Think before you send that nasty message
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I feel your pain. It's amazing how the we use the interwebs every day to ask advice, talk about common goals, and glean info...yet we are told to stop taking it so seriously because the interwebs is actually full of crazy people that like to torture kittens. Some of the posts on the boards are like a bunch of smart kids trying to see who is the smartest of them all. Honestly, they just Google very quickly, and then act like they are the gods of nutrition. They arent, because if they were, then they would be pulling their own peer reviewed published works to use as a reference. Brush them off....they are sad, lonely people that probably do torture kittens when they aren't belittling others.0
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I feel your pain. It's amazing how the we use the interwebs every day to ask advice, talk about common goals, and glean info...yet we are told to stop taking it so seriously because the interwebs is actually full of crazy people that like to torture kittens. Some of the posts on the boards are like a bunch of smart kids trying to see who is the smartest of them all. Honestly, they just Google very quickly, and then act like they are the gods of nutrition. They arent, because if they were, then they would be pulling their own peer reviewed published works to use as a reference. Brush them off....they are sad, lonely people that probably do torture kittens when they aren't belittling others.
Holy drama, Batman.
Also, you don't think it's belittling to tell people they are sad, lonely and psychopathic?0 -
Why must we bring kitten torture into it!!!!!!
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
You're mowing down the strawmen, I'll give you that.DeguelloTex wrote: »
The OP is the only one with the responsibility for her response, reaction, and actions.DeguelloTex wrote: »
The onus is on the person not to be pushed back. Absolutely it is. Her life is her responsibility. Now, again, tell me how that means I said it is OK to be jerk.DeguelloTex wrote: »
Can you point out where I said that? I'll wait.DeguelloTex wrote: »Alternatively, don't be pushed back by messages from random internet strangers. You have control over your reactions. You don't have control over the nastiness of people.
So it's okay to be a jerk because people shouldn't be so sensitive?
You seemed to be placing the onus on the original poster ("don't be pushed back by messages from random internet strangers").
For clarification, then, is the OP the only one with responsibility in the situation she described?
It seems clear that the jerk initiated the situation, but that doesn't mean it isn't the OP's responsibility to react appropriately. Ideally, he wouldn't have been a jerk. Since we don't live in an ideal world, the next best option is to react in a beneficial way... which the OP did.
It shouldn't be unrealistic to recognize that when people DO act like jerks, it can hurt because humans are social creatures. Neither should it be unrealistic to be able to call jerks out on their behavior rather than telling people "Just don't feel the way you do!"
It's a good thing I took your advice and give zero hoots what you think.0 -
I am sorry you were attacked. Some folk are experts, or at least they believe they are. They tear down others to build themselves. I believe there is a way to block, report or tell admin that someone is abusing. Maybe look into that. Best wishes on success! I know you can beat this!
Well said. This is how many act behind a pc where they can be cruel without repercussion. Why not support each other with kindness? However I would NEVER allow a person online or in person for that matter, derail my progress. You shouldn't close your diary or change what your doing. You should however raise your head and move on. That person is just a troll.0 -
My problem wasn't as much the fact that someone wanted to give me advice as it was that it wasn't at all constructive. Don't tell me to "read a book" but not give me a suggestion on one that they have found helpful. Furthermore, I've read plenty of weight loss/health books. If it was as easy as reading a book, I'd be a size 4 right now. It was aggressively toned and insulting. I'm one month and 8 pounds into my loss now, which seems so little compared to where I want to be, but had I gotten a message like that 3 weeks ago, I may have felt hopeless and given up. I didn't, but there are people who will when they are insulted or belittled, I'm JUST now learning to believe in myself. I was just wanting to point out that there are a lot of disordered eaters on this site and no matter how much people say that they shouldn't let words of strangers get to them, they can make a huge difference.0
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Maybe the Motivation and Support category is the best place to post when a poster is seeking that kind of help without walking into the added and possibly unwanted help in this category.0
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I've gotten my fair share of nasty PMs. I got one yesterday and then learned so did a few MFP friends. I have learned over time that they are looking for a reaction. I usually refuse to give it to them.
However I am in a much better head space now than I was let's say a year ago. A year ago the message might have pushed me over the edge. Sadly nothing stops internet trolls and cowboy keyboard artists. So, I brush it off, click delete and move on.
On a personal note to the OP. I am a binge eater in recovery. I make the choice to keep my diary private from everyone. I do that because I promised myself and my counselor that I would honestly log, no matter what. However I know I'd be likely to not honestly log a binge or what have you if I knew it was public. And, the only person I need to be honest and accountable to is myself and my treatment team. Just thought I would share in case it is helpful.
What the heck? Is it in the water? I got a crappy message yesterday too. Some man felt the need to tell me that I look 55 and unattractive in my profile picture and I should use a different one. Um, gee thanks. My new pic is a response to that. I just blocked him. I feel you on this OP, it's not so much taking the message to heart (at least for me) but just a general outrage that someone felt comfortable being a jerk for no apparent reason. None of us like someone being rude to us, even if we don't allow it to set us back, it's still a little unsettling.
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I've gotten my fair share of nasty PMs. I got one yesterday and then learned so did a few MFP friends. I have learned over time that they are looking for a reaction. I usually refuse to give it to them.
However I am in a much better head space now than I was let's say a year ago. A year ago the message might have pushed me over the edge. Sadly nothing stops internet trolls and cowboy keyboard artists. So, I brush it off, click delete and move on.
On a personal note to the OP. I am a binge eater in recovery. I make the choice to keep my diary private from everyone. I do that because I promised myself and my counselor that I would honestly log, no matter what. However I know I'd be likely to not honestly log a binge or what have you if I knew it was public. And, the only person I need to be honest and accountable to is myself and my treatment team. Just thought I would share in case it is helpful.
What the heck? Is it in the water? I got a crappy message yesterday too. Some man felt the need to tell me that I look 55 and unattractive in my profile picture and I should use a different one. Um, gee thanks. My new pic is a response to that. I just blocked him. I feel you on this OP, it's not so much taking the message to heart (at least for me) but just a general outrage that someone felt comfortable being a jerk for no apparent reason. None of us like someone being rude to us, even if we don't allow it to set us back, it's still a little unsettling.
Just chiming in to say I love your new avi.
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I've always wondered why some people have closed diaries. I like snoop through them sometime for ideas on what to eat. Never thought that others were snooping just to judge and belittle.
I believe I will close my diary now. [/quote]
I keep mine closed. None of anyone else's beeswax what I eat. And I don't care about anyone else's opinion about what I eat. Caring more about everyone else thought than what I thought about myself was part of my problem for a long time.
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I am not insulting, but I am tired of being insulted by random interweb gurus. I come on here for info sometimes, and while a lot has been helpful, there are far too many professors and not enough students. I am not a science major, and I won't even pretend to understand the first and second (and umpteenth) law of thermodynamics. My talents lie elsewhere, but because I don't fully understand how the body metabolized proteins and amino acids than I must be a fool that isn't worth the time to respond to in a constructive way. And now, we have posters that are being belittled by random strangers whom take it upon themselves to make fun of the way they look, or that they aren't logging right, or that they are too stupid to read a book. My momma taught me to be nice to others, not cruel.0
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I am not insulting, but I am tired of being insulted by random interweb gurus. I come on here for info sometimes, and while a lot has been helpful, there are far too many professors and not enough students. I am not a science major, and I won't even pretend to understand the first and second (and umpteenth) law of thermodynamics. My talents lie elsewhere, but because I don't fully understand how the body metabolized proteins and amino acids than I must be a fool that isn't worth the time to respond to in a constructive way. And now, we have posters that are being belittled by random strangers whom take it upon themselves to make fun of the way they look, or that they aren't logging right, or that they are too stupid to read a book. My momma taught me to be nice to others, not cruel.
I read some posters for information and others for entertainment value, and when it comes to unsolicited PMs, I avail myself of the Block button.
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DeguelloTex wrote: »
Can you point out where I said that? I'll wait.DeguelloTex wrote: »Alternatively, don't be pushed back by messages from random internet strangers. You have control over your reactions. You don't have control over the nastiness of people.
So it's okay to be a jerk because people shouldn't be so sensitive?
You seemed to be placing the onus on the original poster ("don't be pushed back by messages from random internet strangers").
No. It's not an either or. He's empowering the OP, because she can't control the world. It's an AND. She can hope she doesn't receive nasty messages while at the same time not be set back if she receives one. He's adding to the discussion, not presenting an opposite side to it.
Presenting a different perspective on something doesn't mean you're in opposition to the original point presented. Sometimes, you're just expanding the conversation to include further points and make it further reaching.
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MFP is a uniquely screwed up place
It has some good. But there are some bizarre posts as well.0 -
Have I told you about my gel packs today?
OP got a PM, so blocking the user will work there, at least.0 -
I love when people stand up for themselves0
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I've gotten my fair share of nasty PMs. I got one yesterday and then learned so did a few MFP friends. I have learned over time that they are looking for a reaction. I usually refuse to give it to them.
However I am in a much better head space now than I was let's say a year ago. A year ago the message might have pushed me over the edge. Sadly nothing stops internet trolls and cowboy keyboard artists. So, I brush it off, click delete and move on.
On a personal note to the OP. I am a binge eater in recovery. I make the choice to keep my diary private from everyone. I do that because I promised myself and my counselor that I would honestly log, no matter what. However I know I'd be likely to not honestly log a binge or what have you if I knew it was public. And, the only person I need to be honest and accountable to is myself and my treatment team. Just thought I would share in case it is helpful.
I got one too! I bet it was from the same person, even!
OP, to relate, like Shell, a few years ago, internet shenanigans would and did have the power to devastate me. I've done a lot of work on myself since then, and learned a lot about myself and my own strength through the process of setting new goals and achieving them. Believing in yourself is a powerful, amazing thing, and it's something you can sort of arrive at by faking it until you make it, I've found.
I'm glad you're not letting some "keyboard cowboy" derail your good efforts to be amazing!
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I am not insulting, but I am tired of being insulted by random interweb gurus. I come on here for info sometimes, and while a lot has been helpful, there are far too many professors and not enough students. I am not a science major, and I won't even pretend to understand the first and second (and umpteenth) law of thermodynamics. My talents lie elsewhere, but because I don't fully understand how the body metabolized proteins and amino acids than I must be a fool that isn't worth the time to respond to in a constructive way. And now, we have posters that are being belittled by random strangers whom take it upon themselves to make fun of the way they look, or that they aren't logging right, or that they are too stupid to read a book. My momma taught me to be nice to others, not cruel.
Its a public forum. You cnat have used many public forums otherwise youd realise just how mild and supportive MFP is. If you are seeking information then surely its advice from professors and those who know what they are talking about? the site attracts people from all backgrounds and abilities.
If you feel you have something to complain about then report them.0 -
Honestly, a huge portion of this community are snobby and pretentious on the forums, or straight up trolls.
HOWEVER, imo, a larger portion are people who sincerely want to help and have productive conversations..It's all about ignoring the negativity.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts tho, don't get discouraged 0 -
I feel your pain. It's amazing how the we use the interwebs every day to ask advice, talk about common goals, and glean info...yet we are told to stop taking it so seriously because the interwebs is actually full of crazy people that like to torture kittens. Some of the posts on the boards are like a bunch of smart kids trying to see who is the smartest of them all. Honestly, they just Google very quickly, and then act like they are the gods of nutrition. They arent, because if they were, then they would be pulling their own peer reviewed published works to use as a reference. Brush them off....they are sad, lonely people that probably do torture kittens when they aren't belittling others.
What? Are you trying to be offensive or do you come by it naturally?
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »There are quite a few people here that think they are the food police and I find it beyond rude. Had you have reached out here and asked people to actively analyze your food diary and offer opinions, that reaction to your choices was still unnecessary and snarky. These 'food police' individuals need to understand that they too started off knowing absolutely nothing about the weight loss process and had to learn it step by step. I'm still learning every single day but I'm afraid I wouldn't have had a polite word to say to someone openly critiquing my food without being asked to. Mind your business and take a seat, is my answer.
This is not tough love. Tough love shouldn't come from strangers. This is a support website for weight loss, not a place to patrol and police people's choices. Generally, people will gradually work out *WHY* weight isn't coming off without being bullied into changing things. A few years ago, if someone ridiculed me into stopping eating a very low calorie diet, I would have burst into helpless tears because I was vulnerable and confused and didn't know WHAT was right.
My approach on here is utter kindness - because I know the struggle. I would never, EVER dream of calling out someone else in such a way, not only because I have manners but tact aswell. Rudeness is ugly.
Rant over.
And OP, head up high, forget about it and move on. You're fine. Do it your way and don't let anyone try and throw you.
I think this is some of the problem. This really isn't a support site, it's a discussion site. It also is not specifically for weight loss. It's a fitness site, so you have users with many different perspectives and at many different stages of fitness here. Some of whom have never been overweight.
I've seen a lot of people post that are surprised and confused by the not-entirely-positive responses they get, thinking they are in something like the clearly titled 'Motivation and Support' forum. Because they are surprised and confused, they also tend to a) read more into the post than is really there, b) read the post with a negative 'tone', and c) get defensive about it. At which point everything goes downhill.
The above has nothing to do with OP, that obviously wasn't a problem with her. On that, I happen to agree with DeguelloTex. The problem with posting a 'stop being nasty' message is that it feeds the people on here who enjoy being hurtful. OP can't control what they do, only what she does. And the best thing she can do is to report it to the moderators and hopefully get that person shut down, then either shake it off and move on, or use it as motivation.
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I feel your pain. It's amazing how the we use the interwebs every day to ask advice, talk about common goals, and glean info...yet we are told to stop taking it so seriously because the interwebs is actually full of crazy people that like to torture kittens. Some of the posts on the boards are like a bunch of smart kids trying to see who is the smartest of them all. Honestly, they just Google very quickly, and then act like they are the gods of nutrition. They arent, because if they were, then they would be pulling their own peer reviewed published works to use as a reference. Brush them off....they are sad, lonely people that probably do torture kittens when they aren't belittling others.
I think those "Kids" have their own forum talking about this forum. It seems some of them even got banned because their mean snarky posts. They have the same mentality about their superior knowledge and it seems to be unappreciated here so they vent over there.
You mean the people who have been successful in losing weight and keeping it off?0 -
Kind of surprised this post took so long to reach the "let's blatantly attack members of this community in as broad a style as possible so we can pretend we aren't calling anyone in specific out" stage. The insults usually start by page one on these.
It's been my experience that every helpful poster on these forums, every single one, will be called rude, mean, negative, troll, bully, etc. at some point or another no matter how carefully they phrase their advice. Posts like this tend not to be very helpful. When every helpful poster is called out as mean at some point or another, then making a post like this without examples or qualifications just ends up pointing fingers at everyone.
There is some actual rudeness that goes above and beyond what should be acceptable here. Report it (use the actual report function not the flags) and let the mods deal with it. But posts like this just add to the negative atmosphere that you're trying to combat instead of solving anything.0
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