116 lbs lost and in trouble
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Congratulations on your achievement...sorry that there's miscommunication and doubt masked as concern...don't know enough about your weight loss plan to know if is very different from what your wife/family are eating - not sure what the underlying issue might be, but hopefully you can find a way to discuss this in a calm, non-threatening way with your wife. Have you also been to your doctor recently for a check up to make sure that all is OK with your health now that you've successfully lost so much weight?0
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I lost the weight with regular exercise and completely changing my eating habits I think she's worried that I exercise too much but I really enjoy it cuz I ride a bicycle and its fun0
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I am or went through this with my husband. We both started this together and since, I've continued and he has not. I've lost 76 lbs. He lost 55 and gained it back. He always told me he just loves big women.... well I was big to the tune of 300 lbs! Thats not big , thats whale! But he insisted. Now being a size 18, yes thats still big, he doesn't want me to go further..! Insecurities... I think on his part... but I'm not done. I'm not stopping. I dont want to eat what he wants. I stopped celebrating myself , my victories for him. Not to let him feel bad. All it has done is hurt me. I took it back and now things are good.
You have to recognize your victories!
SO hooray for you!!
She is just a bit nervous I' m sure like my husband. But I still love him, big or small. I love HIM!
Re assure her Like I do him. And in the end, she will come around.
He gets me now. He likes me now! HE likes what he can put his arm around... In time, she will , too!
WTG btw on an incredible weight loss!!0 -
I am or went through this with my husband. We both started this together and since, I've continued and he has not. I've lost 76 lbs. He lost 55 and gained it back. He always told me he just loves big women.... well I was big to the tune of 300 lbs! Thats not big , thats whale! But he insisted. Now being a size 18, yes thats still big, he doesn't want me to go further..! Insecurities... I think on his part... but I'm not done. I'm not stopping. I dont want to eat what he wants. I stopped celebrating myself , my victories for him. Not to let him feel bad. All it has done is hurt me. I took it back and now things are good.
You have to recognize your victories!
SO hooray for you!!
She is just a bit nervous I' m sure like my husband. But I still love him, big or small. I love HIM!
Re assure her Like I do him. And in the end, she will come around.
He gets me now. He likes me now! HE likes what he can put his arm around... In time, she will , too!
WTG btw on an incredible weight loss!!
@Rosie5151 Great post, Rosie! Glad you managed to turn it around, good luck with the rest of your weight loss!0 -
I am sorry to hear about your situation. Be encouraged!0
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Congrats on your amazing weight loss!0
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That's awful and I'm sorry to hear that. To me it sounds like she's insecure about her own self image. It's sad but my mom even confessed to me that she was a little upset about how quickly my stepfather was able to lose weight. I suggest you talk with her and tell her that her comments are hurtful. You should be nothing but proud of your amazing accomplishment!0
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well I'm at 116 pounds lost I went from 343 pounds down to 227. sad thing is my wife's not that happy about it she gave me a 10 minute speech at raise volume last night about how terrible I look thin. I'm 227 I don't feel like I'm then but I am thinner......kind of discouraging
Is your wife overweight?
I like the idea about taking her to the doctor with you and having the doctor say what you are doing is healthy.0 -
well I'm at 116 pounds lost I went from 343 pounds down to 227. sad thing is my wife's not that happy about it she gave me a 10 minute speech at raise volume last night about how terrible I look thin. I'm 227 I don't feel like I'm then but I am thinner......kind of discouraging
Tell your wife that, then. Not us. Congrats on your loss, but I don't understand why anyone makes a thread that essentially invites strangers to talk crap about their spouses after giving one side of the story, and in your case, one very vague side of the story.
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According to my doctor i am doing it right. He is extremely happy with my loss. He says he's never seen me more healthy0
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Keep doing your thing. Are you going to the gym? Maybe she'll like the muscle.
Some excellent advice on this thread. I hope you can follow some and reach a happy understanding with your wife.0 -
Coming from a jealous girlfriend point of view, she may just be saying that. Like I don't like the thought of my boyfriend losing a lot of weight because then he will look even better than me than he already does. Therefor more girls will flirt with him, making me uncomfortable lol even though I know nothing would ever happen. Maybe that's her deal, or it might not be. Who knows. But what matters is how you feel about yourself, try not to let her discourage you.0
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Tisk tisk. Her jealousy is showing. She should be proud and supportive of you, I sure am. What you did is a HUGE achievement and you did what so many struggle to do. Keep doing what you are doing if you are happy and healthy.0
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happygalah wrote: »well I'm at 116 pounds lost I went from 343 pounds down to 227. sad thing is my wife's not that happy about it she gave me a 10 minute speech at raise volume last night about how terrible I look thin. I'm 227 I don't feel like I'm then but I am thinner......kind of discouraging
Is your wife overweight?
I like the idea about taking her to the doctor with you and having the doctor say what you are doing is healthy.
Yeessss.0 -
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I'm going to make some assumptions here. YMMV.
- You are very happy with your transformation and you have no desire to go backwards.
- Cycling is fun and you have no interest in giving that up either.
- Body image changes a lot, not just how you look. It changes how you feel, how people react to you. Heck, I have to get used to what my new body looks like.
- She is worried about something. She's scared enough to go off on a ten minute rant.
- You're not scared.
How can you move her over from scared to accepting? I'm going to suggest something a little offbeat. Why don't the two of you spend some time looking over your body, the good spots and the flabby spots? Talk about it. The trick here is getting her to gaze at you.
The act of gazing has been shown to make people more accepting and inclusive.
http://www.ted.com/talks/verna_myers_how_to_overcome_our_biases_walk_boldly_toward_them0 -
Are you spending less time together since you're now spending more time exercising? If so, it may not necessarily be all about jealously or insecurities.I lost the weight with regular exercise and completely changing my eating habits I think she's worried that I exercise too much but I really enjoy it cuz I ride a bicycle and its fun
You've done a fantastic job, btw!
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maybe she is worried that you will get hit on too much....0
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I've been the one getting active in our family, but hubby doesn't get in the way. We recently watched Unbroken together and there's a flashback scene where the hero is on his run, and his brother is riding his bike alongside.
Hubby leaned over and asked, "Is that going to be us this summer?"
I replied, "Yup, that would be about right."0 -
MFP and the healthy lifestyle can become an obsession. Hope you are spending quality time with her. If she feels like you care more for the bike and your weigh ins then you do her, it's bound to cause some issues.0
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Excellent work bro! keep up the great work and do what's healthy. I'm thinking she will come around. By her saying that perhaps it is her conscience thinking she wants to do something and coming out the negative way towards you.0
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Phenomenal loss #1! PLEASE don't let her comments discourage you! Like any other journey we embark on, not everyone will travel alongside and help us. Just remember why you started, why you continue everyday and keep that as your focus! Wish you the best in your CONTINUED journey. 0
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I agree with many that say "it's her problem, not yours". If you are happy with your progress, that's what matters. She will either come around and be happy for you, or jealous that she isn't being supportive.0
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Kimberly3013 wrote: »Coming from a wife who has a husband who is smaller than her. Insecurity can be a dangerous thing. When your husband starts looking good (or looks good) you are always thinking about him not being interested in you anymore and possibly becoming unfaithful.
this x1,000
I've seen it many times in life and also on these boards. I've also been through it myself.
Your wife is terrified of losing you to someone more attractive. She may not even realize she feels this way, or her behaviour and comments are the only way she knows how to express herself. You can either choose to ignore her (possibly irrational) concerns or you can do your best to allay her fears. I encourage you to work with her on this. Don't ignore it. It's not going to resolve itself without further discussion.
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well I'm at 116 pounds lost I went from 343 pounds down to 227. sad thing is my wife's not that happy about it she gave me a 10 minute speech at raise volume last night about how terrible I look thin. I'm 227 I don't feel like I'm then but I am thinner......kind of discouraging
How quickly did you lose it?
Losing 116 lbs most likely involved some lifestyle changes, and when someone changes their life it's because they are unhappy. She may be insecure that she is part of what you are unhappy with.
Or, she could have legitmate concerns about your health if you are dropping weight too quickly. Focusing on your appearance seems a bad way to comunicate that, but if you are focusing on your appearance she could see that as a way to make you take notice.0 -
I started at 279, got down to the 170s. From about the time I hit Onederland my Mrs starting with the "you're not going to lose any more, are you?"
When I hit the 180s, and the questioning became more strident, I pulled out the BMI charts, showed here where I was, where I was going. I pulled out our wedding photos and said, "this is my target. I do believe you found me fit, not scrawny there, no?" That was the end of her challenges.
She was struggling with the big change in less than a year, but when she compared it to where I was in our early days, she now longer had an issue. It was all a matter of perspective.
Perhaps there's something similar you can do you allay your wife's concerns?0 -
I lost the weight in two and a half years0
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Talk....talk....talk...to her....sounds like you need to remind her that your body is changing but your love for her is not (if that is the case). Go to your doctors and take her with you so that your doctor can tell you both how you are doing health wise. Maybe she just needs to hear it from a professonal that it truly is a good thing! Good luck to you!0
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