Do you view your old eating habits as a personal failing?
AlabasterVerve
Posts: 3,171 Member
mamapeach910 wrote: »
No. It's a preference to abstain.
It's a failing to still want an outsized serving.
And there's nothing wrong with having a failing and deciding to deal with it this way. But it's not a mark against the idea of moderation if you find you can't moderate yourself when it comes to some trigger foods.
And before you think I haven't stared down a box of cookies and eaten the whole thing or a pan of brownies and "just another bite"-d my way through the whole pan? Think again.
The previous thread where this discussion was taking place was closed but I thought that this was a really interesting point that @mamapeach910 brings up. I think some of the disconnect is that not everyone views their behavior as a personal failing in need of correction.
My thought process is of course I ate the whole pan of brownies; they're delicious and a pan of brownies is better than one. That's a perfectly normal thought to have, IMO. But now that I've decided I want to lose weight I can't eat the whole pan of brownies -- that's the problem, not me.
It doesn't mean I have to suddenly think eating a pan of brownies is wrong, feel guilt, shame and spend years trying to brainwash myself into thinking one brownie is just as good as a pan of brownies... which would take a long freakin' time and a lot of self-recrimination because I don't think there's anything wrong with eating a pan of brownies. I just go with the flow and work with the way I am and come to a compromise I'm happy with -- like only having brownies once or twice a year so I can enjoy as many as I want and still lose or maintain my weight. I don't want or need to be reprogrammed.
What about you? Do you work on changing yourself and the way you think about food to make your weight loss successful or do you opt for workarounds and compromises you can be happy with? Perhaps a little bit of both?
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You just have to decide what you want more....brownies...or weight loss. Or count the calories in brownies and stay at a deficit.
My advice would be to have a cheat meal (NOT DAY) once a week. And on this meal add brownies. For me...Saturday night is cheat meal...usually family date night and date night with wifey. We always go out to eat...it is mandatory. On this meal I splurge a little.0 -
I should offer a little bit of explanation behind why I've come to think that way. I've had some time to observe "naturally thin" people. Both my late mother in law and my children are naturally thin and instinctively regulate their food intake to maintain a normal weight.
My daughter is 20 now, so she's a good data point to draw some conclusions from.
The one thing none of them EVER did/do.
Eat anything to excess. The crazy kind of "whole pan of brownies" excess that I used to be capable of.
So, I'm trying to learn something from their behavior. But not only that. Appropriate portion sizes for my height, my age, and my activity levels are something I've eaten above and beyond for a long time. Having a little more than might be appropriate on a special occasion like a holiday and eating less the next week to make up for it? That's fine.
Going crazy and stuffing myself to wretched excess? A very bad habit that I should and do find a failure and no longer acceptable behavior for myself.
I posted on another thread that I've conquered my two trigger foods, so I've come a long way.
I can eat a single brownie now.
I abstained for years, though! It's not a failing to give them up if you can't face them, but I think throwing your hands up and saying "I can't have what I want!!!!" without working on wanting that much is still leaving a problem on your plate.0 -
DedRepublic wrote: »You just have to decide what you want more....brownies...or weight loss. Or count the calories in brownies and stay at a deficit.
+1 Some days, the brownies win. Some days, they don't.
I don't see how I used to eat as a failure. It was just how I used to eat. Sometimes, I still want to eat that way - eat until "satisfied" rather than "not hungry", eat the foods I want without worrying about fitting them into my calories and sodium for the day, not weigh every thing. I don't feel "righteous" about how I eat now. Yes, I've lost weight. BFD. When can I eat cottage cheese and beef jerky again?0 -
An old proverb states, "The fruit of the Spirit is self-control".
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Not a personal failing, no. Just a problem with moderation.
And not taking into account, getting older and that awful word - menopause. If only it just did mean you were having a pause from men for a while.......!0 -
I call it selfishness, immaturity and being uneducated. I like the new me better haha0
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You guys might want to read the Book "Failing Forward" by John C. Maxwell. Another great book is "Start With WHY."
At the end of the day deficit calories produce weight loss. You eat to deficit or you do not. Exercise makes this easier. Your actions follow what you want. When you want to lose weight...you'll simply just start making the daily decisions to do so...but not until then.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »I should offer a little bit of explanation behind why I've come to think that way. I've had some time to observe "naturally thin" people. Both my late mother in law and my children are naturally thin and instinctively regulate their food intake to maintain a normal weight.
My daughter is 20 now, so she's a good data point to draw some conclusions from.
The one thing none of them EVER did/do.
Eat anything to excess. The crazy kind of "whole pan of brownies" excess that I used to be capable of.
So, I'm trying to learn something from their behavior. But not only that. Appropriate portion sizes for my height, my age, and my activity levels are something I've eaten above and beyond for a long time. Having a little more than might be appropriate on a special occasion like a holiday and eating less the next week to make up for it? That's fine.
Going crazy and stuffing myself to wretched excess? A very bad habit that I should and do find a failure and no longer acceptable behavior for myself.
I posted on another thread that I've conquered my two trigger foods, so I've come a long way.
I can eat a single brownie now.
I abstained for years, though! It's not a failing to give them up if you can't face them, but I think throwing your hands up and saying "I can't have what I want!!!!" without working on wanting that much is still leaving a problem on your plate.
Oh peach, yes yes a million times yes, to all that you wrote. The problem never was the brownies, was it? As someone who has eaten to excess for a long time, I can honestly say, it wasnt the damn food. it was me.0 -
I find that thinking it should be ok to eat to excess daily is a personal failing. I have found that I do well with moderation daily. I have chosen 8 special events a year that I can eat to excess and I figure they will balance with the rest of the year figuring on days I am sick or just to busy or distracted to eat much.0
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It should be noted in this thread that for some people, "the whole pizza" is a 1,000 calorie pizza they made themselves that fits in their daily calorie goals and is appropriate for their age/height/weight. That's cool. That's not overeating. Overeating is relative to your own personal situation/calorie limits.0
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DedRepublic wrote: »You just have to decide what you want more....brownies...or weight loss. Or count the calories in brownies and stay at a deficit.
My advice would be to have a cheat meal (NOT DAY) once a week. And on this meal add brownies. For me...Saturday night is cheat meal...usually family date night and date night with wifey. We always go out to eat...it is mandatory. On this meal I splurge a little.
This0 -
For me, I can't expect to embody the thought processes of the naturally thin person, because I am an addict. Food was my addiction, so to even to have a pan of brownies anywhere in sight is dangerous. I have to make sure I have snacks in the house that won't send me headlong into a binge. Fruit, such as a clementine, does wonders for my cravings. Eating plenty of protein at meals and eating lots of vegetables, both raw and cooked keeps me satisfied so that I am not hunting for something sweet to eat. For now, I have to stay away from trigger foods if I am to succeed instead of fail.0
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And I am sure we all have trigger foods......if not a few!
I may as well not even start a packet of doritos if I am not going to finish it - and yes, I mean the family pack. So although I am all for moderation, there are some foods I cannot be moderate about......but the good news, is they are very rarely healthy. Its not as if I cannot be left alone with a family bag of carrots!0 -
I don't consider the way I used to eat a personal failing. I was a younger person with a higher metabolism. I could eat a dish of ice cream every day and not gain weight. When I was in graduate school, I used to get an ice cream sandwich every day as a snack and eat 3 square meals a day, then maybe go out for ice cream after dinner. A date would take me to a Chinese restaurant, and we'd wipe out a pu-pu platter and a big pile of fried rice. I didn't weigh over 115 until I had children. I ate like a young, active person. Now I'm a much older person with a very different metabolism. Many of us just have to realize that we have to adjust our eating lifestyle to what our bodies now are. I don't think it should be all about shame and regret.0
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Taking personal responsibility is not the same as shame. And it doesn't sound like you binged out on outsized portions. I think you missed the point.0
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mamapeach910 wrote: »Taking personal responsibility is not the same as shame. And it doesn't sound like you binged out on outsized portions. I think you missed the point.
me too.0 -
AlabasterVerve wrote: »What about you? Do you work on changing yourself and the way you think about food to make your weight loss successful or do you opt for workarounds and compromises you can be happy with? Perhaps a little bit of both?
Something I've learned about my eating habits from this site is that they weren't all that bad.
I consistently ate too much for my sedentary level of activity. I was just ignorant about the calories I needed and how much I was really eating. I found out and I have adjusted. Mostly I have the same foods but eat smaller portions. Other foods I used to eat are obviously to me not as worth spending my precious calories on very often so I make different choices. I am trading one thing I like for something else I like that fits my goals easier. It is kind of like a game to me.
Sometimes I do choose to eat over my calorie limit with the full knowledge that I can not do that all the time and lose weight. Once in awhile is okay though. I don't feel guilty on those occasions.
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I've never eaten a whole pan of brownies, or a whole bag of chips or whatever, so it's hard for me to answer. I was never an emotional or binge eater. I just drank lots of soda (>1000 calories worth a day).
But no, I don't see my past behavior as a failure. It was just a different set of choices than I make now.0 -
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »I've never eaten a whole pan of brownies, or a whole bag of chips or whatever, so it's hard for me to answer. I was never an emotional or binge eater. I just drank lots of soda (>1000 calories worth a day).
But no, I don't see my past behavior as a failure. It was just a different set of choices than I make now.
I think that's the real issue. I wasn't an emotional eater. I've seen the research demonstrating how an emotional eater self-soothes with food, so on a science level, I understand how it works. It's the equivalent of someone with OCD who has to turn the doorknob 3 times. However, it's not my baggage, and I don't tie emotions to food, or to the act of denying a food, or to the act of indulging in one. By extension, i don't perceive emotions in other people's food choices, unless they explicitly bring it up.
At best, the way I was eating the past few years is a math failure, not a personal one. I quit weighing and counting in favor of the screw it, close enough method. If I'd received some sort of brain chemistry reward each time I poured cream into coffee without measuring, or grabbed a second helping of something without weighing it first, maybe I'd see it differently.0 -
This is a really interesting question that I've never really thought of.
I've struggled with a healthy eating pattern for most of my life. Some of that was fixed with education. A lot of that was fixed with therapy and thyroid medication. But I don't really see that so much as a personal failing. It is more like a huge freaking pot hole in the road that busted your tire. Although sometimes it's not entirely you're fault- it still needed fixing and it's got to be you to fix it.
However, my most recent gain of the past 3 years- that was pure laziness. Not a "personal failing", but still something that really needed correcting. I was eating way more calories and much larger portions than my body needs and I knew it. It wasn't healthy, I wasn't 100% normal intestinal-wise, and I knew something was up. But after 2 years of being sick with gallstones, after it was removed I figured "it's not worse, it's a bit better. So I'm okay." LAZY.
I don't know if others have experienced the same difficulty I have with elimination diets to try and figure out the one thing (or more) that is causing issues. It's seriously been four months of this elimination diet hell and I'm still working on it. I have to prepare all my own sauces- from broths to ketchup. I have to cook everything myself and if I forget my lunch, I have to pay a heck of a lot more to not get sick. 5 months ago I figured that is what I would be up against, because that is everything I needed to do for gallstones. I thought: "why bother, it's too hard. This is good enough. At least I'm not hungry anymore."
So yeah I don't think of my past actions as a weakness, shameful, failing, etc., but lets not be coy I was being freaking lazy. "Nothing planned for dinner? Call pizza place." I can't do that anymore, I can't be flippant about what I eat. Even the portion sizes- it was just easier to cut a recipe into two portions and serve the same amount for my husband and I. He's 5 inches taller than me and doesn't have hypothryoidism- I do NOT need to eat as much as he does!! Adding it all together, it may be trickier, but it is so worth it. I have energy. I don't get the burning in my joints, the eczema, the dermatitis, the bloating, nausea, cramping, ect. they're all gone. Even my asthma is better. The me from 5 months ago didn't think any of that was even remotely possible and thought it was easier not to try. In short, I was just being lazy and yeah not only did I desperately need the change, I'm so glad I did.0 -
I don't view it as a personal failing, it's really an education failing. And it's not just health and nutrition where education fails us. Our education system does not teach how to cook, how to do taxes, how to take out a loan, to invest, etc. Or at least it didn't where I grew up. A small percentage of states have requirements on physical education on the books. And have you seen the meals they serve kids in school?? Basically our education system sets us up for failure in a lot of ways, or doesn't properly prepare us for "real life". They don't teach us the basics that are necessary to function in our society. Nutrition is something that you have to learn on your own, or from your parents. But with 40% of the nation being overweight you think they would get the point and start incorporating it into our public education system. After all, good eating habits early on will carry forward in life. And as the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And then when we do have people trying to teach us about nutrition on a large scale, we get Dr. Oz smh...0
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I don't see them as a failing as such no. What I know now is that overate a little but even consistent daily 50cal exces over a long time does result in weight gain. But I do know that on the occasional binge (even christmas) that I felt so horrible and bad afterward (stuffed to the gills) and that I did not like that feeling. I needed to learn listen to my body instead of my eyes. I love good, fresh food and still do.0
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I don't I feel a sense of failure. Back then it was just a different concept of "normal" -- larger portion sizes and lack of a balanced diet -- back then I was able to get away with it. Unfortunately that would go on to be bad for my health. I wrote checks in my 20s (lots of booze and carbs) that my body decided to "cash" in my 30s.
For me it isn't even about a number on a scale anymore. My overall well being and health is so much better on so many levels I just have no desire to go back to where I was before.
As for the last questions, I'd say the two go hand in hand.0 -
It's interesting to me how many people here automatically associate the words "personally failure" with some sense of shame.
It's also really telling.
One of the most key points in my personal growth was acknowledging that it's okay to be wrong sometimes, there is no shame in it.
Having made a fail when it came to eating outsized portions just means that we were doing it wrong. No shame. Just something to learn from and change.
People are afraid of being wrong too much and hide from it with shame. It's interesting to me.0 -
I changed my eating habits so long ago, I can't even remember what my old ones were. Hahaha0
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Brownies = win win...
The whole pan of brownies = never been an issue. I still eat brownies. I still eat all the goodies I like and yes the portion sizes suck.
I did not fail anything. I was uneducated and stupid and stupid decisions as it related to my health. My empowerment came through willing to analyze my habits., etc... and I just found a better (or right way) to do it!
I know now why the original thread may been closed down..0 -
herrspoons wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »It's interesting to me how many people here automatically associate the words "personally failure" with some sense of shame.
It's also really telling.
One of the most key points in my personal growth was acknowledging that it's okay to be wrong sometimes, there is no shame in it.
Having made a fail when it came to eating outsized portions just means that we were doing it wrong. No shame. Just something to learn from and change.
People are afraid of being wrong too much and hide from it with shame. It's interesting to me.
Exactly. It's actually very empowering when you realise that because you were responsible for your failings you are also completely in charge of turning those into successes.
+1000
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Brownies = win win...
The whole pan of brownies = never been an issue. I still eat brownies. I still eat all the goodies I like and yes the portion sizes suck.
I did not fail anything. I was uneducated and stupid and stupid decisions as it related to my health. My empowerment came through willing to analyze my habits., etc... and I just found a better (or right way) to do it!
I know now why the original thread may been closed down..
There's nothing in this thread like what was going on in the other thread.
Try again.
Let me ask you, were you always overweight?
Also, if you found a "right" way to do things now, that means you were... wrong... before, correct?
When one repeatedly does something wrong, it's a failure. It's okay to fail. Failure is often how we learn. Remember learning to ride a bike? It's not a moral failure or a character flaw, it's just... being wrong.
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This discussion has been closed.
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