Believe in Yourself.
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I'm mentally hearing a record scratch, followed by, "can you repeat that? I'm think I had something racist in my ear just now." If she was saying it, I'd have to imagine it wasn't something she didn't believe on some level, and part of it was about putting it out there to find someone with similar opinions.slideaway1 wrote: »
So calling her fat was meant to attract her? Wow. That's messed up. Does that work?
That or he was trying to do what pick up artists calling negging - making her feel bad in hopes that she'll try to prove herself to him. Either is fairly vile behavior.Thanks for sharing, Pink.
You're still young. I urge you to talk to your friends and other people you trust about your anxiety with men in this regard. What this young man thought of you has no bearing on who you are and what your self esteem should be. No man in a club should have that power over you. You should not be anxious of men trying to talk to you.
At a guess, this young man is a pre-rejector. Because he feels rejected by women, he rejects them before they have a chance to reject him. Don't let his emotional problems cause you to not dance in a club for fear of other maladjusted men.
I occasionally still get a drive-by "hey fat momma" "Hey, fat bottom!" (but of course they use a different word) when I'm street running. But those comments, though aimed at me, have nothing to do with me. Their comments have more to do with their own insecurities than the size of my tush.
Don't let men have this power. Talk to some people you trust about this. Get their tactics for preserving self esteem in the face of criticism. Learn from them, find a mentor.
Well how some suck of humans believe it works....if you treat women horribly then they don't think they deserve any better and then they might just accept that your suck of a human being is worth dating. It's pretty nauseating.
Yeah, what he said was massively out of order. The world is full of idiots. Nightclubs are an even more condensed microcosm of idiots because many of them are drunk. However, this is not uncommon and believe it or not girls can be just as brutal as men. I've seen (male) friends get humiliated by girls for just having the courage to talk to them (far worse than this story). I also have my own tragic stories that I'm not prepared to share lol. It shouldn't be this way when you want a fun night out but going clubbing/dancing can be a risky business in terms of self confidence.
That's true enough. I wouldn't consider a nightclub as being any kind of accurate reflection of ordinary human behaviour (most people, both men and women, tend to be nice.)
I have my own story of a girl in All Bar One thinking being rather racist would make me enamoured towards her and buy her a drink. You know the bit in a Western when the music suddenly stops and everyone goes still? Yeah, it was like that...0 -
Wonderful post PinkPixie! That fool in the club probably had a cranial-rectal inversion. You keep up the great work!0
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I'm mentally hearing a record scratch, followed by, "can you repeat that? I'm think I had something racist in my ear just now." If she was saying it, I'd have to imagine it wasn't something she didn't believe on some level, and part of it was about putting it out there to find someone with similar opinions.slideaway1 wrote: »
So calling her fat was meant to attract her? Wow. That's messed up. Does that work?
That or he was trying to do what pick up artists calling negging - making her feel bad in hopes that she'll try to prove herself to him. Either is fairly vile behavior.Thanks for sharing, Pink.
You're still young. I urge you to talk to your friends and other people you trust about your anxiety with men in this regard. What this young man thought of you has no bearing on who you are and what your self esteem should be. No man in a club should have that power over you. You should not be anxious of men trying to talk to you.
At a guess, this young man is a pre-rejector. Because he feels rejected by women, he rejects them before they have a chance to reject him. Don't let his emotional problems cause you to not dance in a club for fear of other maladjusted men.
I occasionally still get a drive-by "hey fat momma" "Hey, fat bottom!" (but of course they use a different word) when I'm street running. But those comments, though aimed at me, have nothing to do with me. Their comments have more to do with their own insecurities than the size of my tush.
Don't let men have this power. Talk to some people you trust about this. Get their tactics for preserving self esteem in the face of criticism. Learn from them, find a mentor.
Well how some suck of humans believe it works....if you treat women horribly then they don't think they deserve any better and then they might just accept that your suck of a human being is worth dating. It's pretty nauseating.
Yeah, what he said was massively out of order. The world is full of idiots. Nightclubs are an even more condensed microcosm of idiots because many of them are drunk. However, this is not uncommon and believe it or not girls can be just as brutal as men. I've seen (male) friends get humiliated by girls for just having the courage to talk to them (far worse than this story). I also have my own tragic stories that I'm not prepared to share lol. It shouldn't be this way when you want a fun night out but going clubbing/dancing can be a risky business in terms of self confidence.
That's true enough. I wouldn't consider a nightclub as being any kind of accurate reflection of ordinary human behaviour (most people, both men and women, tend to be nice.)
I have my own story of a girl in All Bar One thinking being rather racist would make me enamoured towards her and buy her a drink. You know the bit in a Western when the music suddenly stops and everyone goes still? Yeah, it was like that...
Sadly, I think you are exactly right.
I was pretty taken aback I have to say. It happened in my mid 20s when I was a lot less equipped to handle social situations, particularly awkward ones, as I am now. I just walked away shaking my head without saying anything.0 -
Is it bad that I'm excited that I know several wrist locks (and ways to break someone's arm) if they tried this with me? Dude, don't touch me unless you want the repercussions of that...
Good point, that's another technique - establish physical contact and violate personal space. They view it as breaking in an animal by getting it to accept a person's touch.
But anyway, I suspect he saw a beautiful girl out having a great time and realized that no girl was ever going to have a great time with him. Then he got all sad and bitter and lashed out.
Nah, the ruffling of the hair is a bit of a give away. It's the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails in the playground to get her attention. I smell a spectacularly bad attempt at seduction.
Or the dude was lashed.0 -
I think the OP is definitely right though to fuel the fire of using this guys negativity to motivate her to go on to better things. I have loads of negative incidents that I draw on to help me push harder in the gym/life. However, I also would probably put it into context that this guy was just a drunk idiot who probably did not even remember saying it the next day and didn't give his behaviour a second though. Yet, it's something that upset you and has clearly stayed with you. That's why people need to be a bit kinder to each other but at the same time don't give to much respect to the comments of di%kheads.0
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Is it bad that I'm excited that I know several wrist locks (and ways to break someone's arm) if they tried this with me? Dude, don't touch me unless you want the repercussions of that...
Good point, that's another technique - establish physical contact and violate personal space. They view it as breaking in an animal by getting it to accept a person's touch.
But anyway, I suspect he saw a beautiful girl out having a great time and realized that no girl was ever going to have a great time with him. Then he got all sad and bitter and lashed out.
Nah, the ruffling of the hair is a bit of a give away. It's the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails in the playground to get her attention. I smell a spectacularly bad attempt at seduction.
Or the dude was lashed.
I used to know some. Now I'm rusty. I should get back into that. But failing that, screaming "Get your filthy rape hands off me!" at the top of my lungs might be fun. I can scream LOUD, too.
I mean, if someone is going to ruin my night out, might as well ruin his!0 -
Is it bad that I'm excited that I know several wrist locks (and ways to break someone's arm) if they tried this with me? Dude, don't touch me unless you want the repercussions of that...
Good point, that's another technique - establish physical contact and violate personal space. They view it as breaking in an animal by getting it to accept a person's touch.
But anyway, I suspect he saw a beautiful girl out having a great time and realized that no girl was ever going to have a great time with him. Then he got all sad and bitter and lashed out.
Nah, the ruffling of the hair is a bit of a give away. It's the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails in the playground to get her attention. I smell a spectacularly bad attempt at seduction.
Or the dude was lashed.
I used to know some. Now I'm rusty. I should get back into that. But failing that, screaming "Get your filthy rape hands off me!" at the top of my lungs might be fun. I can scream LOUD, too.
I mean, if someone is going to ruin my night out, might as well ruin his!
I kind of want to be at the club when you do that (except I REALLY hate clubs and large crowds of people). Might be worth the panic attack...0 -
Words are powerful. I can still remember being about 8 years old and a so called friend telling me to go away and that nobody likes me. I'm 32 now and it still haunts me! It crushed my means of making friendships through most of school.
Learn that you can only be in charge of your thoughts and your actions. Don't negatively forcast. If you wake up and say 'urgh another crap Monday' you'll get one. Positive thoughts, actions and interactions are the way to go.
I can't believe the idiot and what he said. Great that you're back on track and have found mfp and the people here. Don't stop believing in yourself and you'll do great!0 -
People suck sometimes. I remember one night when I was a young university student and I overheard a guy refer to me as Gonzo (due to the shape of my nose). Being thin (as I was then) didn't protect me from arseholes who get off on saying mean stuff about other peoples' looks.
Go buy yourself another pink dress, sweetie. You deserve it!0 -
But not a real green dress, that's cruel.0
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Is it bad that I'm excited that I know several wrist locks (and ways to break someone's arm) if they tried this with me? Dude, don't touch me unless you want the repercussions of that...
Good point, that's another technique - establish physical contact and violate personal space. They view it as breaking in an animal by getting it to accept a person's touch.
But anyway, I suspect he saw a beautiful girl out having a great time and realized that no girl was ever going to have a great time with him. Then he got all sad and bitter and lashed out.
Nah, the ruffling of the hair is a bit of a give away. It's the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails in the playground to get her attention. I smell a spectacularly bad attempt at seduction.
Or the dude was lashed.
I used to know some. Now I'm rusty. I should get back into that. But failing that, screaming "Get your filthy rape hands off me!" at the top of my lungs might be fun. I can scream LOUD, too.
I mean, if someone is going to ruin my night out, might as well ruin his!
I kind of want to be at the club when you do that (except I REALLY hate clubs and large crowds of people). Might be worth the panic attack...
I probably wouldn't, though, if I ever find a club around here worth going to again, I don't want to risk being the one who gets thrown out. Or SWAT showing up and spraying the crowd with rubber bullets. You never know these days.
I'd be wiser to give him a pityingly look, and in the infamous words of a friend of mine, say, "Sorry about your penis." A phrase useful in a ridiculous number of situations involving mouthy males. Hell, it might even work on females.
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Pink, I think it's brave of you to share that story with us. I'm sure many of us can relate in some way. Some people are simply cruel. But you've got the right attitude now. We do this for ourselves, and no one else. You should be so proud of your accomplishments! You deserve the best life possible.0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »But not a real green dress, that's cruel.
Ha ha nice BNL reference...
OP - I really love this post. You are new to this community but you have really become a valuable member with positive, realistic advice and relevant anecdotal experiences that you share with others. It's refreshing...
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »Thank you all
I still remember the look of pure hatred and disgust on his face as he said it to me too! I think that's a moment I'll always remember but I won't let it define me, that's for sure. I think many of us have experienced that kind of thing here and there and the hurt it causes is on another level entirely! It's awful. And I just hate to think that others have had to deal with the same kind of upset
Hi Pixie
I think you missed something in this whole exchange
Something quite important
This person was trying to get your attention..he ruffled your hair to make you turn so he could flirt with you...you reacted as though you didn't understand his, admittedly clumsy and stupid, overture...so he read that as rejection. It happened twice ...and then he lashed out because he was an immature, embarrassed *kitten* of a person
What you would have understood if you didn't have such a fragile newly formed confidence in yourself is that he was attracted to you...your confidence in yourself, how you enjoyed yourself drew him to you like a moth to a flame
What you didn't understand because you need to develop your ego is that confidence like that is sexy
On that night you felt amazing
And I know that is what everyone around you saw too
I'm sorry you had a setback
But you've got this again
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how dare that guy touch you without permission and then insult you. I quite frankly would have punched him in the face.0
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I'm so sorry that happened to you. Whatever his reasons, what an awful person. I'm impressed that you've turned this into a way to motivate such positive and encouraging behavior, and I am sure you will manage to get past the remaining fears and anxieties too. It's my experience too that no matter how much you know that something like that has no reflection on who you are -- in my case, being picked on by a particular group in jr high and part of high school and feeling like an outcast -- it can have a lasting effect and be something you need to work on to get over. But you can and will.0
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I love your strength in this story, Pink. You could have lost yourself in your sadness and continued to wallow in it, but you refused to let that one bad incident rule you. I've such admiration for your beauty, inner and outer.
So many people, women and men, can probably tell a story just like this one, and every single story is one of a very painful moment. That moment is a singular piece of time - a miniscule chance to make a choice. Hopefully this lovely story that you've shared, and the choice that you made, will inspire many other people to find their own strength to make the tough choice to carry on.0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »I'm so sorry that happened to you. Whatever his reasons, what an awful person. I'm impressed that you've turned this into a way to motivate such positive and encouraging behavior, and I am sure you will manage to get past the remaining fears and anxieties too. It's my experience too that no matter how much you know that something like that has no reflection on who you are -- in my case, being picked on by a particular group in jr high and part of high school and feeling like an outcast -- it can have a lasting effect and be something you need to work on to get over. But you can and will.
I will never get over being bullied in school. I will let the experience fuel my rise to power, until finally I rule the world. And then any kid who goes around bullying another kid will suffer the eternal torment and humiliation of three strikes, you're expelled, dude. Muahaha!0 -
well, if there's justice in this world, he's gained about 100 lbs since then. I really don't care to justify his reasons for doing what he did. Bottom line, he was inappropriately touching, and verbally abusive. He hurt someone deeply. No excuse for that EVER.
Thanks for sharing PinkPixie. Helped me deal with my socially dysfunctional brother who called me Fatty for decades. Looking back at childhood photos, I was never fat, but he was always emaciated. He has never been self-supporting, while I started working at age 17, worked my way through college, earned very good jobs. Now I own a home, have a wonderful husband, and I allow brother to live in the garage apartment rent-free. IF he calls me names again, he's out of a free place to live. And I've never shared that with anyone, and probably wouldn't have if you hadn't posted your story.0 -
All I can say is...what a dick.0
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There will be times in life we come face to face w a hateful human being and we have to learn to cope. It is what it is and its about them not us.
Face your fears. Put on a dress YOU LOVE and go out again.
You are worth it.
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Did he mean fat or phat?0
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DeguelloTex wrote: »But not a real green dress, that's cruel.
Kraft Dinner anyone? Great Post Pink! I must add that I think you look great!0 -
Pixie, you are wonderful,
You have worked hard, and look great.
But more than that, you have a wonderful kind and caring personality, and an intelligent mind that shines through in all your posts.
Share those qualities with the world IRL.
Cheers, h.
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »Thank you all
I still remember the look of pure hatred and disgust on his face as he said it to me too! I think that's a moment I'll always remember but I won't let it define me, that's for sure. I think many of us have experienced that kind of thing here and there and the hurt it causes is on another level entirely! It's awful. And I just hate to think that others have had to deal with the same kind of upset
Hi Pixie
I think you missed something in this whole exchange
Something quite important
This person was trying to get your attention..he ruffled your hair to make you turn so he could flirt with you...you reacted as though you didn't understand his, admittedly clumsy and stupid, overture...so he read that as rejection. It happened twice ...and then he lashed out because he was an immature, embarrassed *kitten* of a person
What you would have understood if you didn't have such a fragile newly formed confidence in yourself is that he was attracted to you...your confidence in yourself, how you enjoyed yourself drew him to you like a moth to a flame
What you didn't understand because you need to develop your ego is that confidence like that is sexy
On that night you felt amazing
And I know that is what everyone around you saw too
I'm sorry you had a setback
But you've got this again
Quoted, because this post is so significant.0 -
I haven't told my story much because from my experience, those that come from exceptionally good families & haven't gone through what I have, find comfort in denying that situations; such as mine occur but I believe that it's important to mention because of my success in dealing, with situations; such as this afterwards.
The worst & best day of my life, were the same day & about 1/2 of a minute, in between both incidents. I was 5 years old & was kept in the hospital for a year, from having gone into cardiac arrest; when I was 4 years old because my blood sugars, went extremely low (I am severely hypoglycemic) & it happened again approximately, a year later. After my 2nd cardiac arrest, I was awake but so weak; that I didn't even have the strength to open my eyes. I believe that my Mother, thought that I was still unconscious/sleeping; she was holding my left hand & I felt her rubbing it, when I awoke.
The worst day of my life began, when a nurse left & after I heard the door close, my Mother then threw my hand onto the bed & said "Why don't you die? You just never die." I tried to say "Mommy I'm sorry" but luckily I physically wasn't able to. As tears began to well into my eyes, I recall thinking about what could I have possibly done; to deserve for my Mommy to want me to die?
The best day of my life, was when I tried to remember my life; prior to that moment & when I couldn't think of any reason to deserve my Mother's hatred, I came to the realization that it wasn't my fault; that she hated me. It also made me realize that if my own Mother could hate me & it not be my fault, anyone can.
However though I had ensure that I was certain that any future incidents of being hated, by anyone; wasn't actually my fault. So every time I've had to deal with being hated, I had to reevaluate my past; to be sure that it wasn't. I've never forgotten that soul crushing feeling that I had, when I initially believed that my Mother's hatred of me; was my fault. At the time it really made me, want to die; to escape it & it has since been what has kept me from ever creating situations of my own, in which I know that; I'd deserve to be hated.
There was an additional blessing in disguise, to my Mother's hatred of me & that was that those that hate, can't wait to hate because of my Mother exposing her hatred of me when I was 5 years old instead of waiting 20 years, I didn't have much time to reflect upon; in my attempt to seek a reason for it & therefore it made it, so easy to come to the conclusion; that this wasn't my fault.
So I hope that everyone understands that it's possible for anyone to hate you & for it not be your fault & that if someone does hate you, it's best to know as soon as possible; so that you are able to better evaluate whether or not someone else's hatred of you, is your fault & make amends, if so.0 -
I felt so crushed for you when I read what he said to you
Keep on going, you got this0
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