My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!

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  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...

    What he said....

    I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
    ...some of the things he said:-
    - He just got caught up
    - Its not that he is really attracted to her
    - Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
    - He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
    - we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.

    I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    Yes there were other offences before
    I was questioning getting married to him
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)

    1. He hasn't sown his oats.
    2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
    3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
    4. There have been other offenses.
    5. You were questioning this from the start.

    Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.

  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...

    What he said....

    I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
    ...some of the things he said:-
    - He just got caught up
    - Its not that he is really attracted to her
    - Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
    - He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
    - we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.

    I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    Yes there were other offences before
    I was questioning getting married to him
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)


    He got caught up in saying that His wife( for now) is not attractive and some other lady is? Men do that?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited March 2015
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    PRMinx wrote: »
    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...

    What he said....

    I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
    ...some of the things he said:-
    - He just got caught up
    - Its not that he is really attracted to her
    - Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
    - He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
    - we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.

    I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    Yes there were other offences before
    I was questioning getting married to him
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)

    1. He hasn't sown his oats.
    2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
    3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
    4. There have been other offenses.
    5. You were questioning this from the start.

    Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.

    Is it too late for an annulment?
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    PRMinx wrote: »
    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...

    What he said....

    I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
    ...some of the things he said:-
    - He just got caught up
    - Its not that he is really attracted to her
    - Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
    - He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
    - we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.

    I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    Yes there were other offences before
    I was questioning getting married to him
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)

    1. He hasn't sown his oats.
    2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
    3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
    4. There have been other offenses.
    5. You were questioning this from the start.

    Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.

    Is it too late for an annulment?

    Probably.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...

    What he said....

    I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
    ...some of the things he said:-
    - He just got caught up
    - Its not that he is really attracted to her
    - Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
    - He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
    - we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.

    I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    Yes there were other offences before
    I was questioning getting married to him
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)

    Get. Out. Now. Before there are kids in the mix.

    Sure, you'll have a bruised ego and you'll be out some cash, but really, you are saving yourself YEARS of heartache.
  • 4bettermenow
    4bettermenow Posts: 166 Member
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    A virgin at 30? I doubt he was.

    Get out while you can.

    Exactly what I was thinking...she might have been...doubtful that he was.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
    you should have been more concerned 5 months ago

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    doubt it
    Yes there were other offences before
    red flags much
    I was questioning getting married to him
    and yet you still did?
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
    I can't even.

    Get a lawyer- and get out- otherwise you both deserve each other for your incompetence.
  • Fat2Fit145
    Fat2Fit145 Posts: 385 Member
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    MeganMoroz89 wrote: »
    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Well... I never thought I'd be here...ALREADY!. Ive been married for almost 5 months. This weekend I saw my husband talking to another female on his phone about our sex life. He told her he was not physically attracted to me. He also told her he is attracted to her... his exact words TO HER, "i'm attracted to u". I'm devastated and really cant believe i'm experiencing this already. It is the MOST hurtful thing EVER!. I admit I have put on a few more pounds since we got married, HE HAS as well. And I have taken note of it and started exercising. Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror. Im not sure what hurts the most, the fact that I think he is justified in not being attracted to me, or that he is not, and is attracted to another woman. This hurts super bad!

    Have you spoken to him about this? Because if you haven't you definitely need to.

    I obviously don't know about your situation any more than this paragraph, but my bf and I (we'll be celebrating out 8 yr anniversary later this year), went through our own rough patch similar to yours and we came out of it and honestly, now our relationship is better than it was about 4 years ago when this happened. So sometimes, depending on the situation, relationships can be mended, worked on, and improved. But you have to talk to him about it and you both need to decide if that is something that you're willing to do.

    Either way, there is no shame in whatever the outcome for you.

    Very helpful. Thanks!
  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
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    JoRocka wrote: »
    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
    you should have been more concerned 5 months ago

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    doubt it
    Yes there were other offences before
    red flags much
    I was questioning getting married to him
    and yet you still did?
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
    I can't even.

    Get a lawyer- and get out- otherwise you both deserve each other for your incompetence.

    Damn Straight.
  • Rubie81
    Rubie81 Posts: 720 Member
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    PRMinx wrote: »
    I think this has a lot more to do with him, than it does with your weight. If he's talking to other women that way, this is a problem that a gym won't fix. I would address it with him ASAP and figure out what you both need to do to move forward (either together or alone).

    THIS.

  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,344 Member
    edited March 2015
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    dbmata wrote: »
    Cut loose. First, bed one of his friends, and then leave him. Done.

    Ain't nobody got time for that.

    Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.

    I'm gonna go ahead and second this^^^ Also props for using the word "bed" for have sex, It's classy and you don't see people use it a lot anymore. Very regency historical and I like it.

  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    in....because dis gonna be good....
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    To late to annul the marriage? Get the eff out of there.
  • MrCoolGrim
    MrCoolGrim Posts: 351 Member
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    Maybe one of these is in order! Some guys are just ignorant ***holes.

    giphy.gif
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    you have all been trolled.....LOL
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    dbmata wrote: »
    Cut loose. First, bed one of his friends, and then leave him. Done.

    Ain't nobody got time for that.

    Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.

    maybe that's why he is headed elsewhere?
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Where can I find DB?
  • lishie_rebooted
    lishie_rebooted Posts: 2,973 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    PRMinx wrote: »
    Fat2Fit145 wrote: »
    Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...

    What he said....

    I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and appropriate...
    ...some of the things he said:-
    - He just got caught up
    - Its not that he is really attracted to her
    - Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
    - He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
    - we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.

    I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.

    So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.

    Other notes:-
    We were both virgins before we got married
    Yes there were other offences before
    I was questioning getting married to him
    Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)

    1. He hasn't sown his oats.
    2. He doesn't know what to expect from sex, because he never had it before. So, now he's curious. That kind of curiosity doesn't just go away.
    3. He did not address the most hurtful part, which is that he said he isn't attracted to you.
    4. There have been other offenses.
    5. You were questioning this from the start.

    Honestly, I would get out before you're stuck.

    Is it too late for an annulment?

    Him being a douche doesn't fall under being able to get an annulment.
    Generally, for a marriage to be declared invalid, one of the following grounds for annulment must be met:

    One or both parties were not old enough to enter the marriage contract;
    There exists a close blood relationship between the parties;
    One party was still legally married when the current marriage occurred;
    One party was impotent and unable to consummate the marriage;
    One of the spouse's didn't have the mental capacity to enter into a marriage contract. (i.e. due to drunkenness or mental disability)
    One of the spouses entered into the marriage under duress, threat, or force.
    The marriage was entered into fraudulently. This may be due to the concealment of impotence, criminal history, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.


    Copied from WomansDivorce.com. Read more at: http://www.womansdivorce.com/marriage-annulment.html#ixzz3UZknvyBP


    So this would be divorce territory, not an annulment.
  • many_splendored
    many_splendored Posts: 113 Member
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    Oh hun - oh, my dear dear woman - GET A LAWYER. I'm not saying you have to leave him, but if he would sneak around about this, he could sneak around about other things too - and if it gets worse and you do end up having to leave him, I don't want you to be in trouble financially because of any nonsense he might pull.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,139 Member
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    OP - call judge judy, she should be able to assist..

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