Senior Golden Sneakers -May 2011

:bigsmile: Shirley, it sounds like you have a great life enjoying holidays on both sides of the border. Do you have problems with your commute having to cross national boundaries twice a day?

:bigsmile: I am still thinking about what I’m reading in my new book about examining your eating history to help with strategies for healthy eating now. I have no effective strategy for dealing with moms and food because it doesn’t apply to my life today. My mother and I had many rocky times over food and dieting throughout our lives together. My mother had a favorite story about a man who wanted to economize on food for his horse, so he gradually decreased the horse’s rations and when he got the horse down to living on one oat a day, the horse died. My mother would reference that story whenever I tried to moderate my eating. She found fault with how little I was eating by raising one finger as a reference to the story about the horse dying when limited to one oat a day. This is the same mother who put me on every diet in the book when I was a teen ager and who frequently told people “Barbie had two grandmothers with big rear ends and she inherited both of them”.

:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: I am very sad about my broken exercise bike. I rode it two or three times a day for 20 minutes while watching TV. I could ride it while watching TV with Jake and it didn’t bother him the way dancing and jogging did. Jake says he’ll get it fixed but he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to take care of it. Tonight I got him to take a walk with me after dinner so we both burned some calories and right now he’s washing the supper dishes.

:bigsmile: I took the dogs to the dog park early this morning before line dance because Jake had an appointment with the cardiologist in the afternoon when I would normally take them. The appointment turned out great. The doctor cut one of his meds in half and eliminated one of the others

:bigsmile: Phoebe, there was a big truck in front of me in town today turning left into the narrow street I was headed for and then turning right into an even narrower alley. The truck stopped for a bit holding up me and another car and a woman got out of the truck and then was helping the driver with hand signals to get into the alley. I thought of you and wondered if you ever have to go into small towns and narrow streets to deliver your load?

:bigsmile: Gigi, staying active in your yard is a great way to burn calories.

:bigsmile: Buzz, your Greek restaurant adventure sounds great. I hope all goes well with the hematologist

:bigsmile: Irene, It's good to hear from you :bigsmile:

:bigsmile: Deb, i don't have sisters so it sounds so great to hear about your regular visits with your sisters.

:bigsmile: To everyone who thinks the scale is broken or lying, never, never, never give up. Stay focused on healthy eating and exercising and healthy behavior and you’ll see the results you want. Do not be discouraged because that will send you running for the peanut butter or ice cream or cookies or whatever is your downfall and then you’ll make no progress at all.

I have been avoiding everyone. I have been eating my way through everything. I feel guilty with the weight gain. Help me stop.

I started to babysit my youngest grandson yesterday while my daughter in law started back to school since losing her job. Clases are 7:30 to 12:30 and I agreed to 7A to 2P and when the six year old is finished his school year, I would keep him for the summer as well. She showed up at 3P. She has a habit of stretching the time. I told her that I had agreed to 7 to 2 and it was now three. She said (with an attitude) well, I had things I wanted to do! And I said, so do I. Other comments were made and they ended with, "if you can't babysit the hours I need, I'll have to get someone else." Now you have to picture this. I have been watching their oldest since the day he was born, (he's 6) for free and almost every weekend....I have had the little one since he was six weeks old and even since she lost her job, I kept him two or three days a week so she could have some time.

I'm sorry to be such a bummer...but I coped with this by eating as well. I need a real talking to...not just the "it'll be ok" speech. Kick my *kitten*......(gently). I feel like I'm paralyzed in a black hole and I need to get out. I know that most of you have been there...so help me if you can.......:brokenheart:

Maddie

Dear Maddie,

Just WOW WOW, I was so mad:mad: :mad::mad: at your daughter in law that I could'nt focus or think of what I wanted to say!

She is taking you for granted, doesn't appreciates what you have been doing for all these years, in my oppinion she should kiss the floor you walk on. Now days it is difficult to get some body reliable and dependable, and very expensive to get child care, some mother's can't go to work because they don't make enought money to pay the babysitter. She needs to learm to be kind and appreciate what you do for her and your son, by the way, is your son aware of the situation, I know he should be unhappy with his wife about her attitude. I know you love taking care of the grandkids, seemes to me that it is difficult to say anything to her, but it is time for her to learn that is not OK to take you for granted and have an attitude. In my opinion tell her, "you're right maybe you should start looking for another babysitter", put it back on her. I'm so sorry you're going thru this, you're very giving and special person, please get back taking care of yourself. Have a good talk with both, make sure you include your son, so he knows what went on during the conversation.

Hope you can have a good weekend.

Thinking about you and hoping for the best.

Gigi

Hi Marie and Gigi. It's Saturday!
Around here, in spring especially, there are a lot of community things going on. Today is the community yard sale. Also, they are taking donations for the tornado victims. And there is a plate dinner fund raiser at the local elementary school for a student with cancer. I bought two chicken dinner plates, lord knows I hope they are bbq or baked chicken and not fried.. I didn't even ask!!

There are also openings for the first farmers market of the season. Since dh has my car for the next two days, I'll be staying closer to home. My little old escort that I call my 'cat car' , runs just fine, and I will use it but I don't want to go to the Aquarium and all those other far away places in it. I usually just drive the cats to the vet, and to work in it.

So anyway, just wanted to say hi

Gigi, I agree with you about Maddie's dil..I've seen kids do that to their parents so often, and it makes for some hurt feelings. The worst part, I think, is that Maddie loves the kids/grandkids and doesn't want to give up seeing them. Hopefully, like you said, the son will buck up and take a little notice to what is happening. Hopefully!

Maddie...don't ever avoid us out of guilt. We love you no matter what you eat or do. Ok that being said...I know it is easier to give advice than to actually follow it. But it seems to me that your dil is definately taking advantage of you. You need to stand your ground or she will keep taking. Tell her you love taking care of the kids but that you have things you need to do too so she needs to pick them up on time or she needs to ask in advance if you can watch them longer if she has something she has to do (like for school or a doctor appt or something not frivilous). I guarantee she cannot find anyone cheaper or more loving to watch the kids. She is probably bluffing. I know for me that's really hard to do cause I am a peacemaker but don't beat yourself up...you are not in the wrong here.

Ok now on to the stress...don't let it stress you...that gives her power over you. Try to let it go. Go for a long walk...swim...bike...whatever to burn off some of that cortisol & adrenaline. Try a punching bag or boxing like DVD to let go of any anger. Eating your stress only makes it worse as now you feel guilty and are avoiding your friends. Ok...I know that is alot easier said than done but try. Next time you think "Oh I'm so mad...I'm gonna eat a cupcake" (my drug of choice...lol) say "no...that gives her/him/them power over me & I won't let them hurt me anymore than they already have. I'm gonna stay on track & go for a walk or I'm gonna go online & vent to my friends instead cause I love me & I want to take care of me." Or if you just have to have something to eat to calm down...try something crunchy like celery & peanut butter or carrots & ranch (sometimes that works for me). Again easier said than done...but try it & see. Your health is more important than anything else. If you aren't here, then who will watch/love the kids?

But again...if you slip up...come here for advice & encouragement and never give up!!! Today is always a new day...yesterday is already gone!!!

Ok...getting off my soapbox now...hope it wasn't too much!!!

When I went to work this morning, half the road was cordoned off. A boy was stabbed outside the nightclub a few doors down. His poor parents! I have'nt been able to get them out of my mind.

I have been trying to sort out a holiday with Kerry my daughter, today. We have decided on Turkey, but my head is is spinning with looking at hotels. We gave up and will look again later.

Phoebe: Hope your dh is feeling ok after the accident. It must have shook him up.What a nice thing that your community are doing. It makes me think how lucky I am. I have my health and my family. What else do I want?

Gigi: Glad to hear you had fun with your friends. It's always so good to look back and laugh with people who were there with you. Did you get out in your garden (yard)?

Buzz: When is your appointment? Hope it goes good for you. Have you eaten all those chops yet. Do you have mint sauce with yours? mmm

Barbie: Has Jake fixed your bike yet?

Shirley: Enjoy your pig roast!

Marie: My dh will wash up but not dry up. The things he refuses to do are washing and ironing! After 32 years I don't hold much hope that he will change now lol.

Irene: Glad you popped in. Hope all is well with you.

Does it seem really quiet on here lately?

Have my weigh in tomorrow urgh! I stayed the same last week. I dread weigh ins. I am always full of 'if only'. No-one to blame but myself!!

I have really enjoyed all the jokes on here recently. Keep them coming!

So proud of you all and I feel very lucky to have you all.

WOW !!!:grumble: :grumble: :grumble: Where to begin?
MADDIE, so happy to see you back here, even in this state of despair! And my heart goes out to you, DD, as you are so in need of comforting rather than confrontaton, and we both know that comfort you are getting from food jest ain't gwine to work, baby!!!:noway: as you now see, it just makes you feel too awful, which you feel already!
All our friends have given you good advice from the heart, and because we all love you. Now I'll add mine for what it's worth!
"Our sons are our sons till they get them a wife"...remember that old saying? Your son will (and unfortunately should) side with his wife, since that is nature's way with husbands. He has to agree with her so HIS life won't be miserable! :ohwell:
Your DIL probably has no idea she is practicing MIL abuse!!! Or that you are really still in a deep state of mourning! Not because she doesn't care, but because her generation simply doesn't take into account your generation's needs. She's just not been through the experiences you have had, and the world is her oyster! It revolves around her and she "hasn't walked a mile in your shoes"!!!:frown:
She love those kids as much and more than you do,...she knows she holds the upper hand as far as your baby-sitting goes (I doubt it's meanness, more like self-centeredness), and if you want to protect yourself, you must take the chance of saying to her
" I appreciate you need time for yourself, in the same way I need time to take care of MYSELF" ...I love you, and I love those babies, and I must learn to love MADDIE, just as much. I must protect my own space and time, so please give me more consideration as to time limits and promises, or I agree you might wish to make other arrangements. I want to be there for you, darling DIL, but I resent when I feel taken advantage of, and since it's difficult to control that feeling, please lets discuss the alternatives "!
Sweetie, I hope she would be willing to talk about your needs as well as her own, and I think that's a better way than drowning yourself in food, with the added weight, and the need to go through all the darn dieting to lose what you have already lost and regained! And the possibility that your breathing problems will return from the stress! Would you consider asking her if getting together for all of you could be limited to only social outings or visits awhile? Believe me, if she agrees to a loving relationship, she will soon miss the advantages of a wonderful MIL being there to help, but unwilling to be taken advantage of ! Easy for me to say, since it concerns YOU, and I'm not in the middle of it! But you asked for help, and yes we've ALL been there, and I, for one, have said things in anger I wished I could take back, and then had to struggle to mend the relationship, so this is simply coming from an older but not necessarily wiser former MIL!!! ( Yeah, mine got divorced !)

GIGI...I know exactly where you're coming from! Been there, done that! Made matters worse for me, though! Her world revolved around herself and her kid! I didn't really want to lose them all, and almost did by letting off steam!:explode:

PHOEBE: love your own "Talking to",,, very clever!

SHIRLEY: if that's a new picture, you look lovely! Glad you enjoyed "the works"!:smooched:

DONNA...super advice, and lovingly administered!

DEB; good advice on the exercise, and we ALL join in that [[[[[[hug]]]]]] ! And yes, I finished the chops last night, without mint jelly(British touch?), since these were Greek-flavored, whatever that means! Delicious, though, and I yearn for more! My appointment is Monday, and thanks for asking!

ELLI, was it you who raised little lambs? Another talent to add to your long list!

SANDY, looks like that long-awaited trip is turning into a dream away from home! Were all concentrating on weather being perfect for you Sunday!

IRENE, sorry I missed your post, so I'll have to hunt for it, but great you return when you are able!

CONNIE, are you sleeping? Miss you! :yawn:

Buzz

Buzz: I remember that saying very well. I have to keep reminding myself of it (although she is not officially my DIL, they live together). It is very hard. You gave such good advice. I hope Maddie will take it.:bigsmile:

My weight stayed the same again this week. My own fault. I have been very lazy with the exericise, so I must step up a gear or two this week. Not making excuses (or maybe I am lol) but I think I have felt tired & lazy due to 'seeing' again after almost a year!
I have'nt measured myself yet, so I am hoping that will have moved just a bit.:frown:

Good luck Judz with your weigh in, you have worked so hard, I am sure that you will do well. Good luck to anyone else who is weighing in today:drinker:

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: good morning all :bigsmile: I got up this morning with a great plan that included a walk in the neighborhood with the dogs followed by a long visit to the dog park :laugh: but it's raining :sad: :sad: I could go for a walk by myself with my umbrella but how could I leave the house and not take the dogs :laugh:

:bigsmile: yesterday we went to a memorial service for a friend, a man Jake had been close to years ago but hadn't seen too much lately. We had to drive 100+ miles each way and take the ferry so it was a big event. The nice thing about ferry travel is that there is time to walk while you wait for the ferry and time to walk on the passenger deck during the 30 minute crossing. We stopped for lunch at Subway on the way. We saw many good friends at the service but didn't stay for the potluck. I brought bananas and oranges as our contribution and I was able to grab two bananas as we left. Even so, we didn't get home until almost 8:30 and then drive home was in rain.

:bigsmile: :bigsmile: Maddie, I hope you found something you could use in all the suggestions from the loving Golden Sneakers friends. Remember that no one can take advantage of you without your permission.:bigsmile: Now, get up and get moving :bigsmile:

:bigsmile: :bigsmile: Phoebe, I loved your two part conversation between Maddie and her higher self. Giving oneself a good talking to is always a healthy strategy.:brokenheart: I'm sorry to hear about your husband's wreck. Will things get fixed quickly ?

:bigsmile: Shirley, you look fabulous in your picture. Thanks for telling me about the border crossing. We live in NW Washington so we've have occasion to cross the border and it still feels a little scary. The worst was when we crossed in our motorhome and I was mostly concerned about whether I had all the right document for our pets and instead, they asked us to take the dogs out on leash and they search the RV and never asked to see any pet documents :laugh:

:bigsmile: Marie, I didn't train Jake to do dishes. He learned that from someone else.:laugh: I wish I could figure out how to get him to get busy finding a way to get the exercise bike fixed.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

:bigsmile: Donna, your suggestions to Maddie were right on. Taking care of our health has to be the number one priority.

:flowerforyou: Sandy,I'm glad you were able to check in and tell us that you are having a great time.:bigsmile:

:bigsmile: Buzz, once again, you are so wise and right to the point

:bigsmile: Deb, staying the same is still a victory......but you are right about exercise....get up right now and get moving

The dogs and cats can't see that it's raining so they are pestering me and acting like they can't understand why I don't take them somewhere :laugh:

Goodness me, a couple of days go by and I miss so much!

Hi Marie, I'm fine sweetheart and making the most of dry weather in the UK by gardening every available hour, some of it on the allotment. Here are the first small but delicious radishes and leeks!!:bigsmile:



Irene ~ Great to see you checking in with us. I do hope everything is going in the right direction for you. Do let us know when you feel up to it.

Maddie ~ I can only ditto what everyone else has commented. I also think you should call her bluff but know that's the most difficult thing in the world just in case.... Tomorrow will tell if you can resolve this amicably and if you haven't heard anything I'd say you are more than likely baby sitting because it should be difficult for your DIL to find anyone else at such short notice. You've had to deal with enough heartache this past month so stay strong!!

Buzz ~ That lamb sounds wonderful but like Deb, I have to have mint sauce with mine. All you need is a few leaves of Moroccan mint chopped, a half-teaspoon of sugar and a drop of malt vinegar. If you make it an hour or so before the meal the vinegar draws the flavour out of the leaves ~ delicious!!

The bees from one of my hives swarmed earlier today and settled on a bush the other side of the fence between my garden and the farmer's field so I couldn't reach them. So much for offering them a highrise to live in because just when you think you've done everything to keep them happy they do their own thing. Here's a photo of the naughty little girls heading out the door!!



Must go and cook some supper but should be back later to log in my meals.

Jackie:flowerforyou: