Holiday turns into negative comments regarding my gym workouts/results. How would you respond?

ccam99
ccam99 Posts: 119 Member
edited November 15 in Health and Weight Loss
So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?
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Replies

  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    A punch to the face would be inappropriate, but..
  • unhgoose
    unhgoose Posts: 122 Member
    That is so rude. I'm sorry you have to socialize with such a miserable person. After I picked my jaw off the floor I would have said something about how exercise makes me feel good mentally and physically. It makes me happy, and my going to the gym really isn't any of her business.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    That sounds petty and rude. You know there are more reasons to exercise than just your appearance, right? Like, your health? There's a saying that goes "No matter how slow you run, you're still lapping everyone who is on the couch" ... You do you and keep going. Make little changes at a time and keep track of your progress. Set goals and go after them. Enjoy the happiness and healthful benefits exercise brings you, and don't worry about nosey, likely jealous busy bodies.
  • mrihel6615
    mrihel6615 Posts: 37 Member
    edited April 2015
    Sounds like somebody (your in laws) might just be unhappy with themselves and reflect that anger onto you. My family does the same thing, my sister is over weight and she made fun of me yesterday for not eating a doughnut by saying "what, don't want to calculate the calories or something?" I usually just don't respond or say "okay." It doesn't matter what they SEE, it matters that you're doing good for yourself and improving yourself everyday!
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    I would tell her it's not any of her business, nor is it her money being spent.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    I would just change the subject. Sounds like she just wants to pick on you so it doesn't really matter what you say.
    Is she paying for the gym? Is she your doctor or personal trainer? If not, then it is none of her business if you go or what you do there.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    I'd just thank her for her concern, but you are happy with going and that you find it beneficial.

    I wouldnt waste any more time on her because you will never change her mind. You are also 52 according to your profile which is old enough to not be bothered about what someone else says, its what you think that matters in this instance. You sound healthier. If you want to lose weight then you need to sort out what you consume as thats the most important for weight loss.

    You then use the gym or exercise of choice to support and complement it. For direct weight loss / burn you need to do a lot, but for health benefits then just do good quality exercise which tests you. Cardio and resistance.
  • Hippychick5983
    Hippychick5983 Posts: 130 Member
    Tell her it is your money to waste and that it isn't about her it is about you. That you appreciate her concern but it is your life and YOU are noticing a difference. That you are doing this for YOU and YOU alone. If you are feeling a difference and noticing a difference, even if they are small ones, then it is working for you.
  • laurie62ann
    laurie62ann Posts: 433 Member
    There will always be "Negative Nancy's" so chin up and do what makes you feel great!
  • lydiakitten
    lydiakitten Posts: 132 Member
    If your weight hasn't change much, but you have seen in increase in muscle, it obligatorily means that there has been a decrease in your body fat percentage, which is a great thing. Don't let anyone tell you your effort is wasted, and don't let the slowness of results and the resentment of people in your social circle wound you.
  • earlnabby
    earlnabby Posts: 8,171 Member
    ccam99 wrote: »
    So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?

    I would have either said something simple like "I enjoy it" and changed the subject or, if she has a regular thing she does like a weekly Bridge game or Bingo or goes to a casino I might have said "Well, I am not seeing any benefits for you from playing cards"
  • abuck_13
    abuck_13 Posts: 382 Member
    Some people need a high five......in the face.......with a chair......
  • noobletmcnugget
    noobletmcnugget Posts: 518 Member
    I think that's probably just her projecting her own insecurities about her shortcomings. Just ignore her. Who cares what she thinks. It's a positive thing for you to do and that's all that matters :)
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Improved cardio-vascular fitness is still important. Is she qualified in medicine? If not, tell her: shut yer cakehole! (in a very strong south London accent).
    SmartAlec03211988 wrote: »
    A punch to the face would be inappropriate, but..

    :D
  • crazyjerseygirl
    crazyjerseygirl Posts: 1,252 Member
    ccam99 wrote: »
    So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?

    Wow. Your inlaw is a jealous little *kitten*.
    I'd just start flexing and lifting heavy things. I'm quite fat but you can still see my wee little guns!
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    Tell her to honk on bobo.
  • Corpsebride81
    Corpsebride81 Posts: 1,188 Member
    Tell her to stop exercising her mouth so much and maybe join you so she too can be healthier and maybe lose some of that attitude too x
  • aquamarina_182
    aquamarina_182 Posts: 119 Member
    ah, the in laws.... o_O dont fret over what they say. You're doing you and thats all that matters
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
    "I enjoy working out and its good for me."
    "It's really none of your business."

    After that, this:
    SezxyStef wrote: »
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.

  • ArvinSloane
    ArvinSloane Posts: 80 Member
    "Thank you for your opinion. I'll be sure to give it the consideration it deserves." ::superior smile, change of subject::
  • Bugdude54
    Bugdude54 Posts: 137 Member
    Tell her that when she dies she'll appreciate the fact you were in the gym when you're required to help carry her casket.
  • DebraJean122
    DebraJean122 Posts: 4 Member
    Such a typical comment from someone who doesn't know the benefits. Keep up the good work and the + 'tude and you are doing it for yourself.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    1. Throat punch.
    2. Tell her what you do is none of her business.
    3. Tell your husband to deal with her.
    4. Another throat punch.
  • mls100771
    mls100771 Posts: 125 Member
    Classic hater!

    One of the things you're going to have to come to terms with, is some people just don't "get it".

    Don't overly concern yourself with what people think. Some folks are threatened by people who are trying to do something different and break out of the norm. Mostly because it threatens the delicate structure of their own reality.

    Bottom line is if it feels good, makes you feel good about yourself, and is ultimately has healthful benefits, to hell with the haters!
  • lauracups
    lauracups Posts: 533 Member
    Go into "Spock" mode. Her negativity is illogical, therefore dismiss it and move along.
  • jmagdalena707
    jmagdalena707 Posts: 28 Member
    If my MIL was that rude to me about my exercise I would say either "it makes me happy to go and that's reason enough" or "Wow, that a really nasty thing to say"

    It would depend on how gracious I'm feeling at that moment. I think they're both effective at letting her know the comments aren't appreciated. The latter calls her out but would also put her on the defensive so there would be that to deal with.

    On a side note, I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of negativity. It has nothing to do with you or your results. When people act ugly it's all about their own issues. You have the right, and are worthy of taking care of yourself(through exercise) without justifying it to anyone.
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    SingRunTing wrote: »
    "I enjoy working out and its good for me."
    "It's really none of your business."

    After that, this:
    SezxyStef wrote: »
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.

    Mind you when my MIL made a comment that I was too skinny...(keep in mind she and her daughter are obese) and I needed to stop I started doing pull ups in my living room using the trim around the door as my grip and said oh okay.... >:)

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Wow. First of all I wouldn't be talking about going to the gym with my in-laws. They obviously don't "get it" so there is no need to discuss it with them.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    edited April 2015
    I'd turn the conversation back onto the real problem

    " I think the more immediate issue here is why you have an unnatural need to make others feel bad about trying to do good things for themselves that has nothing to do with you ,this can stem from an insecurity, I would really like to help you become a better more caring person so you don't become a negative influence on my children and the others around you. So let's discuss"

    But say it in a very nice way of course :wink:
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