the fake 'I'm so fat' comments
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I have a question, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm going on a boat trip with a group (co-ed) and one of the girls that is going, is overweight and is very self conscious. She mentioned that she is nervous about going b/c she will be "the fattest girl there" and pointed out that I am 'tiny'... even though I also have my insecurities. What should someone say to this kind of talk? She clearly thinks I look better than her, so by me saying, "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." will probably not help. I want to make her feel better, but also not sound fake.
Tell your friend that the girls are all different, no one is perfect, including yourself, but all of you are going to have fun and that she will be missing out if she doesn't go - that's the nice way - the honest way is - so, you're a big girl, come and have fun on the boat trip and then, if your weight stops you from having fun and being the person you want to be then do something about it, and I will help you in anyway I can - I know this sounds harsh but the reality is if people keep telling her 'you look fine' then she is getting the message that no one is being honest with her, and that people don't know what to say to her - she wants to feel beautiful, and she will not do that until she has the figure she thinks she needs.0 -
lauren3101 wrote: »I always say, 'if you think you're so fat, then what must you think of me?' Normally shuts them up,
Or recommended them to MFP. Then you have indirect agreed with them that they are a little fat lol0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
What is average size?
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I have days where I *feel* fat. I know I'm not. I KNOW IT... but some days that doesn't mean I don't feel it.
I have struggled with body dysmorphia for a very long time. I recognize that it is not socially acceptable for me to express my feelings of feeling fat, because I am not, and me saying I am automatically seems to make everyone else who is larger than I am feel worse about themselves. So I RARELY express it when I feel it. And if so, only to people who understand my struggles.
But it doesn't negate the fact that some days I FEEL it. And those days are horrible. They're confusing. Theyre emotionally exhausting - especially when you sit at your desk and feel like you are as big as a house, and then look in a mirror and don't see how you FEEL.
Maybe she IS vapid, or attention seeking. Or maybe she is just really struggling.
If she IS struggling, and you comment that she is fat, you could send her spiralling downward into an eating disorder. Man wouldn't THAT feel wonderful.
Ignore her. Her comment about her size is about her size. Not yours. Not your co-worker. Not anyone else. It is not a comparison analysis either. It's an expression of her feeling about herself.
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MireyGal76 wrote: »I have days where I *feel* fat. I know I'm not. I KNOW IT... but some days that doesn't mean I don't feel it.
I have struggled with body dysmorphia for a very long time. I recognize that it is not socially acceptable for me to express my feelings of feeling fat, because I am not, and me saying I am automatically seems to make everyone else who is larger than I am feel worse about themselves. So I RARELY express it when I feel it. And if so, only to people who understand my struggles.
But it doesn't negate the fact that some days I FEEL it. And those days are horrible. They're confusing. Theyre emotionally exhausting - especially when you sit at your desk and feel like you are as big as a house, and then look in a mirror and don't see how you FEEL.
Maybe she IS vapid, or attention seeking. Or maybe she is just really struggling.
If she IS struggling, and you comment that she is fat, you could send her spiralling downward into an eating disorder. Man wouldn't THAT feel wonderful.
Ignore her. Her comment about her size is about her size. Not yours. Not your co-worker. Not anyone else. It is not a comparison analysis either. It's an expression of her feeling about herself.
This^0 -
OP - It's not up to you to determine who gets to feel fat and who doesn't. Focus on your own body & how you feel about it and ignore this person if her comments about herself bother you that much.0
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Let me repeat myself...NECRO THREAD!0 -
I'm astonished at how common, based on these posts, it is for women to make a comment/complaint about herself out loud in front of a random group of people. It's just normal for someone to say "I'm fat" or "I'm stupid" or whatever oversharing type thought that comes to their mind?
It actually happend to me one time that a woman at my workplace said "{sigh} I'm so fat" among a group of us fatter female co-workers, but somewhat in my general direction. I didn't know what I was supposed to do at first. The handful of seconds it took me to try and figure out if she was actually addressing me, or of what response I could make that wouldn't sound insincere or inane, or whether she was asking for some advice or something, became awkward and everyone within hearing was uncomfortable. Yet another social faux pas on my part, I guess.
I was bailed out by one of the innocent bystanders making a joke about me to break the tension. "Don't mind her. She's like a guy. When you complain around her, she thinks she's supposed to fix it."0 -
rugratz2015 wrote: »I have a question, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm going on a boat trip with a group (co-ed) and one of the girls that is going, is overweight and is very self conscious. She mentioned that she is nervous about going b/c she will be "the fattest girl there" and pointed out that I am 'tiny'... even though I also have my insecurities. What should someone say to this kind of talk? She clearly thinks I look better than her, so by me saying, "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." will probably not help. I want to make her feel better, but also not sound fake.
Tell your friend that the girls are all different, no one is perfect, including yourself, but all of you are going to have fun and that she will be missing out if she doesn't go - that's the nice way - the honest way is - so, you're a big girl, come and have fun on the boat trip and then, if your weight stops you from having fun and being the person you want to be then do something about it, and I will help you in anyway I can - I know this sounds harsh but the reality is if people keep telling her 'you look fine' then she is getting the message that no one is being honest with her, and that people don't know what to say to her - she wants to feel beautiful, and she will not do that until she has the figure she thinks she needs.
Great advice. Thank you!0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Let me repeat myself...NECRO THREAD!
yeah don't bother lol, any opportunity to talk about mean people is a good one
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kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
That may be true but...
Saying "I'm so fat" when you're are a normal or small size (and KNOW it) makes a larger person trying to lose weight, like me, feel like a freaking whale. It's kind of a mean thing to do. I would prefer if you said "Im feeling insecure today" or "I've got a distorted body image today", or "I'm feeling sorry for myself today" or "I'm kidding myself that my skin is really fat today", or "I'm freaking deluded today"... or whatever.
When I say I hate being fat its because.... I hate being fat, and at 5'6" and 278lb (down from 300lbs), I have the right to say "I'm fat". I hate it and I'm working on it. Don't go around expecting sympathy from me when your hard earned thinness is described as "fat", especially when you know you are not. Why don't you just keep your insecurity to yourself until I'm close to my target weight, that would be far kinder. In the mean time since you have successfully lost your chub.. how about giving me some support and some advice on losing weight, I clearly need it.
This little rant isn't aimed at you personally, I don't know you.
It just "I'm so fat" out of the mouth of someone who clearly isn't (and knows she isn't), but has been in the past is sort of super annoying.0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.
yeahhhh but we live in the age of PC so that is not gonna happen0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
I didn't read it as smug. I've lost 61 pounds and I sometimes feel fatter than I did at the start, even though I'm in the middle of the BMI range now. Bad body image days happen, and not all self-critical remarks are indirect insults to others. Frankly, maybe you should be aware that the folks around you are facing their own struggles and refrain from taking everything personally.0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
Ya, I wouldn't say that either. If anything, I'd say "I feel bloated" but don't think I actually say this out loud when I feel that way.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.
yeahhhh but we live in the age of PC so that is not gonna happen
While my brain definitely tells me you're right, my tar black soul is telling me to keep my hopes up.0 -
UltimateRBF wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.
yeahhhh but we live in the age of PC so that is not gonna happen
While my brain definitely tells me you're right, my tar black soul is telling me to keep my hopes up.
My heart is a cold shriveled husk. I knew we were friends for a reason.
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