"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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I had one of my professors in grad school tell me I was too skinny and men like women with curves.
1. I don't give a rat's *kitten* what "men" like
2. Umm.. you're my professor. You shouldn't be looking at me like that, anyway. Ewww2 -
holly55555 wrote: »Chances are people who say this are overweight themselves.
Yeah, that's what I've noticed. Their perspective is skewed.
I got that once, and was irked. I said, "Nah, you don't know what you're talking about." Person was not in good shape.
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I had a dude at the Walgreens I frequent a lot ask me if I was starving myself. I just told him I had been lifting weights and went on my merry way.
Didn't bother me much because a few weeks later, a person I've never spoken to before at my gym came up to me and told me I should look into fitness competitions because I'm doing fantastic and that he was a judge in one coming up! So that made my day! :-)0 -
I got it last year after a 30lb weight loss. I maintained for a year now am working on that last 5. I'm getting snarky remarks again although this time around they are saying them with comments that leave an opening for me to respond which I do with encouragement. People who feel the need to make "too skinny comments" generally just feel bad about themselves. After they get used to it they want to know what you are doing. I'm 5'5" and 128lbs.0
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MakePeasNotWar wrote: »I had one of my professors in grad school tell me I was too skinny and men like women with curves.
1. I don't give a rat's *kitten* what "men" like
2. Umm.. you're my professor. You shouldn't be looking at me like that, anyway. Ewww
Don't you just love it when people think they speak for half the population?1 -
I've lost about 55kg or 120 pounds over the last year, still have 5 to 10kg to go. Met up with a friend recently who I hadn't seen me for a few months she said I looked ill had lost too much weight and needed to have a cake - because I was almost as thin as her....the irony of her comment totally passed her by! I don't think she was being unkind as I've been pretty huge all my adult life and people think that is "normal" for me. Generally though I've had more positive than negative comments. People don't believe I'm not starving myself whereas I eat huge amounts, probably far more than they do due to the high level of exercise I have taken up in order to not just lose weight but increase my health and fitness.0
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Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.
My situation sounds almost identical to yours. I started at 174 and got to 122 at my lowest. I felt happy with my body shape for the first time in my life and wasn't planning on losing any more weight, just did what you did - got into running! Anyway, a few of my friends (who were the same size at me at my biggest) turned on me a bit with the 'you look like your wasting away' comments. At 8 stone 10 for 5"4 I was in my perfect BMI range and still had a bit of a flabby stomach, I did not look too skinny in the slightest. But what did it make me to? It made me get complacent and I put a stone of it back on. Now, 6 months later, I can't shift it for the life of me, and are so angry at those people who made those comments. All I would say is DONT lose track of your goal - it's called a 'personal goal' for a reason - screw what everyone else thinks!!!x
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People generally got more accepting as my weight loss slowed and finally levelled out at maintenance. But when the loss was more rapid (2lbs/week) at the start I was getting alarmist comments from friends, colleagues and family even though I was still obese! People take time to adjust. For some it's just perception: then and now = big difference, eek, change, scary! For others it's more about them and their own insecurities and in 99% of cases they won't even realise this, it'll be subconscious.
I saw a friend recently who I haven't seen for some time. There were lots of skinny minnie comments and at one point she called me a stick insect. I asked her to stop. I said that, to me, those comments are just the other side of the coin from calling me fat. To her, with her own insecurities and weight issues, I genuinely think she was being complimentary. But, as I pointed out, I don't want to be skinny, I want to be strong and healthy and fast!0 -
christinev297 wrote: »To honest I'd rather be told I'm too skinny than too fat!
I agree 100% and if someone tells me I'm to skinny I'll them to F-off
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MakePeasNotWar wrote: »I had one of my professors in grad school tell me I was too skinny and men like women with curves.
1. I don't give a rat's *kitten* what "men" like
2. Umm.. you're my professor. You shouldn't be looking at me like that, anyway. Ewww
He maybe shouldn't have talked to you that way, but of course everyone looks...they cant help it. People are responsible for what they say, but not what they think.....0 -
Ignore them is the best solution. I was told I should lose weight for the past 7 years and when I did lose the weight 60 lbs now I get comments of you are too skinny, eat more dont starve yourself you look sick when in fact I eat more than most of those people do. I guess to some whatever you do is never good enough so why listen to negative people. I would rather be called skinny than fat because i feel more confident now0
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I haven't read all 7 pages so apologize if this has been covered already but....
I've been getting this from my mother a lot, and just this weekend my dad jumped on the bandwagon. It was interesting - I had a sudden realization that hadn't ever occurred to me before: they have absolutely no idea what a healthy or fit person looks like. They simply cannot comprehend the difference between "too skinny" and healthy. And unfortunately it reflects in their own weight, as both of them are dramatically overweight. That moment of enlightenment has allowed me to totally brush off their "too skinny" comments.0 -
An old fella at church just pulled me aside on Sunday to apologize for saying something months ago that I didn't even remember...something about how a strong wind could blow me away. Thing is...he is just a funny old guy with a funny old wife and they make funny old dad type jokes all the time and I know they don't actually mean it to be serious...and they'd be the first ones to say "good for you" to whatever I decide to do, so he totally didn't need to apologize. Then there are the people who whisper amongst themselves that I must be anorexic....at 5'6" and 140 pounds....ummmm......I don't think so. lol0
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"So the anorexic look is in this year huh?" said my sister when she saw me a few months ago. That hurt...I am not gonna lie. I now know that her statement said more about her than me. She is not happy with herself so she attacked me. I still get rude comments and I have been told that since I lost weight I have become too sensitive. My come back now is "have I done something to upset you?" This catches everyone off guard and all of sudden everyone wants to make nice. LOL
Love this response!! I, too, hear the, "You're just melting away," "You don't want to be any smaller, right?" I'm 5'9" and 151lbs -- healthy! I lost one hundred pounds -- so they're used to how I looked before. It can be so frustrating because I'm actually trying to gain muscle -- definitely not "melt away" whatever the heck that is or be any smaller. I eat right (and plenty!) and exercise because it makes me feel good. I agree with everyone else that people's words are often a reflection of their own issues. People tend to want to see you do well, but often times not better than them, ya know? You sound like you are super healthy and fit. Proud of you!! Keep hustling exactly how you see fit!
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I had a sudden realization that hadn't ever occurred to me before: they have absolutely no idea what a healthy or fit person looks like. They simply cannot comprehend the difference between "too skinny" and healthy. And unfortunately it reflects in their own weight, as both of them are dramatically overweight.
Really good. There are a bunch of articles out there about obesity having a big social component, and spreads like an infectious disease. The gist being, peoples' standards & perceptions tend to hover around the average of their peer group. A healthy-weight person, who spends time with fatter people (friends, coworkers, etc.), often will tend to increase their weight to match.
This happens for all sorts of things.
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I have gone from an obese 194lb to 142lb. People keep telling me I am so thin, too skinny, etc on a daily basis (not my family). Yesterday, a neighbour said "Do you actually eat anything?" and another man (who I work for) said "when are you going to stop?". I am 5'7" and built like a barn door. The only thing I can think of is that they have only known me as a big person and the contrast seems wrong to them. It's amazing how rude it is though, to comment uninvited on someone's body - someone who you only know vaguely.0
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I am *so thankful* for this thread and everyone telling their stories! A few years ago, when I was getting super-fit, a couple who I thought were bestest-friends told me "You look sickly" and as other have said, it totally set me back. Now, I'm *so close* to my goal, we're still friends with this couple and this same subject came up. When the female in the couple said "Well, you don't want to look sickly again, right?" I straight-up told her, "That's the look I'm going for! When I hit that Air Force expectation of 109 (it's not written on my profile, but really, that's where the AF told me I needed to be) *then* I can go to the VA (Veterans Affairs) and to the doctor and say "HERE is what "the standards" say I should look like!" As long as I look good to me, to heck with the world. I'll never be as small as my sister (5' even, 90lbs on a very good day.)
My husband, bless his heart, said "When you go back to eating normal..." and I stopped him *right there*. I said "What makes you think I want to go back to that?!" We ate horribly, too much of the worst types of stuff. I feel *so much better* eating what folks call "clean" (or 'cleaner') but yeah, I can eat what everyone else does, just a whole lot less of it. I love walking, in that I go by myself and listen to nature.
If I lose "friends" because I'm healthy and they can't deal with it, then so be it...they aren't the friends I need in my life then.
Here's to each of us, on our individual journeys...making the most of this life!2 -
opalsqueak007 wrote: »I have gone from an obese 194lb to 142lb. People keep telling me I am so thin, too skinny, etc on a daily basis (not my family). Yesterday, a neighbour said "Do you actually eat anything?" and another man (who I work for) said "when are you going to stop?". I am 5'7" and built like a barn door. The only thing I can think of is that they have only known me as a big person and the contrast seems wrong to them. It's amazing how rude it is though, to comment uninvited on someone's body - someone who you only know vaguely.
haha...i'd whip out the "shall we go talk to Human Resources and see how they feel about one employee giving unsolicited comments on another's body?"
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opalsqueak007 wrote: »I have gone from an obese 194lb to 142lb. People keep telling me I am so thin, too skinny, etc on a daily basis (not my family). Yesterday, a neighbour said "Do you actually eat anything?" and another man (who I work for) said "when are you going to stop?". I am 5'7" and built like a barn door. The only thing I can think of is that they have only known me as a big person and the contrast seems wrong to them. It's amazing how rude it is though, to comment uninvited on someone's body - someone who you only know vaguely.
It's extremely rude! And I almost find it worse when they think they're being complimentary. Once again, yesterday I got the "but you're going to slow down after your race, right?" Umm no. I'm going to train like animal for the next race, and the next one. "But I don't want you to lose anymore weight, ok?" No. Not ok. You just dismissed my goals and objectives while projecting your own preferences *about MY body* onto me. On what planet is that cool?
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I've never had this happen. I suspect it never will, but I'm really hopeful that it does. lol.0
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First off: Awesome comeback @HardcoreP0rk Second the progress made by so many of the posters in this thread is nothing short of amazing. You all should be proud.
Now my story: When people first noticed that I was losing weight I got comments like "what do you need to lose weight for?" and "are you sure you're not sick?" I have now lost close to 40 pounds with 11 more to go to reach my goal weight. People regularly ask tell me "that's enough now". No it's not! I'll know when it is enough. If MORE of you had been concerned when I was heavy maybe I would have wised up sooner. When I do reach my goal I will be 125 pounds and I'm 5'5". Today I ran 5.75 km down the Don Valley Trail and then walked back up to my car, so I'm just fine physically thank you very much.0 -
I've been getting this lately.... "You're so skinny!" which I suppose they mean as a compliment....I tend to just smile awkwardly and say thanks...0
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it's nobody's business about what size you are but your own.
the fact that you eat a healthy amount and exercise for reasons to maintain health as well to get better at running, is perfectly normal.
from a clinical standpoint as a counselor in a residential mental health apartment program as well as someone in recovery with relapses from anorexia nervosa, it does not sound like bdd or an eating disorder. it sounds like as a culture, we are used to seeing obesitiy and overweight, and now regular, healthy, even a little slender is "you are too skinny."
if you feel YOU have a positive and healthy relationship with food, your body and with exercise, and you feel healthy and happy then good for you. that is amazing and don't you let anybody take that away.
keep on keeping on, and if you ever notice a change in those thoughts or behaviors, please seek help!0 -
you've also got to realize that for some people, nothing's ever good enough. you could be sitting in the 'middle' (the 'middle' being from someone else's perspective) and another person would still call you too fat, too skinny, overweight, etc.
you have to do this for you. if you feel good being healthy and lean, stay that way, and when someone says something like that, ask them why they feel the need to judge your body when it isn't theirs or their place to say anything. ask them what their diet's like and then ask them why they feel they have room to judge anyone. ever.0 -
I hate hate hate these comments. A couple months ago I decided to make it known how offended I was by the them rather than try to hide it. I don't even CRACK a smile, just raise my eyebrows and stare them down. Usually they are the ones uncomfortable and sometimes apologize. It makes me look like a *kitten* but I work hard for this kind of healthy status and I'm not about to let someone cut me down for it. They say no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. I'm simply withdrawing that permission permanently.2
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Screw em! It's about your body your health and your journey, not theirs! I went through this in the beginning when I lost a ton of weight really fast. I love my new body and my new athletic abilities and I haven't lost that fire for fitness in over two years. I am still at it, still moving forward, still staying strong and lean and I don't care what others think at this point.
One woman I know (knew), who I hadn't seen in a couple of years... I went to a baby shower and went up to give her a hug and say hello, she turned and looked at me and yelled loudly "JC, how many times a day do you F'ing throw up?!?" I was mortified. Never spoke to her again.
Members of my own family made jokes telling me I looked like an aids patient. A good friend of mine who I trusted and thought trusted me and my process called my husband behind my back to tell him I had an eating disorder and would like from organ failure. It was awful.
But meanwhile... here I am more than two years later and I can out run, out lift, out endure AND out eat any of those nay sayers!
So how do ya like me now!
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First off: Awesome comeback @HardcoreP0rk Second the progress made by so many of the posters in this thread is nothing short of amazing. You all should be proud.
Now my story: When people first noticed that I was losing weight I got comments like "what do you need to lose weight for?" and "are you sure you're not sick?" I have now lost close to 40 pounds with 11 more to go to reach my goal weight. People regularly ask tell me "that's enough now". No it's not! I'll know when it is enough. If MORE of you had been concerned when I was heavy maybe I would have wised up sooner. When I do reach my goal I will be 125 pounds and I'm 5'5". Today I ran 5.75 km down the Don Valley Trail and then walked back up to my car, so I'm just fine physically thank you very much.
Oh that wasn't even the actual comeback. The comeback was "Hey I hear you. I don't want your %*#@ to get any smaller, either"
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HardcoreP0rk wrote: »First off: Awesome comeback @HardcoreP0rk Second the progress made by so many of the posters in this thread is nothing short of amazing. You all should be proud.
Now my story: When people first noticed that I was losing weight I got comments like "what do you need to lose weight for?" and "are you sure you're not sick?" I have now lost close to 40 pounds with 11 more to go to reach my goal weight. People regularly ask tell me "that's enough now". No it's not! I'll know when it is enough. If MORE of you had been concerned when I was heavy maybe I would have wised up sooner. When I do reach my goal I will be 125 pounds and I'm 5'5". Today I ran 5.75 km down the Don Valley Trail and then walked back up to my car, so I'm just fine physically thank you very much.
Oh that wasn't even the actual comeback. The comeback was "Hey I hear you. I don't want your %*#@ to get any smaller, either"
Damn girl, I just passed Diet Pepsi through my nose and all over my computer!!!0
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