Pressure from BF motivates me

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AidenMarie2015
AidenMarie2015 Posts: 6 Member
in Getting Started
Hi all,

I've been wanting to get in better shape for a while, but recently I've been feeling as though my boyfriend isn't happy with the way I look. I confronted him about this, and he admits that, while he finds me physically attractive and is even more attracted by my personality and my character, "the stuff that matters," he wishes that he were "more physically attracted" to me. He realized after he said it that it was totally out of line and apologized. I chalk it up to immaturity, but somehow I've not been able to get it off my mind.

I'm 25, 5'7, and 130 lbs., and while I know I need to cut the fast food and start working out for health reasons, I'm afraid that I'll get obsessed with looking better to the extent that I become unhealthy. I only eat about 1200 calories most days (at least five days/week) as it is, but since I've started watching my food intake and walk 30 min a day, I've started to have so little energy and am always hungry.

Any advice on staying healthy while making sure I don't focus on the things he's said? This is something that he will for sure have to grow out of--fast--if we're going to continue the relationship, but even if it ends, I don't know how I'll be able to keep that out of my workout motivation.
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Replies

  • techgal128
    techgal128 Posts: 719 Member
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    How old are you two? That can affect the answer quite a bit.
  • AidenMarie2015
    AidenMarie2015 Posts: 6 Member
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    I'm 25, he's 23
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
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    Don't let pressure from your bf be your motivation. You have to do this for yourself. You can lose a lot of weight very quickly by dumping the bf, too. ;)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,525 Member
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    You're not overweight, so what physical attraction is he speaking of?
    You should be just doing this for you and your reasons. Not to appease or meet an expectation of someone else.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • gail1961
    gail1961 Posts: 111 Member
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    You seriously think this has anything to do with your weight? At 5'7" and 130 pounds, you should not be looking to lose weight. You are right to be concerned about getting obsessed. You are thinking about doing this because you think this would make your boyfriend be more attracted to you. I know how you can lose 160ish pounds of unwanted fat- lose the boyfriend. 1200 calories at 5'7" 130, no wonder you have little energy. Put your stats into MFP and set it to lose 0 pounds a week. That is your maintenance and you shouldn't go lower than that. Work out to get strong/in shape, not for weight loss. Just my opinion....
  • AidenMarie2015
    AidenMarie2015 Posts: 6 Member
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    To clarify: weight loss isn't my goal with this program--getting healthy is.

    If anything, I'd like to gain weight in muscle. For now, I am focusing on getting a little exercise (light walking--I'm a teacher and am on my feet all day anyway) and eating right.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
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    130 and 5'7"? You're not overweight.
  • iwantmydenimback
    iwantmydenimback Posts: 194 Member
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    Uh. I'm 5'3 and my lowest end goal weight is 130. You absolutely do not need to lose weight. If you're not happy with the shape of your body, jump on that weight training. But please don't kid yourself into thinking that your boyfriend will be more stoked about your appearance if you get unhealthily thin.
  • flawedsoperfectly
    flawedsoperfectly Posts: 6 Member
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    Your profile says you're looking to lose weight. I don't think being rail thin is going to make him more attracted to you. Seems to me like he has a problem, not you.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    Your boyfriend is obviously one of those "boys" who find stick insects attractive. ..

    Don't worry, he'll grow up eventually :wink:
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    1. you arent overweight like they all said.
    2. You need to do things for you not because of what he says. Do you ask him to go to the gym for you?
    3. Less food isnt the way to go if you are going to exercise lift some weights.
  • FrankiesSaysRelax
    FrankiesSaysRelax Posts: 403 Member
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    If you're not trying to lose weight, there is absolutely 0 reason you should be eating 1200 calories. Even if you are trying to lose weight, that is not enough. If you're unhappy with your physical appearance, I would suggest weight lifting. Also, get a boyfriend who appreciates you and doesn't make you feel like this.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
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    FrankiesSaysRelax wrote: »
    If you're not trying to lose weight, there is absolutely 0 reason you should be eating 1200 calories. Even if you are trying to lose weight, that is not enough. If you're unhappy with your physical appearance, I would suggest weight lifting. Also, get a boyfriend who appreciates you and doesn't make you feel like this.

    :+1:

  • carliekitty
    carliekitty Posts: 303 Member
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    Dump your boyfriend. Make yourself happy!
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    This makes me sad. I hope you find your mad.
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,637 Member
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    AidenMarie2015 wrote: »
    I've been wanting to get in better shape for a while, but recently I've been feeling as though my boyfriend isn't happy with the way I look. I'm 25, 5'7, and 130 lbs., and while I know I need to cut the fast food and start working out for health reasons, I'm afraid that I'll get obsessed with looking better to the extent that I become unhealthy. I only eat about 1200 calories most days (at least five days/week) as it is, but since I've started watching my food intake and walk 30 min a day, I've started to have so little energy and am always hungry.

    If you want to get stronger and more fit, the best forum to discuss this would be the Fitness and Exercise forum.

    "I eat 1200 Calories, watch my food intake, and walk 30 minutes a day" sounds much more like an attempt to lose weight.

    74% of women your age have a higher BMI than you. If you lose 10lbs that number will be 86%. If this is really important for your boyfriend... do you really think you should stick with him?

    Newsflash for the both of you: Most women do not maintain a BMI as low as 20.4 throughout their life.

    Get healthy because you want to be healthy.

    If you were a perfect couch potato, you would need to eat a good 1640 calories. To engage in the basic amount of exercise I would expect a normal 25 year old to want to engage in to replace some of her fat with muscle, you would be looking at more than 2350, if not more than 2800 Calories.

    You are eating 1200. I wonder why you may be hungry and have no energy. Could it be that your body is adapting to what you're feeding it?
  • jimmyb210
    jimmyb210 Posts: 4 Member
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    Just my $.02 but 5'7" 130 does not even sound close to overweight, it sounds like you are right where you should be...you might need a new BF though
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,870 Member
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    AidenMarie2015 wrote: »
    To clarify: weight loss isn't my goal with this program--getting healthy is.

    If anything, I'd like to gain weight in muscle. For now, I am focusing on getting a little exercise (light walking--I'm a teacher and am on my feet all day anyway) and eating right.

    Can you join a gym? Start taking spinning classes once a week ... run on the treadmill for 30 min ... start lifting weights?


    Whatever you do, do it for yourself, not your BF. You're the one who has to live in your body. You're the one who has to be happy with you.

  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited April 2015
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    You're not overweight, so what physical attraction is he speaking of?
    You should be just doing this for you and your reasons. Not to appease or meet an expectation of someone else.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    hell yes!

    5'8 and 160 (at my goal weight) and my husband thinks I'm gorgeous .. he also thought I was gorgeous at 210 ... but if he didn't it wouldn't matter

    although tbh your boyfriend sounds pretty decent but you need to find your inner confidence
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
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    AidenMarie2015 wrote: »
    Hi all,

    I've been wanting to get in better shape for a while, but recently I've been feeling as though my boyfriend isn't happy with the way I look. I confronted him about this, and he admits that, while he finds me physically attractive and is even more attracted by my personality and my character, "the stuff that matters," he wishes that he were "more physically attracted" to me. He realized after he said it that it was totally out of line and apologized. I chalk it up to immaturity, but somehow I've not been able to get it off my mind.

    You have no obligation to try to fit into anybody's idea of physical perfection. Get fitter and eat better if that makes you happy, but not because you think your boyfriend only thinks you're a 7/10 and wishes you were a 9.5.
    To be honest I don't really understand why anyone would think this was an OK thing to say to anyone - which it sounds like your boyfriend realised afterwards. I think you're right, he needs to grow up and realise most humans are not physically perfect - and that's perfectly alright!

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