Fat, depressed, and anti-social...

brittaney10811 wrote: »

thank you, i will look into it. Like I said, I wouldn't ever inflict physical harm on myself. I just truly don't enjoy being in the body I have. If I were able to be successful with my efforts, then I think I'd be in a better place. It's just the constant failure of my efforts that make me think this is how i'll be forever, and that gets to me.

My ex husband was severely depressed (used to have the same thoughts about driving into oncoming traffic) and was always caught up with how he failed at everything. But he used to say the same thing, that he would never hurt himself because his kids needed him and it wouldn't be fair to them. He took his own life three weeks ago.

Please, go see someone about your depression.

I've never experienced depression personally but I had a long-term relationship with someone who was depressed, so I thought maybe I could offer something from that perspective. I loved her very much and wanted to help her see all of the wonderful things about her that I saw but she couldn't seem to see. I tried to cheer her up, I tried to take her out to social events so she'd have fun; I tried to organize camping trips and travel and other adventures to make her life more interesting. I told her all the time how much I loved her and how wonderful she was. I offered to help her find counselling if she wanted it. Anything I could think of to try and help her self-esteem, to try to help her mood. That is probably part of what's going through your husband's mind - he loves you, he wants you to feel good, and he wants you to have a rewarding and fun life.

Eventually what I learned (the hard way) is that no matter how much you love someone, you can't just love away their depression. Depression is a medical condition, usually caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. Love won't fix it any more than love would fix kidney disease or diabetes. And there's no such thing as a self-esteem transplant - there's only one person who can change it, and that's the depressed person.

Having suicidal thoughts, even if you don't act on them, is a serious thing, and it can escalate without treatment. Please consider getting counselling and possibly seeing a psychiatrist for medication, if that's appropriate for your case; if you can't afford that, try a local community centre or women's charity - sometimes places like that offer free or discounted services. Other things that can help include writing in a journal, reading books that help you reprogram your self-destructive thinking, or talking to trusted friends and family. In the end though, if you have serious clinical depression, you need medical care.

As for health and fitness, if you're not having success the way you're doing things, consider doing things differently. Nothing drastic! No juice fasts or cleanses any of that junk. Sounds like you're very active. Do you track your food closely (using a scale and measuring cups) or just estimate? Are you on any medication (e.g. birth control pills) that could be causing weight gain? Is it possible you have a hormone imbalance, PCOS, or a thyroid condition?

You mention that your hormones are normal, but what is "normal"? It is extremely difficult to maintain hormonal balance being overweight, not stating this is a root cause, but most certainly contributing.

Seek out a good counselor. You have a loving devoted husband from what you've stated - lean on him for now. It's our duty to do so and gives us purpose. Maybe get a personal trainer and work out together? Find more activities to share?

It may sound silly, but there is a great benefit from internet friends - anonymity, shared experience, etc. that can far outweigh real life connections. Your on a good path coming here.

I'm a huge believe in the mind/body/spirit balance - if one is out of whack this will impact the others.

Am sure everyones told you, but working out isnt enough. Just do the basics properly and stop eating more than you need, then you will lose weight. A year and a half was time enough to make the difference and lose 70lbs. It didnt happen because you werent in consistent deficit. If you want to make the change you just need to get on with it and do it, but this time learn how to do the basics properly.
One of the things you need to learn from your journey is to be your own friend . Exercise helps, but frustration is likely to make you worse and feel hopeless, so make small steps which you can be a winner at.

It's a process. Like you, about 4 years ago I was the thinnest I've EVER been. Great hair, great body, beautiful face but I was dying on the inside - gorgeous on the outside, but I had to fix the inside before life got better. Self help, therapy, and a support group will help you. The biggest thing? Time. Be patient and kind to yourself.

By your photos, you have a beautiful smile and look like you'd be fun to hang around, we are so much more critical of ourselves than other people are. Your husband enjoys spending time with you and wants you to be around his friends, make that effort, as hard as it might be, it will make your relationship stronger. Also, when it comes to weightloss, ignore the scale and get a tape measure, sometimes we lose the fat, but build muscle. Maybe the scale is not moving because of this. You CAN do this!!

A big thing could be your outlook on the situation. You have got to be okay with who you are as a person, with or without the extra weight. What makes you, you. What made your husband fall in love with you? Think about the personality that you have and the way you treat other people. I "dieted" on and off for a long time. I would stick to it for about a week and then I would give up. Finally I decided that I loved the person I am, with a little extra weight or not. I have 100 lbs to lose. My husband only weighs 135 lbs. I know the feeling of not wanting to meet new friends or go out in public but it is a psychological thing that you have to get over. Once I was comfortable with who I was as a person I started to feel better. I feel AMAZING after I workout. I eat right and I LOVE it. I have successfully been on this "life change" for almost a whole month! and Have lost a little over 15 lbs. But its not the amount of weight that is coming off that matters, that will happen in time, its that, for the first time in my whole life, i feel GOOD about myself

One more:

The Letter I Wrote My Doctor (if you're squemish ~ don't read)

I hope this helps,

Dan the Man from Michigan
Fat Head (the History of the Demonization of Saturated Fat)
What If We're Wrong about Diabetes? Peter Attia
First Do No Harm, A video that shows how the Ketogenic diet cures epilepsy. Meryl Streep