Holiday turns into negative comments regarding my gym workouts/results. How would you respond?
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Challenge her to a foot race, and then when she starts running, trip her and laugh.1
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As people begin their transformation, the first person to take any notice is one's self. And before anyone sees a change or mentions it, the question is always: Why are you doing it?
As you progress, people close to you begin to take notice...then people you haven't seen for a while...and as you continue you get to the point where strangers come up to you and comment. The question then becomes: How did you do it?
Keep trucking...the rewards as you continue are priceless.0 -
I had a similar experience with my ex-wife's mother. My reply was "It's too difficult for me to change everything I need to at once. This is something I can do right now and I will work on the rest later. At the gym, I've learned how to be a positive role-model to others who are struggling; you should try it sometime."1
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"How is this your business?"
I would not even humor her by continuing the conversation, she is just 100% out of line. Seriously, your weight loss and fitness goals are you own. It's one thing to be honestly concerned because you are hurting yourself or something, but it did not sound like she had any real groud for butting in and definitely was not contributing anything constructive to the conversation. You are not a child, were never her child, so why is it her business?0 -
Sit her down and explain to her respectfully that though you would jump in the fire for her or your spouse that this is your and your spouse's life and you will make your own decisions. That though you really appreciate her advise ,in the end it is your and your spouse's call.
I put up with a father in law like that for about 25 years until I had "the talk" with him. You don't have to waste that much time.
Just listen to me and do what I tell you!! (-0 -
So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?
Why do you care what she thinks? If you don't want her to discuss your healthy/fitness, don't discuss it with her. Don't defend or explain yourself. It isn't any of her business, so don't let it be.
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Change the subject or say politely, "I don't want to discuss this with you." Then walk away.0
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That's really rude. From experience people say things like that when they are unable to sick to a diet or even commit to a exercise programme them selves.0
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Unless she's paying the bill and has something riding on your physical appearance, I'd have told her to mind her own f'ing business and stick her opinions up her butt.1
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"Why do I keep going to the gym? It gets me away from you."1
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I'm really sorry. This is none of her business, and your spouse/SO should tell their mother to knock it off. But, here are some scripts you can use the next time this happens.
"I've heard that exercise is good for you, so I'm going to keep doing it."
"Working out is a hobby I enjoy. Why shouldn't I keep doing it?"
"My doctor advised me to exercise more. He's pretty qualified, so I'm going to do what he recommends."
"I don't agree that it's a waste of time. But even if it was, it's no worse than wasting time in front of the TV."
My favorite:
"Wow. That was really rude." *walks away and finds someone else to chat with*
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That is so rude. I'm sorry you have to socialize with such a miserable person. After I picked my jaw off the floor I would have said something about how exercise makes me feel good mentally and physically. It makes me happy, and my going to the gym really isn't any of her business.
This.
I can relate a little too. I started changing my lifestyle long before I joined My Fitness Pal, counted calories, and got to a healthy weight. While still obese, I felt 100% better as a very active size 20 than I did as a lazy size 22, but people didn't see a difference and a few expressed I was wasting my time. That was their problem. Now that I've lost a ton of weight too they "see the value". I just roll my eyes.
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I would tell her that your health is between you and your doctor, and that her opinion was not solicited.0
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So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?
you're probably still wearing all your old clothes right??
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Another thing you can do that I love to do to people when they are being @sses is to bring others into the conversation, Just casually you know, a lot of times people will say mean things thinking you wouldn't tell anyone else. I broadcast what exactly they have said and make them look like a mean fool in front of others, sometimes people need a little humiliation.0
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"Fortunately, your opinion about my appearance is pretty much at the bottom of the long list of why I do anything on this earth. Bean dip?"0
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emmydoodles83 wrote: »I'd turn the conversation back onto the real problem
" I think the more immediate issue here is why you have an unnatural need to make others feel bad about trying to do good things for themselves that has nothing to do with you ,this can stem from an insecurity, I would really like to help you become a better more caring person so you don't become a negative influence on my children and the others around you. So let's discuss"
But say it in a very nice way of course
Love this! Always keep it classy.0 -
WOW! I wld of said if it is any of your buisness what I do or where I go anyways.. You should come with me to the gym sometime and I can show you a few workouts since Im sure you havent been in a gym in a long time!0
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When I first started really getting back in the gym a few years ago, my in law accused me of losing weight for attention. Her son/my ex was not a good person, abusive, and was always lying to me and everyone around him. Because he didn't want me away for too long, he would tell lies about where I was and even say I kept my job only because of my friends, specifically the male ones (I kept my job because he wouldn't work). When I was at the gym, he would tell people he didn't know where I was as if I ran away or was doing something sneaky just to get me to stop going and stay home and rot on the couch with him and his mother, and eat peanut butter cups until we all exploded.
Long story short, people make assumptions, people are rude, and others just don't understand your total situation some times. When people can't understand what you're dealing with, they make up their own story and go with it. When they have settled on why you do the things you do, it's tough to ever convince them of the truth. I say, do what is good for you and surround yourself with supportive people why "get it". If you can manage enough good energy, it's easier to fight off the bad.0 -
I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said, so I'll just quickly summarize:
Exercising for your health and wellness is first; aesthetics are secondary.
It's none of their business.
The gym is third, only to religion and parenting, for unsolicited criticism and opinions.0 -
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OP, how old is your mother in law? When I responded I assumed that you were much younger. Many people in older generations don't understand the benefits of exercise especially as it pertains to women. I have literally been told by an older person that my uterus will fall out if I pick up something too heavy.0
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A general FOAD tends to be my response.0
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Go into "Spock" mode. Her negativity is illogical, therefore dismiss it and move along.
Can't forget to raise the eyebrow...lol. I totally can to that way of thinking. I will be using this on others.
OP, at this point in my life, I just do not waste my time of breath on ignorant people. I would have shrugged and say oh, and disengaged. That pisses them off more because they are looking for a tussle with you.
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That's just ridiculous. Exercise isn't just for weight loss, it's good for you.
It increases your immune system
it boosts your mood and fights depression (I would have pointed out with rude negative people like her in your life you need this benefit the most)
improves sleep
increases energy
reduced risk of osteoporosis in women
improves digestion
reduces the risk of some cancers
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whatever you do, DON'T start explaining yourself or listing the many excellent reasons for exercise. Doing so implies that she has a say and deserves an explanation as to why and how you run your life.
Cold stare and an attitude that her opinion means less than nothing. You do NOT want to encourage the notion that her commenting is at all appropriate. It is not her place to say a damn thing. She doesn't get a vote.0 -
I am a mother in law... (I would never say something like this)
I am so concerned with the dreaded mil stigma that I over complement her...
all the family was over Sunday and I must have complemented here at least 4 times..
she looked great, the food she made was awesome, liked how she styled her hair, etc...
We do get along great and have some similar personality traits/interests. Yet I still worry about the darn stigma of mil.
I feel bad for you having to deal with yours. Do what you want for yourself.
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