Significant other and their habits..Break up or Suck it up??

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  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    goldthistime wrote: »
    OP, if you are still here reading, let my try to offer a little comfort. You got bashed today (and I'm afraid I agree with most of it) but perhaps there is still a way you can someday have your vegan cake and eat it too. A friend of mine went vegan with her daughter but her husband refused to give up meat. She just kept cooking delicious meat free dishes and introducing meat substitutes and her husband eventually developed a fondness for all of it and gave up meat when he was at home. I'm also reading Finding Ultra, by Rich Roll. He was a 200lb meat eating lawyer, married to a vegan yoga instructor, who one day, after many years, and WITHOUT PROMPTING decided to go vegan. My advice would be to stop frustrating yourself and him by trying to force the change.

    This. Great advice. As my doctor told me about my 2 pack a day hubby, LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,298 Member
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    as someone who for health reasons has had to embrace "meat", against my principals, (Darwin-eye similarities) and I do not like causing something to die so I can live, even if its healthily, so I apologise to each portion I have. I was devastated to discover I'm also dairy intolerant in the same series of tests which proved protein insufficiency by chemical changes. Having been tested for dairy problems in the past when it was not found to be an issue. My husband put up with me announcing "I can't eat meat any more", he was more vegi oriented than I had been. He supports me in my decision to start having fish and chicken again. I make an effort to have this protein at a time when it impact less on him, like at lunch. If I were to have it as a supplement to a shared meal, I'd not expect him to cook it either, (he took over the kitchen years ago, except for cakes and pastry).

    To have lost him would be as if I lost me. I know he finds it hard.
  • ModernRock
    ModernRock Posts: 372 Member
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    My wife and I started dating nearly 20 years ago and I've been a vegetarian the entire time and she's never been one. Neither are our kids. Our kids are growing up exposed to lots of influences and not just being led to see the world my way. I do a great job cooking meat-based meals for them based on smell, appearance, using a thermometer, and asking for their feedback when I try something different. Don't tell my mom, but my dad would rather have pork chops at my place. I'm glad that I can provide nourishment for them. I'm also glad that I can make my own choices without being hassled by an overbearing, nit-picking spouse that doesn't think her stuff stinks.
  • Blackdawn_70631
    Blackdawn_70631 Posts: 283 Member
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    Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
    This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
    But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
    Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
    Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.
  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member
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    Sounds like you've already decided and wanted others to validate your choice......leave or don't but stop slagging the poor guy off behind his back.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »
    Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
    This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
    But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
    Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
    Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.

    I would have wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who spoke to my man that way....eff them...like you say, you love him and he loves you...THAT is the bottom line. xo
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
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    Holy crap. When I first read the title of this thread, I figured it was someone who's been with the dude for maybe a few months. Not 15 years!!! There are probably other issues here. OP seems resentful of her SO without actually showing he's done anything wrong. This post angers me, so I'll stop now before I say more hurtful things. But just... Wow. I feel bad for the dude.
  • Blackdawn_70631
    Blackdawn_70631 Posts: 283 Member
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    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »
    Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
    This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
    But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
    Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
    Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.

    I would have wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who spoke to my man that way....eff them...like you say, you love him and he loves you...THAT is the bottom line. xo

    Another reason why I couldn't, and why both my husband and I opted this, is cause we all work for the same company. Plus, I know how the guy is who said it. He's real nice and not mean at all, but will speak his mind. He was just speaking his mind. But is something, the next I see him at his store, will take him to the back and tell him not say anything like that again.
  • Ironmaiden4life
    Ironmaiden4life Posts: 422 Member
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    If you have come to a point where you want out of your relationship then end it. But using his diet as justification..... wow just wow!!! To be honest I feel quite sorry for your guy OP after reading your post, he might be better off if you do end things.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »
    JustMissTracy wrote: »
    Blackdawn_70631 wrote: »
    Been married 14 years. I jumped on healthy eating and exercising years ago and was followed by my husband. But there are times when he wants to be lazy and doesn't eat right and workout. Or when he has an injury and won't eat right and gets lazy.
    This last time was from an injury and he was being lazy and got fat, again. So he started back to eating better and has been to the gym only once so far but has still lost weight.
    But yesterday, an employee said he was fat like a pig. To his face. I know the truth hurts, and that was the truth. It was like a kick to my stomach when I heard that. And so I told my husband the most important thing he needed to hear when he told me that. "I love you."
    Yeah, I'm more healthier than he is and like exercising more than he does, and I just live with it, because I love him and he loves me.
    Not gonna break up with him because he's not seeing my ways are healthier, and I do gag when he eats that fried chicken. It's disgusting.

    I would have wanted to beat the crap out of anyone who spoke to my man that way....eff them...like you say, you love him and he loves you...THAT is the bottom line. xo

    Another reason why I couldn't, and why both my husband and I opted this, is cause we all work for the same company. Plus, I know how the guy is who said it. He's real nice and not mean at all, but will speak his mind. He was just speaking his mind. But is something, the next I see him at his store, will take him to the back and tell him not say anything like that again.

    Ya, nice people don't usually call people pigs...but I hear what you're saying. It's call COUTH...tell him to look it up xo
  • Dez11B
    Dez11B Posts: 1,542 Member
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    Pretty selfish. I workout and changed my eating habits but I don't expect my partner to do the same. Sounds like it goes deeper than he eats meat. And meat is awesome.
  • AZnewbie00
    AZnewbie00 Posts: 70 Member
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    You are being harsh. YOU made the decision to become vegetarian and that doesn't mean your SO automatically has to become one just because you are in a relationship. Take a step back and think how you would feel if your SO told you they didn't want to be with you just because you became a vegetarian. (little dramatic no?) You are entitled to your feelings but just just because you are vegetarian doesn't necessarily make you a healthier person. I should know because I was one for 5 years and made some pretty bad choices. Being a vegetarian/vegan is extremely strict for most people and its a major lifestyle change.
  • ghoti_fish
    ghoti_fish Posts: 63 Member
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    I am a vegetarian. I choose to be. Its my business.
    My husband eats meat. That's his choice. Its none of my business.
    We are not the same person and I would hate it if we were. I have tattoos - he hates them. I smoke - he feels very strongly that I shouldn't. The compromise is that I don't do it while he's around. He eats hideous amounts of junk food - I do my best to avoid it. He plays video games which I hate and his music gives me headaches.
    We love each other so its worth it to work our way around these things. I believe in everbody having the freedom to be themselves as long as they're not hurting anyone. I would never enforce my lifestyle or choices onto anyone - they would only end up very resentful and the relationship would end anyway...I honestly don't think its any of your business!
  • booksandchocolate12
    booksandchocolate12 Posts: 1,741 Member
    edited October 2015
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    DanniB423 wrote: »
    If you'll let go of 15 years over that.. Then dump him! He can do better. I wish him luck.

    This.

    It shouldn't be too hard for him to find someone who isn't grossed out by a guy who eats meat and goes to the bathroom.

  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,941 Member
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    OP- you so crazy.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
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    I've been with my husband for almost a decade and I think him drinking scotch is nasty, and the fact that he can eat sunny side up eggs is nauseating ... but I'm not going to base my entire relationship on that. I will order a big juicy pork chop when we go out despite the fact that he generally does not eat pork if he can avoid it, and he's still keeping me around too.

    Also, if we based our relationship on the stink left in the bathroom we wouldn't have made it past 6 months.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    Poor man. 15 years he thought you were in love with him. If you really were, your entire relationship wouldn't hinge on bathroom odors and meal choices.
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
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    He should be so lucky as to have you bail.
  • kathrynjean_
    kathrynjean_ Posts: 428 Member
    edited October 2015
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    I am a vegan and my long-term partner is an omnivore. In fact, he loves meat. He doesn't just like it - he loves it. And cheese. And eggs.

    There was a period of time when we first started dating that people would ask me if I was hoping/thinking/trying to get him to "go vegan". My response has always been no. From my perspective, if he had some sort of a hidden agenda and was trying to get me to eat meat again, I would find it hurtful. And I would be upset and wouldn't put up with it. So why would I think it's okay for me to do that to him? Being vegan is something that works well for me and has for a long time. It's important to me. On the flip side, his diet works well for him and it's not my place to try to change him in that way. I don't care if he eats meat.

    What I do care about is that he cares about ME. And how he shows me that is by being respectful of my dietary choices and restrictions by not pressuring me to eat in a way that I am uncomfortable with.

    It's okay to have boundaries and to talk about those as a couple. I don't like cooking meat so he cooks it himself. He doesn't use my cast iron cookware for meat (because you never really wash it) and although it doesn't really make a difference, we have separate cutting boards. If we go out to eat together as a couple, we tend to go to a lot of Asian/Vietnamese places because they are often great for vegan options but have a ton of stuff with meat in them too. That's it. It's never been an issue.

    I *personally* think that if you are wanting to end your relationship over this, there are some bigger issues at play. That's fine. But it might be helpful to reflect on that and figure out what they are ... Just my 2 cents.

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