Significant other and their habits..Break up or Suck it up??
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It really sounds to me like your mind is already made up. The tone of your post is so cold in regards to your SO. Your partner really doesn't deserve that. Absolutely, you're WAY too harsh. There are issues bigger than the fact that your SO is a meat eater...you just aren't addressing them in your post. I think you ought to see a relationship therapist because I don't think it's reasonable to throw away 15 years and an intact family unit over whether someone eats meat.
The "couples therapy" thing only works if both parties are actually around enough to participate
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You already made your mind up, are you even looking for answers or advice?
If you're looking for sycophants to make you feel better, you're in the wrong forum.
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Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.0 -
Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »He chooses to eat junk, he chooses to lie about his weight ( not just to me) He chooses to not do anything about it.When I mention to him the fact that he may end up with health problems that may be fatal one day he says he has lived a full life (at 45) This tells me that he's rather be a lazy unhealthy person than to change his unhealthy ways
That describes how many people here used to be.
As described, I do not see much fault on his part. You are not considering his side and seem to have a "holier than though" attitude.
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I am a pescatarian, but eat fish...maybe once a month? So, I always tell people I'm a vegetarian. I have a whole host of other dietary restrictions that are unrelated as well and are not my choice.
I'm very fortunate to have an extremely supportive husband. My new restrictions (no grains, small amounts of fruit, etc.) are hard for me and I often find myself craving that pizza I should no longer have. At first, we made the change (in our home...I don't care what he eats at work/when I'm not around) together because I couldn't have those foods around and not feel down. As we have added those foods back into our pantry, it has had some growing pains for me and we have done some shuffling back and forth. I do realize this is my problem and that is why I'm so grateful for such an amazingly supportive partner at my side!
As for being vegetarian, that is a CHOICE I made. It isn't doctor ordered. I just find I feel better (my poop still smells, but I'm less..."bound") and also I could change back to eating meat at any time. When I eat fish, I notice a difference in how I feel immediately following (you know...within the next 24 hours or so), but I still choose to eat it. I'm not tempted by meat and don't care if my husband eats it. He generally doesn't at home because I do most of the cooking and he doesn't care to cook much. I have always told him, I'll buy it and he can cook it!
I cannot force my choice on someone else. I didn't marry someone because of their eating habits, I married them because of how they make me feel. Luckily, we have been growing in the same direction.
If you are really militant about the ethics of meat, is there a way you could come to a compromise? What would you feel comfortable with? Truly, the bathroom doesn't seem like a big enough issue to break up over. However, if you feel you are really walking truly different paths, that may be. Take a look at how the other aspects of your relationship are going. How do they treat your children? What do you get out of the relationship? If all these other things are good, would you be willing to allow them to have their own sense of ethics and never reach the same place as you? Or perhaps reach it much much later?0 -
hamlet1222 wrote: »sounds like you're going in different directions, and he might be feeling the same about you, and posting questions on forums about his 'crazy vegetarian so' who's trying to get him to follow her. No one on the internet really knows enough about your situation to be giving advice. But if one or both of you are miserable in this relationship then why continue it?
well said
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »kalynbreann357 wrote: »This is very off putting... How can you be with someone for 15 years and decide to leave all because they don't follow the same diet as you? You need a reality check, tell your SO how you're feeling and I'm sure they'll give you one.
I have told him...Several times..It's is way more than JUST his eating habits.It's many things.Fast food 2-3x a day,lying about losing weight and then when he comes home he is bigger than he was the last time he was home..He is an over the road truck driver, and regardless of what people think there are ways to eat healthier.It's all about choices.He chooses to eat junk, he chooses to lie about his weight ( not just to me) He chooses to not do anything about it.When I mention to him the fact that he may end up with health problems that may be fatal one day he says he has lived a full life (at 45) This tells me that he's rather be a lazy unhealthy person than to change his unhealthy ways so he can be there for his family.We are married, and we do have kids. He has told me several times he will not allow me to divorce him, so yeah...There's a reality check. And it wouldn't be for the "same diet as me" reason...it would be for ALL the reasons..Not to mention he's gone for a long amount of time.
So like a lot of people predicted - there's more than just vegetarian issues.
I'd be pretty concerned about someone that uses language like they "won't let you divorce them".
Yeah, thats one of many things.I guess I did come off as a *kitten* in my original post and can see after re-reading it why people would think that.I am not..there's so much going on in my life here and he's in a different world.He's old fashioned and kinda dismisses most of what I say because I am a female and he was brought up that way.Thanks for the reply! ~Kissimmee Disney~0 -
OP, what happens if your kids decide they want to eat meat when they are old enough to make their own decisions? Will you refuse to kiss them or have them in the house?
My kids are actually into animal rights activism.And they are kind and not dismissive as my SO is..not even in the same category
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
You're being judgy and unfair in my opinion. You're not a vegan yet, but imagine if some vegan started talking all snotty about you and your odors and bathroom habits because you're still unwilling to give up animal byproducts.
Now imagine that person is your SO of 15 years. And then try imagining that your vegan SO made a post about you online behind your back about it, about how you gross him out.
I do not post anything I have not or Will not say to his face.If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Ah, so as long as you have or would say it to his face, it's not talking crap to say it behind your husband's back to complete strangers...? You really have a way of making yourself out to be white as snow.0 -
I don't think it's fair for you to impose your personal dietary preference upon your significant other. You're the one who decided to stop eating meat, not him.
If it "grosses you out" THAT much, and you're constantly going to resent him and harp on him for eating meat, you really need to do your guy a favor and leave.
Set yourself up an online dating profile, and ONLY talk to vegetarians/vegans, since it's obviously the biggest deal ever to you. Which I don't understand, but I don't need to. Do what you gotta do.0 -
So, if one of your kids decides they want to eat meat again, what do yo do? Look at them with disgust and kick them out to avoid stinking up the house?
If you have been with this person for 15 years, they deserve more respect than you are showing here.
Honestly, you sound like a stereotypical "new vegan" who decides that they are morally superior to all us omnivores, and therefore a better person. I know several vegans, some have been vegan for decades, before it was easy to find food options. They all seem to understand that their lifestyle is their own choice, and mine in my choice. They know I have no desire to be vegan, and guess what? They still treat me with respect.
hit the nail on the head0 -
If being with him makes you unhappy for any reason, leave. Life is too short. JMO
This. OP, in my opinion, why allow someone to make you and your kids unhappy. I personally couldn't put up with the smell, I'd be out of there like a shot of light. There're a lot of fish in the sea to be had rather than stick around with a Chubby Chaser. I think because he likes chubber's he might hinder you if you started getting to thin in his opinion.
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.0 -
rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
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OP just to make sure I have this all down, because I missed this the other day.
You've been married for 15 years to a long haul truck driver who is gone for extended periods of time.
You have children with him.
You have recently become vegetarian for ethical reasons, and your kids have chosen this lifestyle as well.
Your husband is overweight and chooses to eat fast food and meat when he's on the road, and hasn't expressed an interest in changing any of those things.
You ask him about his weight and he lies about it
You are repulsed by his bathroom habits
He doesn't want a divorce.
I have to say, his extended absences seem like they might be the best thing for you guys - he's not around to bother you with his eating habits and smelly poop, he doesn't get chastised by you for his choices and odor, or forced to weigh in in front of you.
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So is he really being dismissive of you, or is he providing you with non answers because he doesn't owe you an explanation for what he chooses to eat and how fat he is? Yeah you can make choices. If you want to. Leave the man alone. Whether or not you do it while married to him is up to you 0
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Is your relationship suffering because of something other than the meat issue? If it is, go to a therapist. 15 years is a long time to invest in a relationship and a break up shouldn't be taken lightly, especially with a family involved.
Is the only reason you are considering leaving him because he eats meat? Let him go. Give the poor man a hall pass and let him move on. My husband doesn't follow the same eating regime that I do. My husband doesn't go to the gym. I don't like the taste of my husbands kisses after he enjoys a cigar with his buddies. None of these things would be a reason for me to dump him. My husband is and has been my best friend for 12 years and I would never leave him because of a food issue. I assume your children are vegan because you have made that decision for them. I could be wrong but it is my gut instinct that they didn't make that decision completely on their own. Heaven forbid they start eating meat again. Risking destroying their family unit over second hand meat mouth seems extreme to say the least. Your decision to change your eating habits should not be a factor in whether you love this man or not. Although, if you can't stand the thought of kissing your meat eating man, perhaps he is better off if you do leave him. There are plenty of meat eating fish in the sea who couldn't care less whether his *&%^ stinks.0 -
MFP PLOT TWIST!
But seriously. What the hell? You came on here as if the food was the breaking point but now the reveal and all I can say is...Seriously? Now he's gone from someone with bad smelling poop who isn't following the same life changing choices as you...to possibly not right in the head or abusive? (Because saying "He has told me several times he will not allow me to divorce him, so yeah" is a pretty dramatic red flag) And if that's all actually true, you think the food deal is the problem???
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WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
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Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
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This is not a good place for marriage advice; your problems are significantly bigger than his food choices.0
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WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
I got that. Just adding to the point made about her priorities that her claim that vegan cosmetics aren't good is absurd, she could use vegan makeup if she really was so committed to her ethics that she's willing to end her marriage over it. Though, what kind of upside-down ethics is this either way.
I should have included an emoticon, I wasn't meaning to come off as correcting you or anything. 0 -
UltimateRBF wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »Has anyone here had to deal with a significant other who just isn't "heading the same direction" I have become a vegetarian, trying to go vegan eventually.And my SO just keeps on eating meat.I have changed so much that just the thought of kissing someone who has chewed on meat kind of grosses me out.It has made me actually reconsider if this person should even be in my life.And let's not even mention the way the bathroom smells after they use it.(I am sorry if it sounds gross, but dead carcass coming out smells worse than going in! And my children are also vegetarian and the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here..15 years is what I have in the relationship, but after all this is my health and my life and I want someone who is at least CLOSE to heading my direction. And my SO generally likes "bigger" women which I am planning on NOT being ever again.Am I being too harsh or does anyone else have an opinion? Thanks ~~Kissimmee Disney~~~~
Wait, wait. I had to re read this thread just for fun.
You're LITERALLY saying that as a vegetarian, youre superior...because your *kitten* don't stink. Good lord, that is rich.
omg- seriously. Priceless.
I don't need to add anything else- everyone's already nailed it- but this was so rich it needed re-posting.0 -
JustMissTracy wrote: »UltimateRBF wrote: »
15 years + kids, but not living together? Lot more going on than who's poop stinks.PrizePopple wrote: »I'd like to point out that she's not married to him, and it doesn't even sound like they live together as she says "the only time the home reeks is when the SO is here". I'm thinking he's dodging a bullet on both counts there.
I'll also point out, the OP's language doesn't even say it is a him. Also, she refers to the kids as her kids, not their kids, so maybe the kids aren't the SO's?
Impossible. It has to be a man. Girls don't poop.
Girls poop, but it never smells.
I feel like I didn't get that gene.0 -
Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »kalynbreann357 wrote: »This is very off putting... How can you be with someone for 15 years and decide to leave all because they don't follow the same diet as you? You need a reality check, tell your SO how you're feeling and I'm sure they'll give you one.
I have told him...Several times..It's is way more than JUST his eating habits.It's many things.Fast food 2-3x a day,lying about losing weight and then when he comes home he is bigger than he was the last time he was home..He is an over the road truck driver, and regardless of what people think there are ways to eat healthier.It's all about choices.He chooses to eat junk, he chooses to lie about his weight ( not just to me) He chooses to not do anything about it.When I mention to him the fact that he may end up with health problems that may be fatal one day he says he has lived a full life (at 45) This tells me that he's rather be a lazy unhealthy person than to change his unhealthy ways so he can be there for his family.We are married, and we do have kids. He has told me several times he will not allow me to divorce him, so yeah...There's a reality check. And it wouldn't be for the "same diet as me" reason...it would be for ALL the reasons..Not to mention he's gone for a long amount of time.
absolutely none of that has to do with the fact you're a vegetarian/psuedo vegan.
eating meat- or chosing to NOT eat meat doesn't make you healthier than others.0 -
Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Lourdesong wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
Plenty of good cosmetics brands carry vegan makeup or are entirely vegan. Unless brands carried by Sephora like Urban Decay, Cover FX, and OCC aren't "GOOD" enough.
Just to be clear, I have no issue with the quality of Vegan cosmetics... I just wanted to emphasize what the OP said, that the cosmetics aren't good enough for her...
I got that. Just adding to the point made about her priorities that her claim that vegan cosmetics aren't good is absurd, she could use vegan makeup if she really was so committed to her ethics that she's willing to end her marriage over it. Though, what kind of upside-down ethics is this either way.
I should have included an emoticon, I wasn't meaning to come off as correcting you or anything.
I thought so but I just wanted to make sure to differentiate myself from people whose stuff doesn't stink and who think that vegan cosmetics are inferior!
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Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
I kind of can't even with you- you're priorities are effed up- also you're googling sucks.
Make Up Geek cosmetics- all but a hand full of their shades are vegan and cruelty free.
and they clearly list which ones aren't (the red die uses some sort of something that technically isn't vegan)0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »rankinsect wrote: »Kissimmee_Disney wrote: »If they could make (GOOD) cosmetics and contacts that were animal by product free that would have already happened.
Wow, you sure have your priorities straight. You'd end a decade and a half long relationship and split a family over your new found ethos, but you won't wear glasses or give up makeup.
GOOD makeup. She won't switch because the vegan cosmetics aren't good enough. Just want be clear. Otherwise totally agree with you about the priorities being aligned...
This is totally ridiculous.
I've been vegan for nine years and have no issues finding good vegan cosmetics (in fact, in the past few years, it's been an issue of having TOO MANY great cosmetics available!). Even if it was difficult to find good cosmetics, someone with an ethical objection to animal exploitation wouldn't make an exception for cosmetics. Why is it better to use an animal for foundation or mascara than it is to use an animal for dinner? OP is so off-the-wall I can't even wrap my head around it.
This is so ridiculous that I can't . . . I can't even . . .
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I agree. He should leave you0
This discussion has been closed.
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