To all the ugly people!!

Sorry to disagree but I think that is your bitterness speaking.

Instead of wallowing about the bad hand you think genetics has dealt you, smarten yourself up. Anyone can do that. If you are clean, well spoken, well dressed, stand straight and have a good hair cut you will be attractive. Those are the things women look for. Those things are completely under your control. I cannot emphasise enough how important those things are. If you radiate not giving a **** about yourself or your body, other people will feel the same.


That is really all there is to attractiveness, of either sex. Biology is a tiny tiny tiny aspect.

Hmmm, I remember someone saying something about putting lipstick on a pig a while back... What makes you believe that I've never had a haircut or worn a $2000 suit?

Besides, this thread isn't about that, though most people are making the same mistake you are. Some of them, a few.. do get it though, and this is for them, not you.

I am not assuming anything. I am just telling you what things make a guy attractive. If you want to be. Your posts, not just on this thread, but on all the others I have seen you post on come across as very bitter and self-deprecating about the hand you feel you've been dealt. I think it's a defence mechanism you put up in case people don't like you on the inside. I think that is extremely unlikely. The image you project to other people is entirely up to you.

And I have seen a post where you say you cross the street when you see some types of people... Yet there are numerous guys who dress the same as I do, have the same hair, yet are seen in an entirely different light. What you post sounds more like your personal preferences and prejudices than any form of governing truth. I know exactly what my insecurities are, and I know what my defense mechanisms are very well, after all, I do live with them on a daily basis. Do you know what yours are? Does it make you feel more secure in yourself to point it out in others, does it feed your own sense of superiority? Just a general question, I know there have been times in my life where I have done exactly that.

Aside from that, this is still not what the thread is about.

I guess some people just have to agree to disagree. I personally never look for a clean shaven well dressed man. They tend to be arrogant, and have no personality.

Exactly this ^^^^^

I think true beauty is not in how one looks but in how they conduct themselves and how they treat others.

My thoughts exactly

I can say there are SO many times where at first glance I might think someone is attractive, and soon, as I hear them or get to know them a little they quickly become physically unattractive to me if their personality is... distasteful to me. And not unattractive because I don't like what's on the inside - I mean I totally lose the sense of physical attraction for that person.

Likewise there are those that maybe didn't strike me right off the bat with stunning good looks, but after seeing something cool and respectable about their personality I can become very physically attracted to them. I really think it's a maturity thing, IMO.

Nicely said and I completely agree!! Everyone is beautiful and handsome in their own way as long as you love yourself and have confindence than what other people say doesn't matter!!

Sorry to disagree but I think that is your bitterness speaking.

Instead of wallowing about the bad hand you think genetics has dealt you, smarten yourself up. Anyone can do that. If you are clean, well spoken, well dressed, stand straight and have a good hair cut you will be attractive. Those are the things women look for. Those things are completely under your control. I cannot emphasise enough how important those things are. If you radiate not giving a **** about yourself or your body, other people will feel the same.



That is really all there is to attractiveness, of either sex. Biology is a tiny tiny tiny aspect.

Hmmm, I remember someone saying something about putting lipstick on a pig a while back... What makes you believe that I've never had a haircut or worn a $2000 suit?

Besides, this thread isn't about that, though most people are making the same mistake you are. Some of them, a few.. do get it though, and this is for them, not you.

I am not assuming anything. I am just telling you what things make a guy attractive. If you want to be. Your posts, not just on this thread, but on all the others I have seen you post on come across as very bitter and self-deprecating about the hand you feel you've been dealt. I think it's a defence mechanism you put up in case people don't like you on the inside. I think that is extremely unlikely. The image you project to other people is entirely up to you.

How incredibly sad....really, you don't find a guy attractive unless he possesses all those qualities?? Wow, you are missing out. My husband has had long hair, short hair, holes in his clothes, nice suits, talks like an Okie, but smart as hell. Those things are superficial and you're right Joe, she doesn't get it.

I don't think you are wallowing, nor do I think you are fishing for the compliments coming your way. I get it, that feeling of worthlessness that comes across. I have a "friend", whom I have known since high school (20+ years). We see each other off and on through the years, but lately more and more. She is about 5'10", maybe weighs 115 lbs, and is the biggest "fat snob" I have met. Oh she is nice to my face, and says all the right things. But it's something in her demeanor, her attitude, the way she *kitten* her head and has that pitying smile when she compliments you. No, I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I KNOW this to be true about her. I don't think of myself as ugly, but the extra person I am carrying around definitely lends itself to it's own kind of discrimination. And yes, I am guilty of it as well, I think it's human nature to feel superior about another for whatever reason; looks, age, weight, income bracket.

Joe, I like your insight and your ability to get to the core. I think you can see from the responses that there are so many others who feel as you do, I hope in some small way that helps.

^^^ Oh, yeah, I'll take badass over ribbed abs ANY DAY!

I don't think you're hideously ugly at all. Far from it. And I'm glad someone mentioned Jonathan Davis, it's been bugging me all through the thread who you reminded me of.

I've been bullied due to looks and/or weight at various times throughout my life. Has it bothered me? In some ways yes but in other ways no. For as long as I can remember I've had the attitude that I am who I am and if someone doesn't like it then it's their problem and I'm not going to waste my time and energy worrying about it. I've had people bark at me as I've walked past them, I've had people ask which ones the dog when I've been out walking my dog, I've been told that no guy will ever sleep with me, that I should have been drowned at birth and various other nasty things. However, as I got older I seem to have been blessed with enough confidence to just let it flow over me and not affect me for more than a few minutes (it bothered me much more when I was a small child than it did as a teen and as an adult). I have wonderful friends and family and a wonderful husband, they're the people whose opinion matters to me. Yes, there are times when I think I'm disgusting but I think most people have those moments regardless of how they look.

Have I ever been nasty to someone because of how they look? I don't think so but can't be 100% sure. I'm generally not a nasty person and looks don't mean a lot to me. I try to get to know people before judging them although sometimes I do make snap judgements, usually based on their behaviour when I first see them. Even then I try not to let it affect how I am with them until I know whether it was a true reflection of them or not. I'm chatty and friendly to the people serving me in shops coz that's just how I am, now I just hope they don't think I'm flirting in the hopes of a discount :noway:

I can say there are SO many times where at first glance I might think someone is attractive, and soon, as I hear them or get to know them a little they quickly become physically unattractive to me if their personality is... distasteful to me. And not unattractive because I don't like what's on the inside - I mean I totally lose the sense of physical attraction for that person.

Likewise there are those that maybe didn't strike me right off the bat with stunning good looks, but after seeing something cool and respectable about their personality I can become very physically attracted to them. I really think it's a maturity thing, IMO.

SO true. Personality has killed some really attractive peoples looks really quickly for me. And I have become more and more attracted to my wonderful man every day I see him

I completely agree with this post

I would like to reply to this by saying...... I wonder what YOU think of me when you look at my profile picture. Do you say to yourself that she is pretty? Or cute..... or whatever it is you say when you find a girl attractive. Well, maybe you do or maybe you don't which is none the matter. My point here is that I, ME, don't think I'm attractive at all...... I feel very ugly about my appearance when I look in the mirror. I see a young girl who was badly abused as a child, neglected and tormented. I see a girl who took that hatred and projected it on others as a teenage to try and deal with her afflictions. I see a girl who will carry scars for life and who's heart is damaged by pain caused by others. So please before you judge anyone on solely on their appearance which you are saying has been done to you, could you please consider what that person may feel and think about themselves. I am very overwhelmed when I post a new picture of myself on my profile and receive a lot of compliments from people on my friends list.... which in turn makes me want to run and hide by putting up some other avatar. I am trying to learn to accept a compliment but in my mind I tell myself they are just being kind and trying to encourage me. So really my point here is you just never really know what's going on with another person and their thoughts and feelings on the inside no matter what their external package may convey to you. Yes I find other people's external appearance attractive as much as the next person however I have grown to learn that beauty is really only skin deep as they say and I have the ability to see their souls...... their hearts, their light that shines from with in and that's how I'm able to see their true beauty. How someone interacts with others is a true reflection of their beauty as well so to me that IS SEXY, BEAUTIFUL, UNIQUE, HANDSOME and another word you'd care to use.
So I'd like to send you a friends request because I SEE your true beauty...... I hope you'll accept. Fesse xo

I know I keep posting quotes, but people truly are eloquent in what they say. I feel that that's ^^^ really well stated.

This is for us, the ugly, the awkward, the freaks and the geeks. This is for every guy who hears the utterance of "Eww" every time he walks into a room. This is for the wall flowers, and girls who are ignored. All the guys perpetually stuck in the "friend" zone. All the ladies who are ignored by the sales staff at any given store when some pretty girl walks in. This is for the everyone who has been laughed at, sneered at, or called a creep while just trying to be friendly with maybe a distant hope of possible friendship resting in our eyes.

It's the inside that matters.... yet we are told that the "pretty" people are smarter ( http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3354410/Study-reveals-good-looking-people-are-also-the-cleverest.html ) , they are coddled and given attention over us from a young age, ( http://edition.cnn.com/2005/US/Careers/07/08/looks/ ) and indoctrinated with a sense of superiority. Hmmmm anyone see a problem that seems to manifest between those studies? Hmmm, I remember my teachers telling me I was stupid and telling the other kids not to be like me... What does the media beat into our heads aside from the fact that if you don't have some kind of exceptional talent, or loads of money, you're pretty much screwed?

So what drives this idea that it's what's on the inside that matters? Oh, I would agree that many people have a line that if you cross no matter how pretty you are, they will begin to distance themselves, but are you going to tell me that pretty people don't for the most part get away with being nasty individuals?

It's not about weight at all either, dropping more weight doesn't have anything more to do with my confidence now than it did 10 years ago. Those here that know something about me know that I was a professional fighter for years, I was in shape, and either way, nothing has really changed other than my lack of mobility from the injuries I have managed to sustain.

But it's what's inside... You mean that fire within you, the sense of passion that beats in your chest and reverberates through your core, that something that shines through you and radiates out touching everything around you?

I don't have that, if I ever did it was ripped out of me... For me, there is just this sense of impending emptiness that consumes me a little more each time I open my eyes. I am nothing, I am nobody, I am the 3 day storm that flooded your garden of slow heart beats and drums, I am mortality and inches from sin.....

Can you all honestly tell me that you have never treated someone differently than you would have another based on their looks? Don't forget that I have seen some of your convos in the status updates, you remember, the one where the gross guy tried talking to you, and you either ignored him, or along with the support of a friend you started mocking him... Look deep within yourself, because if I can admit that I have, then I will know truth when I hear it. Afraid it will hurt your image in such an image conscious society? Fear is the boundary of truth, and we often lie, even to ourselves if it will appease our own sense of fear.

It is terribly wrong that people are raised and praised and given a sense of entitlement. I feel that to do that is ignorant and immoral. I certainly wasn't raised to feel like I was better than everyone else. I have always been and to this day still am, the awkward, shy, "she doesn't ever talk to anyone", the scrawny chick that nobody ever really talks to, that nobody seems to take notice of or if they do they don't show it. I've been called a loser to my face whilst joking along with my best friend. I've been threatened by my own family members and harassed by strangers.

Yes, I admit to placing judgments on other people as well, but only based off of what I can tell from their behavior, or if they seem to dress more obnoxiously than is considered typical (ie, people who clearly fake tan, bleach and spike their hair unnecessarily because they think they need to or because they consider themselves better than others. or if they just generally dress like they'd screw for money.). I've been known to judge people who have unnecessarily damaged their appearance with plastic surgery. I feel that the fact they've done that to themselves proves that they care too much about what others think, or think that in order to look desirable, in order to be sexy they have to do that. It shows that they don't love themselves enough and because of that they feel they need to appeal more to what they believe looks good to society. I admit to profiling people. And I know I've been subjected to it as well. We've all done it. It's practically human nature to do so. Whether it's public or private, pick your poison. We're all exposed to the stereotyping around us. I'm sure we've all done it at some point. I'm certainly guilty, and sometimes my parents can be pretty blatant about their racism (which I loathe when they express it out loud. It isn't right.). We're all a bunch of monkeys. Just have different skin and bones and genders and jargon.

My best friends are a bunch of outcasts. I am an outcast. And while I wish people would get it better, they don't and they may not ever. Just because we look different (we're not all particularly attractive, although I think my friends are beautiful, more because I know them as actual PEOPLE. not superficial objects.), we tend to either stick out oddly or not be noticed at all. One is very thin, one is not as feminine in appearance, one is pasty white with ears that are a different shape and stick out and has an air of being a bit on the gay side, despite that he's straight. We've all been taunted and we're all insecure in one way or another. My boyfriend is 6'2" and 145 pounds (rail thin) dresses differently (in the way many might associate with being socially inept), and talks like a geek more often than not. We continue to keep our heads held high and hope that people don't misjudge who we are. We're all relatively happy and all relatively (or more than) insecure. I hope that people don't think I'm some pratty, spoiled, little skinny *****, or that there's something mentally wrong with me because I just don't go out of my way to talk to people. I have ADHD and it's plagued me my whole life, prevented me from succeeding in school because I can't get a handle on it. Because of it I have in turn come to be exceedingly reserved and terribly insecure about myself in social situations. People don't usually talk to me and it's very upsetting sometimes. I sometimes will hide my nicer bag from view if that's what I've got with me. I don't want people to write me off as a rich snob, because I know otherwise.

If a person is of the caliber that they won't judge me, that they'll get to know me, they're not closed-minded to the fact that I'm a wallflower, socially awkward, weird in general, then I will happily show them that despite how much of a kook I can be, I am loyal to a fault, and as open and understanding as they need me to be.

I feel that people need to be less judgmental, less hurtful, more positive in how they act or speak to others. Don't drag us down because we talk weird, look weird, act weird, etc etc. If I give you a reason to judge our character, then go right ahead. Until then though, they need to dig a bit deeper than the skin.

While we all can wish for this sort of change in society, for people to quit being so shallow and moronic, see the true depth of those around us, even those who we might consider ugly, it may not happen. In any case, stick to those who are true and faithful and caring of you. They're the ones in life that make it worth living, and they're the only ones you need to worry about keeping happy (alongside yourself).

I TRY to remember to treat everyone kinder than necessary. Everyone is fighting their own battle.

Some days I am not fat, I'm just fluffy

And just so you know, I'd be all for fighting zombies on your side.

..... If I wasn't one myself. :devil: BRAIIINNNSSSS!!!! omnomnomnomnom!

:flowerforyou:

It is terribly wrong that people are raised and praised and given a sense of entitlement. I feel that to do that is ignorant and immoral. I certainly wasn't raised to feel like I was better than everyone else. I have always been and to this day still am, the awkward, shy, "she doesn't ever talk to anyone", the scrawny chick that nobody ever really talks to, that nobody seems to take notice of or if they do they don't show it. I've been called a loser to my face whilst joking along with my best friend. I've been threatened by my own family members and harassed by strangers.

I am half Japanese and Half German, and from as far back as I can remember nobody ever let me forget I was different. My white/German relatives called my ugly, said I wasn't wanted among them, directed slurs at me any time any of them spoke directly to me, my cousins weren't allowed to play with me yet we all lived in the same housing complex. The Japanese side told me I was not one of them, I was an abomination and I shouldn't exist. This as far back as 3 years old. And I remember my uncle picking me up by my hair and telling me he would kill me if he thought he could get away with it, he then threw me to the ground and spit on me.

No, it didn't stop there

That is vile and cruel. I'm sorry that you've endured so much torment by the hands of your own family. That is honestly horrible.
My boyfriend grew up being physically and emotionally abused by his parents, despite that he was always respectful and responsible. While that among other things has made him bitter and he can be resentful at times about it, I'm proud that he's managed to accept the past and has grown above his experiences. It seems that you have too, or that you at least acknowledge the horrible things done to you and don't hide or hold anything back regarding it.

Oh man -- I am having flash backs from high school. You know -- cliqueville. In my school we had -- beautiful, athletic, smart, goth, and stoners. And then there was me -- or at least it felt that way. Just not quite enough of anything to fit into any one of the groups.

So I'll admit -- i didn't "get" the post. I didn't pass the cool "zombie humor" test. Which is fine lol. I guess it's a "Zombie Thang" and I just don't understand.

But don't worry guys -- while they're nomnomnom'ing on my chunky butt -- you all should have plenty of time to get away.