"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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I get it often, usually by people who knew me when I was at my heaviest. Having lost over 190lb and recently having open heart surgery it really doesn't bother me too much simply because the only people I listen to now are my heart surgeon, my cardiologist and my GP. All three of them have told me in the past 6 months that my weight is perfect and to keep my heart in as best working order as possible maintaining this weight can be crucial :-)
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Now one former co-worker who would always make comments. She was just mean. Right to my face once when I declined a piece of cake because I didn't want to work it into my calories for the day "Well that fine and well and good, but I'll be waiting for you to gain the weight back. You all do." Ugh. I basically wanted to punch her in the face.
Yes, I did gain some weight back, but never the whole thing. I am no longer at that job, but whenever I gain some weight back I always think of that horrible comment and try to put the breaks on it so she doesn't get the satisfaction. Evil.
WOW!
I get the comments at work. "are you still dieting?" "you're gonna blow away" You're so skinny" " I liked you with a little more weight" "when are you going to stop?". BUT NOTHING LIKE THIS!!!!! ABSOLUTELY EVIL INDEED.
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REMARK: You are scrawny! you need more meat!
ME: I agree! That's why I started lifting!
REMARK: You are going to be blown away!
ME: Ain't that the truth.. It was windy outside the hot construction workers yelled do you need help Miss?! I said, totally 3 -
I doubt you have body dysmorphia, you said you're maintaining so you're not trying to get thinner. I'm 6' tall and started at 317 lbs, I've lost 123 lbs (194 lbs now) and I hear this all the time. I still want to lose another 34 lbs and get down to 160. People tell me that's way too low, but from what I've read and heard from my doctor that would be a healthy weight for me. I just ignore people when they talk about how I've lost too much... 195 lbs isn't exactly skinny! I sometimes think that so many people are overweight or obese these days that most people have a warped sense of what a healthy weight is.0
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I doubt you have body dysmorphia, you said you're maintaining so you're not trying to get thinner. I'm 6' tall and started at 317 lbs, I've lost 123 lbs (194 lbs now) and I hear this all the time. I still want to lose another 34 lbs and get down to 160. People tell me that's way too low, but from what I've read and heard from my doctor that would be a healthy weight for me. I just ignore people when they talk about how I've lost too much... 195 lbs isn't exactly skinny! I sometimes think that so many people are overweight or obese these days that most people have a warped sense of what a healthy weight is.
We have similar stats and I agree. I often tell people that if they didn't know me and saw me walking down the street they wouldn't say "there's someone who is too skinny...."
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kirstinlee wrote: »I'm a part of the losing weight club right now, but when I took the weight off the first time and was in maintenance, I got told those things all the time. A lot of it came from my morbidly obese family. I think there's two things at play when people say things like this: people get used to you the way you are and don't like change, and you losing weight makes them realize that they might have a few pounds to lose, too. Not saying this is true in every case, but for me it was normally one of those two.
I agree. It cause such mixed emotions when it comes from people who are close to you.
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nicfitnesszone wrote: »REMARK: You are scrawny! you need more meat!
ME: I agree! That's why I started lifting!
REMARK: You are going to be blown away!
ME: Ain't that the truth.. It was windy outside the hot construction workers yelled do you need help Miss?! I said, totally
HA! I love this post
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My partner jokingly complained about the 'lack of upholstery' on my boobs and butt... and then by learning more about CICO and watching his own calorie intake, he lost some of his own excess baggage!0
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At the 20 pound mark the comments began to roll in.
I've mentioned this in other threads but the comments (especially at work) tend to be less than kind. Some women around the office have really shown their true colors. It's sad, really.0 -
I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.
Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.
In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?
I have dealt with this too and it seems that family members are the worse. "you better not lose any more"..."I'm starting to worry about you". That was my mom. Nag, Nag, nag....I got so tired of hearing it and telling her not to worry I'm fine.... I finally said to her "seriously mom, STOP! Are you telling me that it's ok for other women out there to be fit and look and feel great and I CAN"T....Why mom? Because I'm your daughter and you have a problem with it. Well I'm sorry mom but that's YOUR PROBLEM...NOT Mine. Get over it! (Then I walked away and left). That was quite a while ago and she's never EVER mentioned again.
As for others, funny story but I was at my doctors appointment with my daughter and while they were weighing her I asked if he could weigh me too (I wanted to compare my scale at home). After he weighed me he turned around to my daughter...she was 12 at the time and said...Yep just as I thought..."your mom is perfect....so if anyone gives her a hard time you tell her Dr. X says your mom is PERFECT!" LOL. It works!:) So that could be a quick come back Doctor says I'm perfect.
It's true they just aren't use to seeing you the way you are now. For me it's been 6 years since I first reached goal and now all I get are compliments. So hang in there. Stay strong, be proud of your Great Success and don't you dare let them get inside your head. You are PERFECT!
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I could have written this post. It makes me also question if I have some mental problem such as body dysmorphia.
I'm 5'5 and went from 167 to 127 and about 20% body fat. In my mind, I don't look that different but considering I went from a size 14 to a 2 or 4, obviously I look drastically different.
At first it was just family making comments but on a weekly basis some co worker or other aquaintance makes a comment such as "you don't need to lose anymore weight." An older man said to me "if you lose anymore weight I think you will dry up and blow away." I never know how to respond. My step mom straight up asked if I was anorexic last week. I don't get it. I think if they saw me without clothes on they wouldn't feel that way. I just ran while losing weight and did no strength training, so now I'm skinny fat. People think I'm crazy for starting to workout.
I think it's jealousy from some people who wish they could stick with weight loss.
I don't know if it's me or them. Probably a little of both but I'm not trying to lose still just be healthy, maintain and tone up.0 -
At the 20 pound mark the comments began to roll in.
I've mentioned this in other threads but the comments (especially at work) tend to be less than kind. Some women around the office have really shown their true colors. It's sad, really.
I work for and by myself at home and have for many years, so maybe I'm just ignorant about workplaces, but I find it SHOCKING that in a work environment anyone would comment at all. It just seems so inappropriate.1 -
I used to hear it ,especially from my sister who insisted I probably had cancer and was dying and wouldn't tell her.
I think a lot of people especially from the depression era and just after equate health as rosy cheeked and pudgy. I think they remember what hungry people looked like .
If it's a loved one I would just reassure them that I'm OK don't worry . Anyone else I would remind them that even if I'm too skinny ,thankfully , I'm not too judgmental . (((;0 -
I get that too and it does something to me mentally that I start gaining weight.
I wonder how they would feel like if I said OMG you look so fat...0 -
People make comments like this to me a lot. If someone sees me eating healthy or declining a slice of cake, etc. they'll say, "It's not like you're going to get fat. You're already super skinny, it's not going to hurt you." For example, someone saw me eating watermelon the other day and made the comment, "Why do you always eat so healthy? You're already skinny." I simply stated back, "Well, I wouldn't be skinny if I ate junk food all the time." People, for some reason or another, feel like it's okay to make negative comments toward fit (I hate the word skinny) people. Why is it so terrible to poke fun at obese people but totally okay to poke fun at people who are working towards a healthier life? I will never understand. I just continue to do my thing because I know that my eating/exercise habits are what's best for me.2
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Oh, and the biggest annoyance of mine is when someone says (I get this exact comment all of the time), "You look like you need to eat a cheeseburger." Do I? What is a cheeseburger going to do for me? Other than clog my arteries. People are seriously absolutely completely ignorant. I was actually at a BBQ joint last week and the guy behind the counter said, "You need to eat some beef. You need to put some meat on those bones." I wanted to punch him. I wouldn't walk up to an obese person and say, "You need to eat a salad. You're too fat." I've dealt with it my entire life and it never gets easier or less annoying. I recently saw a magazine cover talking about the worlds biggest model and she weighed like 300-something pounds and people were praising her and basically kneeling at her feet. Why is it okay for people to make comments like, "OMG you are so beautiful just the way you are. Size doesn't matter. Big people are sexy too" and on...and on..but "skinny" people get crap for taking care of themselves?? I needed to get that off my chest. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.4
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I happened across this thread by accident. I am way overweight at 190 now and about 5'2. I'm a former skinny girl. All my life I heard the same comments. I never did anything on purpose. I moved a lot. I was about 105-115. My weight now is from what I consider disordered thinking and binging, and compulsive eating. Not when I was thin...so it really surprises me that people have the guts to say such things to thin people and not to large people. Like heck, I could have used someone saying hey, do you need help? Do you have ED? Why yes, in fact I think I do. I've hardly gotten any comments being a fat person (no one concerned about my health, diet, weight gain) . It's so strange.2
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Laughter_Girl wrote: »I get similar comments quite often, and I do in fact believe it's hard for people to adjust to change when they have become accustomed to a certain look. I just get tickled every time someone says something about me being too thin because I'm not even at my goal weight yet. Technically, I'm still overweight. Surprisingly to me, I think I hear the comments more from men, which is really strange to me. For example, my male colleague, who I rarely talk to, told me just this morning that I didn't need to lose anymore weight. He told me that men (He apparently knows what every man in the world wants.) like to have something to hold on to, and I was going to be all bones pretty soon. I laughed it off because HE is not my husband, and I know for a fact that my husband is not complaining one bit about my transforming body.
Those comments only motivate me more to reach my goal.
It's funny how men always like to put in their two cents, isn't it? I would've said, "Oh, I'm sorry but I don't recall asking for you or any other male's opinion but thanks anyways." hahaha I have no males on my mfp friends list anymore. They'd all make negative comments about what I'd do for exercise or what I eat.0 -
I've only gotten "don't lose any more weight" once. Kind of the same thing. My friend who also lost a lot of weight was the one who said it to me. I honestly think it was just a wee bit of concern for herself - she was gaining at the time (pregnant) so I think she might have felt a bit over shadowed in a way (which is funny because I was thinking the opposite "oooh when can I have a baby" thoughts).
My response worked really well though! I used that common misconception that when a woman lifts she will get bulkier... I said "It's okay, I've started lifting heavy weights now so I'll probably gain weight!" Which is not necessarily true but she responded with "oh that's good, I guess your body will still be changing a lot then".0 -
I am not anywhere near skinny now, but don't let people get to you. I used to feel comfortable in my weight and I was about 175 5'7" and started a new relationship around that time and his family was much larger and I feel like that is when I started gaining weight. Anytime we would go to dinner or have a cookout they would make fun of me eating like a bird and that it was a waste to go out because I didn't eat that much. So I gradually started eating gaining weight and now need to lose about 100lbs. So don't let people get to you because in my case I ended up gaining weight over it all.2
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I hear ya, so much. I'm so tired and disappointed in the negativity I get from my friends and family about a choice to be fitter and healthier. The only people I hear anything supportive from are the ones that are fitter or leaner than I am. I was at 132lbs and 5'6 and have since gained 10 of it back. I'm now trying to get back where I was and all I keep hearing is that I look better now, and I was too skinny before and just make sure not to lose too much. I can't help but wonder why it's okay for them to suggest that I stay at a weight that makes me unhappy just so they can feel better about themselves. As many of you have said, it would have been totally unacceptable for them to suggest that I lost weight when I was heavier because they thought I'd look better skinnier. Why is it okay now?0
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I hear ya, so much. I'm so tired and disappointed in the negativity I get from my friends and family about a choice to be fitter and healthier. The only people I hear anything supportive from are the ones that are fitter or leaner than I am. I was at 132lbs and 5'6 and have since gained 10 of it back. I'm now trying to get back where I was and all I keep hearing is that I look better now, and I was too skinny before and just make sure not to lose too much. I can't help but wonder why it's okay for them to suggest that I stay at a weight that makes me unhappy just so they can feel better about themselves. As many of you have said, it would have been totally unacceptable for them to suggest that I lost weight when I was heavier because they thought I'd look better skinnier. Why is it okay now?
I'm with you 100%. It's so very disappointing to continually have these negative comments. The only people who have been positive in my life are lean and fit people. Thank goodness I actuallyknow some - they are rare around here and they counteract the barage of awful comments I get. Today, my neighbour said "Careful with lifting weights - it will make you look like a man" - arghhh. Another person today said "you used to look like Beyonce - now you look like an ironing board". Horrible, but I did have to laugh at that one.
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honestly I'm a *kitten* because once I get to my goal weight, if someone said to me "you're too skinny" my response would be "you're too fat" .0
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YES! My mom says it constantly. Others do too in my family, but my mom does it the most. My friends have never outright said you're too skinny, but they've said I'm so skinny with a very concerned look on their face. It's supper annoying. Better than you're too fat I guess hahaha. As annoying as it is, I find it flattering and I just think that they're jealous.0
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A few months ago my mother was on the phone to me and said; "but the two of you are so slender and almost skinny" This was when I was still very much in the overweight section and my husband at the top end of his BMI. I decided to keep my mouth shut as to her obese mind I am pretty much heading into skinny territory. We did discuss thing a little when face to face, but primarily because she is now getting into mobility issues and is not liking it one bit. Nor did she like what I told her, "lay off the cookies, stop using the car for everything, the shop is only a 15 minute walk away. Start walking more". But according to dad, she did listen a little0
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No not yet, but I'm looking forward to it 0
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NeverTrustASkinnyChef wrote: »Oh, and the biggest annoyance of mine is when someone says (I get this exact comment all of the time), "You look like you need to eat a cheeseburger." Do I? What is a cheeseburger going to do for me? Other than clog my arteries. People are seriously absolutely completely ignorant. I was actually at a BBQ joint last week and the guy behind the counter said, "You need to eat some beef. You need to put some meat on those bones." I wanted to punch him. I wouldn't walk up to an obese person and say, "You need to eat a salad. You're too fat." I've dealt with it my entire life and it never gets easier or less annoying. I recently saw a magazine cover talking about the worlds biggest model and she weighed like 300-something pounds and people were praising her and basically kneeling at her feet. Why is it okay for people to make comments like, "OMG you are so beautiful just the way you are. Size doesn't matter. Big people are sexy too" and on...and on..but "skinny" people get crap for taking care of themselves?? I needed to get that off my chest. I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this.
Actually, you've hit on something which really resonates with me.
I don't actually mind the comments from friends/colleagues/family that much. No matter how misguided they are, in their own strange way their expressing their concern and/or love for me. So I get that.
But random strangers?! No, that really frikkin' annoys me. I just want to lean over and rip their throats out. Telling them to "Mind your g'd business" and then walking out, just doesn't seem strong enough to me.
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I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:
I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.
Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.
So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.
Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:
Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"
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