My 'Healthy Lifestyle' is ruining my relationship.

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  • Kexessa
    Kexessa Posts: 346 Member
    sodapoppin28 wrote: »
    Dont let 8 years go without putting up a fight, my relationship of 7 years ended because I didn't fight for it like I should have.

    Awww. I'm sorry to hear that. :(

  • Wii_Player
    Wii_Player Posts: 2,454 Member
    edited September 2015
    You received sound advice here, so I just want to say how happy I am that you had a heart to heart talk with your man. I see your posts on these boards and you are always so caring and supportive to others. You have a BIG heart, so be good to yourself. If you are at your goal weight and sad, how is that fair to YOU! There are enough hours in the day for planning, exercising, and spending quality time with your man :)
  • gemdiver00
    gemdiver00 Posts: 77 Member
    edited September 2015
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Intimacy is an issue because I literally never want to be intimate.

    I stopped reading right there, break up with him.

    Men feel loved and wanted through physical intimacy, we are wired that way. Let him go so that he can find someone who is interested in loving him.

    Continue working on yourself, you're doing a good job.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    gemdiver00 wrote: »
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Intimacy is an issue because I literally never want to be intimate.

    I stopped reading right there, break up with him.

    Men feel loved and wanted through physical intimacy, we are wired that way. Let him go so that he can find someone who is interested in loving him.

    Continue working on yourself, you're doing a good job.

    So you stopped right there and didn't bother to read anything else in the thread. Great job.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    Changing is like getting fit. You can't spot reduce and you can't only change compartmentally. I'm sorry your boyfriend is such a douch. You have to grow for yourself and that can be painful at times.the reality is that people can change if they want to. What they resist is when it's forced on them. so you've started to change (lose weight) because you want to.

    You caneither honor that urge in yourself or cancel it and return to the safety of the known. It's a hard place to be in and only you can make that decision.

    You might ask yourself, which is preferable, the familiarity of what you already know, or the outcome of what is possible.
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  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    gardenbikefamily wrote: »
    Sounds like you are not that into him anymore

    Sounds like you didn't read the whole thread.
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    I literally have tears in my eyes from all of your incredible, kind and honest posts. I needed to reach out somewhere - anywhere - because I was becoming very sad with the way things were progressing. I don't have an eating disorder and I do make sure I fuel my body sufficiently but what I DO have is an irrational fear of gaining weight. I have been overweight all of my life. Not being overweight is totally new to me. Sometimes I am still the 'fat girl' in my head despite being visibly smaller than I was.

    I don't mean to sound over the top - but all of your comments and advice I have taken on board and you may have saved my relationship of 8 years. I sat my boyfriend down this evening and laid it out on the table - exactly how I feel and how I've felt trapped in this strange 'healthy prison'. I actually showed him this post and every single one of your replies. We both agreed with every thing said and we both decided that I need some kind of talking therapy to help me change my attitude toward weight gain. I put so much importance on those weekly losses to the detriment of my happiness and every one around me.

    I definitely feel like I have 'woken up' from a very bad situation - literally, thanks to each and every one of you. I will allow myself to loosen up every now and again and I will no longer beat myself up over an meal out or a special occasion with friends or .. a piece of cake! I know to most it's just a simple post on a forum - but I can't begin to tell you how valuable your advice has been for me. For my relationship. Thank you all and lots of love :)
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    shell1005 wrote: »
    I'm gonna give some advice that is meant with the best intentions. I think you are being rigid and that maybe it is what you need right now. However it also sounds like your relationship is important to you. I would recommend going to see a counselor and working on your issues and working with the counselor on making fundamental plans for some of the problematic times you have listed. I want to say...you can eat out and make it work, but right now that isn't really helpful or use able advice. Working with someone might help you figure out how to make it so.

    As an aside, I have used therapy to help me with my head and my body. I could not recommend it more.

    Hugs!

    Thank you for your kind words.

    I have considered speaking to my Doctor in hope that they will refer me to some kind of therapist that can help me treat these issues but I fear I will be medicated and not a lot else. I am already on an anti depressant prescribed by my Dr for anxiety related issues and I have a strong feeling that they will simply increase the dose and hope for the best. I'm hoping not - and trying won't hurt. So I will certainly look into doing that. Thank you again. x

    Yoga for Emotional Flow (How to Ride the Wave of) is a CD that has helped me with anxiety.

    There aren't any actual yoga postures:

    - CD 1 is about yoga philosophy and modern psychology. (The author is also a psychotherapist in addition to being an amazing yoga teacher and writer. I've taken several of his workshops and have two of his books.)

    - CD 2 is comprised of three guided meditations which build on what was taught in CD 1.

    I listen to CD 1 when I'm at the dentist and use CD 2 during high stress periods.

    I have Xanax to use as needed, which averages out to just a few times per year now. I had to fight with my VA doc for this initially - he kept telling me how addictive it was - I kept reminding him he only gives me a five pill prescription.

    I have to advocate for myself quite vigorously in the VA, and except for one procedure, they've always come around. I think if you stick to your guns for therapy as opposed to a higher dose, yours will come around as well.



  • Venus_Red
    Venus_Red Posts: 209 Member
    gemdiver00 wrote: »
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Intimacy is an issue because I literally never want to be intimate.

    I stopped reading right there, break up with him.

    Men feel loved and wanted through physical intimacy, we are wired that way. Let him go so that he can find someone who is interested in loving him.

    Continue working on yourself, you're doing a good job.

    This is such misogynistic crap. Poor men. :(
    gemdiver00 wrote: »
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Intimacy is an issue because I literally never want to be intimate.

    I stopped reading right there, break up with him.

    Men feel loved and wanted through physical intimacy, we are wired that way. Let him go so that he can find someone who is interested in loving him.

    Continue working on yourself, you're doing a good job.

    What absolute misogynist crap this is. Congrats on not only being amazingly man-splainy but also having almost zero reading comprehension.
  • lyndahh75
    lyndahh75 Posts: 124 Member
    Lots of good feedback here. When I am in the 'zone' and motivated, I too am rigid. Eating out? What? If I can't count everything, I won't eat it. My SO once said'" we've been together 10 years, why now do you suddenly care about getting healthy? Did you meet someone?"

    I think your partner is insecure and perhaps fears losing you. It's unfair of him to make you feel guilty.
    On the flip side- for many men, sex is a very important ingredient in a relationship. Like you, I'm not interested. I can go.... Maybe forever without it. I blame it on being overweight, stress is big, tired, feeling that his desire for sex is purely mechanical and has nothing to do with attraction toward me. He's told me before im letting myself go. Anyway I counter blame him for that and never hugging me or kissing me or touching me like he wants intimacy. His foreplay is ' hey, wanna bang?'
    Lol ugh.
    Sorry tmi.
    Regardless- I try to save our marriage. I don't WANT sex much at all but I do it anyway. It's not about just me, my needs or wants. I have to consider his too.
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