My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.1 -
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I don't buy the excuse "he not attracted to you". Men use that as an excuse to make the other woman feel special. Like she can give him something he can't get from his wife. Sad that women by into that crap. Please don't put yourself down or blame yourself. He is the one in the wrong. I understand you are not happy with your own body. I feel that way too. But that does not make what he is doing ok. If he hasn't done anything else but just talk to this woman maybe you both can work things out. Hope all works out for the best. Try to stay positive.1
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Gosh these threads always make me so uncomfortable. People saying terrible things about someone they know nothing about. It's gross.
OP, I suggest you take some time to really think about what you want out of yourself and your marriage, and seek counseling both alone and with your husband.
Good luck.0 -
and this is why we spin. lol.
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Honestly if this is the first time or the fifth time it's too dang many. Communication is key though & I'd confront him. See if you both can work past this & grown stronger together. If he isn't willing to right his wrongs then I suggest moving on & keep working towards your goals.0
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This isn't about you at all, it's about him. And he is probably lying about his attraction to you and telling the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear. You should talk it over with him but don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and valued, especially from their spouse.
I think this might be onto something. 10 lbs in 5 months is nothing... and you've been together for four years... I agree that the issue is NOTHING to do with how you look but something that's wrong with him. Perhaps he's looking for some self-validation to feel that someone else finds him attractive? Or is just a sleezeball? Do you think he could or ever would have cheated on you?
And take a big step back too - any mental illness/big life events? There may be something happening under the surface and he wants attention, but is looking for the wrong kind of attention...
Ahhh, stupid men!
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YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!!!! some men do this stuff, shame on him. If you aren't happy with yourself then fix you for you!!!! not for him! good luck honey.0
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5 months, 10 pounds weight gain, no mention of any redeeming qualities other than looks for either of you....
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Divorce him and sue for all he's got.
He's young and could recover monetarily but, won't soon forget a woman scorned.0 -
ShellyBell999 wrote: »Divorce him and sue for all he's got.
He's young and could recover monetarily but, won't soon forget a woman scorned.kmccann357 wrote: »
This is a point. Time means different things for men and women. Don't waste time on the wrong person if you already know they're wrong for you.
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Ewww, what a coward0
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
In other words, he's done nothing but watch a lot of porn prior to marrying you, and he's since discovered real sex isn't like the movies.
He's a child. You need to move on. It's not your job to raise him.0 -
I don't know, maybe spinning is one of my irritating habits, they are legion. My weird food hobbies bug my husband as well. He can't figure out why I grow my own sprouts, ferment my own kraut, and spin my own yarn...and secretly wishes I'd ask for some bauble for mother's day rather than constantly begging for a good smoker so I can make my own bacon.
I'm also a crappy housekeeper. But, at least I don't fool around! And, you know, he's 9 years older than I, so he gets to go to bed with a younger woman every night. Winning.0 -
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Ya...nevermind.0
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Some couples can get through cheating. I know a couple who has been happily married for over 10 years and have 2 children and appear to be very very happy and he not only cheated, it was WAY up there on the scale of "most horrific cheating ever". They got counselling and worked through it. (BTW, they got married AFTER these events).
BUT.... I really think they're the exception rather than the rule. In your case, you've only been married 5 months. You had doubts. This isn't the only blot on his copy book. And the fact that he's making you feel that it could be your fault because you gainedf 10lbs means he isn't taking responsibility.
Only you can know whether it's right to call it quits. But if you're going to stay, make it for the right reasons, not because you feel obligated, or down on yourself, or like you somehow deserved it. He's only worth staying for if he makes himself worth staying for.
Personally, what he's done would be - to me - enough for me to call it. Cheating isn't just sleeping with someone else, the betrayal of complaining about you to another woman, who he's hitting on, is betrayal enough. But only you know whether the relationship can, or should be salvaged.0 -
Leave him.0
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