what should i do about this

2

Replies

  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
    My boyfriend mother has been staying with us for over a year now. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but of course a couple weeks always turns into more. I never had a problem with her until recently when she started treating my daughter differently than her grandson who is also with us because his father has him 90% of the time. We all know that kids are going to be kids and they are going to try and test you. My daughter is 9 almost 10 and she is a little mouthy. I correct her when she is wrong. His mother hates this and now doesn't like to be around my daughter. She mumbles things under her breath. She used to take my daughter out with her and offer to watch her but she doesn't want to do any of that anymore. Last night the kids were playing and my daughter called her a devil. My boyfriend son who is 7 told his grandmother and loudly she said "I don't care what kayla says" in a nasty way. I talked to my daughter and told her not to worry about it. Shes a mean lady and sometimes people cant help being the way they are but its taking a toll on my daughter. I told my boyfriend she has to go and he said he talked to her this morning but shes the type of person who is just mean and nasty and will stick around just to cause tension between us. I will not allow my daughter to be around her any longer. I will leave if I have to but what do you guys suggest about this? Thanks

    You and your daughter..but especially your daughter needs to have a safe and uplifting home. FIND ONE FOR HER...for her.

  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    urloved33 wrote: »
    My boyfriend mother has been staying with us for over a year now. It was only supposed to be for a couple weeks but of course a couple weeks always turns into more. I never had a problem with her until recently when she started treating my daughter differently than her grandson who is also with us because his father has him 90% of the time. We all know that kids are going to be kids and they are going to try and test you. My daughter is 9 almost 10 and she is a little mouthy. I correct her when she is wrong. His mother hates this and now doesn't like to be around my daughter. She mumbles things under her breath. She used to take my daughter out with her and offer to watch her but she doesn't want to do any of that anymore. Last night the kids were playing and my daughter called her a devil. My boyfriend son who is 7 told his grandmother and loudly she said "I don't care what kayla says" in a nasty way. I talked to my daughter and told her not to worry about it. Shes a mean lady and sometimes people cant help being the way they are but its taking a toll on my daughter. I told my boyfriend she has to go and he said he talked to her this morning but shes the type of person who is just mean and nasty and will stick around just to cause tension between us. I will not allow my daughter to be around her any longer. I will leave if I have to but what do you guys suggest about this? Thanks

    You and your daughter..but especially your daughter needs to have a safe and uplifting home. FIND ONE FOR HER...for her.

    I agree. thank you

  • Generic_Excuse
    Generic_Excuse Posts: 607 Member
    I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!


    thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take

    That's sad to hear :( When you said your bf talked to his mother this morning did you mean he asked her to start looking for a new place to move or about her attitude towards your child? Just curious.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    Until your BF says she has to go, she isn't going anywhere, so you'll either have to make it work or leave.
  • Generic_Excuse
    Generic_Excuse Posts: 607 Member
    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    Until your BF says she has to go, she isn't going anywhere, so you'll either have to make it work or leave.

    Unfortunately this is most accurate.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
    my daughter has never been rude or disrespectful to her ever and I teach my daughter respect so to assume I don't I don't know where you came up with that. she hears how my daughter sometimes whines when she cant have her way and stomps her feet and like I said I correct her. my child has never said anything to this woman in a rude way. she just doesn't like her. I cant speak for anyone else but I was a very mouthy child coming up. my grandmother beat me everytime. I choose not to do that to my child but like I said kids will be kids and she is learning. I think his mother is just a nasty person that's all

    Calling her grandmother a devil isn't rude?

    +1 Took the words right out of my mouth.

  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
    I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!


    thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take

    is this something she told you, or something you infer? Because I know when someone apologizes to me, I might say something like "it's okay. I'm not worried about it." And in no way to i mean "i don't want to hear anything you say." I mean "it's okay."

    also you say you respect her, because of the way you treat her to her face, but then you tell your daughter that she's just a mean lady. that doesn't show you respect her, but that you placate her.

    i don't know. I'm not saying she's right, or you're right. I think there is more to this than is in this thread. it's possible the woman has just worn out her welcome and a little space may give everyone a fresh perspective.

    what are the chances your bf will ask her to move?
  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!


    thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take

    That's sad to hear :( When you said your bf talked to his mother this morning did you mean he asked her to start looking for a new place to move or about her attitude towards your child? Just curious.

    yes he told he she had until the beginning of summer to be out of the apartment

  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    Until your BF says she has to go, she isn't going anywhere, so you'll either have to make it work or leave.

    he told her about 3 months ago that she had 30 days to leave. she was looking for an apartment and then all of a sudden stopped. honestly she doesn't have to go anywhere. ill take my daughter and leave

  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    I feel where you are coming from. My children try to push their limits ALL THE TIME, it is what kids do. My son and oldest daughter (4 and 3 years old) are mouthy and slams doors. I am fast to correct that. Last thing I need is bratty teenagers haha. When kids feel comfortable around someone they do seem to try and test their limits. It doesn't make it right but it happens. As long as you are correcting her and letting her know she can't talk to you bf's mom like that or any authority figure that way I don't see the problem there. My OPINION: Have you ever tried sitting down and talking to your bf's mother and just apologizing for your things your daughter has maybe said that maybe she has been holding on to (try not to be confrontational and remember no one wants to think they are in the wrong). At the end of the conversation bring in your daughter to apologize herself and let her know that respect is a two way street (say it in front of the bf's mom as a subtle hint). Hopefully things will get better from there if not, I understand you will have to do whats best for your daughter. I really hope this helps!


    thank you for suggestions and I tried this yesterday but she blew me off and said shes not worried about it. she does not want to hear anything I or my daughter has to say which is why I feel the way I feel about her. I respect her because she is my bf's mother but im not sure how much more I can take

    is this something she told you, or something you infer? Because I know when someone apologizes to me, I might say something like "it's okay. I'm not worried about it." And in no way to i mean "i don't want to hear anything you say." I mean "it's okay."

    also you say you respect her, because of the way you treat her to her face, but then you tell your daughter that she's just a mean lady. that doesn't show you respect her, but that you placate her.

    i don't know. I'm not saying she's right, or you're right. I think there is more to this than is in this thread. it's possible the woman has just worn out her welcome and a little space may give everyone a fresh perspective.

    what are the chances your bf will ask her to move?

    he told her yesterday morning that she had to move. I know what you are saying and I was wrong for saying that to my daughter. I realize that in hindsight. I usually act out of anger and I shouldn't. I truly believe that space would solve the issue. before she lived with us, we had no problems. her welcome has truly been worn out

  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,543 Member
    How old is she? Will she not just die soon?
  • royaldrea
    royaldrea Posts: 259 Member
    Wow, if some little rude child called me a devil, the LEAST of what I would have said would have been "I don't care what she says". Which I think is perfectly reasonable to be honest. I don't see that as being mean and nasty at all.

    I don't like rude children (I don't know what "mouthy" means but it sounds like a mother's love phrase) and honestly, I find it difficult to be around them. If I wanted to visit my son and grandson and happened to be in a situation where I was around my son's girlfriends kids who were being disrespectful to me, and I wasn't able to tell them off because of the situation, I would be veryyyyyy unhappy.

    She probably will leave but this is likely to cause a rift between her and her son which is unfortunate.

    Also, your daughter is probably picking up on things you're saying. "Devil" sounds like a phrase borrowed from you. I'd advise you to watch what you say around her from now on.
  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    How old is she? Will she not just die soon?

    shes 54 and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I just wish she would leave my presence soon

  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    royaldrea wrote: »
    Wow, if some little rude child called me a devil, the LEAST of what I would have said would have been "I don't care what she says". Which I think is perfectly reasonable to be honest. I don't see that as being mean and nasty at all.

    I don't like rude children (I don't know what "mouthy" means but it sounds like a mother's love phrase) and honestly, I find it difficult to be around them. If I wanted to visit my son and grandson and happened to be in a situation where I was around my son's girlfriends kids who were being disrespectful to me, and I wasn't able to tell them off because of the situation, I would be veryyyyyy unhappy.

    She probably will leave but this is likely to cause a rift between her and her son which is unfortunate.

    Also, your daughter is probably picking up on things you're saying. "Devil" sounds like a phrase borrowed from you. I'd advise you to watch what you say around her from now on.

    my daughter is far from rude and yes mouthy is a mothers love phrase because I love my daughter and ill do anything to protect her. my daughter did not say this to her face. it was said between the kids when they were playing. his son said something about me and my daughter said something about his grandmother. he went back and told his grandmother. if it causes a rift between her and her son then so be it. I never spoke bad of that woman around my daughter until the day I told her that she is a mean lady. that's all I ever said around my daughter. id advise his mother to watch what she says to my child from now on or she wont have to worry about waiting until summer to leave

  • prettigirl01
    prettigirl01 Posts: 548 Member
    today my mother visited the house while I was at work. she was there. my mother spoke to her as she always does and she didn't say a word back to her. now its to the point where shes being rude to people who have nothing to do with this but because she doesn't like me or my daughter shes going to take it out on anyone who has anything to do with me and im not having that. so if my bf wants a relationship with me he can continue to have one or if he wants to play daddy daycare/free housing to his mother then he can do that as well. he just knows that I wont be around anymore.
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,543 Member
    I'd really try having this conversation with your BF instead of internet strangers. We all just want to see y'all break up, because we're not emotionally invested.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
    I'd really try having this conversation with your BF instead of internet strangers. We all just want to see y'all break up, because we're not emotionally invested.

    Sorry people are being rude to you...we ARE here as a support network and so thanks for trusting us and talking to us. Good Luck.

  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
    today my mother visited the house while I was at work. she was there. my mother spoke to her as she always does and she didn't say a word back to her. now its to the point where shes being rude to people who have nothing to do with this but because she doesn't like me or my daughter shes going to take it out on anyone who has anything to do with me and im not having that. so if my bf wants a relationship with me he can continue to have one or if he wants to play daddy daycare/free housing to his mother then he can do that as well. he just knows that I wont be around anymore.

    Gramma is out of control. I would just remove my daughter and myself from her reach so she cannot lash out at us.
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,543 Member
    urloved33 wrote: »
    I'd really try having this conversation with your BF instead of internet strangers. We all just want to see y'all break up, because we're not emotionally invested.

    Sorry people are being rude to you...we ARE here as a support network and so thanks for trusting us and talking to us. Good Luck.

    If she and her BF broke up, would you take responsibility or care at all if it was because she heeded your advice or anybody else's on here?