Significant other and their habits..Break up or Suck it up??
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
So it would seem that its your way or the highway? Yes you are being too harsh but then I am guessing its more than your SO (who isn't looking so special at the moment) not giving in to your demands not to eat meat.
Sounds like the relationship was probably over some time ago. Do him a favour...
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I feel really bad for the guy. OP, please break up with him so he can find someone better.0
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If you're thinking of leaving your SO of 15 years over something as relatively unimportant as different dietary choices . . . my guess (hope?) is that there is something much deeper going on. Perhaps subconsciously, and this is just the way it's manifested. I certainly hope people wouldn't take such a long term relationship so lightly.0
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If you'll let go of 15 years over that.. Then dump him! He can do better. I wish him luck.0
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It really sounds to me like your mind is already made up. The tone of your post is so cold in regards to your SO. Your partner really doesn't deserve that. Absolutely, you're WAY too harsh. There are issues bigger than the fact that your SO is a meat eater...you just aren't addressing them in your post. I think you ought to see a relationship therapist because I don't think it's reasonable to throw away 15 years and an intact family unit over whether someone eats meat.0
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PikaKnight wrote: »I feel really bad for the guy. OP, please break up with him so he can find someone better.
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Oh wow I can't even. 15 years and you want to ditch him because YOU decided to make a change of diet? Seriously, get some help. I'd be tempted to tell you to please leave him so he has the chance to make a new life with someone who won't have such crazy expectations.0
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Very sad for you and your bf...please believe me, you may think right now ditching him is the right idea, but I promise in two months you will start thinking the smell of meat is worth his presence....Don't you love him? What about your kids, don't they love him? Don't you want them to have their dad, regardless of what he eats? I have to reiterate whats been said here, I suggest either therapy with or without him, or let him go, so he can have a chance to be with someone who loves him for who he is. 0 -
Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction"
If I had to guess, you've changed over the last 15 years of your relationship, and this isn't just about him eating steak or stinking up the bathroom. I don't know how much weight you've lost or how long you've lived a vegetarian lifestyle, but it's not uncommon for weight loss (or one partner undergoing a huge life change, in general) to lead to divorce.
My advice? Tell him how you're feeling. Find some meat-free dishes that you think he'll love and share your new eating habits with him. Invite him to exercise with you. I highly suggest reaching out to a therapist that can help you sort through these feelings.
Best of luck to your family.
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OP, if you are still here reading, let my try to offer a little comfort. You got bashed today (and I'm afraid I agree with most of it) but perhaps there is still a way you can someday have your vegan cake and eat it too. A friend of mine went vegan with her daughter but her husband refused to give up meat. She just kept cooking delicious meat free dishes and introducing meat substitutes and her husband eventually developed a fondness for all of it and gave up meat when he was at home. I'm also reading Finding Ultra, by Rich Roll. He was a 200lb meat eating lawyer, married to a vegan yoga instructor, who one day, after many years, and WITHOUT PROMPTING decided to go vegan. My advice would be to stop frustrating yourself and him by trying to force the change.0
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goldthistime wrote: »OP, if you are still here reading, let my try to offer a little comfort. You got bashed today (and I'm afraid I agree with most of it) but perhaps there is still a way you can someday have your vegan cake and eat it too. A friend of mine went vegan with her daughter but her husband refused to give up meat. She just kept cooking delicious meat free dishes and introducing meat substitutes and her husband eventually developed a fondness for all of it and gave up meat when he was at home. I'm also reading Finding Ultra, by Rich Roll. He was a 200lb meat eating lawyer, married to a vegan yoga instructor, who one day, after many years, and WITHOUT PROMPTING decided to go vegan. My advice would be to stop frustrating yourself and him by trying to force the change.
This. Great advice. As my doctor told me about my 2 pack a day hubby, LEAD BY EXAMPLE.0 -
as someone who for health reasons has had to embrace "meat", against my principals, (Darwin-eye similarities) and I do not like causing something to die so I can live, even if its healthily, so I apologise to each portion I have. I was devastated to discover I'm also dairy intolerant in the same series of tests which proved protein insufficiency by chemical changes. Having been tested for dairy problems in the past when it was not found to be an issue. My husband put up with me announcing "I can't eat meat any more", he was more vegi oriented than I had been. He supports me in my decision to start having fish and chicken again. I make an effort to have this protein at a time when it impact less on him, like at lunch. If I were to have it as a supplement to a shared meal, I'd not expect him to cook it either, (he took over the kitchen years ago, except for cakes and pastry).
To have lost him would be as if I lost me. I know he finds it hard.0 -
My wife and I started dating nearly 20 years ago and I've been a vegetarian the entire time and she's never been one. Neither are our kids. Our kids are growing up exposed to lots of influences and not just being led to see the world my way. I do a great job cooking meat-based meals for them based on smell, appearance, using a thermometer, and asking for their feedback when I try something different. Don't tell my mom, but my dad would rather have pork chops at my place. I'm glad that I can provide nourishment for them. I'm also glad that I can make my own choices without being hassled by an overbearing, nit-picking spouse that doesn't think her stuff stinks.0
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Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.0 -
Sounds like you've already decided and wanted others to validate your choice......leave or don't but stop slagging the poor guy off behind his back.0
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Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.
I would have wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who spoke to my man that way....eff them...like you say, you love him and he loves you...THAT is the bottom line. xo0 -
Holy crap. When I first read the title of this thread, I figured it was someone who's been with the dude for maybe a few months. Not 15 years!!! There are probably other issues here. OP seems resentful of her SO without actually showing he's done anything wrong. This post angers me, so I'll stop now before I say more hurtful things. But just... Wow. I feel bad for the dude.0
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JustMissTracy wrote: »Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.
I would have wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who spoke to my man that way....eff them...like you say, you love him and he loves you...THAT is the bottom line. xo
Another reason why I couldn't, and why both my husband and I opted this, is cause we all work for the same company. Plus, I know how the guy is who said it. He's real nice and not mean at all, but will speak his mind. He was just speaking his mind. But is something, the next I see him at his store, will take him to the back and tell him not say anything like that again.
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If you have come to a point where you want out of your relationship then end it. But using his diet as justification..... wow just wow!!! To be honest I feel quite sorry for your guy OP after reading your post, he might be better off if you do end things.0
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Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »JustMissTracy wrote: »Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.
I would have wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who spoke to my man that way....eff them...like you say, you love him and he loves you...THAT is the bottom line. xo
Another reason why I couldn't, and why both my husband and I opted this, is cause we all work for the same company. Plus, I know how the guy is who said it. He's real nice and not mean at all, but will speak his mind. He was just speaking his mind. But is something, the next I see him at his store, will take him to the back and tell him not say anything like that again.
Ya, nice people don't usually call people pigs...but I hear what you're saying. It's call COUTH...tell him to look it up xo0 -
Pretty selfish. I workout and changed my eating habits but I don't expect my partner to do the same. Sounds like it goes deeper than he eats meat. And meat is awesome.0
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You are being harsh. YOU made the decision to become vegetarian and that doesn't mean your SO automatically has to become one just because you are in a relationship. Take a step back and think how you would feel if your SO told you they didn't want to be with you just because you became a vegetarian. (little dramatic no?) You are entitled to your feelings but just just because you are vegetarian doesn't necessarily make you a healthier person. I should know because I was one for 5 years and made some pretty bad choices. Being a vegetarian/vegan is extremely strict for most people and its a major lifestyle change.0
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I am a vegetarian. I choose to be. Its my business.
My husband eats meat. That's his choice. Its none of my business.
We are not the same person and I would hate it if we were. I have tattoos - he hates them. I smoke - he feels very strongly that I shouldn't. The compromise is that I don't do it while he's around. He eats hideous amounts of junk food - I do my best to avoid it. He plays video games which I hate and his music gives me headaches.
We love each other so its worth it to work our way around these things. I believe in everbody having the freedom to be themselves as long as they're not hurting anyone. I would never enforce my lifestyle or choices onto anyone - they would only end up very resentful and the relationship would end anyway...I honestly don't think its any of your business!0 -
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OP- you so crazy.0
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I've been with my husband for almost a decade and I think him drinking scotch is nasty, and the fact that he can eat sunny side up eggs is nauseating ... but I'm not going to base my entire relationship on that. I will order a big juicy pork chop when we go out despite the fact that he generally does not eat pork if he can avoid it, and he's still keeping me around too.
Also, if we based our relationship on the stink left in the bathroom we wouldn't have made it past 6 months.0 -
Poor man. 15 years he thought you were in love with him. If you really were, your entire relationship wouldn't hinge on bathroom odors and meal choices.0
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He should be so lucky as to have you bail.0
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I am a vegan and my long-term partner is an omnivore. In fact, he loves meat. He doesn't just like it - he loves it. And cheese. And eggs.
There was a period of time when we first started dating that people would ask me if I was hoping/thinking/trying to get him to "go vegan". My response has always been no. From my perspective, if he had some sort of a hidden agenda and was trying to get me to eat meat again, I would find it hurtful. And I would be upset and wouldn't put up with it. So why would I think it's okay for me to do that to him? Being vegan is something that works well for me and has for a long time. It's important to me. On the flip side, his diet works well for him and it's not my place to try to change him in that way. I don't care if he eats meat.
What I do care about is that he cares about ME. And how he shows me that is by being respectful of my dietary choices and restrictions by not pressuring me to eat in a way that I am uncomfortable with.
It's okay to have boundaries and to talk about those as a couple. I don't like cooking meat so he cooks it himself. He doesn't use my cast iron cookware for meat (because you never really wash it) and although it doesn't really make a difference, we have separate cutting boards. If we go out to eat together as a couple, we tend to go to a lot of Asian/Vietnamese places because they are often great for vegan options but have a ton of stuff with meat in them too. That's it. It's never been an issue.
I *personally* think that if you are wanting to end your relationship over this, there are some bigger issues at play. That's fine. But it might be helpful to reflect on that and figure out what they are ... Just my 2 cents.0
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