My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman"
There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control 
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
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Going to a *kitten* breakup right now. Stay strong! I would not be able to trust him anymore after telling another woman that he was attracted to her
*kitten*! 0 -
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
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mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
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off* not of0
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Just a suggestion but this might be a better forum for you than MFP
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/
lots of these kinds of posts and advice there0 -
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
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This is the issue with that whole "well I have to be attracted to the person" argument. If you need to have a pretty package to date or marry someone then you have already failed. Love has nothing to do with the person on the outside and everything to do with the person on the inside. He obviously never loved you for real and you should get out now. Physical appearance does not matter if you love someone for real. Physical beauty fades and even if only 10% of your attraction to the person is based on physical you will lose that % of your relationship someday.0
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I am so sorry this is happening to you...I can't imagine what you are going through. Well, I can, but not to this degree. I've been there...with "that" guy...thank god we weren't married, but I spent way too many years of my life in denial, trying to change him, to get him to stop looking at, talking to, seeing other girls...it never happened. I finally wised up and got the hell out of there. Now I am with an amazing man that I am marrying in 45 days and have never been happier. I couldn't imagine what it would be like though, to find out that only months after you two said your vows to each other, he would be treating you like that. It is NOT you. It is NOT the weight. This is totally on him. I hate to say it, but having lived with it, I believe that if you let someone get away with something, they will keep doing it. Maybe it is the first time...but either way, you need to figure out what is best for you. I can't imagine considering having to leave someone you just married, but at least it is still early, you are still young, and you deserve to be with someone who is attracted to you (on the inside AND out) who will make you happy. Stay strong.
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christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
I'm no Saint though - I do get a little jealous at times but I tell him when I am feeling jealous and he reassures me, or vice versa.0 -
I hear you. I've been going thru the same thing myself. I have to hope it's more his problem than mine...but I'm not convinced yet. hope you can realize it before he gets you too far down.0
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I agree with lishie_rebooted. Talk with a counsellor about your relationship. None of us making the comments know anything about you or your hubby.
In saying that I'm really sorry that those hurtful comments were made.0 -
mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
I'm no Saint though - I do get a little jealous at times but I tell him when I am feeling jealous and he reassures me, or vice versa.
Of course it helps that he tells me about 15 times a day that I'm pretty, sexy, he loves my bum/boobs/hair/face and hugs and kisses me all the time. He has done that every day since we got together 4 years ago, even when I was 15 lbs heavier than when we got together. It always makes me feel good, it never gets old
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mumblemagic wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »mumblemagic wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »acorsaut89 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »My hubby and I get into huge fights that last for days if I catch him leering at another woman!! Let alone something like what OP"s gone through. ..
Reality check guys, woman were not put on this earth just for your pleasure
Anyway, my point is I couldn't forgive and forget. But that's me, I know what I'm like and what I can and can not handle..
Fights that last for days if your husband looks at another woman? Really? That seems a little excessive.
I've had times when my partner was straight up bought drinks at a bar during a friend's birthday and he ordered what he know I drank and gave them to me. If he checked out another woman or said something like hey she's wearing a cute dress or check out those jeans or hair or she's got big boobs, I had no issues. It's perfectly healthy to appreciate another person's looks and be attracted to another person. We had this running joke because I love Jason Statham that needed to make sure he was on top of things in bed just in case Jason Statham ever showed up and I had to choose between the two of them. I was totally ok with him appreciating another woman's physical appearance. That being said, he never hit on them, he mentioned it to me afterwards, he never texted other women (with the exception of like his sister in law and his friends wives/girlfriends when making plans) and he never crossed any kind of line. I had zero reservation about trusting him when it came to things like that.
I am of the mindset that checking out other people is totally ok . . . healthy even, acting on it or hitting on or flirting with others may be crossing a boundary, depending on the relationship you have.
Can you honestly say you don't check out other guys? Or you can't appreciate when a guy makes you do a double take? Our partner's aren't just the only ones we find physically attractive (OMG - can you imagine if they were? lol) but they are the ones we are the most intimate with. And the ones we share our lives with - there's so much more to it than physical attraction. He isn't crossing any boundaries by appreciating another woman's physically appearance, so why let it cause cracks in the foundation of your marriage?
It's all about respect for me. You just do not gawk at another woman while the one you supposedly love is by your side.
I feel sorry for those women whose husbands are perves, i literally look at them and think "you poor woman" There's physically cheating, but there's also emotional cheating...And nope i don't look nor have any interest in other men. Why? Because i'm totally devoted to this one. The day i start leering and/or lusting after other men, will be the day i know i don't love him anymore. Neither of us are 18 anymore, we can keep our hormones in control
Oh and I don't come here on the forums while he's around because he has a fit if he sees avatars of muscle men etc etc So i stay on my phone as the avatars are mostly too small to see properly. It's just respecting and understanding eachothers feelings
So your man gets angry with you if you see someone else topless, even if you do not seek to. Sounds totally healthy..... Also, that basically rules out going to the beach, ever.
Yep, admittedly i would to. And there is NO way i would ever go to the beach with him, that would be a recipe for disaster
Do you not find that terribly restrictive and controlling? Should you not have the right to go to the beach if you want? Or watch a film that might have nudity in? Also, having to go behind his back to go on your fitness app seems rather extreme. Seeing someone else semi-naked does not necessarily mean that you will be attracted to them and in any case even if you are, it does not mean you will cheat. I could not be in a relationship with someone that showed that level of mis-trust of me.
ETA: no offense intended BTW. Just expressing my opinion
No offence taken at all. As i get where you're coming from. I make triple sure i don't get movies with naked slags in them, imo it's just pointless and has zero to do with the story line, it's there for the men. Now if it was fair, and they also showed naked men with their shlongs flapping about for no reason, that would make it easier to take, not that they i have any interest, but whats good for the goose and all that.
I know my thinking is unreasonable in some ways, but i can't switch it of, i wish i could. I have no problem with respecting his feelings and not doing something that i know will upset him, and i expect the same from him.
I guess we're kind of at the opposite end in some ways, in that we watch naughty movies together I don't really mind if he watches them on his own, either. I think everyone is entitled to their fantasies and 'alone time'. Plus if I banned him from having alone time, I wouldn't be allowed to enjoy my steamy novels..... This has the added benefit to our sex life together in that we get ideas from elsewhere to share with each other and try out.
It's very different, for me, seeing a complete stranger semi-naked or naked and fantasising about it, than it is to oggle a friend. Looking at strangers is window shopping. You already have an emotional connection to a friend, which makes it a whole lot closer to an affair if you start finding them physically attractive too.
Trust me, I wish I was more like you Everything you've said has made total sense, I just have try somehow to change my attitude. You know how I think? The longer we're together, hopefully the less I'll care what he does or who he looks at.
I'm no Saint though - I do get a little jealous at times but I tell him when I am feeling jealous and he reassures me, or vice versa.
Of course it helps that he tells me about 15 times a day that I'm pretty, sexy, he loves my bum/boobs/hair/face and hugs and kisses me all the time. He has done that every day since we got together 4 years ago, even when I was 15 lbs heavier than when we got together. It always makes me feel good, it never gets old
Naaww mine does that too xx It doesn't help though Actions speak louder than words...
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So sad! I believe in one marriage for life but only 5 months and already these problems. It could lead to a lot worse. I'd leave him. Focus on myself for awhile. And find a true prince charming! You don't sound Like you have a lot to lose. I bet in one year you could go from where you are today to a perfect body. Also if you are going to leave him please do it before babies are involved.0
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Relationships are not easy. Marriage (or long term monogamy) is even harder.
I haven't read all of the other replies, but my fiance went through this with me four years ago. We managed to work through it and work past it and rebuild the trust and our relationship is actually ten times better than it was then. It was him, and me, and it was through a lot of talking and therapy that we came to a conclusion about his misgivings (only texting/sexting other women). He was at a very low point in his life, very insecure and felt very alone - there was no excuse for it, but there it is. He sought attention elsewhere because he felt he wasn't getting it enough from me, and he didn't feel he could open up to me. So he went to someone else.
I can also admit at the time that I was far from the loving, much more understanding woman that I am now.
That being said, these things can be worked on and worked past. I'm not on team "throw it away". As many older couples have said, once upon a time, if something was broken, you'd fix it - not throw it away.
If he were incapable of communication, refused to talk it through and seek therapy or simply did not have the capacity to admit his wrongdoing and understand the dilemma fully and how much it hurt me, I would have left him. But I gave it my all first. As did he.
Also, there's three sides to every story. His side, your side and the truth.
I felt heartbroken, angry, betrayed, hurt and devastated when it happened to me - but did not realize how unsupportive, critical and platonic I had been towards him.
That may not be the case for you, but again, relationships are never easy.
Do what is best for you, your sanity and your future. Don't settle for less, but don't break into a run when things get rough either. No one knows your relationship better than you and your husband.0 -
As a man, and I have an outstanding girlfriend whom I adore, it's time to wise up. I don't know you nor him, however this very well could be the underlying issue of him wanting to cheat. I can attest there is nothing more damaging then to break the trust. He is already dishonering you which equals to not loving you. If the marriage was based upon the outside of appearances, I'm sorry. Get in front of him and demand an answer. He should provide it.... If he tells you it is none of your business then seek counselling. If he doesn't want to go.... I am sorry. Good look.0
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