My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
Replies
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First off - you control YOU. He controls what he does. His conversation with the other woman isn't about you. He's got a problem and he is turning outside of your marriage to fix it. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
Second - I can tell you a quick, easy way to lose about 175 pounds. DTMFA.1 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
You do need to address the hurt he caused you. Telling someone he is not attracted to his spouse is not cool whether he "just got caught up in it" or not.
Re: you being virgins before you got married, did you ask exactly what he was expecting physically, how often, and why he was expecting that? There are certain corners of the internet with videos that portray somewhat unrealistic views of sex so if that's where he got his information from, that may be why he is disappointed.
That said, it might be worthwhile watching said videos together to find out what you each like and dislike. Or reading some steamy novels. There is no reason you should feel obliged to try out his every fantasy but it might be fun for both of you to try some of each other's fantasies. Most people these days do a lot of experimenting before they get married and therefore know what they like and are confident asking their partner for it. Experimentation also helps keep things exciting.
This advice is all with the massive caveat of do this if you trust him and if you want to. If you don't trust him or want to leave him for whatever reason, don't stay in an unhappy marriage.1 -
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It isn't your weight. Sorry OP, I can't believe out of 4 years, this came up after the wedding. Something was going on all the time and it was ignorned. I am offering sincere apologies if I am wrong.0
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Well... I never thought I'd be here...ALREADY!. Ive been married for almost 5 months. This weekend I saw my husband talking to another female on his phone about our sex life. He told her he was not physically attracted to me. He also told her he is attracted to her... his exact words TO HER, "i'm attracted to u". I'm devastated and really cant believe i'm experiencing this already. It is the MOST hurtful thing EVER!. I admit I have put on a few more pounds since we got married, HE HAS as well. And I have taken note of it and started exercising. Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror. Im not sure what hurts the most, the fact that I think he is justified in not being attracted to me, or that he is not, and is attracted to another woman. This hurts super bad!
if he loves you, he will love you no matter your size. My husband married me when i was 140 pounds (maybe!) and still loved me at my heaviest - 250.
how much does he weigh? thats how much weight you need to lose!0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
I am bolding all the parts that support my evidence of a troll thread.
you said you were both virgins but then say that he expected more out of your sex life? If he was a virgin then how could he have higher expectations...??? Unless he is watching porn all the time and that is what he is basing his expectations off...0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
I am bolding all the parts that support my evidence of a troll thread.
you said you were both virgins but then say that he expected more out of your sex life? If he was a virgin then how could he have higher expectations...??? Unless he is watching porn all the time and that is what he is basing his expectations off...
nods- same thought here.0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
theyre called EXCUSES1 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
I am bolding all the parts that support my evidence of a troll thread.
you said you were both virgins but then say that he expected more out of your sex life? If he was a virgin then how could he have higher expectations...??? Unless he is watching porn all the time and that is what he is basing his expectations off...
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These responses make me sad, no wonder people don't stay married anymore. If you thought you loved this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, get off the internet and work on your marriage.
See a marriage counselor or talk to a pastor or talk to each other. Talk to an older couple who has been married for a long time. Talk to anyone but a bunch of strangers on the internet lol.
Does he know you are airing your problems on here? Is that much different than him discussing your private life with a close friend?
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I'm not going to speculate about whether they were both virgins or not; none of my business. But, it does add a new layer of compromise and complexity to a marriage. It wasn't what he "expected"? Do you have any idea WHAT he expected? If his inexperience caused him some seriously skewed ideas then that needs to be addressed. What about you? Is it what you expected? If there are no other issues I would suggest marriage and sex counseling. Talk everything out and get some help first and see where that leads.
But, in the mean time, protect yourself financially. No sense taking any chances and turning a blind eye.0 -
I'd also schedule an STD test. And I wouldn't touch him until he showed me proof that he was clean of STDs himself.0
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Unless the circumstances are dangerous to you or others, or he is having affairs, you're first best option is marriage counseling with a qualified, professional counselor. It's a lot easier to fix marital problems than it is to get a divorce. Yes, he's a jerk, but being a jerk isn't grounds for divorce. You married him. You knew him for 4 years before you married him, so there is something about you that is drawn to a person like him. Without the benefit of counseling, you will do either of 2 things. 1) You'll accept his forgiveness and keep your eyes closed until the next time, and there will be a next time. 2) You'll divorce him and replace him with another jerk. If he won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. You'd be amazed at how helpful a good counselor can be in helping you to change behavior that leads you to these kinds of bad decisions.1
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These responses make me sad, no wonder people don't stay married anymore. If you thought you loved this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, get off the internet and work on your marriage.
See a marriage counselor or talk to a pastor or talk to each other. Talk to an older couple who has been married for a long time. Talk to anyone but a bunch of strangers on the internet lol.
Does he know you are airing your problems on here? Is that much different than him discussing your private life with a close friend?
Nice motivation and support comment.
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Leave. Leave now. Anyone entering a relationship before leaving one is of low character and never to be trusted. Weight is not the issue - it's a symptom.0
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Unless the circumstances are dangerous to you or others, or he is having affairs, you're first best option is marriage counseling with a qualified, professional counselor. It's a lot easier to fix marital problems than it is to get a divorce. Yes, he's a jerk, but being a jerk isn't grounds for divorce. You married him. You knew him for 4 years before you married him, so there is something about you that is drawn to a person like him. Without the benefit of counseling, you will do either of 2 things. 1) You'll accept his forgiveness and keep your eyes closed until the next time, and there will be a next time. 2) You'll divorce him and replace him with another jerk. If he won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. You'd be amazed at how helpful a good counselor can be in helping you to change behavior that leads you to these kinds of bad decisions.
WAT? Where did OP say that?0 -
These responses make me sad, no wonder people don't stay married anymore. If you thought you loved this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, get off the internet and work on your marriage.
See a marriage counselor or talk to a pastor or talk to each other. Talk to an older couple who has been married for a long time. Talk to anyone but a bunch of strangers on the internet lol.
Does he know you are airing your problems on here? Is that much different than him discussing your private life with a close friend?
got married at 19 and in may it will be 18 years.
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These responses make me sad, no wonder people don't stay married anymore. If you thought you loved this man enough to spend the rest of your life with him, get off the internet and work on your marriage.
See a marriage counselor or talk to a pastor or talk to each other. Talk to an older couple who has been married for a long time. Talk to anyone but a bunch of strangers on the internet lol.
Does he know you are airing your problems on here? Is that much different than him discussing your private life with a close friend?
I pointed this out on the first page0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »Unless the circumstances are dangerous to you or others, or he is having affairs, you're first best option is marriage counseling with a qualified, professional counselor. It's a lot easier to fix marital problems than it is to get a divorce. Yes, he's a jerk, but being a jerk isn't grounds for divorce. You married him. You knew him for 4 years before you married him, so there is something about you that is drawn to a person like him. Without the benefit of counseling, you will do either of 2 things. 1) You'll accept his forgiveness and keep your eyes closed until the next time, and there will be a next time. 2) You'll divorce him and replace him with another jerk. If he won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. You'd be amazed at how helpful a good counselor can be in helping you to change behavior that leads you to these kinds of bad decisions.
WAT? Where did OP say that?
in her OP ...I think ...or somewhere on page 1, but I saw that too..0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »Why did you get married to him? How long had you been together before? You never noticed how shallow he was?
Actually, I just felt he loved me. Its questionable now. We were together 4 years before marriage. But I think I saw the signs, I just was an idiot an ignored it.
@yopeeps0250 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »Unless the circumstances are dangerous to you or others, or he is having affairs, you're first best option is marriage counseling with a qualified, professional counselor. It's a lot easier to fix marital problems than it is to get a divorce. Yes, he's a jerk, but being a jerk isn't grounds for divorce. You married him. You knew him for 4 years before you married him, so there is something about you that is drawn to a person like him. Without the benefit of counseling, you will do either of 2 things. 1) You'll accept his forgiveness and keep your eyes closed until the next time, and there will be a next time. 2) You'll divorce him and replace him with another jerk. If he won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. You'd be amazed at how helpful a good counselor can be in helping you to change behavior that leads you to these kinds of bad decisions.
WAT? Where did OP say that?
in her OP ...I think ...or somewhere on page 1, but I saw that too..
Nevermind. IDK how I missed that.
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dolliesdaughter wrote: »It isn't your weight. Sorry OP, I can't believe out of 4 years, this came up after the wedding. Something was going on all the time and it was ignorned. I am offering sincere apologies if I am wrong.
OP admitted that she ignored the signed and got married anyway.![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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yopeeps025 wrote: »Unless the circumstances are dangerous to you or others, or he is having affairs, you're first best option is marriage counseling with a qualified, professional counselor. It's a lot easier to fix marital problems than it is to get a divorce. Yes, he's a jerk, but being a jerk isn't grounds for divorce. You married him. You knew him for 4 years before you married him, so there is something about you that is drawn to a person like him. Without the benefit of counseling, you will do either of 2 things. 1) You'll accept his forgiveness and keep your eyes closed until the next time, and there will be a next time. 2) You'll divorce him and replace him with another jerk. If he won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. You'd be amazed at how helpful a good counselor can be in helping you to change behavior that leads you to these kinds of bad decisions.
WAT? Where did OP say that?
Page one: "Actually, I just felt he loved me. Its questionable now. We were together 4 years before marriage. But I think I saw the signs, I just was an idiot an ignored it."
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Might be troll might not be, gives in wasting any further energy on it.0
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It's never ever a good idea to stay virgins until marriage, especially after 4 years and around 30yo.0
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If after 5 months hes already doing that I would divorce his *kitten* quickly!!!
dont be dumb.0 -
jennifershoo wrote: »It's never ever a good idea to stay virgins until marriage, especially after 4 years and around 30yo.
It depends on the situation.1 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
wtf? Cut loose if for no other reason than this paired with how he's acting. Serious. What were these other offences?
@runner475 - wut?
@ndj1979 - I've seen weirder stuff... spent a little time as a DV and sexual assault peer counselor. I've seen some weird relationships, and weird coping mechanisms.0 -
this thread is hilarious....0
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