Anyone else experience negativity due to weight loss?

I had a friend who years ago would call me names like bag of bones, skinny, wasting away, every day. It made me wonder if I had gone too far but I was well within a healthy weight for my height. It made me pretty self conscious but I shrugged it off because I lost weight for me, not for her. I was happy with how I looked.That was 7 years ago. I haven't changed much since then (just up about 5lbs) and she hasn't made any comments besides when I initially lost the weight.
I guess what worked for me was being confident in my choices, and since I have maintained a certain range for years now, I really don't get comments like that anymore.

I completely understand what you're talking about. My best friend lives four hours away from me, and up until about six months ago we talked on the phone on a regular basis. We would talk about everything. Well, we used to laugh at ourselves in reference to how ridiculous our eating habits were and also complain about how none of our clothes fit anymore and how miserable we were (never ending cycle).... Anyway, I decided to do something about it for me. I had to. I lost weight (70 pounds) and worked my a** off. She didn't and has no desire to, and that's fine with me, but no reason to be mad at me for choosing to change. She hardly talks to me anymore, but saw me for the first time a month ago when I was in town seeing family and was extremely rude and stand off-ish. It hurts my feelings so bad. I hate it.

I had a friend say she was annoyed with me because I said on fb that I wanted to lose another 20 pounds. (Which I do need to do). She was larger than me and somehow felt pressured because she thought it reflected on her for not losing weight. I told her I want to lose this fat for me. And yep, I have had one friend use the word obsessed (about my exercise) but they do not exercise regularly, whereas I am having so much fun with my activities that I go out hiking and cycling any chance I get. So you just have to enjoy the benefits of eating well and exercising and not worry about others.

I have witnessed and experienced this a few times. It's slightly different for me because I am male, but my wife lost over 100 pounds and has experienced this very thing with her "friends" and colleagues. She has a male friend that she has been close with for years. Once her weight loss finally plateaued, his wife forbid him even speaking to her. To put it bluntly, my wife asked "why was it okay for us to be friends 100 pounds ago, but not now?" Because his wife didn't feel "threatened" by her 100+ pounds ago.

I hate making generalizations, but I think that generally speaking, it stems from jealously and insecurity. As a male, it's easier for me to "play it off" when co-workers start with the "how much more weight do you plan on losing?" comments. Even my wife, that feels she needs to lose another 50 pounds, will sometimes ask. I've been too unhappy with myself for far too long to undermine what I have accomplished, and what I hope to accomplish, in order to make other people feel better about themselves. It's faster and easier to beat others down than it is to work hard a sacrifice in order to build ourselves up.

There's "fat shaming," and there's "fit shaming." If someone were to make fun of a person that were overweight, the world would come to the overweight person's rescue. If someone makes fun of a person by calling them a "skinny b****," the world tells the "skinny b****" that she needs to "calm down," "get a sense of humor," and "not take things so personally." It's a double standard, but it definitely exists. If you complain about it, as a "skinny b****," the world will tell you that you need to "stop being so sensitive" and just "take it on the chin." Only you know your situation, but perhaps trying to defuse it and quickly move on will work. I usually ignore the question when asked "how much more weight do you plan on losing?" I know my colleagues like the show "the walking dead," and I can almost guarantee that my weight will be brought up by one employee in particular. Especially during pot lucks. She usually yells it across the room, which I always think is a nice touch, because everyone kinda stops what their doing and waits for my answer. When she asks "How much more weight do you plan on losing?" I quickly answer:

"Have they killed off Daryl on the walking dead yet? I stopped watching during season 2 because I just couldn't stand it any more."

That used to switch the conversation to the topic of tv shows. Unfortunately, she has begun redirecting the conversation back to my weight, refusing to let it go. I don't know what her agenda is, but she clearly has one. "Avoid and/or redirect." And hopefully they get the hint that it's something you don't want to discuss. When this co-worker of mine persists, I simply answer "we'll see where it goes," and move on.

Good Luck.

"Fit shaming," haha - somehow I hadn't heard that term yet, but it's perfect. I've experienced this, too. I don't have much more to say that other posters haven't yet, just know you're not alone.

I gained 30ish lbs after being trampled by a horse 6 years ago, then slowly started bringing it down a few years after (I had limited mobility for the first two years). Then I had hip surgery a few years ago to help with some complications from the accident, and packed on a bit more weight (so I was about 25lb more than I weighed before the original accident). After the surgery I had a long recovery, then slowly started losing again, about a lb per month. I'm now 5'5", 132lbs (still 7lbs more than before the accident), and people are telling me I'm too skinny, anorexic, not eating enough, and have body dysmorphia. It stinks, because I'm an athlete (competitive equestrian, though low level), and I want to look and feel athletic. I'm a healthy weight now, and my goal (125lb) is a healthy weight (and one I'm happy to take my time getting to) that I have been before! All I can say is I think people have a hard time with change, and weight loss especially makes them feel self-conscious or ashamed of their own eating/fitness habits. I don't really appreciate the comments though, because it makes me feel like overcoming a major disability doesn't mean much, and they seem to dismiss the fact the doctor has said that the less I weigh as I get older, the easier life will be for me (after so much trauma to my joints). So, assess if your goal is healthy, discuss it with your doctor, and remember that people react badly to change or things that threaten their perception of self, and try to shrug it off.

scg17 wrote: »

I gained 30ish lbs after being trampled by a horse 6 years ago, then slowly started bringing it down a few years after (I had limited mobility for the first two years). Then I had hip surgery a few years ago to help with some complications from the accident, and packed on a bit more weight (so I was about 25lb more than I weighed before the original accident). After the surgery I had a long recovery, then slowly started losing again, about a lb per month. I'm now 5'5", 132lbs (still 7lbs more than before the accident), and people are telling me I'm too skinny, anorexic, not eating enough, and have body dysmorphia. It stinks, because I'm an athlete (competitive equestrian, though low level), and I want to look and feel athletic. I'm a healthy weight now, and my goal (125lb) is a healthy weight (and one I'm happy to take my time getting to) that I have been before! All I can say is I think people have a hard time with change, and weight loss especially makes them feel self-conscious or ashamed of their own eating/fitness habits. I don't really appreciate the comments though, because it makes me feel like overcoming a major disability doesn't mean much, and they seem to dismiss the fact the doctor has said that the less I weigh as I get older, the easier life will be for me (after so much trauma to my joints). So, assess if your goal is healthy, discuss it with your doctor, and remember that people react badly to change or things that threaten their perception of self, and try to shrug it off.

Crazy. Did these people know you before your accident? Six years doesn't seem like *that* long to be overweight, in the grand scheme of things. The friends giving me stick about my weight didn't know me when I was slim, but old friends are happy for me.

I know right! Her comment really hurt my feelings.

My mum always says things like are u doing it for your bloke, why are you doing it or u won't do it cos you've tried and failed before and such but I just ignore her.
I have lost over a stone and I just ignore her negative comments.
Others have said I look good so I listen to them instead.
People see u as u was and change to them is hard to take, debit for u and dont care what they say:)

Most people think you have to be totally crazy to actually lose weight, because their own attempts have failed (because society is set up to promote obesity and the diet fads they might have tried don't work).

Losing weight successfully - just them looking at your body - challenges their assumptions. So they'd rather explain the difference away by saying you're vain, eating disordered, neurotic, or if you're a woman, sometimes even worse things.

That way, they can continue to not change anything. They don't want to do the work. Or might not know what's involved in successful weight loss, either way, you're getting the brunt of it.

I'm not very overweight (just a 10-15lbs goal, of which I'm down nearly 9), and made the mistake of explaining why I didn't partake of the offfice cupcakes.


You'd think I told them I want to amputate both of my legs. "YOURE SKINNY YOU DONT NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT WHATS WRONG WITH YOU" then of course some commentary about how I'm making them feel bad for being overweight. I was cornered by three coworkers! It was nuts! I might understand if I'm underweight and it were coming from a place of concern, but I'm not. My goal weight is still on the higher end of the bmi for my height/age.

@Ross - I didn't think the first three were sniping, just deflective. And I don't think there's anything wrong in thinking a snipe but feeling virtuous for not letting it out.