"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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Since we're on the topic of mothers, I thought I'd share my story.
When I was around 10 years old my mother made me start counting calories. I was a little chubby but by no means obese. I had a weight watchers book and a note book and I had to write down everything I ate. I was the only person in the family who had to do this, and I don't recall ever actually losing weight from it. If anything I just put on more weight as I went through school. At this point the comments about my weight from my mother stopped, at least to my face, and now it was my dad who decided to constantly point it out, even having the nerve to ask if I was pregnant. I felt as though they were ashamed and embarrassed by how I looked. Instead of motivating me to lose weight, that just made me eat my feelings even more. By the end of university I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance early last year and that was finally the motivation I needed to lose weight. I'm now down 22kg. About 10kg ago I started getting the "you're too skinny" and "you're anorexic" from my mother. Here I was thinking I'd finally made her proud by losing the weight and instead she was still shaming my body. Thankfully I'm strong enough to ignore her now, because I'm finally happy enough with my own body after years of self-hate. I now understand that her comments come from a place of insecurity, and really have nothing to do with me. I just ignore her and take pride in the fact that I'm now doing this for ME, not her.1 -
Since we're on the topic of mothers, I thought I'd share my story.
When I was around 10 years old my mother made me start counting calories. I was a little chubby but by no means obese. I had a weight watchers book and a note book and I had to write down everything I ate. I was the only person in the family who had to do this, and I don't recall ever actually losing weight from it. If anything I just put on more weight as I went through school. At this point the comments about my weight from my mother stopped, at least to my face, and now it was my dad who decided to constantly point it out, even having the nerve to ask if I was pregnant. I felt as though they were ashamed and embarrassed by how I looked. Instead of motivating me to lose weight, that just made me eat my feelings even more. By the end of university I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance early last year and that was finally the motivation I needed to lose weight. I'm now down 22kg. About 10kg ago I started getting the "you're too skinny" and "you're anorexic" from my mother. Here I was thinking I'd finally made her proud by losing the weight and instead she was still shaming my body. Thankfully I'm strong enough to ignore her now, because I'm finally happy enough with my own body after years of self-hate. I now understand that her comments come from a place of insecurity, and really have nothing to do with me. I just ignore her and take pride in the fact that I'm now doing this for ME, not her.
yeah, my mother tried to "help" me, i think, by "suggesting" that i try this or that diet with her...whatever was the thing at the time. Ugh, cabbage soup. gross...Looking back at pictures, and knowing that while I WAS overweight by the time I graduated, I was only between 5 and 15 pounds overweight and nowhere near "obese", I can tell that had she not drawn so much attention to my weight, i might have been fine. Even now, when her friend and her were discussing my weight loss, both of them seemed to have odd and inaccurate recollections of how i used to "eat my feelings" and that's why i "weighed so much". Having a more objective view now of what's unhealthy and what is not, and the fact that i know for sure that emotional eating was never a problem for me (on the contrary, when i'm upset i tend to NOT eat...sometimes for days, depending on the issue), I'm pretty certain that they are (and were) both projecting their own issues. it's funny....as soon as her friend said i was an emotional eater as a child, i spoke up and said "no, i think maybe you're remembering incorrectly. i never ate when i was "sad" or ate excessively because of feeling this way or that" and she said "oh yes you did. if anything happened, you and karin (her kid) would sneak off with cookies or cake or whatever you could get your hands on".........um.....never happened. like literally. never happened. lol.0 -
Wouldn't these people get their panties in a bunch if you replied "you're too fat" or "you had better lose weight"?? Not that the above is an appropriate response, BUT I'm trying to make a point. It's actually none of their beeswax. Simply smile and say something like "thanks for noticing"."you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight".
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My comeback, in my head, is 'only by comparison', one of these days it may accidentally slip out though! The problem is we live in a society that is totally dillusional. Other people are fat - we are a vanity size 12 which is totally healthy... And if I hear one more person say well Marilyn was a size 14 I might head butt a wall. I'm 5 ft 9 and 140 lbs but still feel slightly overweight for my frame, not by much but def by a bit. 50 years ago my peers would probably have pointed out I needed to lay off the cake! I wear a size 6 in Next which is bonkers because I'm heavier now than I was when I was 18 and at that time I did a bit of modelling and was a standard size 12! We get very mixed messages about our weight...0
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Oh man, I got that alot. I weighed 280 lbs over a year ago and now my weight has been hovering between 175-185. Friends, family and coworkers have given me the old, "Don't lost anymore weight, you're too skinny! Eat some McDonald's". Mind you I have high blood pressure and my readings have been doing well. Exes have seen me and was like, "Ew you're too skinny, I like men with meat on their bones". I'm not scrawny and toned up well, I guess people are used to seeing me with my cheeks looking like a male cabbage patch kid and no cheek bones. In saying that, I respond, "well my blood pressure and self-esteem loves it" lol0
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I got that from a few people when I lost 30 lbs 15 yrs ago...whatever, I was 150 at 5'7". Long story short, a couple years after that I ended up gaining about 100 lbs because of health issues/treatment. But right now I've only got about 25 lbs to lose til I get back to my goal of 150. And it will be music to my ears the first time I hear someone tell me I'm too skinny!
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I hear it too. Mostly from people who are trying to lose. One women at work who is in her 60s tells me it makes you look older when you're too thin. I'm not too thin. I'm 5;4" and 126 pounds She's about 40 pounds over weight.0
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Am 5'1 , 112 pound , , most people I know at club ( I went to celebrity fitness ) told me to stop cardio & eat more , , while my friend from work say " am looking at my best "
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I think - I'm healthy and I feel great - is a good response. Frankly, it's a rude remark. People do worry - when people get very low body fat, you worry they're ill, but if they know you, the must know you're exercising, not sick. But mostly people's ideas of what we're supposed to look like is distorted by being around so many heavy people. I walked into a Christmas gathering last year with my family - who I love dearly. But they're all fat. My mom started asking everyone - loudly - whether 'wasn't I too skinny?' and 'shouldn't I gain weight?'. I'm not skinny - I'm a good healthy 21 BMI, same weight I was when she thought I was healthy at 21 (I'm 55). My brother finally said "Mom - she's the only person in the room with a healthy weight and who doesn't have diabetes or a heart problem - why are you going after HER?"
I work at a college. I realized that my students look older and older every year. It's because they are heavier than their parents! We had to change the seating in our auditorium to larger seats. Few of them are the typical skinny kids they used to be.
Also (sorry, I'm on a rant), any time I mention that I'm not going to eat all of something because it's too much, people say 'you could eat anything, you're so thin!'. Instead of 'you're thin because you DON'T eat everything'.
It's rude to talk about other people's bodies. It's rude to criticize people for being heavy because you don't know what the reasons are. It's rude to comment on people being too thin.4 -
I have lost a lot in the last 9 months and my work means people visit me about every two months. In the last couple of months its as though they have suddenly realised that I am a lot thinner and they are commenting with
Oh my god are you ill?
you shouldnt be losing all that weight you looked lovely before
what happened to all your curves - (men)
dont lose any more will you
you must be careful you are losing too much too fast
My clients are mostly elderly and I wonder if it is as much to do with their mind set.
I tell them I feel so much better mind and body and they then usually say thats good but be careful dear
It is a little odd I lost two stones early on and no one seemed to notice but now they suddenly see it and dont seem too happy
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meganjcallaghan wrote: »meganjcallaghan wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »I'm sort of glad my mom still thinks I'm too fat (and I am). When my not-fat sister started working on losing baby weight, my mom told her her face was ugly (it's not). Too fat>ugly face.
Ugh. Heart hurt...one of my best friend's mom actually says things like this. "You're getting too fat" (she's like what a size 6?). I don't know why people assume it doesn't hurt when you re an adult. You wouldn't say this to a child (oh man...so awful) why would people talk like this to adults
Unfortunately there ARE people who would say this to their child. Some people are just mean at heart.
I must be very emotional and pms'ing today because that totally makes me almost cry .
Yeah. It's pretty sad. I sat on a bus one time and listened to a mother chat with a complete stranger about how her daughter (who was about 6 or 7 and full cognizant of the conversation) was VERY overweight compared with the charts for kids her age and she would have to have a talk with the doctor about how to "fix her".....she was mildly chubby, by the way. Pretty standard looking for a kid that age. Some are bigger, some are smaller....it tends to kind of even out AFTER puberty.
My brother is a doctor and he says those are the most annoying parents and he just wants to slap them: who buys food, who cooks it? Some people grrr!!0 -
arditarose wrote: »"So...You're the same height and weigh 10 pounds less, am I not allowed to be as thin as you?"
I'm 5'3, 140 with a goal of 120. I'm definitely not too skinny, my BMI is on the high side. But I get this too. My family was super encouraging until I got down to about their size and then it was "You don't need to lose anymore weight." I think it boils down to the fact that people want to see you do good, but never better than them.0 -
I got you are too skinny. Karen carpenter skinny, not a compliment.0
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(I apologize for my horrible grammar) I totally feel this, my family are heavily obese, two of my sisters and my brother are atleast 270-400 lbs each except for me and my mom. We could've of gotten to that point but we choose not to and as for me it's for the sake of my kids and I just want to feel healthy and be active. They all have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and one just became a diabetic, yet they still continue to eat that way. I've tried many times to persuade them to try a healthy life style change, but they are too stubborn, and to make matters worse I'm 10lbs away from my goal, and my sisters make comments like "Oh my god my boyfriend loves me the way I am, and he says ew!!! to all of the skinny girls cause they are just nothing but a bag of bones!" That really hurts and upsetting like I know she directing those comments towards me. And I'm just way too nice and don't know what to say back. Then there will be days like, I'll be in the kitchen then my sister comes in and she'll ask me if I'm hungry or if I have eaten yet... and I would answer "yes, I've ate already" and she would say things like "what have you eaten? Rabbit food?" Like seriously that is so unnecessary! I am 4'11 and use to be 160lbs so I know how hard it is and how tempting food can be and I totally understand them and as of right now I'm 117 lbs and my goal weight is atleast 107-110lbs , that what I've always been before I had kids and where I've felt most healthiest. Luckily I have my mom for support but when I do get below 115lbs then she does the "your too skinny comments as well, and you should stop." There was some friends that have question my diet and just wanted info on what I was doing and how much I wanted to loose. Then they would say things like "oh you should stop, you look good, you don't need to loose anymore weight, I personally like curves and you don't want to look like a stick, but that's up to you." What gives! She's is 5'5 at 115lbs and I was at 4'11 at 123lbs at the time. Jealousy is such a green eye monster, when I see other people loosing weight and their stories and they are happy at their goal weight, I cheer them on and support them by saying "keep up the good work!"0
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I think we've actually become conditioned to overweight being the norm for adults, so that anything different looks ill.
Look at hollywood movies from 50 years ago - James Stewart would be seen as anorexic by todays standards0 -
hamlet1222 wrote: »I think we've actually become conditioned to overweight being the norm for adults, so that anything different looks ill.
Look at hollywood movies from 50 years ago - James Stewart would be seen as anorexic by todays standards
Or Frank Sinatra in his younger days. Rail thin and a heart throb!1 -
I had a friend comment on a Facebook photo that I was getting too skinny! I've lost 48#. I'm 5'1 and 108#, a healthy BMI for me very small frame!
Ugh! I just deleted the comment. I should add she is MFP friend too and hasn't logged in since around March. So frustrating because I've done well to help my joints. I have an autoimmune disease and both my primary and rheumatologist are both pleased with my progress. After reading your responses, I wish I would have said something positive back!0 -
Add me0
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I'm still in the overweight BMI range and have gotten comments from two coworkers, one who is close to being underweight and one who is maybe overweight) that I should stop trying to lose weight. But I tell them I'm aiming for a healthy BMI and haven't gotten there yet. I'm pretty used to being argued with or told that I'm wrong when I know I'm not. I 100% know what a healthy weight looks like on the scale and on the body, so this instance doesn't bother me much, I just think it's sad how most people don't know what healthy looks like anymore.0
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I guess I've been maintaining since late winter/early spring of this year. Although for the past few months a few people I'm acquainted with have been calling me the Skeleton Man lately. Thinking about increasing my calorie intake past 2100 if nothing much changes on my next weigh in. I'm also thinking about trying a "refeed day."0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »Actually, some people are too skinny and should stop losing weight...a lot depends on build and body structure. Unfortunately, people don't really understand BMI to well and a lot of people just look at the range and say, "but hey...that's healthy...I'm at the low end of the range." When in reality, that weight is inappropriate for their actual structure.
I for one would look like skeletor at the low end of a "healthy" BMI...and I would have to torch quite a bit of muscle to get there as well.
I take comments like, "hey...you look great, you don't need to lose anymore." as the compliments they are...people don't need to know that I'm only trying to lose a bit of fat to make a couple abs pop.
If someone actually was like, "dude...you're getting too "skinny"...that would definitely give me some pause and I'd probably want to at least do an assessment of things. A lot of people have body dysphoria and may be "too skinny", but they don't know it because they don't see their body's correctly.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »Actually, some people are too skinny and should stop losing weight...a lot depends on build and body structure. Unfortunately, people don't really understand BMI to well and a lot of people just look at the range and say, "but hey...that's healthy...I'm at the low end of the range." When in reality, that weight is inappropriate for their actual structure.
I for one would look like skeletor at the low end of a "healthy" BMI...and I would have to torch quite a bit of muscle to get there as well.
I take comments like, "hey...you look great, you don't need to lose anymore." as the compliments they are...people don't need to know that I'm only trying to lose a bit of fat to make a couple abs pop.
If someone actually was like, "dude...you're getting too "skinny"...that would definitely give me some pause and I'd probably want to at least do an assessment of things. A lot of people have body dysphoria and may be "too skinny", but they don't know it because they don't see their body's correctly.
I think it's incredibly rude to comment on someone's appearance in a negative way no matter what your misguided intentions are. Some of examples I have read in this thread, really shock me. I, too, have been told I'm too skinny, and many times it made me pause with my goals. Not cool at all,0 -
"I am a couple of pounds under the middle of the WHO-recommended weight range for my height. They likely have a doctor or two on staff who might have researched the topic."
After losing 60 lbs., 1/2 hr exercise and 2 miles` walk daily, I have more energy than I've had in years. Sheesh. They mean well, but...sheesh.0 -
I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.
Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.
In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?
We are so similar. I am 5'6'' as well. I started at 181lbs and now maintain 130lbs (thou plan on losing 6-8lbs more by excercising). And I get these kind of comments all the time. You know what I think? They are 1. not used to see you looking normal and healthy) 2. Society is overweight so people in healthy range of weight starts to stand out. It's difficult for others understand that, but don't worry. They will used to new you after some time.
As for family - my is the same. Mo mom for example says that I'm too skinny all the time and now I know it's just because she saw me fat whole my life. She has always coddle me with food and takes me for a child even now when I'm 25.
So my advice - don't worry. If you're feeling good and healthy than you are. As long as you're not way over your BMI level it means you takes it as you should.0 -
A Co-worker of mine did a double-take when I walked in the room yesterday and said "Wow, you really are a twig now aren't you?".
Now I KNOW this woman meant well. Her intentions weren't to cause offense and I know it was a back-handed way of complimenting my hard work (she's been complimentary before). Realistically, I am not twig or waif-like at all (Had I have been underweight, this would have been an inappropriate comment). I'm a very healthy weight and I probably have quite a bit of fat I could get away with safely losing - but yes, I've been called 'Skinny' too. Again, I'm not insulted - I'm probably 'skinny' in comparison to my size pre-tracking, so again - a backhanded way of saying 'nice going!'
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My sisters and friends are the worst..because of that, I usually don't say very much. They can all talk about their diets, their weight, their fat...but if I say anything to contribute, I get eyerolls and backhanded comments...I find it better to say nothing.0
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JustMissTracy wrote: »My sisters and friends are the worst..because of that, I usually don't say very much. They can all talk about their diets, their weight, their fat...but if I say anything to contribute, I get eyerolls and backhanded comments...I find it better to say nothing.
We must have the same sisters. 0 -
My sister calls me 'Annie' short for anorexic and I find it terribly offensive and have told her as much. She says its a compliment because she wishes she was slimmer. Okay, but it's a serious illness and shouldn't be joked about. All I did was work consistently at dropping the extra 20 lbs that piled on over 2 years of being sedentary...
My sister is still struggling with her weight, and though wants to lose 30 pounds, prefers not to change her eating habits or become more active. Back in Spring 2014 I had invited her to join Weight Watchers with me, but she kept cancelling last minute. Then I found MFP and even helped create her account. But she never used it and has been giving me sarcastic and mean-spirited comments since I dropped the weight. I think it is her own insecurity, though not fun for me. But I love being at my healthier weight And she's the only 'meany' in the crowd so I try not to let it bother me too much.
In general, I think the change in our weight can take a while for others to adjust to...when my parents commented on my weight loss I simply said 'that's what being more active and eating healthier foods that my doctor recommended does"...and that made sense to them. They were concerned at the time because they heard my sister calling me anorexic. As I write this I realize I still get upset about it. Getting to a healthy weight is something to celebrate after all
Still, I do check in with myself and my doctor to be sure I am at a healthy weight for my body - just makes good sense.
Jean0 -
Jealousy is such a green eye monster, when I see other people loosing weight and their stories and they are happy at their goal weight, I cheer them on and support them by saying "keep up the good work!"
that's it right there....jealousy. Either with regards to how you look or to the fact that you actually had the gumption to take care of something they also have an issue with and are too apathetic to do anything about. Comments like "my boyfriend loves me the way I am" might be true, but is often (though not always) also just an excuse for someone who wants to be smaller but is too lazy to bother doing anything about it. I think part of the reason people can get so nasty about it is that seeing you succeed forces them to face the fact that they are nowhere near where you are because they can't be bothered to even try. They see that they don't like how things are and that they're doing it to themselves. Unfortunately it's easier to lash out at other people for your own "failings" than to admit them and this generally turns into mean comments (you're a bag of bones), or attempts to halt someone else's success so there's not as stark a contrast between them and you (when you're another 20 pounds away from being "normal" weight and people who are 40 pounds overweight tell you to stop where you are, or you'll be "too skinny"). people are weird. ignore them.
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I have dealt with this as well. Unfortunately, I don't have a snappy comeback. I usually just give a vague "I'm within a healthy weight range" or "my doctor is very happy with my current weight". I find it so interesting that the same person who is saying it would never dream of telling another "you're too fat", but I really think it's the same thing.
All I can tell you is that is gets better with time. I hit my goal weight around 7 months ago, and the comments are on the decline.
If you are in the normal range for BMI and at 18% BF, I doubt you have body dysmorphia or an eating disorder. However, you could have a chat with your doctor, just to confirm this.
I get told that I'm too skinny by members of my family who are--as you might put it--too fat. I have so wanted to point out the fact that I am the only one with a healthy bmi.
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