Who is MFP for?

I'm going to respectfully request that we keep this post to a civil level of discourse.

Some of the folks posting on here are obviously bothered by some of the replies, as well as the original posting.

What I would like to remind everyone is if you cannot keep your own replies civil and respectful, regardless of other posts or replies, then you yourself risk moderator action as well (as per the site rules).


So please folks, before I'm forced to take actions that the moderators loath to take (locking or removing a thread, we don't ever like doing it, and always consider all other avenues before doing so), I request that you make your best effort to keeping your replies civil and respectful.

thank you.

SHBoss1673
MyFitnessPal forum moderator

2Lorina...

That is very difficult to do, because most with ED's have some kind of trauma that has lead them to this point, its really more about having control of something, ANYTHING, in their life, when everything else is so out of control. So to help someone like this, you really have to know them, and get to that underlying problem, which sometimes is very difficult. Support is really all you can offer, and when they fall, try your best to help them stand again.....

Slight change of subject, but what *is* the best way to support someone with ED?

Someone who knows they have a problem and wants to get healthy... that's one thing. But someone who's in the grips of it doesn't realize it's a problem, or worse, doesn't *care* that it's a problem. They're just going to get angry and upset if you tell them they're only hurting themselves. And I don't want someone who needs the support and help this site can give to run off because they're feeling ganged up on.

I like helping people. I like encouraging people to reach their goals. But I don't feel qualified in some areas, and don't want to do more harm than good.

i think the best way to support someone with an ED is to not make an issue of it.
By all means let them know that there are other more effective healthier ways to control their weight, but dont go on about it because theyll just end up hiding stuff from you or withdrawing

2Lorina...

That is very difficult to do, because most with ED's have some kind of trauma that has lead them to this point, its really more about having control of something, ANYTHING, in their life, when everything else is so out of control. So to help someone like this, you really have to know them, and get to that underlying problem, which sometimes is very difficult. Support is really all you can offer, and when they fall, try your best to help them stand again.....

What is the difference between offering support and encouraging their ED? Can you provide some examples/phrases etc. (

(honest question, not an argument!

Thank you for asking! It can be a fine line of helping/hurting an ED. I have many friends on here that are still in ED and some that are in early recovery. I never encourage their limited calories or give them tips to lose weight. Simply tell them I am there to listen or give healthy suggestions. It's like I told someone else....if one of my ED friends is posting that they've had 500 cals, to an outsider it might seem 'sick' but to them, it might be 400 more than yesterday, ya know?

I think just like any other hardship in life, being a friend is just being supportive, concerned, loving and non judgemental. :flowerforyou:

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Just out of interest. If you had a teenage doughter who was anorexic/bulimic, and she didnt eat anything all dey, would you say "well done darling, you've achieved your goal", and when her muscle tissue was dissapering, as there was no more fat on her, would you say "dont worry darling, eat something WHENEVER YOU'RE READY"? It doesnt matter that they are very slowly dying? There shouldnt be any ana.mia pro-supportive sites, because it shouldnt be supported.
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Of course not, im her mother, but im not YOUR mother, or anyone on this sites mother, so dont expect to have to parent you and dont really appreciate other random people trying to parent and patronise me either thanks.
If i want help i will ask for it, and if i dont want help - well im sorry, theres nothing you can do. You can forcefeed an anorexic and she will gain weight, but she wont be recovered. You can stop a bulimic from throwing up her food, but you havent cured her. Youve just taken away her coping mechanism.

Seems that things are getting a bit heated and it's totally understandable. I currently suffer with non purging bulimia after recovering from anorexia and binge eating disorder. I use the site as a way of controlling my eating, I need a great deal of control otherwise I get very anxious. ED's seem to be a very contentious issue and it's understandable esp on a fitness website.

However, I do feel I need to say that comments around being too thin, skeletal and unattractive etc are very unhelpful and possibly damaging.

I often find myself wishing that I could put someone else in my shoes for a day just so they totally understand because explaining it makes very little sense to someone who doesn't have eating issues. Having a ED is not just about being thin, it's about control, self punishment and ultimately self hatred. Now if being here and having the ability and place to speak freely about how we are feeling, even if those feelings at times are not what others would call healthy can help a little bit then that's a good thing.

I understand how seeing posts and profiles of those with ED's can be upsetting for some, it is upsetting. But if it really bothers you don't look, just think, if it's upsetting you that much imagine how that person is feeling at the time.

I know the OP wasn't specifically about ED but I just wanted to share and write from my perspective.

talking about pro-ana/mia whats the difference really. One is encouraging people to eat less and exercise more and the other is encouraging people to eat less and exercise more............................oh wait!!!

The ONLY difference is whether the persons starting weight. Ive seen plenty of people go WAHEY WTG GREAT JOB when someone restricts heavily, but because they could do with losing a few lbs, its not seen as a big deal.


Pro-ana/mia sites do not give people eating disorders. They do not try and stop people from recovering in my experience if thats what the person wants. i have been on a few when i was at my worst and there was nearly always a supportive forum on each one for people who wanted to recover, where they would get support and encouragement, but in my experience of the pro-ed boards ive been on, they were the ONLY place where people understood where i was coming from, yet didnt try and bully me into getting better, therefore making me just hide what i was doing even more. They were the only places i could be honest, and i got good support for the emotional side of things, yet people would also be happy for me when i acheived my personal goals, even if they werent "officially healthy". One by one the boards all got closed down though through peoples outrage etc etc, and yes, now there are hardly any boards like that. Its hard to find them, and theres always the risk theyll get shut down and the communities forcibly disbanded as though people with EDs are some sort of criminals who shouldnt be allowed to discuss things like that unless theyre pretending to want to get better.

People will ONLY recover when THEY are ready.

Just out of interest. If you had a teenage doughter who was anorexic/bulimic, and she didnt eat anything all dey, would you say "well done darling, you've achieved your goal", and when her muscle tissue was dissapering, as there was no more fat on her, would you say "dont worry darling, eat something WHENEVER YOU'RE READY"? It doesnt matter that they are very slowly dying? There shouldnt be any ana.mia pro-supportive sites, because it shouldnt be supported.

No, but I also wouldn't tell her that looking at her makes me want to vomit in my own mouth. I also wouldn't judge her, criticize her, call her stupid, tell her that she is vain and all those other things that the thinner girls on MFP sometimes get. I would love her, support her as best as I could and always be there when she needed. And I wouldn't force feed her unless her life was in immediate danger because that would just make her hate food, and me, more.

Maybe you should take a proper look at the pro ana sites. They are mainly about connecting with those that understand how you feel. Yes, there are the ones written by younger girls that are full of ana's creed and tips and purging, but the vast majority are just a safe place to talk about how you really feel. The ones that give tips on purging and hiding your ED and encourage you to worship anorexia like a god are extremely dangerous for young girls, I absolutely agree. But the ones that are just safe place to talk without judgement... What's wrong with that? If my daughter visited these sites to find support and understanding (NOT tips and tricks though) I'd allow it. Under my supervision, of course.

tell her that looking at her makes me want to vomit in my own mouth. I also wouldn't judge her, criticize her, call her stupid, tell her that she is vain and all those other things that the thinner girls on MFP sometimes get.