Significant other and their habits..Break up or Suck it up??
Replies
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WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
I got that.
Just adding to the point made about her priorities that her claim that vegan cosmetics aren't good is absurd, she could use vegan makeup if she really was so committed to her ethics that she's willing to end her marriage over it. Though, what kind of upside-down ethics is this either way.
I should have included an emoticon, I wasn't meaning to come off as correcting you or anything.
I thought so but I just wanted to make sure to differentiate myself from people whose stuff doesn't stink and who think that vegan cosmetics are inferior!
For what it's worth- I am not vegan at all- like remotely close to it- but if I can support a cruetly free company whose product rocks my socks- I will.
I use a TON of make up geek cosmetics- and they are cruetly free and vegan- and I'm a complete and utter make up snob as a performer- long wearing- highly pigmented- and I'm cheap. So seriously.
Anyone who claims vegan cosmetics are inferior is ridiculous- b/c there are TONS of products available!0 -
I just want to make sure I understand. If your husband decided a few years ago to become a vegan, before you "saw the light" and changed yourself, it would be perfectly acceptable for him to leave you if you refused to follow his lead?
This is a common thing around here, though not quite this dramatic. People suddenly "see the light" about how to lose weight, how to exercise, etc. and all of a sudden it makes so much sense to them and seems so right they cant imagine that everyone else around them cannot see it. But they forget that just a short time ago, THEY *WERE* THAT PERSON.
What was wrong with you all of your life before you decided on this moral high ground? This is not something you always did... so for all those years you were just a disgusting carnivore like the rest of us, why didnt you change sooner? How could you go so long before making this change? Would you have been upset if your family had ostracized you growing up for not being vegan? Friends decided you were not worth their time because you were too disgusting? It took you a few years to figure out this is the "right " way - and now you are too impatient to let him figure it out at his own pace too? (assuming this turns out to be the "right" way for him at all)
Think about this - who is the smartest person on the planet that you can think of? Is there anyone you know personally who you would consider smarter than you. Are they all vegan? Cause if it is that logical and obvious that you can figure it out, why cant they? Are you smarter than them after all? If you are not willing to say that you are smarter than a physicist or theoretician or doctor or anyone else, then how can you say they are wrong for eating meat? People do this a lot with religion as well - they think they have found the one true way in the world and that everyone else is "wrong"... they think they are smarter than everyone else - because otherwise, all the smart people in the world would have figured it out and would be all the same religion as well.
Basically - you found what works for you. Whether he changes or not is irrelevant. You need to change again. You can be vegan or not vegan. What you cannot afford to be if you want to have any friends or people who care about you, is a jerk. Which is pretty much where you are now. Thinking you are smarter than him. And everyone else on the planet who is not a vegan. Not really cool.
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I won't eat it but it's ok for a them to be abused to be tested on......where do I even begin the facepalm.0
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Personally, I think the "gone for long periods of time" is your biggest challenge. What would you think about him taking a cut in pay and driving only an 8 hour day? More time with the kids, time to exercise in the evenings, you could pack him a healthy lunch...sounds ideal doesn't it?0
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »OP, what happens if your kids decide they want to eat meat when they are old enough to make their own decisions? Will you refuse to kiss them or have them in the house?
My kids are actually into animal rights activism.And they are kind and not dismissive as my SO is..not even in the same category
I'll avoid saying much more because it's obvious there are deeper problems here.
But I will just caution that children, especially as they get older, will often disagree with their parents about things -- and sometimes these things are matters which are very important to the parents.0 -
Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »OP, what happens if your kids decide they want to eat meat when they are old enough to make their own decisions? Will you refuse to kiss them or have them in the house?
My kids are actually into animal rights activism.And they are kind and not dismissive as my SO is..not even in the same category
I'll avoid saying much more because it's obvious there are deeper problems here.
But I will just caution that children, especially as they get older, will often disagree with their parents about things -- and sometimes these things are matters which are very important to the parents.
and they might be into activism because mommy is, not because they actually understand the concepts0 -
The more I think about this situation, the more I think the most appropriate thing is counseling.
Not simply marriage counseling, individual counseling.
It sounds like the OP has a lot of thoughts going on that aren't making a consistent narrative for others, and it might reflect it not being one for OP either. Sitting down and talking with a counselor of some kind could provide a much better idea of what you want out of life and a relationship going forward.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
I got that. Just adding to the point made about her priorities that her claim that vegan cosmetics aren't good is absurd, she could use vegan makeup if she really was so committed to her ethics that she's willing to end her marriage over it. Though, what kind of upside-down ethics is this either way.
I should have included an emoticon, I wasn't meaning to come off as correcting you or anything.
I thought so but I just wanted to make sure to differentiate myself from people whose stuff doesn't stink and who think that vegan cosmetics are inferior!
For what it's worth- I am not vegan at all- like remotely close to it- but if I can support a cruetly free company whose product rocks my socks- I will.
I use a TON of make up geek cosmetics- and they are cruetly free and vegan- and I'm a complete and utter make up snob as a performer- long wearing- highly pigmented- and I'm cheap. So seriously.
Anyone who claims vegan cosmetics are inferior is ridiculous- b/c there are TONS of products available!
Oh hey, this thread actually got useful. Off to google make up geek...0 -
Perhaps he said he 'won't give you a divorce' because he doesn't want to lose his family. Considering a woman who tells him his poop stinks and won't kiss him because he ate meat while she's still married to him.... well, what will happen after the big split? The kids are already following her lead on the animal activism because dude has to work for a living, and that's long-haul truck driving (which obviously wasn't an issue until now?). So gee, I wouldn't be in a rush to be signing the papers for splitsville either.
Maybe go take a long, long look in the mirror (after taking a poop, and smell the air), and see if you look as perfect on your side of the marriage as you think you are making yourself out to be. Then try sitting down and working this all out before you think about giving the last 15 years up over something like who eats meat and who eats fast food, and whose job entails being gone for a while.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
I got that. Just adding to the point made about her priorities that her claim that vegan cosmetics aren't good is absurd, she could use vegan makeup if she really was so committed to her ethics that she's willing to end her marriage over it. Though, what kind of upside-down ethics is this either way.
I should have included an emoticon, I wasn't meaning to come off as correcting you or anything.
I thought so but I just wanted to make sure to differentiate myself from people whose stuff doesn't stink and who think that vegan cosmetics are inferior!
For what it's worth- I am not vegan at all- like remotely close to it- but if I can support a cruetly free company whose product rocks my socks- I will.
I use a TON of make up geek cosmetics- and they are cruetly free and vegan- and I'm a complete and utter make up snob as a performer- long wearing- highly pigmented- and I'm cheap. So seriously.
Anyone who claims vegan cosmetics are inferior is ridiculous- b/c there are TONS of products available!
Oh hey, this thread actually got useful. Off to google make up geek...
You're welcome- and I'm so sorry- in advance.
if you follow me in IG- you can see a LOT of my looks are by them.
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Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Ah, so as long as you have or would say it to his face, it's not talking crap to say it behind your husband's back to complete strangers...? You really have a way of making yourself out to be white as snow.Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Love Urban Decay, but their foundation isn't what I prefer.Cover Fx is wonderful!!! But Occ rather thin and doesn't last long in Florida's humid weather.
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WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
I got that. Just adding to the point made about her priorities that her claim that vegan cosmetics aren't good is absurd, she could use vegan makeup if she really was so committed to her ethics that she's willing to end her marriage over it. Though, what kind of upside-down ethics is this either way.
I should have included an emoticon, I wasn't meaning to come off as correcting you or anything.
I thought so but I just wanted to make sure to differentiate myself from people whose stuff doesn't stink and who think that vegan cosmetics are inferior!
For what it's worth- I am not vegan at all- like remotely close to it- but if I can support a cruetly free company whose product rocks my socks- I will.
I use a TON of make up geek cosmetics- and they are cruetly free and vegan- and I'm a complete and utter make up snob as a performer- long wearing- highly pigmented- and I'm cheap. So seriously.
Anyone who claims vegan cosmetics are inferior is ridiculous- b/c there are TONS of products available!
Oh hey, this thread actually got useful. Off to google make up geek...
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Ah, so as long as you have or would say it to his face, it's not talking crap to say it behind your husband's back to complete strangers...? You really have a way of making yourself out to be white as snow.Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Love Urban Decay, but their foundation isn't what I prefer.Cover Fx is wonderful!!! But Occ rather thin and doesn't last long in Florida's humid weather.
If our preferences provide a valid justification for animal exploitation, then why should anyone avoid eating animal products? Your husband prefers foods with meat, eggs, and dairy. Why is your foundation preference more valid than his food preference?
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janejellyroll wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Ah, so as long as you have or would say it to his face, it's not talking crap to say it behind your husband's back to complete strangers...? You really have a way of making yourself out to be white as snow.Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Love Urban Decay, but their foundation isn't what I prefer.Cover Fx is wonderful!!! But Occ rather thin and doesn't last long in Florida's humid weather.
If our preferences provide a valid justification for animal exploitation, then why should anyone avoid eating animal products? Your husband prefers foods with meat, eggs, and dairy. Why is your foundation preference more valid than his food preference?
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Perhaps he said he 'won't give you a divorce' because he doesn't want to lose his family. Considering a woman who tells him his poop stinks and won't kiss him because he ate meat while she's still married to him.... well, what will happen after the big split? The kids are already following her lead on the animal activism because dude has to work for a living, and that's long-haul truck driving (which obviously wasn't an issue until now?). So gee, I wouldn't be in a rush to be signing the papers for splitsville either.
Maybe go take a long, long look in the mirror (after taking a poop, and smell the air), and see if you look as perfect on your side of the marriage as you think you are making yourself out to be. Then try sitting down and working this all out before you think about giving the last 15 years up over something like who eats meat and who eats fast food, and whose job entails being gone for a while.
This...
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janejellyroll wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Ah, so as long as you have or would say it to his face, it's not talking crap to say it behind your husband's back to complete strangers...? You really have a way of making yourself out to be white as snow.Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Love Urban Decay, but their foundation isn't what I prefer.Cover Fx is wonderful!!! But Occ rather thin and doesn't last long in Florida's humid weather.
If our preferences provide a valid justification for animal exploitation, then why should anyone avoid eating animal products? Your husband prefers foods with meat, eggs, and dairy. Why is your foundation preference more valid than his food preference?
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Why...Yes..I am white as snow!0
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Why...Yes..I am white as snow!
and you missed it. I can't.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Ah, so as long as you have or would say it to his face, it's not talking crap to say it behind your husband's back to complete strangers...? You really have a way of making yourself out to be white as snow.Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Love Urban Decay, but their foundation isn't what I prefer.Cover Fx is wonderful!!! But Occ rather thin and doesn't last long in Florida's humid weather.
If our preferences provide a valid justification for animal exploitation, then why should anyone avoid eating animal products? Your husband prefers foods with meat, eggs, and dairy. Why is your foundation preference more valid than his food preference?
also...
boom. drops mic.
walksout.0 -
Uh, people -- the OP has left the building.0
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Click on her profile, she's gone.0
This discussion has been closed.
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