My rock bottom... trying to get out :(

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Replies

  • palwithme
    palwithme Posts: 860 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    I thought physical abuse was mentioned, and

    2) The suggestion was to go there to see if they had classes, etc to help her get her life back together. And I bet they could help her with all the verbal abuse and feelings of worthlessness instilled by this man. Finally there's some hinky financial *kitten* going on that she needs to sort out - all the spending money being from her account and all the savings money being in his account?? You really don't see where this is going??

    If he hits her, that's a different story. I don't recall seeing it though.

    There may well be some financial exploitation going on, yes. But she's fully aware of it. She spelled it out in this thread. It wasn't hidden from her and she agreed to the terms.

    Unless she's developmentally disabled, demented, schizoid or experiencing intermittent psychotic episodes, she's able to make her own decisions. Seriously. If she's declared mentally incompetent then her parents could take custody of her and manage her money. It worked for Brittany Spears. Somehow I doubt she falls into this rather extreme category though.

    Also, she said her husband "made" her go to law school. That was nice of him. That's worth a lot of future financial security and is as good as money in the bank. It would probably be a good idea for her to put that proverbial money in her own bank account rather than his, but assuming she's of sound mind, she can do this anytime she wants. The sooner the better, one would think.

    There are some real victims in the world yes. But this? I don't think so.

    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    Yup, agree. A child trying to fix big kid problems. How can you give any kind of advice or commentary on such an important issue based on a few postings on an Internet message board? This is probably just the tip of the ice berg.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    I have been ignoring my husband's texts today. I didn't go meet up with him like he wanted.

    I'm taking one day at a time. This is the strongest I have ever been. Have I "officially" left him yet? No. But this is the best I have come to it since the beginning of our relationship. I am trying to build up courage and each and every one of you is helping me find myself again.

    I need this time to work on me. I am still weak and clouded with emotions. But I'm trying.

    Not looking forward to seeing my old boss sometime this week so she can let me back in the office to collect my stuff.

    Oh, and P.S., another lawyer from the firm called me today because she heard the news and said she was shocked and didn't agree with how my boss handled the situation... going into politics and leaving me to do all the work only to let me go when I didn't bill enough to cover all of our salaries. She said many people have worked for her and each time it ended badly. She said she is there to support me and would give me a reference any day (even though I didn't work for her, it is an association of independent law practices and she just shared our office space).

    I love you all. I feel so much love from around the world. More love than I have ever felt from him.


    That's fantastic!! So, your boss managed to make you feel inadequate even though you were and are more than up to the task at hand. Same with that husband...
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    Might I politely suggest instead say. While I value you as a person and a human being, on this one instance I do not share the same point of view. Here is a flower for you ::flowerforyou::

    Otherwise you really are risking getting a warning for posting something not so polite. God Bless. ::flowerforyou::

    EDIT: I notice that you did get a flag. I just want to point out that this was not me being in social justice warrior mode!!.

    Well, because that would be a lie and I'm not a liar. Being in favor of one person abusing another is not a "point of view". Blaming victims for their abuse is not a "point of view".

    It's a complete moral failing.
  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
    palwithme wrote: »
    Thank God that a**hole of a boss lost the election. Your are a frigging lawyer! You are intelligent, brave, and a great person. Tell that husband of yours to drive his truck off a cliff. You don't need his sh** anymore. You can take care of yourself. Then tell him to take his 30 days of water and give himself an enema that goes straight up to his useless brain. As you can tell, I am pi**ed off for you. ;)

    Some of your aggressive comments (the above is just one of many I have read) could also be deemed as terrible advice but yet you criticize everybody else's input and use insults to counter other peoples opinions. Ironic on a thread about abuse/bullying.
  • palwithme
    palwithme Posts: 860 Member
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    palwithme wrote: »
    Thank God that a**hole of a boss lost the election. Your are a frigging lawyer! You are intelligent, brave, and a great person. Tell that husband of yours to drive his truck off a cliff. You don't need his sh** anymore. You can take care of yourself. Then tell him to take his 30 days of water and give himself an enema that goes straight up to his useless brain. As you can tell, I am pi**ed off for you. ;)

    Some of your aggressive comments (the above is just one of many I have read) could also be deemed as terrible advice but yet you criticize everybody else's input and use insults to counter other peoples opinions. Ironic on a thread about abuse/bullying.

    Well, I admit that was over the top. I said later that I was trying to be funny. Point taken.
  • Of_Monsters_and_Meat
    Of_Monsters_and_Meat Posts: 1,022 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    Might I politely suggest instead say. While I value you as a person and a human being, on this one instance I do not share the same point of view. Here is a flower for you ::flowerforyou::

    Otherwise you really are risking getting a warning for posting something not so polite. God Bless. ::flowerforyou::

    EDIT: I notice that you did get a flag. I just want to point out that this was not me being in social justice warrior mode!!.

    Well, because that would be a lie and I'm not a liar. Being in favor of one person abusing another is not a "point of view". Blaming victims for their abuse is not a "point of view".

    It's a complete moral failing.

    I didn't even read this thread. I just don't want you to get a warning for expressing your opinion.
  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    I thought physical abuse was mentioned, and

    2) The suggestion was to go there to see if they had classes, etc to help her get her life back together. And I bet they could help her with all the verbal abuse and feelings of worthlessness instilled by this man. Finally there's some hinky financial *kitten* going on that she needs to sort out - all the spending money being from her account and all the savings money being in his account?? You really don't see where this is going??

    If he hits her, that's a different story. I don't recall seeing it though.

    There may well be some financial exploitation going on, yes. But she's fully aware of it. She spelled it out in this thread. It wasn't hidden from her and she agreed to the terms.

    Unless she's developmentally disabled, demented, schizoid or experiencing intermittent psychotic episodes, she's able to make her own decisions. Seriously. If she's declared mentally incompetent then her parents could take custody of her and manage her money. It worked for Brittany Spears. Somehow I doubt she falls into this rather extreme category though.

    Also, she said her husband "made" her go to law school. That was nice of him. That's worth a lot of future financial security and is as good as money in the bank. It would probably be a good idea for her to put that proverbial money in her own bank account rather than his, but assuming she's of sound mind, she can do this anytime she wants. The sooner the better, one would think.

    There are some real victims in the world yes. But this? I don't think so.

    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    What a terrible thing to say about somebody.
  • I will most definitely be praying 4 u ok took guts to and a strong mind to tell it will power
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    I thought physical abuse was mentioned, and

    2) The suggestion was to go there to see if they had classes, etc to help her get her life back together. And I bet they could help her with all the verbal abuse and feelings of worthlessness instilled by this man. Finally there's some hinky financial *kitten* going on that she needs to sort out - all the spending money being from her account and all the savings money being in his account?? You really don't see where this is going??

    If he hits her, that's a different story. I don't recall seeing it though.

    There may well be some financial exploitation going on, yes. But she's fully aware of it. She spelled it out in this thread. It wasn't hidden from her and she agreed to the terms.

    Unless she's developmentally disabled, demented, schizoid or experiencing intermittent psychotic episodes, she's able to make her own decisions. Seriously. If she's declared mentally incompetent then her parents could take custody of her and manage her money. It worked for Brittany Spears. Somehow I doubt she falls into this rather extreme category though.

    Also, she said her husband "made" her go to law school. That was nice of him. That's worth a lot of future financial security and is as good as money in the bank. It would probably be a good idea for her to put that proverbial money in her own bank account rather than his, but assuming she's of sound mind, she can do this anytime she wants. The sooner the better, one would think.

    There are some real victims in the world yes. But this? I don't think so.

    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    What a terrible thing to say about somebody.

    More terrible than saying someone deserves to be beaten up on the regular?
  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    I thought physical abuse was mentioned, and

    2) The suggestion was to go there to see if they had classes, etc to help her get her life back together. And I bet they could help her with all the verbal abuse and feelings of worthlessness instilled by this man. Finally there's some hinky financial *kitten* going on that she needs to sort out - all the spending money being from her account and all the savings money being in his account?? You really don't see where this is going??

    If he hits her, that's a different story. I don't recall seeing it though.

    There may well be some financial exploitation going on, yes. But she's fully aware of it. She spelled it out in this thread. It wasn't hidden from her and she agreed to the terms.

    Unless she's developmentally disabled, demented, schizoid or experiencing intermittent psychotic episodes, she's able to make her own decisions. Seriously. If she's declared mentally incompetent then her parents could take custody of her and manage her money. It worked for Brittany Spears. Somehow I doubt she falls into this rather extreme category though.

    Also, she said her husband "made" her go to law school. That was nice of him. That's worth a lot of future financial security and is as good as money in the bank. It would probably be a good idea for her to put that proverbial money in her own bank account rather than his, but assuming she's of sound mind, she can do this anytime she wants. The sooner the better, one would think.

    There are some real victims in the world yes. But this? I don't think so.

    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    What a terrible thing to say about somebody.

    More terrible than saying someone deserves to be beaten up on the regular?

    Nobody said that. Show me a quote where somebody condones that kind of behaviour. Otherwise it looks like you are using Inflammatory language again on something that is already a sensitive subject. Take care.
  • sofaking6
    sofaking6 Posts: 4,589 Member
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    sofaking6 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    JaneiR36 wrote: »
    I thought physical abuse was mentioned, and

    2) The suggestion was to go there to see if they had classes, etc to help her get her life back together. And I bet they could help her with all the verbal abuse and feelings of worthlessness instilled by this man. Finally there's some hinky financial *kitten* going on that she needs to sort out - all the spending money being from her account and all the savings money being in his account?? You really don't see where this is going??

    If he hits her, that's a different story. I don't recall seeing it though.

    There may well be some financial exploitation going on, yes. But she's fully aware of it. She spelled it out in this thread. It wasn't hidden from her and she agreed to the terms.

    Unless she's developmentally disabled, demented, schizoid or experiencing intermittent psychotic episodes, she's able to make her own decisions. Seriously. If she's declared mentally incompetent then her parents could take custody of her and manage her money. It worked for Brittany Spears. Somehow I doubt she falls into this rather extreme category though.

    Also, she said her husband "made" her go to law school. That was nice of him. That's worth a lot of future financial security and is as good as money in the bank. It would probably be a good idea for her to put that proverbial money in her own bank account rather than his, but assuming she's of sound mind, she can do this anytime she wants. The sooner the better, one would think.

    There are some real victims in the world yes. But this? I don't think so.

    Asking for a flag here, but I can't help it- you are a disgusting human being.

    What a terrible thing to say about somebody.

    More terrible than saying someone deserves to be beaten up on the regular?

    Nobody said that. Show me a quote where somebody condones that kind of behaviour. Otherwise it looks like you are using Inflammatory language again on something that is already a sensitive subject. Take care.


    Don't get mad at me because you showed up on a thread for the express purpose of making someone who is already suffering feel even crappier and then got called out for it.

  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
    I'm not mad at all, If I was I would have commented on the insults directed at me. I just find your nasty/personal comments at others and all round hypocrisy on a thread about abuse interesting and how easy it is to let emotions on a sensitive (private?) subject like this run away with us. Take care.
  • palwithme
    palwithme Posts: 860 Member
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    I'm not mad at all, If I was I would have commented on the insults directed at me. I just find your nasty/personal comments at others and all round hypocrisy on a thread about abuse interesting and how easy it is to let emotions on a sensitive (private?) subject like this run away with us. Take care.

    Didn't OP say your comment was hurtful? Did you apologize to her?
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
    I have been ignoring my husband's texts today. I didn't go meet up with him like he wanted.

    I'm taking one day at a time. This is the strongest I have ever been. Have I "officially" left him yet? No. But this is the best I have come to it since the beginning of our relationship. I am trying to build up courage and each and every one of you is helping me find myself again.

    I need this time to work on me. I am still weak and clouded with emotions. But I'm trying.

    Not looking forward to seeing my old boss sometime this week so she can let me back in the office to collect my stuff.

    Oh, and P.S., another lawyer from the firm called me today because she heard the news and said she was shocked and didn't agree with how my boss handled the situation... going into politics and leaving me to do all the work only to let me go when I didn't bill enough to cover all of our salaries. She said many people have worked for her and each time it ended badly. She said she is there to support me and would give me a reference any day (even though I didn't work for her, it is an association of independent law practices and she just shared our office space).

    I love you all. I feel so much love from around the world. More love than I have ever felt from him.

    I don't have a lot to add to the relationship or AA advice, but I just wanted to say--being a lawyer sucks sometimes. It is hard, other lawyers make it harder, and unfortunately getting a raw deal at work isn't unheard of. Often you will feel like you aren't good enough, beat yourself up over what you could have done differently/better, etc. The fact that this other lawyer contacted you and is willing to be a reference is fantastic. I would be happy to act as a sounding board/give you my two cents if you need it. I think you are incredibly courageous, and I wish you the best of luck with everything.

  • slideaway1
    slideaway1 Posts: 1,006 Member
    Yes she did. I am sorry that it upset her. But I do stand by my two comments (One very supportive, one insulting her husband but also suggesting that we as individuals have to take responsibility for our decisions). By forgiving these people we are enabling them and I think we have to take responsibility for ourselves so it does not happen again (I realise there are many reasons why people do this kids, financial, brainwashing, control etc). This was however my own personal opinion spoken from the heart to the OP (not for your feedback). I have a Masters Degree in Phycology (not sports lol) and have grown up in domestic violence so too call me stupid was insulting. You do not have a Monopoly on all things domestic violence and other peoples experiences are just as valid as your own, even if you disagree.
  • palwithme
    palwithme Posts: 860 Member
    edited April 2015
    slideaway1 wrote: »
    Yes she did. I am sorry that it upset her. But I do stand by my two comments (One very supportive, one insulting her husband but also suggesting that we as individuals have to take responsibility for our decisions). By forgiving these people we are enabling them and I think we have to take responsibility for ourselves so it does not happen again (I realise there are many reasons why people do this kids, financial, brainwashing, control etc). This was however my own personal opinion spoken from the heart to the OP (not for your feedback). I have a Masters Degree in Phycology (not sports lol) and have grown up in domestic violence so too call me stupid was insulting. You do not have a Monopoly on all things domestic violence and other peoples experiences are just as valid as your own, even if you disagree.

    So....you didn't apologize. Seems to me when you basically call someone stupid for marrying someone that is "advice," but if someone does the same to you then they are being a bully. Gotcha.
  • zacksnana
    zacksnana Posts: 3,230 Member
    Let's stop and let the OP continue to get any support she wants/needs from this thread and since she is already in a fragile state anyone who doesn't want to offer support can hopefully choose to move along. It has been suggested she seek help from professionals and she is doing that. But a lot of people here are also a much needed source of support for her.

    Thank you.
  • ajcc500
    ajcc500 Posts: 32 Member
    zacksnana wrote: »
    Let's stop and let the OP continue to get any support she wants/needs from this thread and since she is already in a fragile state anyone who doesn't want to offer support can hopefully choose to move along. It has been suggested she seek help from professionals and she is doing that. But a lot of people here are also a much needed source of support for her.

    Thank you.

    Well said, thank you
  • Feistycat
    Feistycat Posts: 12,868 Member
    Dear Managing Intake,

    I, too, would advocate a Domestic Abuse Shelter because your husband knows where your parents live, right?

    Is he able to track your whereabouts by tracking your phone via computer? You might consider getting a new phone/phone number. Then he wouldn't be texting you anymore.

    Just a thought. I'm thinking of you.
  • glutenfreechic
    glutenfreechic Posts: 57 Member
    zacksnana wrote: »
    Let's stop and let the OP continue to get any support she wants/needs from this thread and since she is already in a fragile state anyone who doesn't want to offer support can hopefully choose to move along. It has been suggested she seek help from professionals and she is doing that. But a lot of people here are also a much needed source of support for her.

    Thank you.

    Seconding this. Lets keep this thread positive and supportive for the OP.