My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
I don't need to engage silly comments by two people who Cleary have nothing better to do.
OK so you are not a troll.
Mine wasn't a silly comment it was a a genuine doubt. The poster kept calling out it's a troll post since yesterday and as an OP you not once rebutted until now. Not once.
You ignored this and let people doubt on your situation but don't ignore or take your personal situation lightly. Go after your husband. Kick him out of your life.
EDTA: Good Luck.
.... I don't feel the need to defend what I do. If others believed it based on ONE persons comment, that's them.
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I responded, but I'm not going to lose any sleep worrying about what happens with you. I gave you my opinion based on the 10 lines of text you wrote...and I spent about ten seconds thinking about it. Same with everybody else who replied. If you think our opinions are somehow more valid than your own and people who actually know and care about you...well, then you've got problems other than your cheating hubby.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »
Sure, it's EASIER to get feedback from strangers...but it is not better or more helpful. And it can be very damaging.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
First of all, feedback from strangers is NOT objective. Everybody has their own biases. You have no idea what our backgrounds and experiences are. Some people here are cheaters. Some were cheated on. Some are bitter towards men for various reasons. Some have open relationships and just don't believe in monogamy and therefore see no problem. You don't know WHY anybody here is saying what they are saying. Also, even more importantly, you have no relationship with anybody here. None of us spend time worrying about you.
Friends and family DO have your best interests at heart. They have biases as well, but at least you know something about their backgrounds and can put what they say in context and evaluate how seriously you should take it. They also know much more about you and your husband and have more information to base an opinion on. You are flying blind with everyone on here. And we have a few sentences to judge on. No good can come of that combination.
Also, two friends to talk about this with is enough. More opinions does not make the situation easier. This is not something to be put up for a vote...at the end of the day YOU have to decide what is best for you. Not your friends, not us.
" None of us spend time worrying about you", yet you still chose to respond. AT the end of the day I can seek feedback from whomever I chose. It doesn't mean I take it. I never asked for a vote, or planned to vote on the matter, in fact I never even asked anyone what I should DO, You should refer to my opening post. I was simply expressing myself during a time of emotional hurt, and seeking support based on how I was feeling in the situation, from a community I assumed to be supportive.
When I need emotional support, I go to my boyfriend or a close friend or family member. Not random internet strangers. But to each his own I suppose. Good luck.
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After only 5 months? Sounds like he was never fully on board to begin with.1
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This isn't about you at all, it's about him. And he is probably lying about his attraction to you and telling the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear. You should talk it over with him but don't let anyone make you feel like you are less than you are. Everyone deserves to be loved and valued, especially from their spouse.
This is exactly how I feel. It sounds to me like is he is just unfaithful and is telling this girl how "unattractive" you are just to get what he wants from her.0 -
acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman"
There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control 
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
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christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
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mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
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christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
Ok so denial is not just a river in Egypt then.
I'm not saying to rub one out to other men or anything, I'm saying if you see another guy - who maybe even looks like your significant other - and you can't say jeez, what a handsome guy or he's cute or whatever then there's an issue. Sure, I didn't find other guys AS attractive as my partner (when we were together, even to this day he's hot just emotionally we aren't compatible and don't want the same things) but still, attractive.
I'm also not saying to whistle or act like a pervert and saying "Nice tits" or something - no, that's disrespectful. But noticing when someone is attractive isn't crossing a line, for me. Emotional cheating is when you take your relationship issues and talk to someone else, or spend time in the intimate way you would with your partner with someone else and having that intimate emotional connection.
Also, there's a massive difference between checking out a woman/man and lusting after them.
To me, it sounds like there's some big insecurities on both sides. But hey, if it works for you then it does. Just from my experience, there a bigger things to work on in a relationship and worry about then simply finding another woman/man attractive. Relationships are bigger than physical attraction. I get it's important - oh trust me, I get it - but a good relationship has more to it than just physical attraction.
However, if this works for you then by all means I'm happy it does. I couldn't handle it if someone told me not to come onto MFP because of some stupid avatar of a musclar dude. No thank you.0 -
Yeah i agree. there's huge insecurities here. But i honestly don't know why. I've never been cheated on, and definitely never been with a man that stares at other women. I have no idea what the root cause is. I wish i wasn't like this, and just didn't give a *kitten*. If i could switch this off right now, i would. It would make life so much easier and less stressful. I think a part of me also thinks,"you're not going to treat me like a clueless dumb and blind woman"
I was in the grocery store the other day, and i kept passing this husband and wife down every isle, he stared at me every single time, like obviously checking out my boobs etc etc. I was getting more and more angry each time. Until i passed them once again and just stopped, looked at the wife and said "your husband is a pig"!! I felt like saying, wake up woman! Stop letting him do this to you ffs. Her response was "I know" and punched him in the arm. I refuse to be one of those women0 -
Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »
Sure, it's EASIER to get feedback from strangers...but it is not better or more helpful. And it can be very damaging.Fat2Fit145 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.
If its not the place to look for anwers, then WHY PROPOSE YOUR SOLUTIONS. I have friends and have spoken to a couple, literally 2. Its not an easy thing going around telling your friends your husband of only 5 months is already not attracted to u and is attracted to another. It is easier, or so I thought, to get feedback from strangers and their views and feedback would be objective. Friends would get emotional and may not be able to give the soundest advice. Anyway, my final comment on this matter, thanks to those who offered sincere concern and advice. To the ones who called me a troll, well who cares, I only realized what it mean a few minutes ago.
First of all, feedback from strangers is NOT objective. Everybody has their own biases. You have no idea what our backgrounds and experiences are. Some people here are cheaters. Some were cheated on. Some are bitter towards men for various reasons. Some have open relationships and just don't believe in monogamy and therefore see no problem. You don't know WHY anybody here is saying what they are saying. Also, even more importantly, you have no relationship with anybody here. None of us spend time worrying about you.
Friends and family DO have your best interests at heart. They have biases as well, but at least you know something about their backgrounds and can put what they say in context and evaluate how seriously you should take it. They also know much more about you and your husband and have more information to base an opinion on. You are flying blind with everyone on here. And we have a few sentences to judge on. No good can come of that combination.
Also, two friends to talk about this with is enough. More opinions does not make the situation easier. This is not something to be put up for a vote...at the end of the day YOU have to decide what is best for you. Not your friends, not us.
" None of us spend time worrying about you", yet you still chose to respond. AT the end of the day I can seek feedback from whomever I chose. It doesn't mean I take it. I never asked for a vote, or planned to vote on the matter, in fact I never even asked anyone what I should DO, You should refer to my opening post. I was simply expressing myself during a time of emotional hurt, and seeking support based on how I was feeling in the situation, from a community I assumed to be supportive.
You're basically crowd-sourcing therapy. It's not a bad idea. You need to be careful which advice you take and which you ignore (I strongly suggest ignoring the 'punch him in the face/balls' comments). The advantage of internet forums is that you get the advice of many, many people from different backgrounds and different experiences and can cherry-pick what works for you.0 -
christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
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Going to a *kitten* breakup right now. Stay strong! I would not be able to trust him anymore after telling another woman that he was attracted to her
*kitten*! 0 -
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
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mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
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off* not of0
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Just a suggestion but this might be a better forum for you than MFP
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/
lots of these kinds of posts and advice there0 -
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
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This is the issue with that whole "well I have to be attracted to the person" argument. If you need to have a pretty package to date or marry someone then you have already failed. Love has nothing to do with the person on the outside and everything to do with the person on the inside. He obviously never loved you for real and you should get out now. Physical appearance does not matter if you love someone for real. Physical beauty fades and even if only 10% of your attraction to the person is based on physical you will lose that % of your relationship someday.0
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I am so sorry this is happening to you...I can't imagine what you are going through. Well, I can, but not to this degree. I've been there...with "that" guy...thank god we weren't married, but I spent way too many years of my life in denial, trying to change him, to get him to stop looking at, talking to, seeing other girls...it never happened. I finally wised up and got the hell out of there. Now I am with an amazing man that I am marrying in 45 days and have never been happier. I couldn't imagine what it would be like though, to find out that only months after you two said your vows to each other, he would be treating you like that. It is NOT you. It is NOT the weight. This is totally on him. I hate to say it, but having lived with it, I believe that if you let someone get away with something, they will keep doing it. Maybe it is the first time...but either way, you need to figure out what is best for you. I can't imagine considering having to leave someone you just married, but at least it is still early, you are still young, and you deserve to be with someone who is attracted to you (on the inside AND out) who will make you happy. Stay strong.
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
I'm no Saint though - I do get a little jealous at times but I tell him when I am feeling jealous and he reassures me, or vice versa.0 -
I hear you. I've been going thru the same thing myself. I have to hope it's more his problem than mine...but I'm not convinced yet. hope you can realize it before he gets you too far down.0
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I agree with lishie_rebooted. Talk with a counsellor about your relationship. None of us making the comments know anything about you or your hubby.
In saying that I'm really sorry that those hurtful comments were made.0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
I'm no Saint though - I do get a little jealous at times but I tell him when I am feeling jealous and he reassures me, or vice versa.
Of course it helps that he tells me about 15 times a day that I'm pretty, sexy, he loves my bum/boobs/hair/face and hugs and kisses me all the time. He has done that every day since we got together 4 years ago, even when I was 15 lbs heavier than when we got together. It always makes me feel good, it never gets old
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mumblemagic wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
I'm no Saint though - I do get a little jealous at times but I tell him when I am feeling jealous and he reassures me, or vice versa.
Of course it helps that he tells me about 15 times a day that I'm pretty, sexy, he loves my bum/boobs/hair/face and hugs and kisses me all the time. He has done that every day since we got together 4 years ago, even when I was 15 lbs heavier than when we got together. It always makes me feel good, it never gets old
Naaww mine does that too xx It doesn't help though Actions speak louder than words...
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So sad! I believe in one marriage for life but only 5 months and already these problems. It could lead to a lot worse. I'd leave him. Focus on myself for awhile. And find a true prince charming! You don't sound Like you have a lot to lose. I bet in one year you could go from where you are today to a perfect body. Also if you are going to leave him please do it before babies are involved.0
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Relationships are not easy. Marriage (or long term monogamy) is even harder.
I haven't read all of the other replies, but my fiance went through this with me four years ago. We managed to work through it and work past it and rebuild the trust and our relationship is actually ten times better than it was then. It was him, and me, and it was through a lot of talking and therapy that we came to a conclusion about his misgivings (only texting/sexting other women). He was at a very low point in his life, very insecure and felt very alone - there was no excuse for it, but there it is. He sought attention elsewhere because he felt he wasn't getting it enough from me, and he didn't feel he could open up to me. So he went to someone else.
I can also admit at the time that I was far from the loving, much more understanding woman that I am now.
That being said, these things can be worked on and worked past. I'm not on team "throw it away". As many older couples have said, once upon a time, if something was broken, you'd fix it - not throw it away.
If he were incapable of communication, refused to talk it through and seek therapy or simply did not have the capacity to admit his wrongdoing and understand the dilemma fully and how much it hurt me, I would have left him. But I gave it my all first. As did he.
Also, there's three sides to every story. His side, your side and the truth.
I felt heartbroken, angry, betrayed, hurt and devastated when it happened to me - but did not realize how unsupportive, critical and platonic I had been towards him.
That may not be the case for you, but again, relationships are never easy.
Do what is best for you, your sanity and your future. Don't settle for less, but don't break into a run when things get rough either. No one knows your relationship better than you and your husband.0 -
As a man, and I have an outstanding girlfriend whom I adore, it's time to wise up. I don't know you nor him, however this very well could be the underlying issue of him wanting to cheat. I can attest there is nothing more damaging then to break the trust. He is already dishonering you which equals to not loving you. If the marriage was based upon the outside of appearances, I'm sorry. Get in front of him and demand an answer. He should provide it.... If he tells you it is none of your business then seek counselling. If he doesn't want to go.... I am sorry. Good look.0
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