Informal Poll: Mean People
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I think that the BMI charts are skewed, it truly depends on your frame. I am currently at a 32 BMI, while overweight, I do not feel that I am "obese". At my healthiest and fittest (in the military) I was 177 pounds (I am 5'5" on a good day). I am at 200 now, and understand that I need to loose about 20-25 pounds, but damn, not one scale fits all...0
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I was 13, my granny was just buried and my cousin came up to me after the funeral and said " you have an *kitten* the size of a double decker bus and a face like a pizza ". Between then and 15 I became anorexic. I was only a UK size 10 when he said that. His words never left me growing up. I carried it into my marriage, feeling I'm not wanted by anyone. My brother's wife said " You say you have lost weight yet you are far bigger than me". I was a UK size 16 at the time while she was a UK size 20. Funny ha! That was the end of March. Now I'm getting the "you are losing so much weight, eating disorder thing. Eh, I'm very I'll and doctors are puzzled about what is causing my pain and discomfort. Anywho, life goes on.0
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No mean commits to me..
Did have my m'i'l ask last week if I had lost weight. I was in my workout cloths tho, usually I am in jeans and t'shirt/sweatshirt (baggy/comfy)
My hubby has said a few times I look nice in some cloths I was wearing. I don't even think he realizes I even lost 25 pounds. 2 pound from goal now. We eat the same foods, me just less. I do have to say he sees me every day so probably not noticeable.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »chicks are mean...srsly...95% of the personnel problems I have to deal with at the office are females fighting with each other or unhappy because so and so said such and such and, "I'm not talkin' to that *kitten* any more" kind of *kitten*.
Do we work together?
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Both my mother and MIL told me to stop at bmi of 20.9 ( MIL added "because I'm gaining!). .0
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Still overweight... that I was too skinny and needed to stop losing. I'm 20 pounds lighter now and still hear it, obviously (from about everyone).0
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I've heard a number of nasty comments from women about how I'm "not fat and will be skin and bones at 15lbs lighter", which would be the top of the 'healthy' range. They all had babies much earlier than I did and have been hovering in the 'obese' range ever since, so trimming back to my pre-baby weight is a threat to their claim that all moms are chunksters (gotta love small town mentality).
On the other side of the coin, many years ago I had a couple of guy friends take me aside when I had hit the low end of the 'healthy' range and express concern because I was starting to get some serious upper chest rib shadow. They were very relieved to find out I was already eating more to compensate for having picked up working a second active job plus having a very active lifestyle. Why can't women be nicer like that?0 -
Not really mean, but I had one coworker question someone whether I was sick because I was losing (this was at around 200 pounds), and her mother-in-law (a former coworker herself whom I'm close with) asked me the same thing a month ago at 187.0
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My boss told me she could count my teeth through my cheeks when I first got into a healthy BMI. Someone the other day told me I look like I have an eating disorder, at 5'4" and 132 lbs. People always tell me I'm "disappearing" and to stop losing weight, which isn't mean but annoying.0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Don't think so, I'm female and it never happened to me at any weight in my life. Never a mean comment from anyone. Either I'm lucky or I never notice it.
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Everyone at work has watched me explode to 262, and are nothing but positive now that I am 194. I sure hope things will stay the same when I get to a healthy BMI.0
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My parents called me gorda throughout my childhood and would often put me on diets and try to make me exercise. Ugg, there was particular workout tape my dad would rent from the library where the hose would pretend to be different animals and tell the kids in the audience to follow his movements. Having to follow the tape in front of him is probably my earliest embarrassing moment.
The only person who has really said anything negative about my weight loss is my mom, but she complains about everything. Most of what random folks / friends / family have commented negatively on is my diet, things like using a food scale at home, splitting my meal in half, and ordering smaller portions.0 -
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No one has made any comments to me one way or the other ... almost 15 kg lost, and not a word.
But then, I'm in an office where I've never heard anyone comment on another person's appearance except maybe the occasional "Oh, I like your necklace" or "Great boots!" or something like that.
I'm also in a very active office ... seems like just about everyone works out, cycles, runs, goes for long walks and/or multi-day hikes, rows, etc. etc.0 -
IAmTheGlue wrote: »People don't say mean things to me either. I am just not particularly approachable. If anyone ever did say something mean, I either never heard it or just disregarded it because I have no recollection of it.
I did however have an intervention once due when I dropped weight very fast after my 2nd child was born due to said disordered eating. It's been a problem on and off since 6th grade. I was well under a healthy weight and making myself quite sick.
It was not mean, though. It was purely out of concern and they were absolutely correct. I couldn't hear it then and it was not until I landed myself in the Dr's office a couple weeks later that I realized the problems I was causing myself.
I think overall that people have a hard time seeing people who are at a healthy weight as healthy due to the obesity epidemic. It is like an unhealthy high weight looks normal now and a healthy weight looks underweight.
I think more than that...it is people having a hard time adjusting to seeing a person who used to be overweight/obese as a normal body weight. If I was always a normal body weight, no one would think a thing of it, but because I was overweight and now I have lost weight...it is a transition that people have to adjust how they view me, so I think many people resist against that.
I would hypothesize strongly that if people were always the weight they are when people started saying "you are too thin" or "you look like skin and bones" that people wouldn't think about saying that in the slightest.
P.S. Glad to hear you are healthier and doing better. Hugs. I'm glad your family said something and reached out.
Thanks
What you said makes sense, too. People hate change.0 -
Overweight.
I have heard comments on my figure my whole life. I'm a petite female (5'1) and am well-endowed. I hear people tell me I'm too big, and other people tell me I shouldn't try to lose any weight at all. I'm about twenty pounds north of my goal weight, and it's very hard for me because people say either that I don't eat, or that I'm eating too much (nobody understands my diet but me). And I also never look like I'm losing weight, because I lose it evenly and it's spread out evenly.
I have wide hips, and I always will. I've been a size zero and I've been a size eight, and everything in between. People are rude to me, but I just keep on going.0 -
at 25-26.5 BMI which is overweight but not by a lot, I've had comments like "fat pig" "you're disgusting" "ew" "gross" "whale" "DUFF"(designated ugly fat friend) and other mean things that I can't think of. I'm only 19 and comments like those really hurt and I know everyone says to ignore them but that is so much easier said than done. I'm at 23.3 normal BMI right now and everyone has been really positive about my weight loss and have said I look great! 0
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Obese, to overweight to High BMI, to Mid BMI.
My mother was the WORST with mean. I'm 5'4". At the time I was about 135 pounds and yes, I did have some love handles at the side and yes I did have a little bit of a belly. I knew it, but at the time I had no idea how to even start losing weight healthily. My mom would poke my fat and tell me I needed to lose weight, and then comment on how big my shoulders were/are, how my behind didn't match, etc.
When I was high BMI, my mom kept making comments and they got worse when I was obese. I probably wasn't considered medically obese, but it was the absolute heaviest I have ever been in my life. My mom complained to my relatives and I even had them calling me saying "is it true?" Seriously, of all the things to call someone up on and ask (sighs).
Due to PCOS, my health got worse and when the periods got so bad I said screw this. I decided to lose weight before I ended up bleeding out on the toilet or something (sorry if that was TMI). My mom kept telling me to lose more weight. After I lost my job a couple years back I gained back a lot of weight and she continued telling me I was fat. One time she said it during a holiday when we had guests and wow, was that embarrassing. It made me feel like scarfing down a danish or something.
On the flip side, when I was at my lightest-- below 155 pounds-- people at work flipped out on me. Told me a dress size below 10 was "too skinny" (yes...you did read that right). One coworker actually told me (paraphrasing) my body and hair wouldn't look balanced. Yes...she said something like that. I must have given her a look because that is one of the MOST bizarre things you can tell a person.
Honestly? I wish people would keep their opinions about someone's body to themselves when they are trying to lose weight for their health. Try being supportive for a change. Just because a person loses 30 pounds doesn't mean they lost 30% of their sanity. Sheesh.0 -
It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.0
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lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Someone who either has control issues or a fetish.0 -
lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Wow, what a way for him to be supportive of someone who bettered their health.
Not trying to play armchair psychologist, but one thing I've heard about this kind of situation is the person who is with the losing weight person fell in love with them as who they were-- weight and all. When you lose the weight that person they fell in love with has changed, and it's upsetting.
To which I quote Harry Potter: "Codswallup, in my opinion."0 -
lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Someone who either has control issues or a fetish.
Agreed. That can become really sketchy, really quick. Don't ask me how I know......
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Nerdycurls wrote: »lauraesh0384 wrote: »It wasn't mean, but I think it was said out of insecurity. When I was with my boyfriend at the time and I went from 200 to 180, he told me he'd leave me if I got skinny. He said he didn't like skinny women. Being 5'6" and my goal weight is 150, I don't think I'll be "skinny". I just want to be lean and toned. To this day I'm not sure if he was kidding or not, but who says that to someone that's trying to better themselves? Obviously we're not together anymore. I eventually had enough of his crap.
Wow, what a way for him to be supportive of someone who bettered their health.
Not trying to play armchair psychologist, but one thing I've heard about this kind of situation is the person who is with the losing weight person fell in love with them as who they were-- weight and all. When you lose the weight that person they fell in love with has changed, and it's upsetting.
To which I quote Harry Potter: "Codswallup, in my opinion."
I honestly think that he was scared that if I lost more weight, I'd find someone else and leave him. But it's not like his "threat" would had stopped me from wanting to lose more weight. I'd just tell him, "there's the door" lol.
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barbecuesauce wrote: »At what stage of your weight loss did you begin hearing unsolicited mean comments from those around you? Anything from passive-aggressive barbs to "you have an eating disorder." I would love to hear context, too.
>Obese
>Overweight
>High Normal BMI
>Midrange BMI
>Low BMI
>Underweight
Obese/overweight-I think I have always been overweight or obese since a young age. I used to be teased in high school. Some people used to call me penguin but I didn't feel bad about that. But really I don't recall a lot of weight related insults or comments.
Now that I have lost weight my brother said I look like a prisoner of war, I think that's less of an insult and more of a brotherly compliment.
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I feel really lucky. As is the case with some others, I'm not very sensitive and my confidence has never been lacking... but I think the main thing is that I'm so damn proud of myself that any comment made to me is taken as a compliment. I'm doing a great job changing my entire life and if you notice enough to say anything it's just more of a boost to me.
I did have the funniest comment made when I first started at 5'2" and had only lost 5 of my original 219 pounds. A coworker noticed that I changed my eating habits and asked me if I was now trying to maintain my weight. Lol! Yes, sure - I was exactly where I'd dreamed of always being.0 -
I got disconcerted responses at mid-range BMI, I think because it was just a change. Lots of compliments, though, too. Concern-trolling and comments about how drawn my face looked at low BMI, which actually wasn't wrong, I did look a little peaked, to be honest.
I heard a fairly nasty comment about my weight loss effort from someone only recently, after a 15-lb regain, when I was presumably "safe". I was shocked to hear this person - an acquaintance, albeit one I've known a while - suggest my weight loss and fitness work were driven by neurosis and internalized misogyny. Which is hilarious (this person doesn't know me well at all).
Whatever. I remember her looking self-conscious and constantly fidgeting with her shirt whenever she saw me, back then. Not that I wanted her to have that response, I wished she didn't do that. She's more at ease around me now that I'm heavier. Like I give a ****.0 -
When I was 18 and smack in the middle of a healthy BMI range (5'9" 150 pounds) I wore a bikini to a pool party, my mother came up to me and told me I should never wear another bikini again because I looked awful. Just recently I told her I wanted to loose 10 pounds by July 2016 for my sisters wedding (I finally made it back to 150 again and I wanted to be 140) and she told me, "ummmm better make it 20 pounds."0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »at no point...
given the number of times I've read through threads like this, I've largely deduced that this is a female thing...
Never...well, except my Nan telling me I should not lose more weight (I was sub 20%) once. It was not mean though. That's pretty much it.0 -
My mom mainly - at any time - when I was big and when I was smaller but for her whatever I do is probably killing me. Kids when I was young - that pretty much set my mind frame that I'm fat and ruined my confidence for life I guess.
My cousin, who was my closest 'friend' for a while liked having me around because she just look so damn good next to me. She's always very nice but I can see she was not all that happy about the weight change. Anyway we're not that close anymore and it's with benefit for my mental health.
I think some people don't like the idea that the fatty that made them feel good about themselves is loosing weight - because just perhaps one day they will not be the better looking one. It's mind boggling but I think that's a big part of negativity when you're loosing weight.0 -
I do think that 'people being mean' depends a helluva lot more on the recipient's perception than the person making the comment
I rarely, if ever, feel that people have been mean to me however looking back in the last week I've had
"Your tits have shrunk" - sister
"I'm still skinnier than you" - same sister
"I liked your butt before" - work colleague
on the flip side I've had amazing compliments in the same time period "holy sh1t, you look amazing", "F' me", "God, you're stunning", "how have you done that?" ... and regularly headturns / men stopping and staring in the street / park when I walk past (thank god for the dog, ipod and sunglassess)
and 54lbs (and a year) ago my husband was still telling me how gorgeous and sexy I was
So I think it boils down to inner confidence: I'm strong and fit now and I know I look good (I'm not even going to put in for my age) .. weird comments roll off my back in the face of my sense of self
because you know what ... they don't mean a single thing .. they are just white noise0
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