People being negative because I "only" needed to loose 22lbs

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  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    yeah ok, well if you were trying to not offend people who have a lot of weight to lose, you failed.

    Twice in this post, you look down your nose at people who let themselves get that way.

    Your attitude is absolutely no better than the woman who is insensitive to someone who only has to lose 20 pounds.

    it's EXACTLY the same in reverse. A bit stunning that you don't see that.

    A pound is a pound is a pound. It's easy to put on and not so easy to take off. No matter how much or how little you have to lose, everyone is here trying to do exactly the same thing, if to different degrees.

    I would have to agree with this poster. I commend the OP on losing the weight - that's an awesome achievement but you do point out a divide on MFP which I certainly haven't come across and also you say how at least you didn't wait until you were as overweight as she was which sounds judgemental on your part. People gain weight for any number of reasons and I'm sure lots of people with a lot to lose didn't just decide to do f**k all about it until it got to a point of no return.

    I think everyone should just live and let live and celebrate each other's successes without thinking they're better than anyone else.

    I have seen the divide. I don't send friend requests, but most of the people who have requested me had goals similar to mine. There are threads devoted to members who need to lose certain amounts of weight (100+, 70, 20, 10 or fewer...). Just as there are groups full of only clean eaters, and moms, and dads, etc. It's a natural thing to gravitate toward people who have similar goals, because you're going through similar struggles. A person who needs to lose 100 lbs has different challenges from someone who's working on the last 10. It's not a judgmental thing, it's just human nature to find people with commonalities, and since this is a health forum, it makes sense that people would look for others with the same kinds of goals.

    I didn't see her being judgmental. I saw her as saying that the situation could easily be flipped, and there was no reason for this coworker to be judgmental of her since she wasn't being judgmental of the coworker. She said that she applauded the coworker's efforts, and she just wanted the same treatment.


    Very well said! I myself send friend request' to folks that seem to have the same goals as I do and they are not all to do with the amount of weight we have to lose. One person said they wanted to be around for their grandchildren someday... me too! *add* lol And on OP... Great job on your weight lose and gain of health!

    I guess I never really thought that the people who had a lot to lose think that people who only have 20lbs or so to lose are being judgemental. I don't judge people for doing it. I think it's actually really cool that they are doing it. I mean, most people who only have 20 pounds I feel like have less on the line if they fail, and that is why I reall admire people who lose a lot because they have a lot more on the line, AND they have to be way more determined in my opinion. I do feel like they are different journeys however.
  • Bocciulo
    Bocciulo Posts: 14 Member
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    I understand where you are coming from totally! The worst is I get it from my sister. She lost weight and gained it all back. I had a baby 7 wks ago and gained 28lbs and lost it all already and she was mad. I am trying to lose another 10-15 and everytime I am excited I lost a pound I hear "Well lucky you I have to lose 50 by November for my wedding". It's like wow thanks for raining on my parade. Hang in there no matter how much one has to lose we all should be supportive of each other.
  • jamontagne
    jamontagne Posts: 115
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    Ouch! I totally understand that feeling. I had tried joining weight watchers a few years back. When I joined I needed to lose 25-30 lbs per my doctor. When I would go to meetings people would ask me if I was on the maintenance plan. I would say no and tell them my doctor wants me to lose 25lbs. Their response (every time) - "if you lose any more weight you'll look sickly! You shouldn't be here - everyone else needs to lose atleast 50lbs in this program". Really? That's not very helpful or inspiring.
    Hoenstly I think it's a jealousy thing- not to be insensitive, but some people may be jealous that I (and you) have caught our "issue" before it got way out of control (i.e. needing to lose 77lbs).
    Just keep on going - and remember to let their insecurities roll off your back - your goals in life are yours and noone elses!
  • wewon
    wewon Posts: 838 Member
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    Why are so many people still focused on the "lose" comment?

    Isn't there a limit to the number of people that should be allowed to kick a corpse?
  • Sadie_sal3267
    Sadie_sal3267 Posts: 44 Member
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    Keep going, some of wish we could lose that currently!!
  • ShrinkingStephanie
    ShrinkingStephanie Posts: 55
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    She sounds jealous to me. Losing weight is difficult 10 pounds, 20 pounds, 200 pounds. Still takes determination. I suspect she feels as though she lost something or missed out on something when she lost weight. Like you only have to lose 22 therefore you don't have to 'suffer' as long as she did. This is just my guess. If I'm right, she's going to gain that weight back and then some. We all know, you have to modify your life permanently, not just for a few months!

    Feel better and congrats on nearly attaining your goal!
  • Scentlessapprentice
    Scentlessapprentice Posts: 170 Member
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    It's "lose".
    I'll be sure never to come to you for encouragement or support......talk about kicking someone when they are down!
  • leighton1245
    leighton1245 Posts: 125
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    I guess I never really thought that the people who had a lot to lose think that people who only have 20lbs or so to lose are being judgemental. I don't judge people for doing it. I think it's actually really cool that they are doing it. I mean, most people who only have 20 pounds I feel like have less on the line if they fail, and that is why I reall admire people who lose a lot because they have a lot more on the line, AND they have to be way more determined in my opinion. I do feel like they are different journeys however.

    Congrats on deciding to lose 20lbs!! I think babriex3 is 100% right in saying that its a different journey for people that have say 20lbs to lose and somone that has 50+lbs to lose because its a matter of changing a lifesytle the more weight you have to lose and thus forth people think they have accomplished more, but when someone only has say 20lbs to lose they have to exercise more and eat cleaner. So everyone really accomplishes the same thing and that is a goal to look better and live longer. :) 20lbs may not sound like a lot but it will sure make you look a ton better. I know when i put on just 5-10lbs more then my weight now I look like a diff person.
  • wintermama13
    wintermama13 Posts: 172 Member
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    Sorry you got offended. i'll be honest. I feel it's "irritating" when "thin" people complain about how "fat" they look (enough quotes there?? :) haha) My fiance is very thin and complains a lot about wanting more muscle so when he works out and eats more and gets more muscle he inevitably gains a few pounds and complains that he's so fat. Thanks for making me feel great!!! It's just about body image issues for everyone. Don't let people get you down. Try to stay positive :) Great job on losing the weight you have and Good luck continuing!!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,311 Member
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    Yeah, I know what you mean. I only wanted to lose 20 lbs, and was constantly getting "you have an eating disorder, you don't need to lose weight" from larger friends.

    No. Actually, I was overweight, I could feel it, and I wasn't happy with the way I looked. Not because I was seeing some distorted image in the mirror, but because I was fat, and the numbers backed me up.
  • leighton1245
    leighton1245 Posts: 125
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    Yeah, I know what you mean. I only wanted to lose 20 lbs, and was constantly getting "you have an eating disorder, you don't need to lose weight" from larger friends.

    Many people get this because MOST AMERICANS now days are over weight <--- thank you McDONALDS, AND BK
  • strbryt
    strbryt Posts: 488 Member
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    She's obviously still really insecure about her weight and who she is, and needs affirmation that she's a worthwhile person. Since she can't tell herself she's a good person, or acknowledge that she has, in fact, done a good job...she has to try and bring people down.

    It's sad...but many people with weight issues have those issues because they have other emotional issues as well (and I am speaking from personal experience). Food is as big an addiction as anything...we use it to fill the holes in our lives. But if we don't find a way to solve the emotional root...then we'll just fill it with some other self-destructive behavior...

    ...like being a negative *****, for example :)
    You are so very right about this. I am on this journey as well and know that most of the reason I am over weight is because I have a self worth problem. I am one of those people who don't like to use their child hood as an EXCUSE for anything. I like to think that I am a survior and as an adult I make my own decisions and no on emakes me put the food in my mouth. It is my drug and I am not in a place that I can see this and fix myself and for no one other than myself.
  • iamstaceywood
    iamstaceywood Posts: 383 Member
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    she sounds like a turd. eff her.
  • karensoxfan
    karensoxfan Posts: 902 Member
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    Sorry you got offended. i'll be honest. I feel it's "irritating" when "thin" people complain about how "fat" they look (enough quotes there?? :) haha) My fiance is very thin and complains a lot about wanting more muscle so when he works out and eats more and gets more muscle he inevitably gains a few pounds and complains that he's so fat. Thanks for making me feel great!!! It's just about body image issues for everyone. Don't let people get you down. Try to stay positive :) Great job on losing the weight you have and Good luck continuing!!

    I agree -- as someone with more than 20 lb. to lose (about 3x that!), it can be frustrating to hear things like that. My husband is the same way. Very fit & healthy (not overweight at all), but it's like fingernails on a chalkboard for me when he says he feels fat. He's certainly entitled to feel whatever he feels, but to gripe about it to an obese woman, it's REALLY hard for me to muster up much sympathy for him.

    To the OP, I'm sorry you feel like your coworker who lost 75+ lb. was insensitive & unsupportive. We should all be in this together, but I'm also disappointed to read so many replies that your coworker must have just "let herself go" at some point. NOBODY wants to be fat. And increasing numbers of people are fat today. I'm one of them, and I made lots of poor choices that brought me here, but I'm doing something about it.

    I've struggled with weight for a long time now, and I know it can be just as hard to lose 15 lb. or 50 lb., but the experience of tackling those two goals is VERY different. The length of time those goals take can be VERY different. The thoughts & feelings that can go along with those goals can be VERY different.

    I've also been the at-goal WW member standing in line for my maintenance weigh-in, when someone said "you're skinny, why are YOU here?" and they probably kicked themself nice & hard when I answered that I'd lost 50 lb. and wanted to keep it that way.

    We all have our own demons to face down, and it doesn't help any of us to knock each other. Instead of judging each other, we should think more about our own words & actions.
  • stefraab
    stefraab Posts: 402 Member
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    Weightloss is weightloss, and if she wants to be petty then you probably have almost a more difficult journey as you do have less to lose and it's harder to get those pounds off from the sounds of it. But anyone who is losing weight should be supportive of people on the same path - whether they have 5lbs or 105lbs to lose. Seems silly to be so petty.
  • stefraab
    stefraab Posts: 402 Member
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    Double post :)
  • stefraab
    stefraab Posts: 402 Member
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    It's "lose".

    seems kind of unnecessary........?
  • kimmerroze
    kimmerroze Posts: 1,330 Member
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    You know, she may just be upset that she let herself get to the poin of having to lose 77 pounds where as you only let yourself get to the point of having to lose 20..

    I wouldn't let it bother you.. If she keeps making snide remarks, let her know that you wanted to tackle your weight issues before you let them get to the point of having to lose 77 pounds... say it sweetly, and smile afterwards. and she will get the hint. plus she wont be able to call you a b**ch! haha

    Being someone who you would assume "let herself go" and had to lose a lot of weight I can tell you she doesn't need the reminder and the OP doesn't need to lower herself to that level.

    Also, I didn't let myself go.... I crash dieted my way right on up the scale doing all the fad diets trying to lose weight. So you never know and should never assume why someone might be heavy.

    I never assumed anything about this lady. It was a guess... much like other people are guessing that she is Jealous of the OP. She was belittling the OP's comittment to lose 20 pounds. I never Assumed that she let herself go. Its the same type of reason I started losing weight, I didn't want my 20 pounds to turn into 50 or 100 pounds. plus teh suggestion of a comment like the one I said, was contingent upon the fact that she kept making rude comments about her goal to lose 20 pounds. If you make snide remarks you deserve snide answers.

    Plus I didnt say YOU let YOUrself go. You said that. So don't ASSUME that I assumed that you did. Quite frankly unless you were the person the OP was talking about my comment had nothing to do with you.
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
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    You know, she may just be upset that she let herself get to the poin of having to lose 77 pounds where as you only let yourself get to the point of having to lose 20..

    I wouldn't let it bother you.. If she keeps making snide remarks, let her know that you wanted to tackle your weight issues before you let them get to the point of having to lose 77 pounds... say it sweetly, and smile afterwards. and she will get the hint. plus she wont be able to call you a b**ch! haha

    Being someone who you would assume "let herself go" and had to lose a lot of weight I can tell you she doesn't need the reminder and the OP doesn't need to lower herself to that level.

    Also, I didn't let myself go.... I crash dieted my way right on up the scale doing all the fad diets trying to lose weight. So you never know and should never assume why someone might be heavy.

    This is so true! People have weight issues for a multitude of reasons. My sister in-law had her job change dramatically - the stress now is incredible - not many other jobs out there. A neighbor underwent major medical - and is now on lifelong medication. She never had a weight issue before now. You can't assume - because you really never know.

    Do we seriously have people getting upset over the use of "let yourself go"? Really, it's time to put our adult panties on and stop reading between the lines.

    Unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from losing weight or causes you to gain weight, it is likely that your weight is a result of the food you put in your mouth or your lack of exercise, maybe both. If the weight gets to the point of being a problem, it is likely that we have let ourselves go. Plain and simple. I am here because I "let myself go", as in I was under an abnormal amount of stress, going through a serious depression, etc, and I ended up this way. In no way would it offend me for someone to point out the truth.

    THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU'VE MADE A DECISION TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. For that you should be proud... no need to attack another member for her choice of words.
  • tamheath
    tamheath Posts: 702 Member
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    I can totally see your co-workers point! You should definitely have waited until you gained another 50 lbs before you did anything about it. What could you possibly have been thinking??? :flowerforyou:

    I can totally see your co-workers point! You should definitely have waited until you gained another 50 lbs before you did anything about it. What could you possibly have been thinking??? flowerforyou

    Hilarious! :laugh:

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