Pervy Trainer
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My trainers touch me all the time -BUT it's always with a purpose such as to correct form and it feels like clinical touching (like at the doctor) not "friendly" or sexual touching. If my trainer slapped my *kitten* I wouldn't go back. There are other trainers and other gyms. I had a coach when I was in my early 20s that crossed the line and that was very uncomfortable because of the age difference and power differential. I had to get my parents to help me through that situation. With a trainer the power differential should be in the other direction since you are a paying customer, right? Personally I'd get the hell out of there.0
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You've told him you don't like being slapped. He has done it again. I would talk to his manager (or equivalent). If you remain silent the trainer will think it's all ok.0
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It's a simple answer get a female trainer.. ALSO NO TRAINER SHOULD BE STANDING BEHIND WHEN PERFORMING A SQUAT UNLESS THE WEIGHT IS HEAVY, he/she can see better form from the side..I say dumb him.ENDOFF.why waste money on people like that when u can do better without them.
Wut even is this nonsense?
NONSENCE... So it's ok for a male trainer to slapp her *** DUMP HIM NO SECOND CHANCES HERE.
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It's a simple answer get a female trainer.. ALSO NO TRAINER SHOULD BE STANDING BEHIND WHEN PERFORMING A SQUAT UNLESS THE WEIGHT IS HEAVY, he/she can see better form from the side..I say dumb him.ENDOFF.why waste money on people like that when u can do better without them.
Wut even is this nonsense?
NONSENCE... So it's ok for a male trainer to slapp her *** DUMP HIM NO SECOND CHANCES HERE.
r u okay?
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It's a simple answer get a female trainer.. ALSO NO TRAINER SHOULD BE STANDING BEHIND WHEN PERFORMING A SQUAT UNLESS THE WEIGHT IS HEAVY, he/she can see better form from the side..I say dumb him.ENDOFF.why waste money on people like that when u can do better without them.
Wut even is this nonsense?
NONSENCE... So it's ok for a male trainer to slapp her *** DUMP HIM NO SECOND CHANCES HERE.
Excellent job of moving the goal posts there. It's not even remotely what he said, because it's not something you even mentioned in the first place.
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Wouldn't matter to me. Not offended in the slightest.
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LOL. I'll remember that on our next walk.
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You have asked him not to touch you in a way rhat has no relevance to form or training and he continues to do it. Forget your husband, it's disrespectful to YOU. It doesn't matter if another man got there first, he has no business treating you that way without your enthusiastic consent.
If you need a script on how to handle it...
"I can't continue training with you. I have told you not to pat my butt and have ignored my wishes. This is not only rude, but incredibly unprofessional and a form of harassment. I want a refund for whatever sessions I have left and I will be taking my business elsewhere. I will also be filing a complaint and hope I'm the only one this has happened to, for the gyms sake, because I'd hate for them to lose a court case because of your unacceptable behavior."
Then follow through with the refund and formal complaint to management/owners. Give reviews of him online.0 -
You pay for training. If this trainer is not what you expect or helping you, talk to the gym for another trainer.0
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Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.0
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rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're killing me here. Stop apologizing for standing up for yourself. No one gets to touch you that you don't wish to touch you. Period.
It's not an awkward conversation. Because it's not a conversation. It's a goddamn command. Keep your hands off my *kitten*. Done and done. If he can't abide by that, he's fired. Reported to management. Punched in the damn mouth. Whatever. I'm good with all outcomes. He had an opportunity to back down. He did not back down. So whatever happens next is on him.0 -
+1 to the "your rules". he's not supposed to touch you if you don't want it. This would fall under disrespect, and even assault. 2 warnings is plenty. feel free to set your boundaries.0
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rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're killing me here. Stop apologizing for standing up for yourself. No one gets to touch you that you don't wish to touch you. Period.
It's not an awkward conversation. Because it's not a conversation. It's a goddamn command. Keep your hands off my *kitten*. Done and done. If he can't abide by that, he's fired. Reported to management. Punched in the damn mouth. Whatever. I'm good with all outcomes. He had an opportunity to back down. He did not back down. So whatever happens next is on him.
If you don't want him to touch you, you have to remove the pleasure of doing so, and add a consequence for disobeying.
Punching him in the face would actually be entirely appropriate here, as an act of self defense.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're killing me here. Stop apologizing for standing up for yourself. No one gets to touch you that you don't wish to touch you. Period.
It's not an awkward conversation. Because it's not a conversation. It's a goddamn command. Keep your hands off my *kitten*. Done and done. If he can't abide by that, he's fired. Reported to management. Punched in the damn mouth. Whatever. I'm good with all outcomes. He had an opportunity to back down. He did not back down. So whatever happens next is on him.
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You can see one side from the side. From behind you can see ascension, descent and position of BOTH feet and legs.It's a simple answer get a female trainer.. ALSO NO TRAINER SHOULD BE STANDING BEHIND WHEN PERFORMING A SQUAT UNLESS THE WEIGHT IS HEAVY, he/she can see better form from the side..I say dumb him.ENDOFF.why waste money on people like that when u can do better without them.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're killing me here. Stop apologizing for standing up for yourself. No one gets to touch you that you don't wish to touch you. Period.
It's not an awkward conversation. Because it's not a conversation. It's a goddamn command. Keep your hands off my *kitten*. Done and done. If he can't abide by that, he's fired. Reported to management. Punched in the damn mouth. Whatever. I'm good with all outcomes. He had an opportunity to back down. He did not back down. So whatever happens next is on him.
THIS. There is no possible over reaction to some guy squeezing your assy if you have already made it clear this isn't what you want. In what universe is a lingering *kitten* squeeze not sexual in nature?
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I have to ask, how did you tell him not to do it?
In a firm definite "please don't do that" way with a stern look; or a laughy, jokey "oh you shouldn't do that my husband wouldn't like it..." way.
There's a big difference between the two, and expecting someone to pick up on an implication that you had but didn't get across isn't really fair. If you guys had been getting on well and joke around a bit then he may just be treating you as one of his mates, and in turn he may not realise how serious you are.
Either way, you aren't comfortable with this person regardless. Find a new trainer, move on, and accept that they are going to have to look at you if you want help.
*edited to add* I absolutely hate the title of this thread, it's horrible and, imo, rather unfair.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
I know you don't want to cause drama, and it sucks that he's put you in this position. I understand that you might prefer to avoid initiating conflict or causing offense. A lot of women are brought up to feel that way.
But taking action is unavoidable at this point. He, very unfortunately, made this a real thing - it happened, and you can't ignore it. Unless you want to continue to feel stressed and uncomfortable and violated. Yes, that's the right word to use in this instance. And you don't want that, because you respect yourself.
You know you're not overreacting, because his behaviour makes you feel bad. (Also, we are all agreeing with you). The question is, how do you deal with someone you want to trust, and with whom you have some kind of ongoing relationship telling you that, in the moment? Or acting hurt ("jeez, I thought we were friends?") or even telling you it's all in your head? Some of those might happen. It's a hard thing to do, I understand.
He didn't take you seriously when you asked him to stop last time. If you're like a lot of women, you were probably uncomfortable, so tried to play down the request, by smiling, maybe, or giggling nervously, or blaming yourself (like "I'm just weird that way"). (Which if you did that, would be no fault of yours, by the way, it'd be pretty normal.)
But @DavPul is right. You have to give him a command. Next time your trainer reaches out to touch you, turn around and get serious as a heart attack and smack his hand away. No smiling or giggling or blaming yourself. He needs to know you mean business. "Ok, stop that. I'm not kidding around. I am training with you because I need instruction, I'm not here for that." Or use DavPul's script.
Personally, I would not want to continue training with this guy, but if you want to stick with him, and not feel bad and unsettled, you have to act in your interests. You might find things change enough that you can't keep working with him, though, so be prepared for that.0 -
MonsoonStorm wrote: »I have to ask, how did you tell him not to do it?
In a firm definite "please don't do that" way with a stern look; or a laughy, jokey "oh you shouldn't do that my husband wouldn't like it..." way.
There's a big difference between the two, and expecting someone to pick up on an implication that you had but didn't get across isn't really fair. If you guys had been getting on well and joke around a bit then he may just be treating you as one of his mates, and in turn he may not realise how serious you are.
Either way, you aren't comfortable with this person regardless. Find a new trainer, move on, and accept that they are going to have to look at you if you want help.
*edited to add* I absolutely hate the title of this thread, it's horrible and, imo, rather unfair.
Because one lets a hand linger on their mate's assy, with a nice squeeze. :huh:
Not unless there's a message being sent.
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rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're not overreacting. It's your body! You're the boss of it! No excuses or reasons needed!
Yep it's awkward, but HE made it awkward by repeatedly touching you in an intimate place without your permission. It is absolutely OK to make a fuss if someone does that to you. If he finds it an uncomfortable conversation, he can blame himself for that. He deserves to feel embarrassed. You don't, but you already are when he touches you, so it's worth going through that awkward moment to make it stop.
Make no excuses or apologies. You don't need to explain yourself at all. A nice clear 'Stop' or 'don't do that' is plenty.
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After the first few times i told him not to do it because i dont like it and my husband definitely would appreciate it. He just laughed it off and he stopped but a week later he started again.MonsoonStorm wrote: »I have to ask, how did you tell him not to do it?
In a firm definite "please don't do that" way with a stern look; or a laughy, jokey "oh you shouldn't do that my husband wouldn't like it..." way.
There's a big difference between the two, and expecting someone to pick up on an implication that you had but didn't get across isn't really fair. If you guys had been getting on well and joke around a bit then he may just be treating you as one of his mates, and in turn he may not realise how serious you are.
Either way, you aren't comfortable with this person regardless. Find a new trainer, move on, and accept that they are going to have to look at you if you want help.
*edited to add* I absolutely hate the title of this thread, it's horrible and, imo, rather unfair.
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I'd get a new trainer.0
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rasheedahj wrote: »
After the first few times i told him not to do it because i dont like it and my husband definitely would appreciate it. He just laughed it off and he stopped but a week later he started again.MonsoonStorm wrote: »I have to ask, how did you tell him not to do it?
In a firm definite "please don't do that" way with a stern look; or a laughy, jokey "oh you shouldn't do that my husband wouldn't like it..." way.
There's a big difference between the two, and expecting someone to pick up on an implication that you had but didn't get across isn't really fair. If you guys had been getting on well and joke around a bit then he may just be treating you as one of his mates, and in turn he may not realise how serious you are.
Either way, you aren't comfortable with this person regardless. Find a new trainer, move on, and accept that they are going to have to look at you if you want help.
*edited to add* I absolutely hate the title of this thread, it's horrible and, imo, rather unfair.
If you told him once, he laughed and you did not correct him, as in "I am serious, this was not a joke, you are making me uncomfortable", chances are he thought it was a joke. But in any case, you are overanalysing this. He is a trainer, you are his client, you do nto like him or his behaviour, fire him. You do not need others to agree with you, him to understand how you feel, your husband to approve of your decision etc. You are paying him to help you, you are not happy, find someone else. Not worth worrying about.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
Not sure if you know, but a slap on the *kitten* even among an all male team is pretty common, and not intended in any way shape or form to sexual harassment.
That being said, if she said don't do it, he needs to not do it. And, she should take it to the gym management if it continues.0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
Not sure if you know, but a slap on the *kitten* even among an all male team is pretty common, and not intended in any way shape or form to sexual harassment.
That being said, if she said don't do it, he needs to not do it. And, she should take it to the gym management if it continues.
Not sure if you read the rest of the thread but there's a big difference between silly behavior between male teammates and professional behavior between a trainer and a client-in this instance a male trainer and a female client. This isn't some locker room after a baseball game. This is a paying client at a gym. She never should have had to tell him I'm the first place.
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Why cant I get a trainer like this???0
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New trainer. /thread0
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I prefer the direct method. "Touch my *kitten* again and you will be walking funny for the next few days. Your choice."0
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coreyreichle wrote: »These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
Not sure if you know, but a slap on the *kitten* even among an all male team is pretty common, and not intended in any way shape or form to sexual harassment.
That being said, if she said don't do it, he needs to not do it. And, she should take it to the gym management if it continues.
Not sure if you read the rest of the thread but there's a big difference between silly behavior between male teammates and professional behavior between a trainer and a client-in this instance a male trainer and a female client. This isn't some locker room after a baseball game. This is a paying client at a gym. She never should have had to tell him I'm the first place.
So much for treating all people, regardless of gender the same...0 -
coreyreichle wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
Not sure if you know, but a slap on the *kitten* even among an all male team is pretty common, and not intended in any way shape or form to sexual harassment.
That being said, if she said don't do it, he needs to not do it. And, she should take it to the gym management if it continues.
Not sure if you read the rest of the thread but there's a big difference between silly behavior between male teammates and professional behavior between a trainer and a client-in this instance a male trainer and a female client. This isn't some locker room after a baseball game. This is a paying client at a gym. She never should have had to tell him I'm the first place.
So much for treating all people, regardless of gender the same...
What if the OP doesn't want any trainer smacking her *kitten*? This isn't about gender equality. It's about behaving like a professional in the work place. Even assuming he doesn't mean anything sexual by it, she told him not to do it. As a professional, it should have stopped. Again, they're not "teammates." She's paying him to perform a service. It's more than grounds to get a new trainer. If anything, I'm confused about why she hasn't taken that step already.
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thesupremeforce wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
Not sure if you know, but a slap on the *kitten* even among an all male team is pretty common, and not intended in any way shape or form to sexual harassment.
That being said, if she said don't do it, he needs to not do it. And, she should take it to the gym management if it continues.
Not sure if you read the rest of the thread but there's a big difference between silly behavior between male teammates and professional behavior between a trainer and a client-in this instance a male trainer and a female client. This isn't some locker room after a baseball game. This is a paying client at a gym. She never should have had to tell him I'm the first place.
So much for treating all people, regardless of gender the same...
What if the OP doesn't want any trainer smacking her *kitten*? This isn't about gender equality. It's about behaving like a professional in the work place. Even assuming he doesn't mean anything sexual by it, she told him not to do it. As a professional, it should have stopped. Again, they're not "teammates." She's paying him to perform a service. It's more than grounds to get a new trainer. If anything, I'm confused about why she hasn't taken that step already.
As I said, if you read my post: Since she has told him to cut that crap out, he needs to stop, and if he continues to take up with gym management. Or, a swift crotch-kick.0
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