Resentment
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crazyjerseygirl wrote: »I do sometimes, but then I think "what if this is within their limits, what if this is their cheat meal, what if this person busts their *kitten* at the gym after work every day and I never notice cause I'm there before work.
The grass is always greener for a reason, and I refuse to be jealous of people who I only know through one meal.
All of this truth!
I put in the work, and I will for damn sure have my chicken tenders, fries and maybe even a steak.0 -
I think what you're feeling is completely normal. For me, it's not that I'm jealous of other people per say; I'm really just sad that I can't binge on chicken tenders, fries, chocolate, etc like I used to. I never used to care how many calories was in what I was eating. As much as I lament not being carefree like that anymore, that's the same attitude that made me end up 60 lbs overweight. I know that counting calories and making smarter choices is better for me ultimately and that's why I continue to do it. But am I sad that even if I work in a "tender and fries" meal into my diet one day I still can't eat a HUGE amount like I used to, guilt free? Or that now I treat myself to 10 Milk Duds and not an entire family-sized box in one sitting? Yup. I'm hoping that feeling will go away the longer I spend on MFP making good choices.0
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Everyone's path and goals are different... and some people might not have any clearly defined goals. I honestly don't struggle with this because I'm the fittest I've ever been in my life... *and* I've found a way to incorporate all of my favorite foods.
I came to the conclusion last year that I enjoy good food and want it in my life to be happiest (and not obsessed about cutting it out). If you are feeling this way, I'd spend some time to unpack it and see if there is some tweak you may need to make. If not, keep on keeping on! I tell you what - 36 pounds later I don't regret the hard work it took to get here! I love my results and happier than ever.
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krissyreminisce wrote: »I've been feeling this for a while. My relationship with food is starting to sour as a result. I get annoyed when I see other thin people eating things that I probably couldn't squeeze in. It sucks.
Most of the time I'm okay, but when I see other people eating and enjoying food, I just get upset and I'm in a funk for a while.
That's totally how I felt today! My coworker discovered Thin Mint ice cream in the cafeteria today and I ended up getting one because she was making it look so good! But I didn't think I could fit it in, so I just had half and am saving the other half for Saturday (since I only do sweets every other day).
So you DO get to enjoy the same things! This is how it's done: moderation.
Your feelings are valid and no one can tell you how to feel. I haven't read all 3 pages. I just wanted to comment that what you did with the ice cream seems like the right thing to do.0 -
I totally get this resentment you are feeling. I have friends who are huge foodies and they enjoy good and wine with gusto, and seem fine with the fact they are overweight (not obese, but overweight). Often I wish I could do the same and just not care. But I can't. I care very much how much I weigh and how I look. So I just have to get over it. It's all about choices. I choose to be healthy and thinner, so I choose to not eat whatever I want when I want. And I resent the fact that I can't have both, but ultimately just have to accept it. And i choose not to resent other people for the choices they make.0
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I disagree with the philosophy that food is fuel and nothing else. Food is culture, comfort, art, love, and -- dare I say it -- even reward. And yes, it's fuel too.
I think I enjoy my food more now than I did when I was fat. I ate "whatever I wanted" then, but it was almost mechanical.
Now I make more conscious choices and enjoy my food more. I appreciate it.
You are absolutely right about food being more than fuel. I remember the days when I used to live to eat, but now I feel like I eat to live, plus get all the added benefits of simply enjoying it.0 -
For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.
I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?
i eat out every day and bust my *kitten* at the gym for it (every day)
resent all you want....
i just feel BAD for people who don't care about their health. not resentful.0 -
TimothyFish wrote: »Perhaps next time, instead of waiting until you ate 15kg over to take action, take action when you reach 2kg over your ideal weight. You don't have to watch everything you eat, but you do need to watch the scale.
I don't plan to panic over 2 kg.
I've done this before ... years go by and I very gradually gain weight, then I spend a few weeks taking it off. It's just a bit of a pain for a few weeks. No biggie.
But I get how thaoXLIV feels, and as I said before, for me, I think it's the lack of spontaneity. I'm not big on structure and schedules and planning and my usual attitude toward eating is the same way. For me, it's constraining to have to think about food while I'm on a mission to lose weight.
And little things like ... we had the "Biggest Morning Tea" event at the office this week. None of the food fit within my plan, so I dropped off my donation and left. But it would have been nice to stand around with everyone having a nibble of this and nibble of that like everyone else ... like I would have done if I weren't on this diet.
It's not a hugely overpowering feeling or anything ... it's just a hint of jealousy, I suppose.
Did I say panic? I'm just saying that we should have a point at which we get back into the weight loss cycle that is much closer to our goal weight, so our "diet" lasts only a week or two instead of months.0 -
I get gluten-envy. But I was only diagnosed with celiac disease in March so hopefully it goes away at some point.0
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RunsOnEspresso wrote: »I get gluten-envy. But I was only diagnosed with celiac disease in March so hopefully it goes away at some point.
Going on 2 years since my celiac diagnosis, the gluten envy has yet to go away. Although I'll say it's not nearly as bad as it was in the beginning.
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I spent years of my life being the woman eating a doughnut for breakfast and chicken strips and fries or something other fried food. I got fat, I felt terrible, I looked at the people who made healthy choices all around me and wanted to be like that but felt out of control. I wasn't healthy in action, body or mind and it made me feel terrible.
After months of accomplishing healthier habits I feel much better physically and much better about myself. I look at the people who still eat like I did with sympathy and compassion, not envy.0 -
This is the best statement.So I want to lose the weight in my head, not just on my body.
My weight loss and maintenance definitely belong in the kitchen, but if I had not changed my relationship with myself and food, I don't think I would have been as successful as I have been thus far.
In 2010 I lost a bunch of weight with Jenny Craig...or for the more truthful answer, Jenny Craig took my money and my weight, but I didn't lose a dayum thing.. lol So I am back learning the whys of how I got here, and the how comes of not putting myself first and not just settling. One of my favorite says is... Losing weight is no the key to happiness.....Happiness is the key to losing weight!.
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For the most part, I really do enjoy exercising and eating healthy. But on occasion, I can feel quite resentful towards people who just don't care. I see them enjoying their chicken tenders and fries (or something along those lines) everyday without any concern whatsoever. All the while, I constantly think about how healthy or unhealthy something is and bust my butt working out 4-5x a week.
I'll admit, I'm jealous. I know what I'm doing is for the best and I feel GREAT most days. Does anyone ever feel this way? Is it wrong of me to have these thoughts!?
I'm with you ... I also have the same thoughts.
For example, we were cycling last Sunday. Now pre-MFP, we would have stopped at the ice cream shop on the way back and had a double cone and thought nothing of it. I saw the place was open. I saw other people with their ice creams. But my husband and I cycled past ... just kept on riding. No yummy, delicious ice cream because it simply would not have fit into my calorie count.
I do eat a wide variety of foods, and I do have things like deserts and treats if they fit within my calorie count.
For me, I think one of the big things I miss is the spontaneity. "Let's stop for ice cream!" "Let's cycle to the bakery and have a mocha and mud cake" ... without having to do mental calculations as to whether or not it will fit into my calories. Yeah, sure, I can have those things ... IF they fit within my calories.
This! It's what I miss. Like yesterday we had to go out after school for a last minute errand, and we stopped at the mall, so I just said we'd have dinner there. Except that by 'we' I meant the kids and my husband, because it wasn't planned, and I was hungry yesterday so my dinner instead was a bag of frozen cauliflower at home before we left because I was already in the red.
So yeah, I can and do plan what I want within my calories (mostly. Some things I can just never seem to save the calories for because otherwise I get too hungry), but I miss being able to do spur of the moment things that involve food (I'm the type who eats more in the morning and lunch and have a small dinner, so it typically never works out for me).0 -
I might think for the moment "that chicken looks good, I wish I had that for lunch," but I wouldn't be resentful in general.
I've had a couple of people comment on what I eat. I get 3 patties at 5 Guys once every week or so. But I don't get the bread and don't eat the fries or peanuts so, overall, it's not a super caloric meal. Plus I exercise a fair bit. It's not like I sit around jamming burgers down my gullet and then go home and laze around every day.0 -
I get what you're saying and I've totally felt that way. I think that feeling goes away as you continue on your journey and truly start to establish a new, healthier relationship with food. I really don't feel that way much anymore, because I know, and feel comfortable with the fact that I <i>can</i> have anything I want. I'm in control of what I eat, and if I really want something I can have it. And if I don't want it, I don't have to. This morning a girl at work brought me a cinnamon roll. And I just said, "No, thanks." 'Cause I really didn't want it. Food doesn't control me anymore.
Which is not to say I don't make mistakes sometimes, or occasionally have cravings or want things that I know won't fit. It just means that as a general rule, food doesn't stress me out anymore. At least not in the same way.0 -
I have to have more control over what I eat than others. I used to eat whole cakes and pb jars. Really I cannot do that. I had to change my relationship with food and most of the time the foods I desire to eat like others are now nasty tasting to me when I do have them.0
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i am jealous of my young self b/c that's how i was. i ate ANYTHING and EVERYTHING and never gained an ounce.
now it seems like i gain weight if i look at a cookie. LOL so my envy lies in trying not to think about how i used to be, but instead to appreciate who i am now.
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RunsOnEspresso wrote: »I get gluten-envy. But I was only diagnosed with celiac disease in March so hopefully it goes away at some point.
I was diagnosed almost 18 years ago. It fades into a sort of wistfulness. I still miss real pizza and a good baguette, but ... meh. I don't feel the envy like I used to.
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No, quite the opposite actually. If you would find something you love and are passionate about, you'd never feel that working out is hard work. My exercise is fun and I get angry when I can't do it (swim, bike, run, walk, kayak). If it feels like a chore, that's a problem. And I am proud of the way I eat.0
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I work part-time with a lady who is really too skinny, yet eats all she wants. After five years, I discovered that she is a cyclist who rides between 200 - 300 miles a week on average.0
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I get the resentment thing but I know that I feel much better eating the way I do. I also know that I have holidays and fun things coming up through out the year where I will get "loose" with the eating and have fun with that for a while too. I think thats kind of how a normal average person is they dont gorge themselves on food everyday like I use to usually reserved for special occasions and holidays
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sapphire1166 wrote: »I think what you're feeling is completely normal. For me, it's not that I'm jealous of other people per say; I'm really just sad that I can't binge on chicken tenders, fries, chocolate, etc like I used to. I never used to care how many calories was in what I was eating. As much as I lament not being carefree like that anymore, that's the same attitude that made me end up 60 lbs overweight. I know that counting calories and making smarter choices is better for me ultimately and that's why I continue to do it. But am I sad that even if I work in a "tender and fries" meal into my diet one day I still can't eat a HUGE amount like I used to, guilt free? Or that now I treat myself to 10 Milk Duds and not an entire family-sized box in one sitting? Yup. I'm hoping that feeling will go away the longer I spend on MFP making good choices.
Yes ... this is it exactly.
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I'm sure your feelings are normal, but I really don't feel that jealousy! I know exactly why I am fat. Years of eating way too much and not being active enough. If I see someone skinny who is eating chicken tenders and fries, I can only assume that they are way more active than me or that they eat smaller portions at other times of the day. I don't feel jealous, because I could have made those same choices years ago. But I didn't, and I gained weight.
I echo what other people have said though. I still enjoy all the same foods, just less of them or I work them into my day. I actually just had chicken tenders and fries at Applebees last week! I took a handful of the fries and put them on my daughter's plate before I started eating (because I have a hard time stopping with fries!) and then ate only half of my chicken and saved the other half for the next day. But I still got to enjoy my meal with my family and I still lost 2.5 pounds last week. I am enjoying the "bad foods" more now, because I don't feel guilty anymore when I eat them and I don't think of them as bad foods anymore.0 -
Simply because someone eats chicken tenders and fries doesn't mean they don't care. Maybe they don't each much for the rest of the day. Who knows?
Maybe their goals are different than yours...
This. I get comments all the time from family/friends when we go out to eat and I order things like burgers, fries, dessert etc. What they don't realize is I've already factored in what I order into my calorie goals, and adjust things as necessary to make it work 0 -
RunsOnEspresso wrote: »I get gluten-envy. But I was only diagnosed with celiac disease in March so hopefully it goes away at some point.
I'm sometimes there with the gluten-envy and feeling bad about it can make me throw away all my hard work. I try and be happy that others can have a less restrictive diet but acknowledge that I want to be healthy and for me it is an either or option.0 -
TimothyFish wrote: »One of the reasons people regain weight is because they feel deprived about not being able to eat like they did before.
This has caused me to relapse a few times. Moderation has helped me with this.0 -
A new mindset for me this time around is to stop obsessing about what I "can't" have and rejoice in what I can- which is ANYthing. It's not the food that's the problem for me, it's the portion size. But now that I have it firmly fixed in my little ol' brain that there is nothing in the world denied to me, this weight loss battle is a lot less stressful. And who knew that exercise and weight lifting could be so enjoyable?! (Well, apparently millions of people, I just wasn't one of them).
You feel how you feel, don't apologize. Once those numbers on the scale start to drop I hope dealing with the resentment gets easier.0
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