Pervy Trainer
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coreyreichle wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
Not sure if you know, but a slap on the *kitten* even among an all male team is pretty common, and not intended in any way shape or form to sexual harassment.
That being said, if she said don't do it, he needs to not do it. And, she should take it to the gym management if it continues.
Not sure if you read the rest of the thread but there's a big difference between silly behavior between male teammates and professional behavior between a trainer and a client-in this instance a male trainer and a female client. This isn't some locker room after a baseball game. This is a paying client at a gym. She never should have had to tell him I'm the first place.
So much for treating all people, regardless of gender the same...
I needed this laugh today, thanks. Because anyone has specified treating men and women differently. It's about the professional relationship-not the sex. You mentioned *kitten* slapping between men in the sports world. So I pointed out that the OP is a female.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're killing me here. Stop apologizing for standing up for yourself. No one gets to touch you that you don't wish to touch you. Period.
It's not an awkward conversation. Because it's not a conversation. It's a goddamn command. Keep your hands off my *kitten*. Done and done. If he can't abide by that, he's fired. Reported to management. Punched in the damn mouth. Whatever. I'm good with all outcomes. He had an opportunity to back down. He did not back down. So whatever happens next is on him.
this.
You're certainly over thinking- but you're not overreacting- you haven't acted at all actually- so ANY action for standing up for yourself is an a good action.
No one- EVER should be touching your body without your permission.
(I had an 70something year old owner of a construction company swatting at my *kitten*- I told him don't you ever fu*king touch me again... he did it a again and he's lucky he's not crippled because I turned around and fired a kick straight for his crotch)
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rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
You're killing me here. Stop apologizing for standing up for yourself. No one gets to touch you that you don't wish to touch you. Period.
It's not an awkward conversation. Because it's not a conversation. It's a goddamn command. Keep your hands off my *kitten*. Done and done. If he can't abide by that, he's fired. Reported to management. Punched in the damn mouth. Whatever. I'm good with all outcomes. He had an opportunity to back down. He did not back down. So whatever happens next is on him.
this.
You're certainly over thinking- but you're not overreacting- you haven't acted at all actually- so ANY action for standing up for yourself is an a good action.
No one- EVER should be touching your body without your permission.
(I had an 70something year old owner of a construction company swatting at my *kitten*- I told him don't you ever fu*king touch me again... he did it a again and he's lucky he's not crippled because I turned around and fired a kick straight for his crotch)
my hero 0 -
Maybe he's patting you butt to see if the squats are working? Kidding. Throat punch the next time he does it.0
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Wow he getting away with sexual harassment.
What am I reading. He is a good trainer that can sexual harass you. There is no way you have told your husband about this. I'm sure he would comfort "good trainer" real quickly.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
^GuitarJerry wrote: »
As for the *kitten* slapping, I'd probably mention it to him again. He will train a lot of people a week and probably forgot. Insinuating that he is a pervert is unfair and judgemental, he may just be friendly.
Also, don't always think the worse. Some people are just that way and need reminding that we are not. I only enjoy hugging my DH. I hate when friends or people I know have to hug to say hello.
These specifically. "You're being judgemental....don't jump to conclusions" he's touching her a**, these responses immediately got my hackles up. It's simply not ok for someone to touch you-especially if you asked them not to.
I know. I'm surprised at how many people are saying it's OK; especially the women.
It never ceases to amaze me how people respond to things here. I would think this is a topic that everyone would universally agree that it's way out of line. I'm trying to think of a single situation where that would be OK. And I can't come up with one unless he was training his GF or wife.
Yes many of the responses shocked me as well. I'd suggest you go with your gut feeling and not the majority of the responses to you here. If you feel he's being inappropriate and it's uncomfortable to you, then it IS!
As far as you saying he's a good trainer..... except. Well that's a big except, doesn't sound like he's much of a trainer if he's already crossing the line and not respecting you. How is that a good trainer?
Can you simply say to him how you feel and not how your husband might feel? You might say 'I find it disrespectful when you do that'... or whatever comes to you mind. But to pull your husband into the situation.... well he's not there and it sounds a tad like you're sending him mixed messages. Guess what I mean is...HE might be taking it that way, not saying you're intending it that way.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
right or wrong, a lot of women are not used to being taken seriously unless they've got a man backing them up. totally different context, but saying "i've got a boyfriend/am married" often works a lot more quickly and effectively to shut down unwanted interest than a lot of other responses do.
i'm not saying it's a useful way of responding in this instance, but if you're used to men not taking no for an answer unless there's another dude in the wings, it's a fallback response that kind of makes sense. It also makes a kind of sense (ie is understandable) if you are uncomfortable with conflict.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
right or wrong, a lot of women are not used to being taken seriously unless they've got a man backing them up. totally different context, but saying "i've got a boyfriend/am married" often works a lot more quickly and effectively to shut down unwanted interest than a lot of other responses do.
i'm not saying it's a useful way of responding in this instance, but if you're used to men not taking no for an answer unless there's another dude in the wings, it's a fallback response that kind of makes sense. It also makes a kind of sense (ie is understandable) if you are uncomfortable with conflict.
I just had this EXACT issue last Thursday- and I felt deeply mortified and ashamed for myself that I went the "I'm spoken for" route. (Which I rarely do- but I was completely caught off gaurd early in the morning at traffic light in my car! LIKE WTF DUDE LEAVE ME ALONE)
It's not a good thing to say- and it simply continues to reinforce the concept that women cannot be taken seriously or their own words are not VALID enough. It's routed deeply in the social implications that women are property and have no voice- and our words only matter b/c there is someone else behind them- a contender- someone who is coming to defend his property.
You're words must be valid enough. Having a boy friend or a spouse is not a good excuse- it must be because the behavior itself is unacceptable because I say so. Period.0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
right or wrong, a lot of women are not used to being taken seriously unless they've got a man backing them up. totally different context, but saying "i've got a boyfriend/am married" often works a lot more quickly and effectively to shut down unwanted interest than a lot of other responses do.
i'm not saying it's a useful way of responding in this instance, but if you're used to men not taking no for an answer unless there's another dude in the wings, it's a fallback response that kind of makes sense. It also makes a kind of sense (ie is understandable) if you are uncomfortable with conflict.
I just had this EXACT issue last Thursday- and I felt deeply mortified and ashamed for myself that I went the "I'm spoken for" route. (Which I rarely do- but I was completely caught off gaurd early in the morning at traffic light in my car! LIKE WTF DUDE LEAVE ME ALONE)
It's not a good thing to say- and it simply continues to reinforce the concept that women cannot be taken seriously or their own words are not VALID enough. It's routed deeply in the social implications that women are property and have no voice- and our words only matter b/c there is someone else behind them- a contender- someone who is coming to defend his property.
You're words must be valid enough. Having a boy friend or a spouse is not a good excuse- it must be because the behavior itself is unacceptable because I say so. Period.
Agree. Sometimes it's just the easiest way
but agree. 0 -
These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
right or wrong, a lot of women are not used to being taken seriously unless they've got a man backing them up. totally different context, but saying "i've got a boyfriend/am married" often works a lot more quickly and effectively to shut down unwanted interest than a lot of other responses do.
i'm not saying it's a useful way of responding in this instance, but if you're used to men not taking no for an answer unless there's another dude in the wings, it's a fallback response that kind of makes sense. It also makes a kind of sense (ie is understandable) if you are uncomfortable with conflict.
I just had this EXACT issue last Thursday- and I felt deeply mortified and ashamed for myself that I went the "I'm spoken for" route. (Which I rarely do- but I was completely caught off gaurd early in the morning at traffic light in my car! LIKE WTF DUDE LEAVE ME ALONE)
It's not a good thing to say- and it simply continues to reinforce the concept that women cannot be taken seriously or their own words are not VALID enough. It's routed deeply in the social implications that women are property and have no voice- and our words only matter b/c there is someone else behind them- a contender- someone who is coming to defend his property.
You're words must be valid enough. Having a boy friend or a spouse is not a good excuse- it must be because the behavior itself is unacceptable because I say so. Period.
Agree. Sometimes it's just the easiest way but agree.
We had a big debate on my FB page because my friend was like- (a guy) said I don't get what it's an issue- it's easier and it's true.
I said yes- but you have to understand it's continuing to reinforce that my own NO isn't good enough- but flip side- you have to way carefully hwo aggressive someone will get when they take NO as an opportunity to continue to push- or an excuse to circumvent- so yes- sometimes "no I have a boyfriend" is easier- and safer. Knowing that if you go missing someone will be looking.
many things go into weighing the decision of which route to chose- which is ridiculous- like seriously- no thank you should be more than adequate to handle the situation- but it is deeply unfortunate that it is not.0 -
rasheedahj wrote: »Sometimes its a slap but sometimes there is a linger and a squeeze. I intend to mention it again and see where it gets me. Its an awkward conversation. I dont want to seem as if im overreacting or making something out of nothing. I just dont want him doing it.
Well it can't be 'nothing' if you've brought it up on the public forums and title the thread the way you did.
Try to worry less about his response and job and more about respect toward yourself. You deserve the right to be taken seriously and heard the first time you speak.
If anyone should feel awkward it'll be him when his boss talks to him after you report it.
Please don't continue calling this guy a 'good trainer'. He's not, he's inappropriate and making you feel uncomfortable. What about that makes him a good trainer??? If you allow this to go on he'll figure you're kidding when you said something the last time and continue on.
Respect yourself, respect your body.... situations like this can make it look bad for all women and all trainers as well.
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I was laughing reading a meme yesterday that basically said if a hot guy does it , it's romantic, if an ugly guy does he's a pervy creep...............sad but it's kinda true lol
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These responses are ridiculous. It is incredibly inappropriate for him to be touching your butt-or touching you at all. Your relationship should be strictly professional. Whether or not he's a pervert doesn't really matter. He is being inappropriate and unprofessional-and it's making you uncomfortable.
If you think it's innocent than tell him again not to do it, but why use your husband as an excuse? Tell him it makes you uncomfortable. If you really think he's a pervert than you should probably tell his boss. If he's harassing you he's harassing other women as well.
right or wrong, a lot of women are not used to being taken seriously unless they've got a man backing them up. totally different context, but saying "i've got a boyfriend/am married" often works a lot more quickly and effectively to shut down unwanted interest than a lot of other responses do.
i'm not saying it's a useful way of responding in this instance, but if you're used to men not taking no for an answer unless there's another dude in the wings, it's a fallback response that kind of makes sense. It also makes a kind of sense (ie is understandable) if you are uncomfortable with conflict.
I just had this EXACT issue last Thursday- and I felt deeply mortified and ashamed for myself that I went the "I'm spoken for" route. (Which I rarely do- but I was completely caught off gaurd early in the morning at traffic light in my car! LIKE WTF DUDE LEAVE ME ALONE)
It's not a good thing to say- and it simply continues to reinforce the concept that women cannot be taken seriously or their own words are not VALID enough. It's routed deeply in the social implications that women are property and have no voice- and our words only matter b/c there is someone else behind them- a contender- someone who is coming to defend his property.
You're words must be valid enough. Having a boy friend or a spouse is not a good excuse- it must be because the behavior itself is unacceptable because I say so. Period.
Agree. Sometimes it's just the easiest way but agree.
We had a big debate on my FB page because my friend was like- (a guy) said I don't get what it's an issue- it's easier and it's true.
I said yes- but you have to understand it's continuing to reinforce that my own NO isn't good enough- but flip side- you have to way carefully hwo aggressive someone will get when they take NO as an opportunity to continue to push- or an excuse to circumvent- so yes- sometimes "no I have a boyfriend" is easier- and safer. Knowing that if you go missing someone will be looking.
many things go into weighing the decision of which route to chose- which is ridiculous- like seriously- no thank you should be more than adequate to handle the situation- but it is deeply unfortunate that it is not.
True and that is sad that women have to cater a rejection to some of the ridiculous let call them boys because they're not men.
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I think at the heart of the OP issue is that she asked him not to do something, and he did it anyway. I think that I would ask once more being clear that you are uncomfortable. If it happens again you should find a new trainer. You can't make someone act appropriate, and ultimately you need to fully trust your trainer. I hope this helps.0
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Honestly with men you have to be as direct as possible. Pull him aside and tell him that your uncomfortable with him slapping your big ole booty. Maybe not the way I said it but be upfront. I don't care how awesome of a personal trainer you think he is. Anything that makes you uncomfortable is a no go. You already told him once and honestly you should not have to tell him again. He's an professional and should act like one. Find a new trainer or a new gym to work out at or let management know. You don't just work out and endure the constant sexual assault on your big bum. You told him once already. Your just giving him confirmation that is ok because you did not clearly say it makes you uncomfortable as a woman to be slapped on the bum. Don't mention your husband. He easily laughed it off because you said it made your husband uncomfortable. Be firm and serious. Don't be such a push over. After all its your big bum on the line here.0
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Be upfront and firm with men in general . Your body is your temple and not that guys personal big ole drum
. You don't ever have to endure anything that makes you uncomfortable. Honestly ask yourself if your sister or niece or daughter was in this situation. They tell you that they mentioned it the first time. What advice would you as a woman give them. 0 -
quintinmasonjr24 wrote: »Be upfront and firm with men in general . Your body is your temple and not that guys personal big ole drum. You don't ever have to endure anything that makes you uncomfortable. Honestly ask yourself if your sister or niece or daughter was in this situation. They tell you that they mentioned it the first time. What advice would you as a woman give them.
I'd advise the OP to get a new trainer.
I'd advise you to stop referring to the OP's bottom as huge. Four times in two posts? Why?0 -
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