Men...

What if my lady doesn't like getting flowers?

thats a lie. no girl will get mad and give you the ***** eye when she sees flowers that you got her!

I once told my fiance that " I would rather have the cash so don't waste it on flowers!" I didn't mean that I would NEVER want flowers, but now I haven't gotten flowers... or cash haha but I just meant I didn't want flowers every week!

No, it's no lie. She doesn't like it.

What if my lady doesn't like getting flowers?

Get her something nice anyway! I love flowers but hate them being cut, it kind of breaks my heart to see them die...

All of these are interesting and they have made me laugh. But hopefully you won't mind if I turn serious for a moment...

For the first 9 years of our marriage I wasn't "present". I stood behind my wife and let her handle everything for one reason or another. Our 10 year anniversary is coming up in little over a month and she is now in a state where nothing I do seems to affect her. Flowers are put in a vase and then thrown out in a couple of days. Gifts are set aside and never used/enjoyed but later commented on "why am I spending the money". Gestures of love are met with rejection (she turns her head away, or pulls away from me). Any attempt to give a foot massage or such is also met with a sigh and a look of "What do you want?". I even suggested a week long vacation (which we have *never* taken with the kids) over our anniversary to get away and just be a family. She shows little to no interest. I'd love to take her away just the 2 of us, but we have no one to rely on to leave the kids. Both our families are unreliable or non-existent.

I truly do fear I'm too late in "being here", but then I see *she* is still here, still sleeping in the same bed, still making dinner for *us*, still bringing the kids to meet me for lunch at work every now and then.

Ladies, I'm open to ideas. I truly love this woman and want to make the next 10 years surpass every expectation. I'm just not sure how to convince her.

Again, sorry for going serious, but I admire the bluntness of this thread. Good luck to you all.

-MR

You should read the 5 love languages... I forget who writes it... it is is an awesome book! I think everyone should read it... It says that people feel loved in 5 basic ways... 1. quality time 2. Acts of Service (ie, cleaning the house, cooking, mowing the lawn, etc) 3. Physical touch 4. Words of affirmation (Saying, I love you, you look beautiful, you really did a great job on X, you are such a caring person, etc) and 5. Gifts.

People tend to initially show love in the way that they feel the most loved... so if she is always doing things for you, she probably likes acts of service and would really like it if you helped her with the dishes, etc. If she is always giving you compliments she will probably really appreciate it and take it to heart if you make it a point to give her genuine compliments, etc. It was an awesome book and helps to show how to love people in the way that they feel loved

what if you already do all those things? I'm in a similar situation. I clean, tell her she looks good, the whole ball of wax. It never makes a difference.

For example, I had once made her surprise dinner and had a bath ready for her with candles. She ate, took the bath and went to bed.

I've written sappy letters at random, no change.

I've bought flowers.

I've surprised her with expensive jewelery, same result.

I even tried not getting upset for being rejected and cuddled instead, you can guess the result.

I've tried to talk and listen but that hasn't helped things.

We've been to counseling/read books and it did nothing.

I've tried to be there emotionally, I've tried to do the little things and it does absolutley nothing for our sex life.

I love my wife, but this has put a wedge in between us and it has kept our relationship from getting stronger.


At the end of the day, no matter what you do it won't matter if your significant other doesn't care or feel they need to put forth the effort.

All of these are interesting and they have made me laugh. But hopefully you won't mind if I turn serious for a moment...

For the first 9 years of our marriage I wasn't "present". I stood behind my wife and let her handle everything for one reason or another. Our 10 year anniversary is coming up in little over a month and she is now in a state where nothing I do seems to affect her. Flowers are put in a vase and then thrown out in a couple of days. Gifts are set aside and never used/enjoyed but later commented on "why am I spending the money". Gestures of love are met with rejection (she turns her head away, or pulls away from me). Any attempt to give a foot massage or such is also met with a sigh and a look of "What do you want?". I even suggested a week long vacation (which we have *never* taken with the kids) over our anniversary to get away and just be a family. She shows little to no interest. I'd love to take her away just the 2 of us, but we have no one to rely on to leave the kids. Both our families are unreliable or non-existent.

I truly do fear I'm too late in "being here", but then I see *she* is still here, still sleeping in the same bed, still making dinner for *us*, still bringing the kids to meet me for lunch at work every now and then.

Ladies, I'm open to ideas. I truly love this woman and want to make the next 10 years surpass every expectation. I'm just not sure how to convince her.

Again, sorry for going serious, but I admire the bluntness of this thread. Good luck to you all.

-MR

You should read the 5 love languages... I forget who writes it... it is is an awesome book! I think everyone should read it... It says that people feel loved in 5 basic ways... 1. quality time 2. Acts of Service (ie, cleaning the house, cooking, mowing the lawn, etc) 3. Physical touch 4. Words of affirmation (Saying, I love you, you look beautiful, you really did a great job on X, you are such a caring person, etc) and 5. Gifts.

People tend to initially show love in the way that they feel the most loved... so if she is always doing things for you, she probably likes acts of service and would really like it if you helped her with the dishes, etc. If she is always giving you compliments she will probably really appreciate it and take it to heart if you make it a point to give her genuine compliments, etc. It was an awesome book and helps to show how to love people in the way that they feel loved

what if you already do all those things? I'm in a similar situation. I clean, tell her she looks good, the whole ball of wax. It never makes a difference.

For example, I had once made her surprise dinner and had a bath ready for her with candles. She ate, took the bath and went to bed.

I've written sappy letters at random, no change.

I've bought flowers.

I've surprised her with expensive jewelery, same result.

I even tried not getting upset for being rejected and cuddled instead, you can guess the result.

I've tried to talk and listen but that hasn't helped things.

We've been to counseling/read books and it did nothing.

I've tried to be there emotionally, I've tried to do the little things and it does absolutley nothing for our sex life.

I love my wife, but this has put a wedge in between us and it has kept our relationship from getting stronger.


At the end of the day, no matter what you do it won't matter if your significant other doesn't care or feel they need to put forth the effort.

Angryguy77 you are absolutely right. If your significant other doesn't put fourth the effort then it won't matter. That being said I went through the same problem with my hubby 6 months ago and I was the one doing EVERYTHING. When I left is when I think he realized that I was tired of it all,( we have been together for 15 yrs) and he had to do something. It has been a difficult road back but both people have to want it for it to work. So that brings me to a question, Why wait so long to try to fix something you've noticed going wrong or unbalanced for a while?

All of these are interesting and they have made me laugh. But hopefully you won't mind if I turn serious for a moment...

For the first 9 years of our marriage I wasn't "present". I stood behind my wife and let her handle everything for one reason or another. Our 10 year anniversary is coming up in little over a month and she is now in a state where nothing I do seems to affect her. Flowers are put in a vase and then thrown out in a couple of days. Gifts are set aside and never used/enjoyed but later commented on "why am I spending the money". Gestures of love are met with rejection (she turns her head away, or pulls away from me). Any attempt to give a foot massage or such is also met with a sigh and a look of "What do you want?". I even suggested a week long vacation (which we have *never* taken with the kids) over our anniversary to get away and just be a family. She shows little to no interest. I'd love to take her away just the 2 of us, but we have no one to rely on to leave the kids. Both our families are unreliable or non-existent.

I truly do fear I'm too late in "being here", but then I see *she* is still here, still sleeping in the same bed, still making dinner for *us*, still bringing the kids to meet me for lunch at work every now and then.

Ladies, I'm open to ideas. I truly love this woman and want to make the next 10 years surpass every expectation. I'm just not sure how to convince her.

Again, sorry for going serious, but I admire the bluntness of this thread. Good luck to you all.

-MR

You should read the 5 love languages... I forget who writes it... it is is an awesome book! I think everyone should read it... It says that people feel loved in 5 basic ways... 1. quality time 2. Acts of Service (ie, cleaning the house, cooking, mowing the lawn, etc) 3. Physical touch 4. Words of affirmation (Saying, I love you, you look beautiful, you really did a great job on X, you are such a caring person, etc) and 5. Gifts.

People tend to initially show love in the way that they feel the most loved... so if she is always doing things for you, she probably likes acts of service and would really like it if you helped her with the dishes, etc. If she is always giving you compliments she will probably really appreciate it and take it to heart if you make it a point to give her genuine compliments, etc. It was an awesome book and helps to show how to love people in the way that they feel loved

what if you already do all those things? I'm in a similar situation. I clean, tell her she looks good, the whole ball of wax. It never makes a difference.

For example, I had once made her surprise dinner and had a bath ready for her with candles. She ate, took the bath and went to bed.

I've written sappy letters at random, no change.

I've bought flowers.

I've surprised her with expensive jewelery, same result.

I even tried not getting upset for being rejected and cuddled instead, you can guess the result.

I've tried to talk and listen but that hasn't helped things.

We've been to counseling/read books and it did nothing.

I've tried to be there emotionally, I've tried to do the little things and it does absolutley nothing for our sex life.

I love my wife, but this has put a wedge in between us and it has kept our relationship from getting stronger.


At the end of the day, no matter what you do it won't matter if your significant other doesn't care or feel they need to put forth the effort.

Sorry. Been married 4 times, so I feel somewhat qualified to speak to your predicament. I was a total tool the first three marriages. Sometimes, by the time you figure it out, it's too late.

It takes two people, working together, to make a relationship work. Sometimes, even that is not enough. Unfortunately, it only takes one person to terminate the relationship.

Sometimes, the best thing you can gain in a situation is knowledge and experience that you can carry into the next relationship

i put gas in my wife's car!!

what now?!?!:smokin:

That is the greatest gift my man can give me! Just leave me alone until I've driven it all out. Shouldn't take more than an hour or two. I'll come back in a great mood.

I normally buy a girl a dozen roses when I break up with her.

I like breakups to be as memorable as they are devastating.
-wtk

I actually did this on my last break up. Sent them to her work. She was pissed.....REAL pissed

You guys scare me, lol. Men are the reason there are lesbians, I swear. (Very smart of you, I must say. Who knew you had it in you?)

i couldnt agree with this more! the only reason i havent gone there, is the fear that i will end up with a woman as crazy and emotional as me! i dont think i couldnt handle dating someone like me. lol.

I think that there should be a law requiring every woman to be a Lesbian for at least 1 year.

It's awesome to periodically get an instruction list on the calculus problem that it will take to keep your SO happy.

And in return for completing the instructions....she acts pleasant for the next few days.

Flowers can lead to other things :devil:

LOL!! Guys make you want to be a lesbian...but you wouldn't date someone as crazy and emotional as yourself =p.

Truer words were never spoken. I embrace my female insanity, I think it makes me interesting and unpredictable. :laugh:

Men get their mystery by not saying much at all, women get it by saying something different every time.

Lol female insanity we can deal with...its having the kitchen sink thrown at you (or being blamed for lesbianism tyvm!) for not being able to always decipher it that gets old lol. Mystery is all great, but no guy...or girl for that matter...wants to play a game they never ever win lol.

I'm a little different (read: stupid)...I usually keep playing until I lose (read: they leave)...but even I've been known to give up in the past and just exist. It sucks...but the kitchen sink upside your head sometimes sucks worse .

Cris

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire By David Deida

Read it. It may just change your world

:frown: I have never had a guy give me flowers ever .. pouts, and now I dont even have a guy lol.

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

thank you my friend

[[/quote]


Angryguy77 you are absolutely right. If your significant other doesn't put fourth the effort then it won't matter. That being said I went through the same problem with my hubby 6 months ago and I was the one doing EVERYTHING. When I left is when I think he realized that I was tired of it all,( we have been together for 15 yrs) and he had to do something. It has been a difficult road back but both people have to want it for it to work. So that brings me to a question, Why wait so long to try to fix something you've noticed going wrong or unbalanced for a while?
[/quote]

We've been married for 8 years and trust me, I've haven't waited too long. This has been an ongoing struggle and I keep hoping that it will click sooner or later. We almost divorced over it 5 years ago, but I decided to stay and try to work things out. I that being unhappy wasn't a justification for a divorce. I do believe it's warranted in some cases but I believe that sometimes its done to easily(I'm not casting judgment on those who have as each situation is different). She has been a good spouse in a lot of ways. She has stuck with me though some hard times, but it's this one area that would make things so much better.


It's not that we are at odds everyday, but I just know we both could be happier if we had a better relationship. People say that it shouldn't play such a big role in a marriage, but if it's absent or not at all too frequent, it becomes a huge issue. It makes the person who's rejected think why should I do certain things when the things that I want isn't reciprocated?

I do lover her, I just feel like I'm missing out and our relationship is being shortchanged.

This is why I try to give a male perspective on this whenever I get the chance. Even if you ladies don't feel sexy or whatever the reason maybe, take some time with your husband. If he's a decent guy your marriage will benefit and he should be there for your needs as well. Trust me, no matter how unattractive you may feel, we don't view you that way. If we married you, it's because we find you attractive and still will even if you put on some pounds. It's not that we are animals, we are just wired different and require intimacy much like you require emotion and romance. Think about it this way, if you could improve your marriage by doing this, wouldn't that make you feel better than a little extra sleep or watching some rerun on tv?
[/quote]


I would agree with this as well. Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship (or mine anyways), and yes it does make the one being rejected (me) feel like why do I try. So I can relate to this. I guess if all else fails I can spike his drink with a little blue pill :laugh: unfortunately I don't think there's a pill for women as effective as that...lol

[

Angryguy77 you are absolutely right. If your significant other doesn't put fourth the effort then it won't matter. That being said I went through the same problem with my hubby 6 months ago and I was the one doing EVERYTHING. When I left is when I think he realized that I was tired of it all,( we have been together for 15 yrs) and he had to do something. It has been a difficult road back but both people have to want it for it to work. So that brings me to a question, Why wait so long to try to fix something you've noticed going wrong or unbalanced for a while?
[/quote]

We've been married for 8 years and trust me, I've haven't waited too long. This has been an ongoing struggle and I keep hoping that it will click sooner or later. We almost divorced over it 5 years ago, but I decided to stay and try to work things out. I that being unhappy wasn't a justification for a divorce. I do believe it's warranted in some cases but I believe that sometimes its done to easily(I'm not casting judgment on those who have as each situation is different). She has been a good spouse in a lot of ways. She has stuck with me though some hard times, but it's this one area that would make things so much better.


It's not that we are at odds everyday, but I just know we both could be happier if we had a better relationship. People say that it shouldn't play such a big role in a marriage, but if it's absent or not at all too frequent, it becomes a huge issue. It makes the person who's rejected think why should I do certain things when the things that I want isn't reciprocated?

I do lover her, I just feel like I'm missing out and our relationship is being shortchanged.

This is why I try to give a male perspective on this whenever I get the chance. Even if you ladies don't feel sexy or whatever the reason maybe, take some time with your husband. If he's a decent guy your marriage will benefit and he should be there for your needs as well. Trust me, no matter how unattractive you may feel, we don't view you that way. If we married you, it's because we find you attractive and still will even if you put on some pounds. It's not that we are animals, we are just wired different and require intimacy much like you require emotion and romance. Think about it this way, if you could improve your marriage by doing this, wouldn't that make you feel better than a little extra sleep or watching some rerun on tv?
[/quote]


I would agree with this as well. Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship (or mine anyways), and yes it does make the one being rejected (me) feel like why do I try. So I can relate to this. I guess if all else fails I can spike his drink with a little blue pill :laugh: unfortunately I don't think there's a pill for women as effective as that...lol
[/quote]

Ha ha if there was, the inventor would be able to buy Bill Gates and George Soros without blinking.

This is why I try to give a male perspective on this whenever I get the chance. Even if you ladies don't feel sexy or whatever the reason maybe, take some time with your husband. If he's a decent guy your marriage will benefit and he should be there for your needs as well. Trust me, no matter how unattractive you may feel, we don't view you that way. If we married you, it's because we find you attractive and still will even if you put on some pounds. It's not that we are animals, we are just wired different and require intimacy much like you require emotion and romance. Think about it this way, if you could improve your marriage by doing this, wouldn't that make you feel better than a little extra sleep or watching some rerun on tv?

What he said.

I've been lucky in that I've rarely had to deal with that aspect being lacking...but when it is...it crushes us.

All of these are interesting and they have made me laugh. But hopefully you won't mind if I turn serious for a moment...

For the first 9 years of our marriage I wasn't "present". I stood behind my wife and let her handle everything for one reason or another. Our 10 year anniversary is coming up in little over a month and she is now in a state where nothing I do seems to affect her. Flowers are put in a vase and then thrown out in a couple of days. Gifts are set aside and never used/enjoyed but later commented on "why am I spending the money". Gestures of love are met with rejection (she turns her head away, or pulls away from me). Any attempt to give a foot massage or such is also met with a sigh and a look of "What do you want?". I even suggested a week long vacation (which we have *never* taken with the kids) over our anniversary to get away and just be a family. She shows little to no interest. I'd love to take her away just the 2 of us, but we have no one to rely on to leave the kids. Both our families are unreliable or non-existent.

I truly do fear I'm too late in "being here", but then I see *she* is still here, still sleeping in the same bed, still making dinner for *us*, still bringing the kids to meet me for lunch at work every now and then.

Ladies, I'm open to ideas. I truly love this woman and want to make the next 10 years surpass every expectation. I'm just not sure how to convince her.

Again, sorry for going serious, but I admire the bluntness of this thread. Good luck to you all.

-MR

You should read the 5 love languages... I forget who writes it... it is is an awesome book! I think everyone should read it... It says that people feel loved in 5 basic ways... 1. quality time 2. Acts of Service (ie, cleaning the house, cooking, mowing the lawn, etc) 3. Physical touch 4. Words of affirmation (Saying, I love you, you look beautiful, you really did a great job on X, you are such a caring person, etc) and 5. Gifts.

People tend to initially show love in the way that they feel the most loved... so if she is always doing things for you, she probably likes acts of service and would really like it if you helped her with the dishes, etc. If she is always giving you compliments she will probably really appreciate it and take it to heart if you make it a point to give her genuine compliments, etc. It was an awesome book and helps to show how to love people in the way that they feel loved

I've read this book........and it is really good! What lets a person feel loved can be so different from what makes another feel loved!!!