the fake 'I'm so fat' comments
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More from that link:
“If there are women out there who feel neutrally or even positively about their bodies, I bet we never hear this from them for fear of social sanction and rejection,” she said.
...
“Females like to support one another and fat talk elicits support,” Martz said. “An example would be one saying, ‘It's like, I'm so fat today,’ and another would respond, ‘No, you are not fat, you look great in those pants.’”
Fat talk also allows females to appear modest, a prized quality in a culture that shuns egotism.
“We tend to dislike arrogance and especially dislike it in women (‘*kitten*’)”, Martz explained. “Women are perceived as OK if they fat talk and acknowledge that their bodies are not perfect but they are working on it.”
Ugh really now everyone should just stop talking about their fat full stop0 -
fun B next time you friend says that tell her yes you should lose about 10 pounds wait and see what she says then0
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FrancineJM61 wrote: »fun B next time you friend says that tell her yes you should lose about 10 pounds wait and see what she says then
See, this is gross and inconsiderate.0 -
Does anyone else get annoyed with thin women who talk about how fat they are all the time? I am not talking about the insecure type who feel they are fat and have body issues. I am referring to women who know they have an amazing figure, like to show it off and are very aware that they look good. I know someone like this and it really annoys me when she will come up with a random 'Oh I'm so fat' when she knows there is a group of people (mostly bigger people) around and someone will say 'Noooo! you have an amazing figure' or 'Don't be ridiculous you are stunning'. I wouldn't mind if I thought it was genuine but it is so obvious that she is just after compliments. I know there are a lot of people with genuine body issues but I know this person isn't one of them.
Have you ever thought its that very "I'm so fat" mentality that makes them enforce healthy/unhealthy habits or behaviour that keeps them skinny?
Many women have body dysmorphia either from fear of getting fat or getting fat again after weight loss that they subconsciously/consciously nurture this "I'm a fatty" mentality even after they've shed all the excess weight.
Of course, some women just use it as a passive aggressive way of currying compliments.
Don't bother to encourage it. You can always say things like "As long as you focus on a healthy lifestyle you are fit and healthy" or something along the lines which doesn't personalise your comment to that person's statement.0 -
I'm somewhere between 11-12% bodyfat and I feel fat all the time. Your friend may not be fishing for compliments.0
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Does anyone else get annoyed with thin women who talk about how fat they are all the time? I am not talking about the insecure type who feel they are fat and have body issues. I am referring to women who know they have an amazing figure, like to show it off and are very aware that they look good. I know someone like this and it really annoys me when she will come up with a random 'Oh I'm so fat' when she knows there is a group of people (mostly bigger people) around and someone will say 'Noooo! you have an amazing figure' or 'Don't be ridiculous you are stunning'. I wouldn't mind if I thought it was genuine but it is so obvious that she is just after compliments. I know there are a lot of people with genuine body issues but I know this person isn't one of them.
They could have dysmorphia. Might want to look that up. It's a real thing.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »glad I'm a dude...
Glad I don't deal with any women/girls who whine.
"I'm so fat so old so ugly"
Please, add "boring" and "vapid" to your list...0 -
I have a question, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm going on a boat trip with a group (co-ed) and one of the girls that is going, is overweight and is very self conscious. She mentioned that she is nervous about going b/c she will be "the fattest girl there" and pointed out that I am 'tiny'... even though I also have my insecurities. What should someone say to this kind of talk? She clearly thinks I look better than her, so by me saying, "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." will probably not help. I want to make her feel better, but also not sound fake.0
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JuniperVera wrote: »xxthoroughbred wrote: »It's probably not fake. Just because they are thinner than you does not mean they don't legitimately have low self esteem.
THIS.
I'm "skinny" and make similar comments. Not everyone is comfortable with their body. Just because my love handle is smaller than yours doesn't mean it doesn't bother me.
OK, and your feelings are totally legitimate. But what about the point that if you think that way about YOURSELF and your tiny little love handles, what must you think about your friends? How can we express our own insecurities and emotions without hurting those around us or those we love?
I really don't think about my friends' bodies, period. I am completely self absorbed in that the only body I judge is my own.
SAME!0 -
I have a question, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm going on a boat trip with a group (co-ed) and one of the girls that is going, is overweight and is very self conscious. She mentioned that she is nervous about going b/c she will be "the fattest girl there" and pointed out that I am 'tiny'... even though I also have my insecurities. What should someone say to this kind of talk? She clearly thinks I look better than her, so by me saying, "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." will probably not help. I want to make her feel better, but also not sound fake.
I think "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." is a great response.
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I have a question, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm going on a boat trip with a group (co-ed) and one of the girls that is going, is overweight and is very self conscious. She mentioned that she is nervous about going b/c she will be "the fattest girl there" and pointed out that I am 'tiny'... even though I also have my insecurities. What should someone say to this kind of talk? She clearly thinks I look better than her, so by me saying, "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." will probably not help. I want to make her feel better, but also not sound fake.
Tell your friend that the girls are all different, no one is perfect, including yourself, but all of you are going to have fun and that she will be missing out if she doesn't go - that's the nice way - the honest way is - so, you're a big girl, come and have fun on the boat trip and then, if your weight stops you from having fun and being the person you want to be then do something about it, and I will help you in anyway I can - I know this sounds harsh but the reality is if people keep telling her 'you look fine' then she is getting the message that no one is being honest with her, and that people don't know what to say to her - she wants to feel beautiful, and she will not do that until she has the figure she thinks she needs.0 -
lauren3101 wrote: »I always say, 'if you think you're so fat, then what must you think of me?' Normally shuts them up,
Or recommended them to MFP. Then you have indirect agreed with them that they are a little fat lol0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
What is average size?
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I have days where I *feel* fat. I know I'm not. I KNOW IT... but some days that doesn't mean I don't feel it.
I have struggled with body dysmorphia for a very long time. I recognize that it is not socially acceptable for me to express my feelings of feeling fat, because I am not, and me saying I am automatically seems to make everyone else who is larger than I am feel worse about themselves. So I RARELY express it when I feel it. And if so, only to people who understand my struggles.
But it doesn't negate the fact that some days I FEEL it. And those days are horrible. They're confusing. Theyre emotionally exhausting - especially when you sit at your desk and feel like you are as big as a house, and then look in a mirror and don't see how you FEEL.
Maybe she IS vapid, or attention seeking. Or maybe she is just really struggling.
If she IS struggling, and you comment that she is fat, you could send her spiralling downward into an eating disorder. Man wouldn't THAT feel wonderful.
Ignore her. Her comment about her size is about her size. Not yours. Not your co-worker. Not anyone else. It is not a comparison analysis either. It's an expression of her feeling about herself.
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MireyGal76 wrote: »I have days where I *feel* fat. I know I'm not. I KNOW IT... but some days that doesn't mean I don't feel it.
I have struggled with body dysmorphia for a very long time. I recognize that it is not socially acceptable for me to express my feelings of feeling fat, because I am not, and me saying I am automatically seems to make everyone else who is larger than I am feel worse about themselves. So I RARELY express it when I feel it. And if so, only to people who understand my struggles.
But it doesn't negate the fact that some days I FEEL it. And those days are horrible. They're confusing. Theyre emotionally exhausting - especially when you sit at your desk and feel like you are as big as a house, and then look in a mirror and don't see how you FEEL.
Maybe she IS vapid, or attention seeking. Or maybe she is just really struggling.
If she IS struggling, and you comment that she is fat, you could send her spiralling downward into an eating disorder. Man wouldn't THAT feel wonderful.
Ignore her. Her comment about her size is about her size. Not yours. Not your co-worker. Not anyone else. It is not a comparison analysis either. It's an expression of her feeling about herself.
This^0 -
OP - It's not up to you to determine who gets to feel fat and who doesn't. Focus on your own body & how you feel about it and ignore this person if her comments about herself bother you that much.0
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Let me repeat myself...NECRO THREAD!0 -
I'm astonished at how common, based on these posts, it is for women to make a comment/complaint about herself out loud in front of a random group of people. It's just normal for someone to say "I'm fat" or "I'm stupid" or whatever oversharing type thought that comes to their mind?
It actually happend to me one time that a woman at my workplace said "{sigh} I'm so fat" among a group of us fatter female co-workers, but somewhat in my general direction. I didn't know what I was supposed to do at first. The handful of seconds it took me to try and figure out if she was actually addressing me, or of what response I could make that wouldn't sound insincere or inane, or whether she was asking for some advice or something, became awkward and everyone within hearing was uncomfortable. Yet another social faux pas on my part, I guess.
I was bailed out by one of the innocent bystanders making a joke about me to break the tension. "Don't mind her. She's like a guy. When you complain around her, she thinks she's supposed to fix it."0 -
rugratz2015 wrote: »I have a question, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm going on a boat trip with a group (co-ed) and one of the girls that is going, is overweight and is very self conscious. She mentioned that she is nervous about going b/c she will be "the fattest girl there" and pointed out that I am 'tiny'... even though I also have my insecurities. What should someone say to this kind of talk? She clearly thinks I look better than her, so by me saying, "You look fine and no one cares, I have my own issues, too... etc.." will probably not help. I want to make her feel better, but also not sound fake.
Tell your friend that the girls are all different, no one is perfect, including yourself, but all of you are going to have fun and that she will be missing out if she doesn't go - that's the nice way - the honest way is - so, you're a big girl, come and have fun on the boat trip and then, if your weight stops you from having fun and being the person you want to be then do something about it, and I will help you in anyway I can - I know this sounds harsh but the reality is if people keep telling her 'you look fine' then she is getting the message that no one is being honest with her, and that people don't know what to say to her - she wants to feel beautiful, and she will not do that until she has the figure she thinks she needs.
Great advice. Thank you!0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »
Let me repeat myself...NECRO THREAD!
yeah don't bother lol, any opportunity to talk about mean people is a good one
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kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
That may be true but...
Saying "I'm so fat" when you're are a normal or small size (and KNOW it) makes a larger person trying to lose weight, like me, feel like a freaking whale. It's kind of a mean thing to do. I would prefer if you said "Im feeling insecure today" or "I've got a distorted body image today", or "I'm feeling sorry for myself today" or "I'm kidding myself that my skin is really fat today", or "I'm freaking deluded today"... or whatever.
When I say I hate being fat its because.... I hate being fat, and at 5'6" and 278lb (down from 300lbs), I have the right to say "I'm fat". I hate it and I'm working on it. Don't go around expecting sympathy from me when your hard earned thinness is described as "fat", especially when you know you are not. Why don't you just keep your insecurity to yourself until I'm close to my target weight, that would be far kinder. In the mean time since you have successfully lost your chub.. how about giving me some support and some advice on losing weight, I clearly need it.
This little rant isn't aimed at you personally, I don't know you.
It just "I'm so fat" out of the mouth of someone who clearly isn't (and knows she isn't), but has been in the past is sort of super annoying.0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.0 -
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.
yeahhhh but we live in the age of PC so that is not gonna happen0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
I didn't read it as smug. I've lost 61 pounds and I sometimes feel fatter than I did at the start, even though I'm in the middle of the BMI range now. Bad body image days happen, and not all self-critical remarks are indirect insults to others. Frankly, maybe you should be aware that the folks around you are facing their own struggles and refrain from taking everything personally.0 -
kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
Ya, I wouldn't say that either. If anything, I'd say "I feel bloated" but don't think I actually say this out loud when I feel that way.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.
yeahhhh but we live in the age of PC so that is not gonna happen
While my brain definitely tells me you're right, my tar black soul is telling me to keep my hopes up.0 -
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UltimateRBF wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »kristen6022 wrote: »Everyone has a different "definition" of fat. I'm now, after my journey, am 5'11 and 148. I'm not fat what so ever (my BMI is 20 and my BF% is 21). Actually I weigh less now than I did in HS. But there are days I feel fatter and heavier than I did at 190 (beginning weight). Everyone has the right to think whatever they think of themselves. I'm sorry if us average size women's opinions of themselves annoy you, but it is what it is.
Wow, harsh. Frankly, maybe you should be aware of the folks around you and refrain speaking about feeling overweight around obviously over weight people. Seems you are just a tad bit smug.
It is no one's responsibility to make you feel warm and fuzzy. If someone making an off-hand remark while having a "fat" day (maybe during a woman's TOM) or due to BDD makes you feel insecure about yourself, either do something about it or grow a thicker skin. It's ridiculous to feel the need to police what comes out of someone else's mouth. Mind your own business.
yeahhhh but we live in the age of PC so that is not gonna happen
While my brain definitely tells me you're right, my tar black soul is telling me to keep my hopes up.
My heart is a cold shriveled husk. I knew we were friends for a reason.
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This discussion has been closed.
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