Help! Decided to go vegetarian but my husband hates veggies!
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I'm a vegetarian and my husband isn't. I would say that 99% of the time, we eat complete different meals. We eat whatever we individually want. Sometimes I ask him to press my tofu when I leave work since he gets home before me. Sometimes he asks me to throw a few extra ravioli in the pot when I'm boiling water. We will help with each others' meals, but I don't know how many calories he wants for the rest of the day, or what his protein needs are. He's best off sorting that himself. I also cook a lot of things that he can add grilled chicken to without issue. More often than not, though, I'll cook something vegetarian in pan and then, when I empty the pan onto my plate, he throws some meat in it to cook in the leftover oil and spices.0
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That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »
That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.
But, isn't that exactly what you are doing? Divorcing your husband because he wants to be a vegetarian is putting your needs above him and the relationship.0 -
chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
It's called caring for your partner. My husband works longer hours than I do, then comes home and works some more, to have a better life for us. Making sure he has a warm supper to come home to is how I say that I appreciate what he does.
Suddenly telling him he can either eat the food he doesn't like or fend for himself would be very unfair and only good for building up resentment and bad feelings.0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »
That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.
Right.....not wanting to eat the same food is growing apart. Lol
I wonder what the religious teachings would say about that approach.
You're looking at it strictly from a dietary point of view. If a person is eating a vegan or vegetarian diet for so-called ethical reasons, then yes, that would be growing apart from someone who does not see eating meat as being unethical. Religious teachings would probably be behind me on this one, since wives are supposed to "honor" their husbands and husbands are supposed to value their wives. *shrugs* I find that I don't get along very well with a person who has decided that my moral compass is off and that every meal becomes a moral issue.
Eating sustains life. It is not a moral act.0 -
so maybe he should eat the vegetarian food she makes because he loves her and has compromised that as part of having every meal prepared for you, you have slightly less of a say of what it is.
Who said every meal? Really....changing to a vegetarian diet because you have "less of a say" of what dinner is? That really isn't compromise.And you could also argue she can make him meat because she loves him and comprises by not eating it herself but can still make it for him. You're being pretty one sided. Think before you type.
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LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »FTR, [sic] and it helps not one. single. animal.
lol, the most dumbed down rational to continue to eat animals. doesn't help animals, ha ha.
Why the [sic], since it's an accepted abbreviation for "for the record?" [sic] is used to identify an error that someone else has made, which now appears in a quote.
As to being a "dumbed down" argument . . . well . . . yeah. The "ethical" argument that going vegetarian/vegan helps animals is pretty ridiculous, when you come right down to it. Want to help animals? Make their living conditions better. Ensure quick, safe slaughter that is as painless as possible. For Heaven's sake, raise your own if you're that concerned about the living conditions. However, veganism/vegetarianism is about control over what you eat and what others eat and has nothing to do with making one animal the slightest bit more comfortable.
If the OP wants to eat vegetarian meals, that is fine. She should not expect her husband to follow suit or try to "trick" him into eating vegetarian meals. She should not expect him to cook for himself based on her decision, if she has previously done the cooking for the family. I think the idea of her cooking meals to which meat can be added last is a good idea, though, and having their own halves of a pizza or similar meals is probably fine.
If you are going to critique others you should research the correct use of an ellipsis.
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chantalemarie wrote: »chantalemarie wrote: »so either way then she HAS to make him dinner and she's the one who's screwed because she wants something else? having someone prepare a meal for you is a privilege not a right
Does she HAVE to, no. There are many things in marriage that we do, not because we HAVE to, but because we love the person that we're with and it is part of way we have compromised and split the household duties.
so maybe he should eat the vegetarian food she makes because he loves her and has compromised that as part of having every meal prepared for you, you have slightly less of a say of what it is.
And you could also argue she can make him meat because she loves him and comprises by not eating it herself but can still make it for him. You're being pretty one sided. Think before you type.
so again she's the one who has to compromise? seems to be the one side to me... lol0 -
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »
That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.
Right.....not wanting to eat the same food is growing apart. Lol
I wonder what the religious teachings would say about that approach.
You're looking at it strictly from a dietary point of view. If a person is eating a vegan or vegetarian diet for so-called ethical reasons, then yes, that would be growing apart from someone who does not see eating meat as being unethical. Religious teachings would probably be behind me on this one, since wives are supposed to "honor" their husbands and husbands are supposed to value their wives. *shrugs* I find that I don't get along very well with a person who has decided that my moral compass is off and that every meal becomes a moral issue.
Eating sustains life. It is not a moral act.
You know that's completely false for you to say religion would support you divorcing your husband because you didn't agree on what food to eat. Nice try
Sadly a lot of religion is a la carte these days, or misinterpreted until you can meld it to your lifestyle and what you are willing to follow.
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why should he suffer because you want to? if I was in his shoes, I'd stop at the bar on the way home and have them cook my dinner. 0
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I can think of several meals that could be easily made to suit both vegetarian and meat eaters, but they all have vegetables.
Stir fry - It would take more pans, but if you stir fry the vegetables and meat separately and combine after cooking it would be easy to accommodate both diets (e.g. broccoli, carrots and bok choy for both, shrimp or chicken for him, peanuts or tofu for you)
Tacos or burritos - same fixin's except meat for him, black beans or pintos for you.
Omelets or quiche w/ no meat.0 -
emmydoodles83 wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Not all vegans base their decision on a "love" for animals, by the way. This may be why you are having trouble understanding the motivation for it. Veganism is not about control over food, it's an ethical position on animal exploitation. Since food is a major source of animal exploitation, it can often come across that way to those less familiar with veganism, however. If you'd like to discuss it more, we certainly can -- I understand that it can be difficult to wrap your head around when you first consider it, acceptance of animal exploitation is certainly deeply rooted in our thought patterns.
I don't think she is trying to control his food choices. There's no indication in the OP that she is trying to do that. I think she is trying to figure out how to navigate this change while disrupting their current food routine as little as possible. If she does feel a need to control him, that would be a whole different issue.
Thank you for confirming that animal rights has nothing to do with a love of animals. But no, trot out the "exploitation" word and you've lost me. I don't have time for animal rights twaddle.
If I were the husband, after all these suggestions of letting him cook for himself, letting him cook his own meat, cooking a portion of meat that is supposed to feed him for a week or whatever, I'd be looking for someone else who shared my values and my lifestyle. Meals are a social thing in families. I don't feel sociable with someone who is making a value judgment on what I decide to eat. It's another matter when, as another person posted, there was a real medical issue that prevented her from eating meat.
Are you saying you would get a divorce?
Good point, I would like to add as well, does that animal rights twaddle she doesn't have time for extend to dogs as well?
I like how this question isn't being answered, because I'm going to assume that she isn't for things like dog fighting and that she wouldn't define it as "twaddle."
And now it's time for some speculation.
I think she is assuming every vegetarian and/or vegan does it for the same reason, control, which is not really what it is. I'm a vegetarian because it personally makes me feel bad that something has to die so I can have a burger. That's it. Full stop.
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vegetarian doesn't equal veggies, only. You can make any type of pasta with any type of sauce, and throw his meat/chicken/etc on last. You can make dinner 'salads' and top his with steak. What did you guys eat before you went veggie? You can probably just adjust that to fit both of your dietary requirements.0
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beemerphile1 wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »FTR, [sic] and it helps not one. single. animal.
lol, the most dumbed down rational to continue to eat animals. doesn't help animals, ha ha.
Why the [sic], since it's an accepted abbreviation for "for the record?" [sic] is used to identify an error that someone else has made, which now appears in a quote.
As to being a "dumbed down" argument . . . well . . . yeah. The "ethical" argument that going vegetarian/vegan helps animals is pretty ridiculous, when you come right down to it. Want to help animals? Make their living conditions better. Ensure quick, safe slaughter that is as painless as possible. For Heaven's sake, raise your own if you're that concerned about the living conditions. However, veganism/vegetarianism is about control over what you eat and what others eat and has nothing to do with making one animal the slightest bit more comfortable.
If the OP wants to eat vegetarian meals, that is fine. She should not expect her husband to follow suit or try to "trick" him into eating vegetarian meals. She should not expect him to cook for himself based on her decision, if she has previously done the cooking for the family. I think the idea of her cooking meals to which meat can be added last is a good idea, though, and having their own halves of a pizza or similar meals is probably fine.
If you are going to critique others you should research the correct use of an ellipsis.
ROFL Master of Arts in Professional Writing here, so I don't think I need your telling me about how to use an ellipsis (kudos on knowing what that form of punctuation is called, though). How do you know that I'm not leaving something out?
LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »LoupGarouTFTs wrote: »
That's probably one of the most absurd things I've ever read on MFP. And there have been some outrageous things said around here.
Don't like it? That's fine. We're not married. It's called "growing apart" and couples do it all the time. I don't see the value of staying in a relationship with someone who puts his/her needs above the good of the relationship. Been there, done that.
Tough one.
So, I wouldn't date a vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian...or anyone on a restrictive diet. I get that.
But, marriage? I mean, didn't you make the whole "through sickness and health, till death do us part" vow? I would think that if you love someone enough to marry them, then you would stick by them. What if the diet change was a result of a medical condition?
I've already said that's a different matter.
Right.....not wanting to eat the same food is growing apart. Lol
I wonder what the religious teachings would say about that approach.
You're looking at it strictly from a dietary point of view. If a person is eating a vegan or vegetarian diet for so-called ethical reasons, then yes, that would be growing apart from someone who does not see eating meat as being unethical. Religious teachings would probably be behind me on this one, since wives are supposed to "honor" their husbands and husbands are supposed to value their wives. *shrugs* I find that I don't get along very well with a person who has decided that my moral compass is off and that every meal becomes a moral issue.
Eating sustains life. It is not a moral act.
You know that's completely false for you to say religion would support you divorcing your husband because you didn't agree on what food to eat. Nice try
*shrugs* It depends. If a person is married believing that a person is one thing and turns out to be another, there might be grounds for an annulment. Before someone "goes there," the change would have to be more than being a registered Republican and then registering as Independent or deciding to change a hairstyle or something. However, annulments are granted based on moral and psychological grounds all of the time.
In any case, you don't have to agree with my choices and I don't need to value your derision. The point is, the OP seems to have made a change that affects not just her life but that of her husband as well. Then she thinks that cooking different meals for both of them will "get old." It does not sound as if she wants to help him adjust to anything. It seems to me that she wants to lessen the impact of her decision, on herself. She should be aware that not every partner is going to tolerate that kind of behavior and that she might be setting herself up for a result that she will not like.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »As other people have asked, is the issue that you are expected to prepare his meals or is the issue that you want him to also give up meat?
I am vegan and my husband is an omnivore. If he prepares something that is free of animal products and it looks good to me, I will share his dinner. If I make something that looks good to him, he will eat it. Otherwise, we prepare our own meals. Is you preparing his meals one of the expectations of your relationship?
^^ This. It sounds like you are wanting ideas on stuff you can make that will satisfy both of your dietary preferences. The stir-fry ideas, and the response above seem the simplest way. I was vegetarian most of my daughter's life, but she needed meat so I would cook meals where I could grill up a cut of meat for her separately, and I'd have tofu or soy something or other. Its unfortunate he doesn't like beans, too, since that will probably be one of your protein sources. Perhaps you two can experiment in the kitchen together!
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Just break up.
I'm surprised that hasn't come up yet.0
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