Pervy Trainer
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If that's the only thing he's done, I don't think he's a perv. But he is disrespectful. Especially if you asked him to stop, and he did it again. Would you be more comfortable with a female trainer?0
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Which is why I only have female trainers.0
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I actually would not care what their gender is, as long as I felt comfortable with them, And OP certainly never going to feel comfortable that particular PT, no matter what she says to him now. He may be good at what he does, but he bit insensitive to say the least. I wouldn't call him a a perv though, I know what they are and he just sounds a bit of a dope. Hell, if he spanked my butt, his hand would set off tremors on the richter scale,,,,,, all the flab suddenly moving,,,,,,ewwww,,,,,,,0
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How is that crazy? Professional associations of all kinds (for eg teachers, doctors) hold normative standards for general behaviour because they know idiots reflect badly on their respective professions.
All due respect, no it doesn't. It reflects badly on that person. And perhaps on the organization employing that person. But one random person doing one random bad thing doesn't throw shade on every human being in that industry. So if you here a story about one bad teacher you think that every teacher is bad? Same with doctors?
What it does do is if you're already biased against a person/thing/organization, you'll use whatever negative info you get as confirmation for your bias. But it don't even matter cuz you already fostered a strong dislike for that particular entity anyway.
Tl;Dr Haters gonna hate
Why, then, do most professional orgs have policies and expectations relating to "good character"? It's considered important enough that people with astoundingly bad character get kicked out of their professions.
I'm not saying this case was egregious, or even that out of the norm of certain gym cultures, but there are, for example, grounds for a sexual harassment suit here.
What does any of this have to do with anyone besides that one individual?0 -
softblondechick wrote: »Which is why I only have female trainers.
What if she was a handsy lesbian?0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »tesha_chandler wrote: »I would think that the trainer is watching you so closely during squats because they are one of the most incorrectly preformed exercises. As far as the butt smack goes, it is unprofessional but it (can be) an athletic male habit.. My dad played softball with his job and it was common to see them come back into the dug-out and get smacked on the butt as they walked by. They aren't being perverted, it's just their way of saying "good job" Just remember that the trainer works for you. I would ask him again to stop and if he continues to do it, ask for a new trainer.
so much this...
It's common in male sports to see that all the time...but if you have asked him not to remind him again firmly with the comment and this is the last time I am mentioning it...next time...your fired.
it may be common when guys are playing sports and whatnot...it's not acceptable in a professional relationship with a client IMO...he should know better and keep a better head on his shoulders.
I never said it was acceptable...not where I said mention it and say if it happens again your fired...
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...so if he knows he will be fired he will remember...
I firmly believe in giving folks a 2nd chance...but that's it...I wish I had a female trainer to slap me on the *kitten* everytime I squat.
what if that female trainer was not what you considered "good looking" would you wish for it then?
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How is that crazy? Professional associations of all kinds (for eg teachers, doctors) hold normative standards for general behaviour because they know idiots reflect badly on their respective professions.
All due respect, no it doesn't. It reflects badly on that person. And perhaps on the organization employing that person. But one random person doing one random bad thing doesn't throw shade on every human being in that industry. So if you here a story about one bad teacher you think that every teacher is bad? Same with doctors?
What it does do is if you're already biased against a person/thing/organization, you'll use whatever negative info you get as confirmation for your bias. But it don't even matter cuz you already fostered a strong dislike for that particular entity anyway.
Tl;Dr Haters gonna hate
Why, then, do most professional orgs have policies and expectations relating to "good character"? It's considered important enough that people with astoundingly bad character get kicked out of their professions.
I'm not saying this case was egregious, or even that out of the norm of certain gym cultures, but there are, for example, grounds for a sexual harassment suit here.
What does any of this have to do with anyone besides that one individual?
he reflects badly on his profession.
i know some fantastic trainers and i've seen a lot of terrible ones. there's a mess of qualifications. and really, if trainers want to benefit from greater public confidence (and money), they need to tighten things up, as a whole, and that includes behaviour like that. this trainer in the OP really should be brought up to his management and if he continues, maybe lose his certification0 -
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed0 -
*sighs*
He reflects badly upon himself.
Is this like when the nightly news shows the suspect in a robbery and he's a black dude and then people in the room be giving me the side eye and pulling they purses closer like he my cousin or I stole sumthin?0 -
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed
Probably one man she knew forgot something one time and it reflected badly on all men0 -
*sighs*
He reflects badly upon himself.
Is this like when the nightly news shows the suspect in a robbery and he's a black dude and then people in the room be giving me the side eye and pulling they purses closer like he my cousin or I stole sumthin?
Every single professional association in which members have a duty of care to the public has conduct regulations/policies. I'm not saying they're doctors, but should trainers not feel responsible in that way - as a group?0 -
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed
Probably one man she knew forgot something one time and it reflected badly on all men
stooooooop0 -
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed
Probably one man she knew forgot something one time and it reflected badly on all men
It reflects poorly on men, we should remove their equipment.0 -
EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed
Probably one man she knew forgot something one time and it reflected badly on all men
It reflects poorly on men, we should remove their equipment.
wow...I think people in general don't remember stuff that isn't important to them no...I just happen to have 2 men in my home...
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed
Probably one man she knew forgot something one time and it reflected badly on all men
If that were the case I wouldn't be married...did you all read my original response...or did you "forget it" already....haha0 -
Raising them wrong. So much less forgetful if you show them how important forgetting things is ...EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
I have 2 men in my life who can't remember from day to day where their keys are I assume most men don't really remember stuff that isn't important to them...
you think this about men in general, really? people don't remember stuff that's important to them, i don't know why you singled men out. also this is the kind of thing that should be important to him if he wants to stay employed
Probably one man she knew forgot something one time and it reflected badly on all men
It reflects poorly on men, we should remove their equipment.
wow...I think people in general don't remember stuff that isn't important to them no...I just happen to have 2 men in my home...0 -
Your trainer is probably not a perv. But slaps are a pretty common thing in the athletic world and are not at all sexual in nature. It is just part of the culture. More than likely he is not even really thinking about it, it's just a habit.
I spend a lot of time in a dojo where being touched is sort of part of the deal. And sometimes my sensei and other students (male and female) touch me in some places that would not be at all appropriate outside of that place. It did take me some time to get used to it but now it just isn't a big deal. It is just a part of training. I can easily tell that they are not trying to be pervy about it but hey sometimes when you go for a shoulder grab you get a handful of breast. OTOH I can say there have been a few times when I've accidentally smacked/kicked one of them in the jewels or gotten a handful of chest hair so... it is what it is.
That said if it is really bothering you you need to gave an honest talk with your trainer. Tell him that you feel very uncomfortable with these things, enough to make you think about quitting. See what he says then. Telling him it is out of respect for your husband does not tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. It can be interpreted as, "I'm okay with it but my husband would not be". He doesn't really care about your husbands feelings, you are his client. he is going to do what he needs to do in order to train you. But if it makes you feel so uncomfortable that you are considering giving up, a good trainer is going to work harder to not allow that to happen. If he does not show some concern at that point and keeps up his behavior then consider looking for a new trainer.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Ive asked him not to do it because its disrespectful to my husband. He laughed it off and stopped but started doing it again a week later. Part of me wont bring it up again because he's a awesome trainer and i dont want to cause a problem. Too, thats the only gym with a daycare center. Trying to find a way that wont end with me leaving the gym or him possibly losing his job.
Never mind disrespectful to your husband. It's a whole lot more disrespectful to you. It wouldn't be appropriate if you were single, divorced or gay, either. You asked him not to touch an intimate area and he laughed and continued. That's not wrong because your *kitten* is the property of another man, that's wrong because you're a human being who gets to set her own boundaries about her own body.
If it were me, I'd start the next session with 'I think you forgot last time that I asked you not to slap me on the butt. I really don't like it, and I don't want you to do it again.' You don't need to use your husband to justify asking him to stop, it's more than reasonable to want him to stop for you own sake.\
But truthfully, I'd probably be looking for a new trainer. Whatever his reasoning, you're uncomfortable around him and so in the long run, better to find someone you trust.0 -
*kitten* slapping is fine if both parties are okay with it.
If you've said no- then you need to reiterate that- or find a new trainer.
you're perpetuating the problem by allowing it to keep going without saying something. Don't just accept it because it is what it is. Speak up.0
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