Husband isn't motivated

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theawill519
theawill519 Posts: 242 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My husband and I started our weight loss journey together, but he quickly fell off the wagon and doesn't seem to want to get back on. We joined the Y together and I go every afternoon, but for 2 weeks he has "passed" every time I've asked him to go with me. I make both of our lunches every morning, but he's "accidentally" leaving them at home more and more. I'm also seeing junk food wrappers and soda bottles in his truck when I ride with him.

I know you can't FORCE someone into being motivated, but is there anything I can do to help him WANT to get back on track? I'm fine going it alone, but we made a promise to each other to get healthy and stay healthy together and it would be really nice to have him by my side through this. TIA
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Replies

  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
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    I started before my dh. He joined in after a big health scare.
    Hope it doesn't take that for him to join you but there's nothing to be done until he's ready except lead by example.
  • nvmomketo
    nvmomketo Posts: 12,019 Member
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    Just keep going. I find my husband gets motivated when he sees the effort is paying off for me. Just make it easy for him to rejoin you. JMO

    Good luck!
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
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    He'll do it or he won't. It's very possible that any encouragement will be seen as nagging.
  • crazyjerseygirl
    crazyjerseygirl Posts: 1,252 Member
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    Nope. At least if I knew I'd be using it. Sorry :/
  • strong_curves
    strong_curves Posts: 2,229 Member
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    No clue. My husband isn't into working out at all. He is super supportive of my efforts tho.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    nope, it's his own decision
    he may get motivated if he sees changes in you but that is definitely not a certainty
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    mine goes in spurts...eh I don't bother nagging him about it...and yes that is the way he see's it..

    I asked if he wants to go for a walk...bike ride etc.

    If he says yes great...no..whatever...
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    SezxyStef wrote: »
    mine goes in spurts...eh I don't bother nagging him about it...and yes that is the way he see's it..

    I asked if he wants to go for a walk...bike ride etc.

    If he says yes great...no..whatever...

    Same here.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    You can't thrust motivation upon someone. He wants to or he doesn't. When he wants to, he will join you.

    You keep it up, though! Good for you, not stopping because he does.

    Who knows? Maybe he will see your success and decide that he wants to succeed, too! But don't count on it.

    Keep up the good work! :)
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    Thea519 wrote: »
    My husband and I started our weight loss journey together, but he quickly fell off the wagon and doesn't seem to want to get back on.

    Ok.

    I know you can't FORCE someone into being motivated, but is there anything I can do to help him WANT to get back on track?

    Nope.

  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Leave him to it and focus on your own journey.
  • soapsandropes
    soapsandropes Posts: 269 Member
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    If I knew then my other half wouldn't be as large as he is. Just keep up the good work and enjoy the progress that you make, maybe he will be motivated eventually.
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
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    I was in the opposite situation as you for a little while. I had gained after a move and it took a little while to get my head back in the game. My boyfriend was trying to get me up and running again.

    I can tell you that his own success is what eventually inspired me to get going again. His constant attempts to verbally prod me into it didn't do anything at all, however. In fact, our only major fight to date has been about me losing weight.

    So, if he's just not in the right mind, I'd communicate your concerns once and then move on. Be your own success and keep updating him about it. He might see your success as an inspiration, too.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    I don't have a husband. Maybe he needs a new wagon.
  • MommysLittleMeatball
    MommysLittleMeatball Posts: 2,064 Member
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    DeguelloTex wrote: »
    He'll do it or he won't. It's very possible that any encouragement will be seen as nagging.

    Why was this flagged? ^ This is some sound truth.
    999tigger wrote: »
    Leave him to it and focus on your own journey.

    ^Also, This!

    Lead by example, focus on yourself. When he sees your success and gets fed-up with himself he will motivate himself and get it done. That's all you can do. You don't want it to turn into a situation where he feels forced or you're unhappy with the way he is. He has to do it for himself, just like you are committed and doing it for yourself. Good luck!
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    edited July 2015
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    You cannot motivate someone else, they have to want it enough themselves. It doesn't sound like you've been nagging him about it and that's good because for most people it just makes them more resistant. I bet you dollars-to-donuts that he's feeling guilty about it, because he knows he made a promise, but he just isn't motivated enough to make it happen. Nagging will just make it worse.

    Maybe what you need to think about (or sit him down and ask him about) is why he isn't interested. Did he find the plan you're following too restrictive? Was he not allowed to eat the things he likes even if he stayed within his calorie goal? (Eating less calories while still eating "junk food" is better than eating too much of everything if the main goal is to lose weight.) Some people really do better when starting slowly rather than jumping in and eating only healthy food and working out an hour each day. He might be one.

    Perhaps a talk is in order to find out if there's a compromise he'd be happy with. Exercise isn't needed to lose weight. Perhaps he can just eat enough to lose 1 pound per week and you could drop his gym membership? Or he'll eat what he wants but he'll exercise to create a calorie deficit? Only he knows what he finds acceptable and until he's ready to make any sort of commitment he won't make it (you've already seen that he's "sneaking" junk food so you know he will if he wants it).
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    when he is ready, he will do it.

    trying to make him will only lead to major issues.

  • EmmaFitzwilliam
    EmmaFitzwilliam Posts: 482 Member
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    You need to have an honest conversation with him, and ask him how much communication he wants on the topic - then respect that.
  • rubyandmani
    rubyandmani Posts: 31 Member
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    no suggestions.
    my husband is same and he is actually obese and im in good shape but still want to do it for my health.
    I cook food for both of us and he nags that I m worst cook and he cant eat it and well he make himself something unhealthy or order.
    worst when he looks at me suddenly and feels I m getting thin everyday. he get jealous and again nags that he is too busy to work out...um what

    so at least you are in better place then me
  • theawill519
    theawill519 Posts: 242 Member
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    DeguelloTex wrote: »
    He'll do it or he won't. It's very possible that any encouragement will be seen as nagging.

    Very true. And I really never give him flack about not going to the gym or not eating healthy. I just feel in some ways I'm abandoning him. I know if I were to fall off the wagon, I would want him to encourage me to get back on track, but I don't know how to do it without "nagging" him.

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