my weight. THAT's how normal people do it. Moderation. Not obsessing.0 -
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I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.
Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..
While you seem to have a good grasp on what it takes to maintain weight, you should still seek professional advice. If you have a different idea of fun, that's fine, but it seems like your avoiding going out because you are obsessing over calories. This doesn't necessarily mean you have a disorder, either. Sometimes a professional can provide you with a better solution or suggestions that work with your lifestyle.
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mumblemagic wrote: »Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun
Excellent point.
However, the anxiety that the OP feels when she stops counting calories suggests something deeper than a simple preference for not eating out.
OP: even if you don't think you have a problem, it might be a good idea to go to the doctor. Your family is clearly worried about you. Best case scenario is that you go there, the doc says you're fine, and you can show your family that you are taking their concerns seriously but that there is nothing wrong with you. Worst case scenario is that you do have a mental health condition, but if you go to the doc now you can start getting treatment before it affects you beyond the level you find acceptable.
To the first paragraph? There are many people who prefer to permanently count calories and I don't think they feel so hot when they can't. Although if she can't relax on a vacation for a week or chooses not to go because she can't count calories, then that's a problem. As for the boyfriend the OP seems young. It could just be a compatibility issue. I'm not going to eat out every single meal just to "save my relationship". It's possible that her priorities are coming to light and she may be at a decision point in her relationship
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I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.
Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..
I'm curious about what else you count and track. Some people would just call that record-keeping and suggest you get a job as an accountant. If you track everything going in and out, that's called good business in some jobs. People who are very left-brained tend to be neat, meticulous and good at saving. Your boyfriend eats out three times a day and nobody is questioning that? He should be tracking the amount of money he's spending. Twenty years from now, he could have saved thousands upon thousands of dollars on food, while you're sitting on a generous savings account. The calories will work the same way. He'll be overweight from his early bad habits and you'll still be fit at a time in life when a lot of people are heavy and sagging. I like my own food better than a lot of restaurants, too, plus I know where it's coming from and who is tasting it while it's being cooked. Why does that translate to eating disorder?0 -
To be honest if the OP was not so young I'm not sure there'd be so many responses telling her to get professional help.
Many of us using MFP log calories and get anxious if they don't know what they're eating, the difference is that often we're doing it because we want to lose weight, gain weight or maintain weight after losing weight due to being overweight. Ok it's not generally the norm, but I know that if I'd done it consistently from a young age I would never have ended up 60 lbs overweight in my 20s and more recently 30lbs over my ideal weight.
If it's something she's done for so long of course it would be hard to stop. In my case after just 2 months using MFP i am very conscious of how many calories I'm eating and am reluctant to eat out if I don't know what I'm going to eat or where, though it doesn't stop me from going out. I always ask friends or my boyfriend to go somewhere I know if I can, or alternatively I look up menus in advance if possible.
If I am going to eat out I'll try and pre log as much as I can, skip breakfast and fit in extra exercise to try and counteract the additional calories I know I might end up having. I went out for lunch today and did just that. I mentally calculated the calories in the food I chose as I wasn't able to pre log and then as soon as I got home I added them to my food diary before eating another thing. Ok it was an estimate but I am pretty good at judging portion sizes now and the food was pretty basic so I knew I wasn't far off.0 -
Admission of obsessive behaviors concerning food ... anxiety over food ... those issues interfering with social interactions ... all red flags. Your posts reveal that you know you have issues ... now you need to take the mature step of addressing them, even if that means professional help.
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I agree with what everyone else here has said.
However there's no way I'd be eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Once a week is my limit.
I too would be worried about the calories in restaurant meals, because there's no way I could accurately count the calories in each meal. Eating out every day, for me would equal hefer status
I also think your boyfriend should reign in his eating out habits, he excessively goes out to eat, you excessively stay in to eat lol0 -
christinev297 wrote: »I agree with what everyone else here has said.
However there's no way I'd be eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Once a week is my limit.
I too would be worried about the calories in restaurant meals, because there's no way I could accurately count the calories in each meal. Eating out every day, for me would equal hefer status
I also think your boyfriend should reign in his eating out habits, he excessively goes out to eat, you excessively stay in to eat lol
Actually if those are your opinions, it sounds like you disagree with what most people here have said. Apparently, not wanting to stuff your face with restaurant food three times a day translates to obsessive behavior. Also normal weight people should not bother themselves with tracking calories otherwise that could indicate an eating disorder
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I'm agreeing with what they said about the food anxiety issues. Maybe I have the same issues as the op and don't know it..
Also, I should learn not to type things as soon as I wake up (Australia), as sometimes it comes out a jumbled mess!!0 -
I find the idea that you've been counting calories since the age of 12 to be extremely alarming. I would second the idea to seek professional help, as it sounds like you've had an obsessive and disordered relationship with food from a very young age.
I began tracking calories at the age of 11 and yes, it absolutely is an indicator of a very unhealthy relationship with food. Generally this points to something deeper - for example, a desire for control in an otherwise disordered life, a dislike of oneself, a negative body image or whatever the case may be (sometimes, more than these or other factors). And no, I am not a therapist; rather, this is what my therapists have told me.
Get thee to a counselor. Chances are this is about more than just food.
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christinev297 wrote: »I agree with what everyone else here has said.
However there's no way I'd be eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Once a week is my limit.
I too would be worried about the calories in restaurant meals, because there's no way I could accurately count the calories in each meal. Eating out every day, for me would equal hefer status
I also think your boyfriend should reign in his eating out habits, he excessively goes out to eat, you excessively stay in to eat lol
Actually if those are your opinions, it sounds like you disagree with what most people here have said. Apparently, not wanting to stuff your face with restaurant food three times a day translates to obsessive behavior. Also normal weight people should not bother themselves with tracking calories otherwise that could indicate an eating disorder
You must have read a different thread than I did. To me, it sounded like most of us were concerned that op had a real control issue with food. While there is nothing wrong with tracking calories and limiting meals out, the initial post showed an obsessive need with knowing calorie counts, starting at a very early age. And I think there was some backtracking from the first post. Three meals a day out....no. But if it is difficult to go out period, it should be a red flag that a pr oblem is there.
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mumblemagic wrote: »Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun
Excellent point.
However, the anxiety that the OP feels when she stops counting calories suggests something deeper than a simple preference for not eating out.
OP: even if you don't think you have a problem, it might be a good idea to go to the doctor. Your family is clearly worried about you. Best case scenario is that you go there, the doc says you're fine, and you can show your family that you are taking their concerns seriously but that there is nothing wrong with you. Worst case scenario is that you do have a mental health condition, but if you go to the doc now you can start getting treatment before it affects you beyond the level you find acceptable.
To the first paragraph? There are many people who prefer to permanently count calories and I don't think they feel so hot when they can't. Although if she can't relax on a vacation for a week or chooses not to go because she can't count calories, then that's a problem. As for the boyfriend the OP seems young. It could just be a compatibility issue. I'm not going to eat out every single meal just to "save my relationship". It's possible that her priorities are coming to light and she may be at a decision point in her relationship
But OP started very young. And her first post throws up red flags as far as control issues with food.
I'm not calling ED here, just that she may want to address some of these issues.
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mumblemagic wrote: »Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun
Excellent point.
However, the anxiety that the OP feels when she stops counting calories suggests something deeper than a simple preference for not eating out.
OP: even if you don't think you have a problem, it might be a good idea to go to the doctor. Your family is clearly worried about you. Best case scenario is that you go there, the doc says you're fine, and you can show your family that you are taking their concerns seriously but that there is nothing wrong with you. Worst case scenario is that you do have a mental health condition, but if you go to the doc now you can start getting treatment before it affects you beyond the level you find acceptable.
To the first paragraph? There are many people who prefer to permanently count calories and I don't think they feel so hot when they can't. Although if she can't relax on a vacation for a week or chooses not to go because she can't count calories, then that's a problem. As for the boyfriend the OP seems young. It could just be a compatibility issue. I'm not going to eat out every single meal just to "save my relationship". It's possible that her priorities are coming to light and she may be at a decision point in her relationship
But OP started very young. And her first post throws up red flags as far as control issues with food.
I'm not calling ED here, just that she may want to address some of these issues.
The young thing doesn't throw me off at all. She was just doing what her mother was - what a lot of us say if we would have known earlier, maybe we wouldn't have put on weight to begin with. This is one concern I have whenever I see people ask for nutrition / caloric density education in schools. Since our problem nowadays is so heavily skewed to the side of excessive food availability and how NOT to eat it, it would be hard for any such education to simply not look like teaching kids how to "diet". Not that there's anything wrong with it to me, but yeah you'll have people throwing their hands up and not recognizing what they've been asking for all along
If the three meals out was not mentioned in the first post, then I would consider it a clarification, not backtracking. It's not always possible to summarize your entire life's story in one post. Maybe she should learn to relax a little, but I think her boyfriend could stand to learn how to cook a few meals. Maturity is not an eating disorder or a reason to see a counselor.
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mumblemagic wrote: »Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun
Excellent point.
However, the anxiety that the OP feels when she stops counting calories suggests something deeper than a simple preference for not eating out.
OP: even if you don't think you have a problem, it might be a good idea to go to the doctor. Your family is clearly worried about you. Best case scenario is that you go there, the doc says you're fine, and you can show your family that you are taking their concerns seriously but that there is nothing wrong with you. Worst case scenario is that you do have a mental health condition, but if you go to the doc now you can start getting treatment before it affects you beyond the level you find acceptable.
To the first paragraph? There are many people who prefer to permanently count calories and I don't think they feel so hot when they can't. Although if she can't relax on a vacation for a week or chooses not to go because she can't count calories, then that's a problem. As for the boyfriend the OP seems young. It could just be a compatibility issue. I'm not going to eat out every single meal just to "save my relationship". It's possible that her priorities are coming to light and she may be at a decision point in her relationship
But OP started very young. And her first post throws up red flags as far as control issues with food.
I'm not calling ED here, just that she may want to address some of these issues.
The young thing doesn't throw me off at all. She was just doing what her mother was - what a lot of us say if we would have known earlier, maybe we wouldn't have put on weight to begin with. This is one concern I have whenever I see people ask for nutrition / caloric density education in schools. Since our problem nowadays is so heavily skewed to the side of excessive food availability and how NOT to eat it, it would be hard for any such education to simply not look like teaching kids how to "diet". Not that there's anything wrong with it to me, but yeah you'll have people throwing their hands up and not recognizing what they've been asking for all along
If the three meals out was not mentioned in the first post, then I would consider it a clarification, not backtracking. It's not always possible to summarize your entire life's story in one post. Maybe she should learn to relax a little, but I think her boyfriend could stand to learn how to cook a few meals. Maturity is not an eating disorder or a reason to see a counselor.
I must admit, I'd like to know why the boyfriend eats out so much??
Like I said, if I ate that much take away/restaurant food there's no doubt in my mind that I'd pack on the weight. Not to mention the insane amount of money this would cost.
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun
Excellent point.
However, the anxiety that the OP feels when she stops counting calories suggests something deeper than a simple preference for not eating out.
OP: even if you don't think you have a problem, it might be a good idea to go to the doctor. Your family is clearly worried about you. Best case scenario is that you go there, the doc says you're fine, and you can show your family that you are taking their concerns seriously but that there is nothing wrong with you. Worst case scenario is that you do have a mental health condition, but if you go to the doc now you can start getting treatment before it affects you beyond the level you find acceptable.
To the first paragraph? There are many people who prefer to permanently count calories and I don't think they feel so hot when they can't. Although if she can't relax on a vacation for a week or chooses not to go because she can't count calories, then that's a problem. As for the boyfriend the OP seems young. It could just be a compatibility issue. I'm not going to eat out every single meal just to "save my relationship". It's possible that her priorities are coming to light and she may be at a decision point in her relationship
But OP started very young. And her first post throws up red flags as far as control issues with food.
I'm not calling ED here, just that she may want to address some of these issues.
The young thing doesn't throw me off at all. She was just doing what her mother was - what a lot of us say if we would have known earlier, maybe we wouldn't have put on weight to begin with. This is one concern I have whenever I see people ask for nutrition / caloric density education in schools. Since our problem nowadays is so heavily skewed to the side of excessive food availability and how NOT to eat it, it would be hard for any such education to simply not look like teaching kids how to "diet". Not that there's anything wrong with it to me, but yeah you'll have people throwing their hands up and not recognizing what they've been asking for all along
If the three meals out was not mentioned in the first post, then I would consider it a clarification, not backtracking. It's not always possible to summarize your entire life's story in one post. Maybe she should learn to relax a little, but I think her boyfriend could stand to learn how to cook a few meals. Maturity is not an eating disorder or a reason to see a counselor.
I must admit, I'd like to know why the boyfriend eats out so much??
Like I said, if I ate that much take away/restaurant food there's no doubt in my mind that I'd pack on the weight. Not to mention the insane amount of money this would cost.
Probably tall and very active! Or perhaps he too has done some calorie density education in his past and knows which selections are high in calories or not
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lol I ask him why he eats out so much too, and in the end it's just because he likes the dining experience. He likes long lists of wine to pick from, an array of choices of food rather than having to go grocery shopping or cook each different thing individually. Which is fine, but if I don't expect him to dine in with me all the time why would he expect me to always dine out? He doesn't even do take out so we tend to just not eat together; which bothers him more than me. Which makes sense I suppose since people usually want company when they're dining out.
As for my anxiety of not knowing what's in my food...I see the same posted from people here all the time when it comes to eating out. Or even family members prepping their food. People also realize they will calorie count for life or long term at maintence...which is where I am. So I'm not sure what the difference is.
Regardless, thanks for your concerns.
By the way, sorry for potential typos! On cell0 -
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I know it's none of my business. Was just curious.
Going out to dinner is a special treat for me, one I really look forward too.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »I agree with what everyone else here has said.
However there's no way I'd be eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Once a week is my limit.
I too would be worried about the calories in restaurant meals, because there's no way I could accurately count the calories in each meal. Eating out every day, for me would equal hefer status
I also think your boyfriend should reign in his eating out habits, he excessively goes out to eat, you excessively stay in to eat lol
Actually if those are your opinions, it sounds like you disagree with what most people here have said. Apparently, not wanting to stuff your face with restaurant food three times a day translates to obsessive behavior. Also normal weight people should not bother themselves with tracking calories otherwise that could indicate an eating disorder
You must have read a different thread than I did. To me, it sounded like most of us were concerned that op had a real control issue with food. While there is nothing wrong with tracking calories and limiting meals out, the initial post showed an obsessive need with knowing calorie counts, starting at a very early age. And I think there was some backtracking from the first post. Three meals a day out....no. But if it is difficult to go out period, it should be a red flag that a pr oblem is there.
No, there was no "backtracking". People seem to skip over what they please...including me eating out a couple times a month (which would be the 'treat' some are recommending) as well as the insane frequency he eats out. 3 times a day isn't an "occasional meal out".
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No, there was no "backtracking". People seem to skip over what they please...including me eating out a couple times a month (which would be the 'treat' some are recommending) as well as the insane frequency he eats out. 3 times a day isn't an "occasional meal out".
Okay, well, obviously you've got this, so good luck moving forward.
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christinev297 wrote: »I agree with what everyone else here has said.
However there's no way I'd be eating out for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Once a week is my limit.
I too would be worried about the calories in restaurant meals, because there's no way I could accurately count the calories in each meal. Eating out every day, for me would equal hefer status
I also think your boyfriend should reign in his eating out habits, he excessively goes out to eat, you excessively stay in to eat lol
Actually if those are your opinions, it sounds like you disagree with what most people here have said. Apparently, not wanting to stuff your face with restaurant food three times a day translates to obsessive behavior. Also normal weight people should not bother themselves with tracking calories otherwise that could indicate an eating disorder
You must have read a different thread than I did. To me, it sounded like most of us were concerned that op had a real control issue with food. While there is nothing wrong with tracking calories and limiting meals out, the initial post showed an obsessive need with knowing calorie counts, starting at a very early age. And I think there was some backtracking from the first post. Three meals a day out....no. But if it is difficult to go out period, it should be a red flag that a pr oblem is there.
No, there was no "backtracking". People seem to skip over what they please...including me eating out a couple times a month (which would be the 'treat' some are recommending) as well as the insane frequency he eats out. 3 times a day isn't an "occasional meal out".
I agree. Eating out that much does seem excessive to me. It sounds like you guys are polar opposites when it comes to this issue...
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »
I also agree.0 -
All right, folks, can we just be fair here about why some of us have wondered about issues?
It isn't just that she's been counting calories since she was an adolescent. Let's face facts here. She not only put forth the question of why she "can't just be normal" in the title of her thread, she went on to say that even when she doesn't count calories and even though her weight does not change, she still feels anxiety. Granted the "normal" question apparently came from her boyfriend, who probably isn't a medical professional himself. However, I've never met anyone who asked a person who simply watched what she ate why she couldn't "be normal." It IS considered normal to watch what one eats, particularly with the obesity rate in more and more nations. That gave me a little "hitch" (which could be wrong, sure) that someone else is thinking she's more obsessive than the average woman. I mean surely this boyfriend has known other women who counted calories?
So it's not so off-the-wall that a few of us put forth the question as to whether there's some additional issue here. Loads of people try to lose weight, loads of people count calories and so on, yes. But those people don't generally feel "abnormal" nor do they feel anxiety when they aren't even gaining weight, and feel compelled to go back to calorie counting anyway. And other people generally don't worry, nor point it out nor think it's cray-cray. Not unless those other people are worried for some reason. That's all supposition but obviously, these thoughts that there may be underlying issues didn't come out of thin air. We don't all jump on every single calorie-counting thread and tell the OP to see a therapist.
If there are no issues, great! But don't jump on people for reading all that and wondering if there isn't something else going on here. Again, if not, great. In that case, gnore or break up with the boyfriend or try to set him straight, and keep on keepin' on.0 -
All right, folks, can we just be fair here about why some of us have wondered about issues?
It isn't just that she's been counting calories since she was an adolescent. Let's face facts here. She not only put forth the question of why she "can't just be normal" in the title of her thread, she went on to say that even when she doesn't count calories and even though her weight does not change, she still feels anxiety.
So it's not so off-the-wall that a few of us put forth the question as to whether there's some additional issue here. Loads of people try to lose weight, loads of people count calories and so on, yes. But those people don't generally feel "abnormal" nor do they feel anxiety when they aren't even gaining weight, and feel compelled to go back to calorie counting anyway.
If there are no issues, great! But don't jump on people for reading all that and wondering if there isn't something else going on here. Again, if not, great.
Uh... She didn't feel abnormal. Her try-all-the-restaurants eating out for every meal boyfriend screamed it at her.
And I'll propose that while weight loss isn't linear, weight gain might not be, either. If you keep eating what you don't know on a long term basis, suddenly ten lbs might show up and you don't know what the F is going on. Is that a reason to never eat food made by anyone else? Probably not, but it may be why a lot of people prefer to calorie count despite gaining/losing weight or not0 -
All right, folks, can we just be fair here about why some of us have wondered about issues?
It isn't just that she's been counting calories since she was an adolescent. Let's face facts here. She not only put forth the question of why she "can't just be normal" in the title of her thread, she went on to say that even when she doesn't count calories and even though her weight does not change, she still feels anxiety.
So it's not so off-the-wall that a few of us put forth the question as to whether there's some additional issue here. Loads of people try to lose weight, loads of people count calories and so on, yes. But those people don't generally feel "abnormal" nor do they feel anxiety when they aren't even gaining weight, and feel compelled to go back to calorie counting anyway.
If there are no issues, great! But don't jump on people for reading all that and wondering if there isn't something else going on here. Again, if not, great.
If I'm included in that group, sorry I wasn't trying to "jump on people". I understand what people are saying (and I did start super young which made it more of a lifestyle I'm used to rather than just a tool). I just feel like counting calories in general the way people on MFP do it isn't normal- not just me. The average person doesn't weigh their bananas. Which is fine, I'm not saying one is better than the other. I'm saying in relation to this community I don't feel abnormal cause I do what everyone does. I might be more anal about it or emotionally tied to it or more specific, whatever you want to say but in the end everyone says "log everything, weigh everything on here". People off MFP do not. Therefore since people who don't weigh their food outnumber those who do, weighing and tracking calories is not the norm making it not "normal" among others. I'm sure many people on MFP get weird looks from friends, family, coworkers when they see them weighing an apple or their raisins or whatever.
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^ I made edits just before you posted once I re-read and realized how it sounded (as if the OP herself brought up the abnormal statement); please go back and re-read. You are posting quite quickly...really can't keep up with you.
You seem really, really attached to and invested in this subject. If you know you're right, that's great. If the OP is just fine, that's great too.
There were reasons for us to question. No need to jump on every single reply to that effect. Relax, if all is well, then that's a good thing.0 -
I think multiple people are also wondering why the boyfriend can't be normal and eat a lot of meals at home like "normal" people. Not being able to take leftovers home seems abnormal. Not going grocery shopping seems abnormal. So...what about him too?0
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